Calendar
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
Stupid Mission Statement
Click here for your introduction to the Museum of Stupidity Stupid Links
Links to really stupid sites. Please feel free to visit these sites and torment the nitwits who run them. It's fun, and let's face it, it's why they were put on Earth in the first place
Bill O'Reilly's pageAnn Coulter's page
Free Republic
The truly moronic Mickey Kaus
Jen Martinez
Megga Ditto Dipshit
Non-Stupid Links
Links to sites that we love, even though they aren't stupid
Brian Flemming's WeblogAltercation
Daily Kos
Tom Tomorrow
Oliver Willis
The Daily Howler
Incredible site about Ninjas
despair.com
The Apologist
Surplus Culture
Low Culture
Archives
XML/RSS Feed
Site Meter
Statistics
Total entries in this blog:
Published On: May 18, 2004 10:01 AM
Published On: May 18, 2004 10:01 AM
Tue - May 18, 2004
MICHAEL MOORE'S TERRORIST ACT
Michael Moore's web site posted a shocking video
clip showing the murder and
beheading of Mickey Mouse, beloved American icon and the chief spokesrodent
for the Disney Company.
The 9 minute video consists of two segments and -- typical of Moore -- is of
very poor quality. The first segment shows a distraught mouse sitting
handcuffed on the floor against a blank wall. With very little emotion, he
identifies himself and details of his provenance:
"My name is Mickey Mouse. I was born in 1927 in "Steamboat Willy". I have a
fiancee named Minnie and my father is Walt Disney. For the last 77 years,
I've lived in Buena Vista, California."
The video is edited at this point, and the second segment shows the mouse
surrounded by 6 hooded men. The gigantic fat man in the center -- wearing a
baseball cap over his black hood -- reads a prepared statement for the
camera:
"This is retribution for the refusal of the Disney Company to distribute my
new film "Fahrenheit 911". This facist capitalist corporate conglomerate has
disregarded the laws of contractual business agreements and succumbed to
pressure from Right-Wing conservatives in a blatant attempt to censor my
free speech. As patriotic freedom fighters, we will not tolerate the abuse
and humiliation of the Second Amendment."
At the end of his statement, the obese hooded baseball cap wearing man takes
out a large animated knife, cuts off Mickey's head, and then holds it up by
the large round ears for the camera.
All major news outlets, from print to television, have refused to show still
photo screen-captures or the video for the American public, saying that the
images are too disturbing for public consumption. This refusal to publish a
terrorist act committed against an American has prompted Right-Wing
commentators to express outrage at the politicization of news editing,
charging that the "liberal media" is practicing their own form of
anti-American censorship.
This morning on his daily radio program, Right-Wing host Rush Limbaugh
ranted against this partisan political stance relative to the refusal to air
the controversial video:
Limbaugh: They didn't balk at showing a photos of the high school-like
hazing of a few terrorists at Abu Ghraib prison, but they refuse to allow
the American public to witness a heinous, bloodthirsty terrorist act
committed by one of their beloved liberals. They're afraid that showing the
torture and abuse of an animated American icon will encourage more support
for President Bush and his ongoing fight against terrorism. I say let the
American people see just what our liberal enemies are capable of -- what an
evil, homicidal bunch of Left-Wing liberal pinko pansies will do to dishonor
our nation. They're nothing more than animals, and this video is an explicit
demonstration of the barbaric nature of the liberal left."
The last time Mickey Mouse was humiliated in public was in the mid-60s, when
left-wing liberal homosexual artist Andy Warhol requisitioned his image for
one of his demented, perverted silkscreen art works.
=====
DISCLAIMER: In the interest of disclosure, Disney company owns this
reporters soul, along with ABC Television Network, various television and
radio stations, ESPN and Radio Disney Radio Networks. Cable networks include
the Disney channel, ESPN-branded cable networks and Toon Disney; theme parks
and resorts include the operations of the Walt Disney World Resort in
Florida, Disneyland Park, the Disneyland Hotel and the disneyland Pacific
Hotel in California.
beheading of Mickey Mouse, beloved American icon and the chief spokesrodent
for the Disney Company.
The 9 minute video consists of two segments and -- typical of Moore -- is of
very poor quality. The first segment shows a distraught mouse sitting
handcuffed on the floor against a blank wall. With very little emotion, he
identifies himself and details of his provenance:
"My name is Mickey Mouse. I was born in 1927 in "Steamboat Willy". I have a
fiancee named Minnie and my father is Walt Disney. For the last 77 years,
I've lived in Buena Vista, California."
The video is edited at this point, and the second segment shows the mouse
surrounded by 6 hooded men. The gigantic fat man in the center -- wearing a
baseball cap over his black hood -- reads a prepared statement for the
camera:
"This is retribution for the refusal of the Disney Company to distribute my
new film "Fahrenheit 911". This facist capitalist corporate conglomerate has
disregarded the laws of contractual business agreements and succumbed to
pressure from Right-Wing conservatives in a blatant attempt to censor my
free speech. As patriotic freedom fighters, we will not tolerate the abuse
and humiliation of the Second Amendment."
At the end of his statement, the obese hooded baseball cap wearing man takes
out a large animated knife, cuts off Mickey's head, and then holds it up by
the large round ears for the camera.
