The story of someone who just wouldn't let it lie. More accurately, the interesting part of the story in the context of this page's title.

Our esteemed teacher, Zen master David Ferguson, retired in 2007. He asked me to take over some of his work. So I'm on duty now as Zen master.
For more information on groups, sessions, retreats...., e-mail me

so what now?

What do you do with such an experience? Who knows? What do I do with it -
Nothing much - I'm not drawn to get out and do lectures, groups, satsang or similar. Nothing wrong with that, I'm just not drawn to it.
So I'm growing vegetables and talk to friends. Keep me on my toes, these talks. Because a lot might have changed, but still, the fact that we have thoughts is what we call mind, the 'I' as the personalised reference point, the sense of self, is all there.
Moving on those levels, 'playing the game', always presents a danger. There are many examples of people who after a life - changing experience, belief their own hype, so to speak.
For example, the awareness that the appearence of an 'I' created by thoughts (the illusion of a someone who is having those thoughts), this awareness is itself nothing but a thought, creating the illusion of a 'self'. But some (quite a few) people think this awareness is special, so the self obviously has to be a higher self. And there you are, gone through the gate into delusion country. This comes from the desire of the self to exist, a very powerful mechanism, which throws up a lot of obstacles that have to be overcome. I experienced this in my own process and I can see it now with the friends I'm helping. It is literally a fight to the death, even though you can't kill the ego, the experience certainly feels like death to it, essentially it comes with the realisation: "I cant have it". I don't know if it is essential, but certainly very helpful to have a guide. I'll be forever grateful to David for having been such an uncompromising and patient guide.
The experience of no mind is never not there (blimy, aren't we dealing in negatives here), how could it be, it's only the belief to be, that makes a separate individual. A preference for awareness is still a preference, and you are a million miles away, as the Third Zen Patriarch pointed out. There you are, plenty of opportunity to work with awareness to prevent yourself making awareness something special.
 

I can really appreciate and enjoy peoples expressions of love for god or creation or whatever they call it. Yet how many are aware that this love is a reflection, and expressing it creates the one that loves, just as the appreciating creates the 'I' that appreciates.

If you buy into it, you will suffer. You buy into it from a desire, the desire to be one who knows and loves god, for example. So creating an identity. That, by definition, is ego.
The desire carries the seed of suffering. Suffering comes from desire. So can we do without desire? I don't think so. It's essential for survival. One could say without desire there is no survival. We can't take the mind out, we don't just eat, we desire food, then we look for it. We feel the cold, we desire warmth or shelter, we try to get it. We feel separate, we desire not to be separate, we look how to unite. After all, the desire to have answers, to be able to tell others what's up, is a powerful drive for spiritual advances. A look at any spiritual group will show this. As will a honest look at ones own motives. It is the social component of spiritual search. Human beeings are social creatures, neglecting to look at this will starkly restrict your ability to get to know yourself. After all, that is all that "I" can do: getting to know myself. So there can be an awareness of being, or everything, or whatever we call it. Is someone asking: "but who is having the awareness of being? - I am - so am I right back where I started?" If you want to be - yes. I'm not. The separation, remember: illusion.
After all, there is nothing I have to do with such an experience, all is being done.

Big thank you to David Ferguson, teacher extraordinaire, to my partner, Hilary, and to my friends, Ivor, Robert, and all the others who were and are great contributors to a great game.