Pirate Banter Script 2005
What are we listening to, Skully?
Arr, Bonehead, I could swear those humans can hear what we're saying.
Ah, ye gots no lookout in yer crow's nest, Skully! Those mortal landlubbers can't hear us waggin' our jaws!
Aye, aye, but recall, will ye Bonehead, that tonight be All Hallow's Eve, when the spectral world of the dead flows o'er the land o' tha livin' like a fogbank. Maybe on this night, they CAN hear us.
Shiver me timbers, Skully! Be it Halloween already?
That it is, Bonehead, and methinks we gots ourselves an audience.
Where?
Right in front of ye, ye scurvy dog!
Arr, me eyes ain't what they used to be since they rotted out of me skull.
Well, Bonehead, if ye can't see 'em, can ye at least HEAR 'em?
Aye, Skully, I can hear 'em wit me buccan EARS.
Avast! That be a terrible joke, there, Bonehead! Where did ye hear that joke?
I heard it on SEA span! Get it? SEA span?
Aye, aye, that joke be worse'n the last one, Bonehead. So have ye gots any other good piratey jokes, then?
Sure'n I do, Skully. Sure'n I do. Here's one: What's the pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
What?
The letter arrrrrrrrr.
Ha! That be a good one, Bonehead! I've got one for you!
What be it, then?
How did Blackbeard get around after his ship was sunk by an English Galleon?
Hrm... Did he drive about in his C-ARRRR? Or maybe buy an ARRRR-vee?
No, he flew around in his ARRRRplane!
That be a good one, I tell ye true, I tell ye true. Have ye heard about the new pirate movie coming out?
Aye! I hear it's rated ARRRR!
That be right! Rated ARRR because of all the pirate booty!
Oh, ho! Ye're spitting the jokes out'a yer rum hole so fast, I can't catch me breath.
Aye, aye, Davey Jones would be proud. Say, Skully, ye never told me what happened to yer eye that ye had ta wear an eyepatch all the time.
Well, I tell ye true, Bonehead, we were heading out to sea from a port off the coast of Curacao, and I was lookin' up at the seagulls wheeling majestically o'er the crystal blue waters of the bay, when all of a sudden, one o' them cursed seagulls poops! Right in me eye!
Arr, I find it hard to believe ye lost yer eye simply 'cause of seagull poop.
No, I lost me eye 'cause it was me first week with me hook! Har har har!
Har! That be an unfortunate turn of events, Skully! But ye're not alone in that, for ye know what they say.
What do they say, Bonehead?
What has eight hands, eight feet, and eight eyes?
I don't know, what has eight hands, eight feet, and eight eyes?
Eight pirates!
Arrr! Ye tell tha truth, Bonehead! But losin' an eye is no fun, matey. After that experience, I needed to go on vacation for a little ARRRR and ARRRR!
Good one, lad, good one. Aye, I remember when ye went on that vacation, Bonehead. I tried calling you many times, but I just kept getting a busy signal.
Aye, Skully, that's because I left me phone OFF THE HOOK!
Har! Ye'll be the death of me, ya bilge rat. Oh wait, too late! Har!
Hoo... So, if I remember correctly, Bonehead, ye had both a silver peg leg and a solid gold hook, am I right?
Sure'n ye are.
How much did ye pay fer that thar silver peg leg and solid gold hook?
I tell ye true, I paid me an arm and a leg for 'em!
Baaah! I reckon having a peg leg saved you a mite on shoes, though, eh?
Aye, I only had to buy shoes for one foot after that, but I spent the doubloons I saved on some right lovely socks to impress the pirate lassies.
Aye, socks of what sort?
ARRRRgyles! Har!
Haw, haw, haw! Arr, what's that noise?
Eh?
Hush, ye fo'c's'le swab! Listen!