All major news outlets, from print to television, have refused to show still
photo screen-captures or the video for the American public, saying that the
images are too disturbing for public consumption. This refusal to publish a
terrorist act committed against an American has prompted Right-Wing
commentators to express outrage at the politicization of news editing,
charging that the "liberal media" is practicing their own form of
anti-American censorship.
This morning on his daily radio program, Right-Wing host Rush Limbaugh
ranted against this partisan political stance relative to the refusal to air
the controversial video:
Limbaugh: They didn't balk at showing a photos of the high school-like
hazing of a few terrorists at Abu Ghraib prison, but they refuse to allow
the American public to witness a heinous, bloodthirsty terrorist act
committed by one of their beloved liberals. They're afraid that showing the
torture and abuse of an animated American icon will encourage more support
for President Bush and his ongoing fight against terrorism. I say let the
American people see just what our liberal enemies are capable of -- what an
evil, homicidal bunch of Left-Wing liberal pinko pansies will do to dishonor
our nation. They're nothing more than animals, and this video is an explicit
demonstration of the barbaric nature of the liberal left."
The last time Mickey Mouse was humiliated in public was in the mid-60s, when
left-wing liberal homosexual artist Andy Warhol requisitioned his image for
one of his demented, perverted silkscreen art works.
=====
DISCLAIMER: In the interest of disclosure, Disney company owns this
reporters soul, along with ABC Television Network, various television and
radio stations, ESPN and Radio Disney Radio Networks. Cable networks include
the Disney channel, ESPN-branded cable networks and Toon Disney; theme parks
and resorts include the operations of the Walt Disney World Resort in
Florida, Disneyland Park, the Disneyland Hotel and the disneyland Pacific
Hotel in California.
This exhibit mounted at 10:00 AM Read More
HALLIBURTON LOST MY LUNCH MONEY
Yesterday, the Pentagon recommended withholding
$161,000,000 in payments to
one of their biggest private contractors, Halliburton (aka Kellog, Brown &
Root.) (As you probably know by now, Halliburton is not only Dick Cheney's
Retirement Cash Cow, but it's Donald Rumsfeld's main ally in the
"privatizing" of the military.)
Pentagon auditors said that the $161,000,000 was for overbilling soldier
meals. ("Overbilling" is a special Bush administration euphemism for "FRAUD
& THEFT" from the American taxpayer.)
(In case you're wondering why Halliburton, the oil services company, is
cooking dinner for G.I. Janes and Joes, a bit of explanation is in order: A
few years ago, the Republicans decided that invoicing the
Military-Industrial Complex was just too complex, so they decided that
rather than have the money go from taxpayer to government to DOD to defense
contractors -- and eventually into their own pockets -- the system would be
quicker and more effective if it was rearranged as follows: taxpayer to
government to private contractors/top officials in the Bush administration.
In the process, they took out a few "middle-men" -- as well as a great deal
of competitive bidding and congressional oversight. They also decided that
"privatizing non-combatant military functions" would be an excellent
euphemism for "raping the American taxpayer with no-bid contracts to good
ol' boy networks of friends and family.")
Hellooooo -- Kellog, Brown & Root!
Anyway, these days, when we've heard the phrase "BILLIONS of dollars" tossed
around the Iraq disaster like it's chump change, we tend to lose sight of
context and the relative value of such gigantic terms. So let's play a
little math game with Halliburton's FRAUD & THEFT, shall we?
$161,000,000 - that's one-hundred and sixty-one MILLION dollars that
Halliburton fraudulently stole from YOU and Uncle Sam.
Let's take a ridiculously conservative number -- say $10 for the price of
one soldier's meal. That means Halliburton milked the Pentagon for
16,100,000 (ie. SIXTEEN MILLION, one-hundred thousand) Unhappy Meals for
soldiers in Iraq.
If we use a more likely number, say $5 per meal, the number obviously
becomes 32,200,000 (ie THIRTY-TWO MILLION, two-hundred thousand) meals that
were accidentally billed to you and me.
Imagine your customer calling to say, "Excuse me, that last order was for 32
widgets and you billed me for 32 million widgets."
THE GOOD NEWS: But don't worry, this was only a $161,000,000 "mistake". In
the overall scheme in the "war in Iraq", that's just a drop in the $175
BILLION bucket.
And it just goes to show that not only does this administration make an
occasional mistake, but so do their suppliers. Nobody's perfekt.
And for Bush and his fellow criminals, war means never having to say you're
sorry.
one of their biggest private contractors, Halliburton (aka Kellog, Brown &
Root.) (As you probably know by now, Halliburton is not only Dick Cheney's
Retirement Cash Cow, but it's Donald Rumsfeld's main ally in the
"privatizing" of the military.)
Pentagon auditors said that the $161,000,000 was for overbilling soldier
meals. ("Overbilling" is a special Bush administration euphemism for "FRAUD
& THEFT" from the American taxpayer.)
(In case you're wondering why Halliburton, the oil services company, is
cooking dinner for G.I. Janes and Joes, a bit of explanation is in order: A
few years ago, the Republicans decided that invoicing the
Military-Industrial Complex was just too complex, so they decided that
rather than have the money go from taxpayer to government to DOD to defense
contractors -- and eventually into their own pockets -- the system would be
quicker and more effective if it was rearranged as follows: taxpayer to
government to private contractors/top officials in the Bush administration.
