The class I want is closed. Can I have an override?
No. I am not authorized to override anyone into anything for any reason. It is the department policy to maintain a waiting list for all closed classes. If you want or need a specific section, you should go to the Physics and Astronomy Department office, LSC 171, and sign on to the waiting list.
Waiting list? How do I get on this waiting list?
The information you need is here. Fill out the online form. As spots open up, the people on the list are contacted in order. E-mail the department secretary, Vicky Reid, for specific information on the waiting list.
I'm not on the waiting list, but I am a senior and I have to have this class to graduate. Can I have an override?
No. You have to get on the list and wait your turn like everyone else.
But I'm a senior!!!
So is everyone else already on the waiting list. There is no way in except through the list. Accept it, add your name, and be patient.
The only open lab section conflicts with another class I am already enrolled in. Can I enroll in the open section and just come to whatever lab section fits in my schedule?
No. When the lab sections are full, the room simply won't hold extra students. We could not fit you in even if we used a shoehorn and a stick of butter. You must attend the section in which you are enrolled. What you are asking for amounts to paying for one seat and occupying two, which is an unreasonable expectation on your part. You are also showing disregard for your fellow students, who will be inconvenienced by having to crowd additional people into an already full room. If you cannot attend the section you signed up for, please withdraw from it. There is probably another senior on the waiting list who will be glad to have your seat so they can graduate.
I have been calling your office for days, and you never answer the phone. I need to talk to you to tell you why I have to get into your closed class, but how can I talk to you if you never pick up the phone?
I will not be answering my phone. Once enrollment starts, I stop answering the phone entirely, for this very reason. If you are a student currently enrolled in one of my classes, you know how to contact me.
I have left you, like, five phone messages telling you my name and and student number and which closed section I need to get into. I checked my schedule today and I am still not enrolled. Why haven't you enrolled me in the section I want and called me back?
Yeah, well, I was pretty busy this week doing laundry and buying groceries for those other students who called me first and demanded that I do unreasonable things for them. Guess I was just too distracted to say, "No, that's not my job," and now I don't have any time left to run over to the registrar and wait in line for you. Maybe I'll have some time later in the semester to wax your car or take your midterms for you, check back with me then.
Ok, seriously. Who told you that the best way into a closed class was to telephone the instructor and demand that the instructor add you to your desired section (and call your cell to tell you when the job was done)? This was really bad advice, and the person who gave it to you did not do you any favors. I am not going to do this for anyone, for any reason. And no, I won't be calling you back to tell you that I won't be adding you to my closed class, either.
But my advisor told me that I should call you and tell you that I really really need into this class!
Well, then, you need to tell your advisor that this was really bad advice, and that s/he did not do you any favors.
Questions About Attendance
Do I really need to come to lecture?
No, of course not. Passing the class is entirely optional. I will be handing out free points every day, just for participating with your clicker. Of course, if you would rather not have any free points, by all means stay in bed. If you have someplace else you need to be, please withdraw from the class and make some senior on the waiting list very happy.
Do I really need to come to lab?
No, of course not. Passing the class is entirely optional. The lab attendance policy is this: you must attend and participate in ten labs. Failure to attend and participate in ten labs, for any reason whatsoever, will result in a grade of F for the semester. If you have someplace else you need to be, please withdraw from the class and make some senior on the waiting list very happy.
I'm a senior, and this is the last summer before I graduate, so my parents want to take me on vacation for a week in the middle of summer session, and this is the last time I will get a chance to go on vacation with my family, since I am a senior and this is the last summer before I graduate. If I miss the third week of class, can I just make it all up when I get back?
No, of course not. If you skip an entire week of summer session, you get an F. If you have plans to be somewhere else, please withdraw from the class and make some senior on the waiting list very happy.
Questions About the Course Web
Why is everything online? Can't you just give us a handout?