In the process, they took out a few "middle-men" -- as well as a great deal
of competitive bidding and congressional oversight. They also decided that
"privatizing non-combatant military functions" would be an excellent
euphemism for "raping the American taxpayer with no-bid contracts to good
ol' boy networks of friends and family.")
Hellooooo -- Kellog, Brown & Root!
Anyway, these days, when we've heard the phrase "BILLIONS of dollars" tossed
around the Iraq disaster like it's chump change, we tend to lose sight of
context and the relative value of such gigantic terms. So let's play a
little math game with Halliburton's FRAUD & THEFT, shall we?
$161,000,000 - that's one-hundred and sixty-one MILLION dollars that
Halliburton fraudulently stole from YOU and Uncle Sam.
Let's take a ridiculously conservative number -- say $10 for the price of
one soldier's meal. That means Halliburton milked the Pentagon for
16,100,000 (ie. SIXTEEN MILLION, one-hundred thousand) Unhappy Meals for
soldiers in Iraq.
If we use a more likely number, say $5 per meal, the number obviously
becomes 32,200,000 (ie THIRTY-TWO MILLION, two-hundred thousand) meals that
were accidentally billed to you and me.
Imagine your customer calling to say, "Excuse me, that last order was for 32
widgets and you billed me for 32 million widgets."
THE GOOD NEWS: But don't worry, this was only a $161,000,000 "mistake". In
the overall scheme in the "war in Iraq", that's just a drop in the $175
BILLION bucket.
And it just goes to show that not only does this administration make an
occasional mistake, but so do their suppliers. Nobody's perfekt.
And for Bush and his fellow criminals, war means never having to say you're
sorry.
This exhibit mounted at 10:00 AM Read More
Tue - May 4, 2004
Proof of Devolution
Okay, so we're shooting fish in a barrel, but read
this and tell us you don't long for the days when film critics actually had to
have a brain in their heads.This dwid makes Larry King look like a deep
thinker...
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20040430/ap_en_tv/summer_movies
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20040430/ap_en_tv/summer_movies
This exhibit mounted at 07:20 PM Read More
Links! We got Links! And teeny little peckers, too!
A couple of stories you ought to
read.
We here at the Museum do not consider the death of a misguided jock to be anything but a useless waste and a reminder that this war was built on lies by men who are every bit as bad as those they demonize. Still, here's a side of Pat Tillman you won't hear about in the inane, Bush-licking, genuflecting press. We're particularly fond of the brother's quote about Pat's relationship with deities:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2004/05/04/SPG5K6FD091.DTL
The next is a story about California's Gubernor that demands to be told loud and clear, in broad daylight. Click on the governor's miniscule pecker to go to the link. You can also go to our good friend Brian Flemming's site for more:
http://www.slumdance.com/blogs/brian_flemming/
We here at the Museum do not consider the death of a misguided jock to be anything but a useless waste and a reminder that this war was built on lies by men who are every bit as bad as those they demonize. Still, here's a side of Pat Tillman you won't hear about in the inane, Bush-licking, genuflecting press. We're particularly fond of the brother's quote about Pat's relationship with deities:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2004/05/04/SPG5K6FD091.DTL
The next is a story about California's Gubernor that demands to be told loud and clear, in broad daylight. Click on the governor's miniscule pecker to go to the link. You can also go to our good friend Brian Flemming's site for more:
http://www.slumdance.com/blogs/brian_flemming/
This exhibit mounted at 01:03 PM Read More
You wanna buy some peekchas?
Exhibit designed by the docent
Shark
Ah, what a country!
One day, the most popular photos in America show Paris Hilton doing the
wild thing. The next, we're frantically downloading pictures of
Americans roasted and hung on a bridge in Iraq.
Five minutes later, your average Attention Deficit Disorder-stricken
American is surfing for homoerotic photos of Iraqi prisoners being
humiliated by angry American bull-dykes.
Chalk up another international humiliation for America the Beautiful.
The fact that these pictures WERE taken suggests to me that these actions
were:
1) under orders from someone;
2) INTENDED to be recorded for later use (to show incoming 'freshmen' photos
of what they're in for)
"I was just following orders." --Hermann Goering and about 200 other top
Nazis, 1945
BOTTOM LINE: We might as well pack up and leave the entire Middle East;
between Bush's Blunder, ie. the ill-advised, under-planned invasion of Iraq
-- and this graphic demo of what Americans do when left alone with
imprisoned "camel jockies/sand-niggers/towel-heads" means we've pretty much
lost the entire 21st century battle for 'hearts and minds'. (These people
have LONG cultural memories.)
Add it all up, it means we'll never "WIN" the "war" on terror. We'll be
lucky if we, as Americans, can even leave our shores within a few years. (We
at the Museum will be packing, though -- sometime in mid-November.)
Meanwhile, the Islamic terrorists are having a field day; recruitment
offices are filling up with youngsters wanting to kill the Heathen
Westerners.
(The good news: When we ask "Why do they hate us?" in the future, we can
just look at these photos.)
We're fucked once again: Thanks, George!
While we're at it, we can also thank Rumsfeld and the "privatization" of
military functions for this "Public Relations" disaster. ("Privatization" is
a neo-con euphemism for "enriching your friends and previous employers" --
see "Halliburton" for more.)
We knew about civilians driving trucks, cooking, and cleaning for the
troops; then when four non-military Americans were roasted and strung up in
Fallujah, we learned that private contractors (aka 'mercenaries') were
serving as personal bodyguards to U.S. officials and guards for government
installations.
Now it turns out that interrogators in Iraqi prisons are working for private
contractors "CACI International" and a company appropriately called "Titan".
Those four dead U.S. 'civilians' in Fallujah: American taxpayers didn't ask
them to be there. Did ya?
And the prison "Interrogators" currently under investigation --- did you,
American taxpayer -- ask them to go 'serve' their country?
(Once again, we're fucked: Thanks, Rummy!)
=========================
IN OTHER HOLLYWOOD SCRIPT-RELATED NEWS...
And don't get us started on that lucky dimwit, Halliburton truckdriver
Thomas Hamill -- who just made a "daring escape" from his 'captors'.
("Daring escape" is CNN-speak for "He walked out of an empty mud hut and
yelled 'I'm an American'"; unfortunately, he was later contacted by Jessica
Lynch's lawyer and told to cease and desist from using the first three words
of a line she trademarked a little over a year ago.)
Count the seconds before Thomas Hamill's book is published and ABC features
Billy Bob Thornton playing Hamill in a Movie of the Week.
feh.
"Why do they hate us?"
Take a wild friggin' guess, American Infidel.
Ah, what a country!
One day, the most popular photos in America show Paris Hilton doing the
wild thing. The next, we're frantically downloading pictures of
Americans roasted and hung on a bridge in Iraq.
Five minutes later, your average Attention Deficit Disorder-stricken
American is surfing for homoerotic photos of Iraqi prisoners being
humiliated by angry American bull-dykes.
Chalk up another international humiliation for America the Beautiful.
The fact that these pictures WERE taken suggests to me that these actions
were:
1) under orders from someone;
2) INTENDED to be recorded for later use (to show incoming 'freshmen' photos
of what they're in for)
"I was just following orders." --Hermann Goering and about 200 other top
Nazis, 1945
BOTTOM LINE: We might as well pack up and leave the entire Middle East;
between Bush's Blunder, ie. the ill-advised, under-planned invasion of Iraq
-- and this graphic demo of what Americans do when left alone with
imprisoned "camel jockies/sand-niggers/towel-heads" means we've pretty much
lost the entire 21st century battle for 'hearts and minds'. (These people
have LONG cultural memories.)
Add it all up, it means we'll never "WIN" the "war" on terror. We'll be
lucky if we, as Americans, can even leave our shores within a few years. (We
at the Museum will be packing, though -- sometime in mid-November.)
Meanwhile, the Islamic terrorists are having a field day; recruitment
offices are filling up with youngsters wanting to kill the Heathen
Westerners.
(The good news: When we ask "Why do they hate us?" in the future, we can
just look at these photos.)
We're fucked once again: Thanks, George!
While we're at it, we can also thank Rumsfeld and the "privatization" of
military functions for this "Public Relations" disaster. ("Privatization" is
a neo-con euphemism for "enriching your friends and previous employers" --
see "Halliburton" for more.)
We knew about civilians driving trucks, cooking, and cleaning for the
troops; then when four non-military Americans were roasted and strung up in
Fallujah, we learned that private contractors (aka 'mercenaries') were
serving as personal bodyguards to U.S. officials and guards for government
installations.
Now it turns out that interrogators in Iraqi prisons are working for private
contractors "CACI International" and a company appropriately called "Titan".
Those four dead U.S. 'civilians' in Fallujah: American taxpayers didn't ask
them to be there. Did ya?
And the prison "Interrogators" currently under investigation --- did you,
American taxpayer -- ask them to go 'serve' their country?
(Once again, we're fucked: Thanks, Rummy!)
=========================
IN OTHER HOLLYWOOD SCRIPT-RELATED NEWS...
And don't get us started on that lucky dimwit, Halliburton truckdriver
Thomas Hamill -- who just made a "daring escape" from his 'captors'.
("Daring escape" is CNN-speak for "He walked out of an empty mud hut and
yelled 'I'm an American'"; unfortunately, he was later contacted by Jessica
Lynch's lawyer and told to cease and desist from using the first three words
of a line she trademarked a little over a year ago.)
Count the seconds before Thomas Hamill's book is published and ABC features
Billy Bob Thornton playing Hamill in a Movie of the Week.
feh.
"Why do they hate us?"
Take a wild friggin' guess, American Infidel.
This exhibit mounted at 09:01 AM Read More
Mon - April 26, 2004
Sun - April 25, 2004
Fear, loathing
I know it's my patriotic duty to be scared,
terrified, and terrorized --
because my President constantly reminds me.