Posting everything is my way of saving a tree or two. If I made a handout, somebody would lose it and need a second one. Then a third, and maybe a fourth. Then someone else would want to be exempted from the policy or due date on the handout because they skipped class the day I passed it out, so they did not know there was anything due. This way, you are clearly and absolutely responsible for your own course materials. If you don't need it on paper, you can keep the electrons on the screen. If you lose paper, you can print your own back up copies whenever you need them, including at 3AM the morning before the exam.
How does the online calendar work?
When you click the calendar link, it takes you a page that is not on the UCA server. Click on any event to see the details, like where the class meets and what reading topics or homework problems are assigned. The calendar is automatically updated whenever I change an event on my own calendar, so you should consult the calendar weekly to make sure you are not unpleasantly surprised by a changed due date. If you are a Mac user, you can subscribe to the course calendar and make it part of your own iCal.
Why are the lab handouts in both .pdf and .html formats? Which one do I get?
Lab handouts are provided in two file formats. Occasionally, students have reported difficulty accessing one type or the other. Having them both available makes sure that you have a back-up method in case one doesn't work. The handouts are identical, so it does not matter which you print out. The .pdf documents tend to be a little prettier.
When I tried to download a sample exam, I got a "404 File Not Found" error message. Can you fix the link?
The link is fine. What you probably clicked accidentally was the link to this semester's exam solutions. These links won't be live until after you take the exam. Make sure you are clicking on the Exam Archive, not the current solution.
Questions About Course Supplies
Do I really need to buy the textbook?
No, of course not. Passing the class is entirely optional.
Can I buy a book off the web?
Sure. Carpe diem, but caveat emptor. You need to make sure that you are buying the correct book. That $20 book you found on e−Bay and thought was a total steal turned out not to be the textbook after all--it was only the workbook! Now you've spent the $20 and still have to buy the book anyway! The title, author, edition, and ISBN number are all listed on your syllabus. Make sure you are buying the right thing.
Why do I have to have a calculator?
Technically, you don't. If you can do long division in your head, I am impressed. The rest of us will be using our calculators to make sure that we can answer all of the questions on the lab quizzes and lecture exams. You will have to do some numerical analysis.
Do I really have to buy a clicker?
No, of course not. Passing the class is entirely optional. Attendance will be recorded using the clicker system. You will not be marked present without clicking in. Please see the attendance policy for the consequences of non-attendance. No, I will not mark you in by hand every day if you come up after class and say "I was here, but I forgot my clicker." Click in, or suffer the consequences.
Questions About Course Grades
How do I find out my grade?
You will be given your point total and average after each exam. You should make sure that you are tracking your own points, so that if I make a bookkeeping error, it can be corrected. If at some random point during the semester you want to know exactly where you stand, send me an e-mail. I will reply with your current total.
Do you grade on a curve?
Nope. Just points. Typically there are enough opportunities to earn points in enough different ways that any one thing should not tank you for the semester. The grading scale depends on the particular class, but you will typically find it stretched slightly from the standard 90−80−70−60 system.
I know that classes are over, and we have taken our final exams, and grades have been reported, but I was not expecting to get a C for the semester. Can you change my grade? I really need a B.
That sound you heard? Me choking and snorting Diet Coke out of my nose as I simultaneously laugh and scream with frustration. Do you really need me to answer this?
Well, if you won't change my grade, can I have some extra credit work to bring my grade up?
Yeah, you wait right here while I go call the other 95 people from the class and ask them if they would like to do some extra credit, too. Because I can't give it to you without giving it to everybody. And I have no intention of giving anybody extra credit after we have all gone home at the end of the semester. Do you have any idea how many bonus points you have already missed because you were not in class when we had an unannounced bonus question or problem?
But if I don't get a B in this class I will lose my scholarship. You don't understand, I'll do anything!!!
Except attend class regularly. Except study for the exams. Except come to lab every week. Oh yeah, and I have not seen you during office hours either. And now you tell me you're prepared to go the extra mile? Pull the other one.
Questions About the Lab Policies
I am a senior, and I am going on a lot of job interviews this semester. Can I make up the labs I miss?