Shortly after 9/11, Bush and Co. instituted a "color coded" scare alert to
let me and my fellow Americans know just how scared we should be; its called
the "Terrorist Threat Level" and comes in various pretty, almost soothing
colors. This color code not only made it easier to alert the American
public, but it effectively requisitioned the rainbow, taking it back from
those pesky gay troublemakers (who had turned a symbol of Utopia in Kansas
to a symbol of utopia for people used to getting the shit beat out of 'em
for what they do behind closed doors with consenting adults; Now when Judy
Garland sings, "Somewhere over the Rainbow," we can imagine a post-9/11
civilian bomb shelter instead of a gay disco party. Damn right.)
Terrorist Threat Alert. Scary Rainbow. That's better.
Then we had White House spokesman Ari "I studied Himmler" Fleischer warning
Americans to "be careful" what they say.
That was scary, too. As a matter of fact, the last time a flaccid,
frustrated right-wing bald guy uttered those words, Italy joined the Evil
Axis, brown shirts became a really IN fashion statement among ruthless
killers, and the world spent the next seven years at war.
Then along came "The Patriot Act" -- which is about the scariest phrase
since "Big Brother is Watching" -- except that was a fictional invention
created to frighten the reader, and this happened to be paraded in front of
God and the nation as something to be proud of.
You know that any legislation that needs the word "Patriot" attached to it
means somebody is going to get fucked, but no, everybody was sufficiently
scared, and so they not only voted for it, but bragged about it afterwards.
The Patriot Act. The Patriot Hunt. The Patriot Burnings. The Patriot
Lynchings. One imagines all sorts of fantastic legislation will follow the
Patriot Act, if only we become scared enough.
Right after 9/11, it appeared that most of the Al-Qaeda terrorists were
being supported by a nation-state of thugs who ruled Afghanistan. The
logical thing to do to fight terrorism was to invade Afghanistan, remove the
thugs, and then go after the terrorist cells imbedded in nations around the
world using infiltration, spy techniques, police efforts, and ways to
disrupt their money laundering.
So what did our President do? He invaded Iraq. He created a few million new
terrorists and gave them a new unstable anarchic nation-state in which to
recruit, train, arm and thrive. Cool. Long live terror!
That's because the Republicans long ago figured this one out:
AS LONG AS WE'RE SCARED, WE'LL VOTE REPUBLICAN, the party of the tough guys,
the macho men, the uber-studs, the military-industrial tit-minders, the
neo-cons, the party of the Hawks in Humvees. (John Wayne died for your sins.
You'll take my gun when you pry my cold dead finger from the trigger -- and
other such born-again Christian sentiments.)
And as if Bush hadn't spread enough TERROR among Americans (making him a
what, kids?), the other day, our President George W. Bush told reporters
that he fully expects another major attack on American soil before the
November election.
No embarrassing future hearings asking what they were doing on this one, eh?
Not with that "Cover Your Ass" statement to an Associated Press convention!
"I told them there'd be an attack! I told the editors of AP at that dinner
in April! It was our highest priority! I warned you, America!"
No, we're in a war, and unlike other great leaders, Bush doesn't tell us
that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. --- And no, unlike other
"wars", we're not asked to sacrifice anything other than our peace of mind.
No gas rationing, no meat coupons, no steel collection drives by the Little
Rascals, no "turn in your nylon stockings" days down at the Junior League in
Crawford, Texas. Nope. Buy a Hummer. Invest in Halliburton, keep shopping,
stay terrified, and vote for Bush.
As if we weren't scared enough, Bob Woodward asked Bush if he consulted his
father on the war in Iraq. Bush replied that he got advice from a HIGHER
Father, a cosmic dude who apparently whispers sweet nothings in his ear
about invading other nations, spreading democracy, remaking the Middle East,
and expediting the fucking Apocalypse.
It's scary enough to have a born-again Christian with one hand on the red
nukes button and the other hand flipping through "The Book of Revelations",
but now the guy has a direct line to God Almighty. And unlike those heathen
animals who place calls to a lesser god named "Allah", he is never put on
"HOLD". Never. God not only has call waiting, but he has a video-conference
capability; He can talk to Pat Robertson, Ralph Reed, Judge Moore, and
George W. Bush at the same time.
In contrast to that, Democratic candidate John Kerry can't even get his guy
the Pope to stop making ads for Bush and the Right To Lifers. He can't even
get a friggin' Cardinal in Boston to return his calls.
One would hope that when it comes to The End of The World, God doesn't need
any outside help, but I'm not sure Bush doesn't see that as part of his job
description.
And as if all that weren't enough to keep you huddled under your bed sucking
your thumb and crying for Mommy, how about this:
Bob Woodward: "President Bush, how will history remember your war in Iraq?"
Bush: "History, what do I care...we'll all be dead!"
I suggest that be the new Republican slogan, the main plank in the
reelection campaign, and a replacement for "In God We Trust" and "God Bless
America."
"WHAT DO I CARE... WE'LL ALL BE DEAD!"
We'll all be dead.
We'll all be...
dead.
Indeed.
because my President constantly reminds me.
Shortly after 9/11, Bush and Co. instituted a "color coded" scare alert to
let me and my fellow Americans know just how scared we should be; its called
the "Terrorist Threat Level" and comes in various pretty, almost soothing
colors. This color code not only made it easier to alert the American
public, but it effectively requisitioned the rainbow, taking it back from
those pesky gay troublemakers (who had turned a symbol of Utopia in Kansas
to a symbol of utopia for people used to getting the shit beat out of 'em
for what they do behind closed doors with consenting adults; Now when Judy
Garland sings, "Somewhere over the Rainbow," we can imagine a post-9/11
civilian bomb shelter instead of a gay disco party. Damn right.)
Terrorist Threat Alert. Scary Rainbow. That's better.
Then we had White House spokesman Ari "I studied Himmler" Fleischer warning
Americans to "be careful" what they say.
That was scary, too. As a matter of fact, the last time a flaccid,
frustrated right-wing bald guy uttered those words, Italy joined the Evil
Axis, brown shirts became a really IN fashion statement among ruthless
killers, and the world spent the next seven years at war.
Then along came "The Patriot Act" -- which is about the scariest phrase
since "Big Brother is Watching" -- except that was a fictional invention
created to frighten the reader, and this happened to be paraded in front of
God and the nation as something to be proud of.
You know that any legislation that needs the word "Patriot" attached to it
means somebody is going to get fucked, but no, everybody was sufficiently
scared, and so they not only voted for it, but bragged about it afterwards.
The Patriot Act. The Patriot Hunt. The Patriot Burnings. The Patriot
Lynchings. One imagines all sorts of fantastic legislation will follow the
Patriot Act, if only we become scared enough.
Right after 9/11, it appeared that most of the Al-Qaeda terrorists were
being supported by a nation-state of thugs who ruled Afghanistan. The
logical thing to do to fight terrorism was to invade Afghanistan, remove the
thugs, and then go after the terrorist cells imbedded in nations around the
world using infiltration, spy techniques, police efforts, and ways to
disrupt their money laundering.
So what did our President do? He invaded Iraq. He created a few million new
terrorists and gave them a new unstable anarchic nation-state in which to
recruit, train, arm and thrive. Cool. Long live terror!
That's because the Republicans long ago figured this one out:
AS LONG AS WE'RE SCARED, WE'LL VOTE REPUBLICAN, the party of the tough guys,
the macho men, the uber-studs, the military-industrial tit-minders, the
neo-cons, the party of the Hawks in Humvees. (John Wayne died for your sins.
You'll take my gun when you pry my cold dead finger from the trigger -- and
other such born-again Christian sentiments.)
And as if Bush hadn't spread enough TERROR among Americans (making him a
what, kids?), the other day, our President George W. Bush told reporters
that he fully expects another major attack on American soil before the
November election.
No embarrassing future hearings asking what they were doing on this one, eh?
Not with that "Cover Your Ass" statement to an Associated Press convention!
"I told them there'd be an attack! I told the editors of AP at that dinner
in April! It was our highest priority! I warned you, America!"
No, we're in a war, and unlike other great leaders, Bush doesn't tell us
that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. --- And no, unlike other
"wars", we're not asked to sacrifice anything other than our peace of mind.
No gas rationing, no meat coupons, no steel collection drives by the Little
Rascals, no "turn in your nylon stockings" days down at the Junior League in
Crawford, Texas. Nope. Buy a Hummer. Invest in Halliburton, keep shopping,
stay terrified, and vote for Bush.
As if we weren't scared enough, Bob Woodward asked Bush if he consulted his
father on the war in Iraq. Bush replied that he got advice from a HIGHER
Father, a cosmic dude who apparently whispers sweet nothings in his ear
about invading other nations, spreading democracy, remaking the Middle East,
and expediting the fucking Apocalypse.
It's scary enough to have a born-again Christian with one hand on the red
nukes button and the other hand flipping through "The Book of Revelations",
but now the guy has a direct line to God Almighty. And unlike those heathen
animals who place calls to a lesser god named "Allah", he is never put on
"HOLD". Never. God not only has call waiting, but he has a video-conference
capability; He can talk to Pat Robertson, Ralph Reed, Judge Moore, and
George W. Bush at the same time.
In contrast to that, Democratic candidate John Kerry can't even get his guy
the Pope to stop making ads for Bush and the Right To Lifers. He can't even
get a friggin' Cardinal in Boston to return his calls.
One would hope that when it comes to The End of The World, God doesn't need
any outside help, but I'm not sure Bush doesn't see that as part of his job
description.
And as if all that weren't enough to keep you huddled under your bed sucking
your thumb and crying for Mommy, how about this:
Bob Woodward: "President Bush, how will history remember your war in Iraq?"
Bush: "History, what do I care...we'll all be dead!"
I suggest that be the new Republican slogan, the main plank in the
reelection campaign, and a replacement for "In God We Trust" and "God Bless
America."
"WHAT DO I CARE... WE'LL ALL BE DEAD!"
We'll all be dead.
We'll all be...
dead.
Indeed.
This exhibit mounted at 05:25 PM Read More
Thu - April 22, 2004
Us VS Them
From today's AP wire.
Seriously:
Bush: U.S. hard to defend against terror
April 21, 2004 | WASHINGTON (AP) -- It's tough to protect the United States against terrorism, President Bush said Wednesday, adding that he understands why two-thirds of Americans in an Associated Press poll think terrorists are likely to strike the nation again before the November election.
"This is a hard country to defend,'' Bush told executives of more than 1,500 Associated Press-member newspapers at the cooperative's annual meeting.