No. Lab attendance is required. There is neither the time nor the space available to set up extra lab equipment for anyone to come in and do an experiment individually and at their leisure. You must attend ten labs. if you do not attend and participate in ten labs, you will receive an F for the semester.
My friend took your class last semester and gave me her lab notebook to use. Do I still have to buy a new one?
You do realize that this is cheating? And you asked anyway? You must have a fresh, new notebook. If you remove all of the pages that have been written on (and destroy them, as you are honor-bound to do), then you may certainly use the remaining untouched pages. You must participate in each week's lab, and record what you have accomplished in your own notebook.
I am a senior, and I have to have this class to graduate. But the only open lab section conflicts with another class I am already enrolled in. Can I enroll in the open section and just come to whatever lab section fits in my schedule?
No. When the lab sections are full, the room simply won't hold extra students. We could not fit you in even if we used a shoehorn and a stick of butter. You must attend the section in which you are enrolled. What you are asking for amounts to paying for one seat and occupying two, which is an unreasonable expectation on your part. You are also showing disregard for your fellow students, who will be inconvenienced by having to crowd additional people into an already full room. If you cannot attend the section you signed up for, withdraw from it. There is probably another senior on the waiting list who will be glad to have your seat so they can graduate.
I know lab is supposed to run until 5:20, but I have to be at work by 5:00. Will it be okay if I just leave early and get notes from my lab partners?
Now you are just provoking me deliberately. What do you really expect me to say to this? Why would you even ask? You know, even as the words are leaving your mouth, that it is not a reasonable request. I am not simply being intransigent here; when you signed up for lab, you agreed to attend on a certain day, at a certain time, and for a certain duration. You should expect to be in lab for the full 75 minutes each and every week. If you simply can't, then you need to withdraw from the class and give that last senior on the waiting list a chance to enroll.
Questions About Cell Phone Usage
I am a senior, and I am expecting calls from potential employers about job interviews. Can I leave my cell phone on during class in case they need to call me?
No. Off means off. Off does not mean switch to silent ring. Unless you are the leader of the free world and have a briefcase containing the launch codes for nuclear weapons handcuffed to your wrist, there is absolutely no reason why the phone cannot be switched off.
My mother/father/sister/brother/fiancee/uncle/dog/next-door-neighbor/random stranger on the street is sick. Can I leave my cell phone on during the test?
Not under any circumstances. Off means off. Off does not mean switch to silent ring. If you have a compelling family situation that requires your presence, then you should telephone or e-mail me with the circumstances. If you have a legitimate family emergency, we can work out an alternate time for you to take a make up exam when you are less distracted and will not be expecting distressing news over the phone.
But I need to use my cell phone as a calculator!
No you don't. You are not permitted to use the phone or a PDA as a calculator. You can thank those jokers at the University of Maryland who decided to use their cell phones to text message each other test answers.
What will happen if my cell phone rings during an exam?
First you will see my face get red. Then you will see the steam shoot out of my ears, accompanied by train whistle sounds. Just like in cartoons!
Then you will be required to turn in your exam and leave the room. You may or may not have completed the exam, but you are done. You will not be allowed to return to the room or proceed with the exam. No exceptions to this policy will be made for any reason.
What is your problem with cell phones anyway?
They are disruptive. It is rude and disrespectful to take calls during class; if I came to class with my phone on, and kept you waiting while I chatted with my mother or my cousin, you would be out the door and into the Dean's office yelling your head off and demanding that somebody take my phone away and beat me senseless with it.
Questions Regarding My Apparent Lack of Humor
You're not much fun, are you?
Oh, on a good day, I am more fun than a barrel of monkeys. But my tolerance and sense of humor with respect to lab attendance and cell phone use has been seriously eroded. You can thank the decade of seniors who came before you and assumed they were the first one to ever ask me for a special dispensation, and the first one to ever come up with whatever particular excuse they used. Rest assured, whatever excuse or scenario you can devise, I have heard it before. No matter how original you think you are being, it's all been done before.
Just how much fun is a barrel of monkeys?
If you have to ask, I can't explain it. But this might help.