Questioned about an AP poll showing that two of three Americans believe another attack is at least "somewhat likely'' before the election, Bush said: "I can understand why they think they're going to get hit again.'' [Emphasis courtesy The Museum Of Stupidity]
----
Well, shit now. Set aside the fact that, as usual, when the chips are down, Bush and his creeps resort to terrorizing us (Which makes them what, exactly?) into supporting their lame asses. That's a given, and enough has been said about that to last a lifetime. It's the particular wording of this one that's interesting. I know it's a sucker's game parsing George W. Bush's alleged "sentences" for meaning - he is, after all, virtually illiterate - but don't you think it's particularly telling than when it comes to the subject of terrorist attacks on American soil, the pronoun Bush uses to describe the United States of America isn't "us" but "them"?
I guess it makes it a lot easier to ignore piles of evidence that show a terrorist attack is coming, or to fabricate evidence to start a war that will result in the deaths of hundreds - soon to be thousands - of Americans if you don't actually consider yourself part of the community. I mean, it's not like any of US are gonna be hurt, right? Just THEM.
Really, is there anyone left out there - aside, of course, from the brain damaged, the evil, or the just plain perverse - who still supports this useless, evil prick?
PS: This country spent significantly more money investigating Bill Clinton's blowjobs than it did trying to capture Osama bin Laden. That fact alone warrants jail sentences for pretty much the entire GOP, and a few Democrats as well.
Bush: U.S. hard to defend against terror
April 21, 2004 | WASHINGTON (AP) -- It's tough to protect the United States against terrorism, President Bush said Wednesday, adding that he understands why two-thirds of Americans in an Associated Press poll think terrorists are likely to strike the nation again before the November election.
"This is a hard country to defend,'' Bush told executives of more than 1,500 Associated Press-member newspapers at the cooperative's annual meeting.
Questioned about an AP poll showing that two of three Americans believe another attack is at least "somewhat likely'' before the election, Bush said: "I can understand why they think they're going to get hit again.'' [Emphasis courtesy The Museum Of Stupidity]
----
Well, shit now. Set aside the fact that, as usual, when the chips are down, Bush and his creeps resort to terrorizing us (Which makes them what, exactly?) into supporting their lame asses. That's a given, and enough has been said about that to last a lifetime. It's the particular wording of this one that's interesting. I know it's a sucker's game parsing George W. Bush's alleged "sentences" for meaning - he is, after all, virtually illiterate - but don't you think it's particularly telling than when it comes to the subject of terrorist attacks on American soil, the pronoun Bush uses to describe the United States of America isn't "us" but "them"?
I guess it makes it a lot easier to ignore piles of evidence that show a terrorist attack is coming, or to fabricate evidence to start a war that will result in the deaths of hundreds - soon to be thousands - of Americans if you don't actually consider yourself part of the community. I mean, it's not like any of US are gonna be hurt, right? Just THEM.
Really, is there anyone left out there - aside, of course, from the brain damaged, the evil, or the just plain perverse - who still supports this useless, evil prick?
PS: This country spent significantly more money investigating Bill Clinton's blowjobs than it did trying to capture Osama bin Laden. That fact alone warrants jail sentences for pretty much the entire GOP, and a few Democrats as well.
This exhibit mounted at 04:01 PM Read More
Tue - April 13, 2004
04/13/2004
Sunday, 4/11/04, in a press conference about the Tet
Offensive.. um... I
mean the Iraqi insurgency, Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt was asked by an Iraqi
reporter if he can explain to the Iraqi people how they should deal with the
some 600 civilian deaths, many of which have been shown on Al-Jazeera TV:
"Change the channel," Kimmitt replied.
With a straight face.
mean the Iraqi insurgency, Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt was asked by an Iraqi
reporter if he can explain to the Iraqi people how they should deal with the
some 600 civilian deaths, many of which have been shown on Al-Jazeera TV:
"Change the channel," Kimmitt replied.
With a straight face.
This exhibit mounted at 09:29 AM Read More
Fri - April 9, 2004
Erosion
Twenty five years ago, it was a given that any star
– especially rock stars – who did commercials had sold their soul to
the minions of hell. It wasn’t even subject to debate – it was
simply the way things were. Integrity mattered, and if you were willing to sell
your name, you couldn’t be trusted.
Flash forward to 2004, and Bob Dylan is endorsing Victoria’s Secret and nobody says a word. Not a fucking word.
These things don’t happen overnight. They take time. When evil child fucker Michael Jackson sold The Beatles’ “Revolution” to Nike, people were up in arms. Now you can’t turn on the TV without hearing every rock and roll song under the sun being used to sell you crap – with a few notable exceptions. Neil Young and Bruce Springsteen don’t play that game, and no matter what you may think of their music, their casual refusal to violate the integrity of their work and their immortal souls is worthy of your respect. When Lee Iaccocca offered Bruce twenty mil to use Born In The USA to hawk Chevys, Bruce passed, then turned around and gave the rights to the song to Luther Campbell for use in a rap song to raise money for his legal defense fund. (That, by the way, wouldn’t be particularly heroic in a more civilized time – that’s simply what you do when you have all the money you need and you give half a shit about being one of the good guys.)
I read an interview with one of the idiots from Smashmouth a while back, and he actually talked openly about trying to write songs that would end up in a commercial. Twenty five years ago, this poltroon would have been dragged off stage and lynched by the six people who would still be willing to pay to see his lame ass band.
Anyway, enough – we could go on on this subject for, well, ever. But that isn’t even the point. The point is this – erosion takes time. It starts slowly, then builds. Here are a couple of links that should terrify you more than they probably do:
Watchdogs Slam Google's New E-Mail Service
It will be interesting to see how many people sign up for this alleged service, willing to sacrifice their privacy and dignity for a few free gigs. And the question I most want to see asked remains a mystery – will they be doing this with incoming mail as well? If I send my hypothetical Gmail-having girlfriend a note about this coming weekend, will this link end up in it?
And then this:
E-Mail Girl Mines AOL Data for Hollywood Gold
Heather Robinson. Remember that name. We here at the Museum of Stupidity do not, in our own lives, practice violence in any form. But were someone to take a golf club to this woman - or any type of blunt instrument , really – and tap her lightly about the head until unconsciousness set in, we can’t say we’d be too upset. To be clear – no killing. That would be just plain wrong. But a mildly savage beating might actually be in order. Just a thought.
But, again, we suspect the worst. We can see this heinous, goat felching pig doing the PR circuit on her useless little Hillary Duff movie to the approving coos of the publicity machine. Just keep this in mind – the eight bucks you spend on this steaming pile of dung could have been given to people who would do far less damage to the world. We can think of hundreds, but if you can’t, here – and here – are two.
Flash forward to 2004, and Bob Dylan is endorsing Victoria’s Secret and nobody says a word. Not a fucking word.
These things don’t happen overnight. They take time. When evil child fucker Michael Jackson sold The Beatles’ “Revolution” to Nike, people were up in arms. Now you can’t turn on the TV without hearing every rock and roll song under the sun being used to sell you crap – with a few notable exceptions. Neil Young and Bruce Springsteen don’t play that game, and no matter what you may think of their music, their casual refusal to violate the integrity of their work and their immortal souls is worthy of your respect. When Lee Iaccocca offered Bruce twenty mil to use Born In The USA to hawk Chevys, Bruce passed, then turned around and gave the rights to the song to Luther Campbell for use in a rap song to raise money for his legal defense fund. (That, by the way, wouldn’t be particularly heroic in a more civilized time – that’s simply what you do when you have all the money you need and you give half a shit about being one of the good guys.)
I read an interview with one of the idiots from Smashmouth a while back, and he actually talked openly about trying to write songs that would end up in a commercial. Twenty five years ago, this poltroon would have been dragged off stage and lynched by the six people who would still be willing to pay to see his lame ass band.
Anyway, enough – we could go on on this subject for, well, ever. But that isn’t even the point. The point is this – erosion takes time. It starts slowly, then builds. Here are a couple of links that should terrify you more than they probably do:
Watchdogs Slam Google's New E-Mail Service
It will be interesting to see how many people sign up for this alleged service, willing to sacrifice their privacy and dignity for a few free gigs. And the question I most want to see asked remains a mystery – will they be doing this with incoming mail as well? If I send my hypothetical Gmail-having girlfriend a note about this coming weekend, will this link end up in it?
And then this:
E-Mail Girl Mines AOL Data for Hollywood Gold
Heather Robinson. Remember that name. We here at the Museum of Stupidity do not, in our own lives, practice violence in any form. But were someone to take a golf club to this woman - or any type of blunt instrument , really – and tap her lightly about the head until unconsciousness set in, we can’t say we’d be too upset. To be clear – no killing. That would be just plain wrong. But a mildly savage beating might actually be in order. Just a thought.
But, again, we suspect the worst. We can see this heinous, goat felching pig doing the PR circuit on her useless little Hillary Duff movie to the approving coos of the publicity machine. Just keep this in mind – the eight bucks you spend on this steaming pile of dung could have been given to people who would do far less damage to the world. We can think of hundreds, but if you can’t, here – and here – are two.
This exhibit mounted at 09:13 AM Read More
I resign
Exhibit designed by the docent
Shark
Okay.
Over the last few days, I became a convert.
I realized that the only time we're going to see crowds cheering in the
streets of Iraq is when they're hanging a burned American body part on a
bridge as sort of an Islamic/Neanderthal Maypole celebration.
So I spent yesterday in my attic digging out and dusting off my old "BRING
OUR BOYS HOME" signs from 1968.
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
The latest mindless catch-phrase is, "Well, we're over there and we have to
finish the job." You hear it from everybody, liberals, Dems, Neo-Cons,
Repubs, little old ladies, and motard MTV types. I figure if everybody is
saying it, it must be wrong. They're hypnotized.
"We must finish the job!"
Everybody seems to have forgotten: WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE
FIRST PLACE. IT WASN'T OUR JOB, so why finish it?
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
I mean, what are you people waiting for? Democracy?
We 'give' them democracy, who the hell do you think they're going to "vote"
for?
In case you haven't noticed, they're voting every day, except instead of a
fake count like we had in Florida, they're using roadside bombs, mass
marches, and burned dead Americans.
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
Oh, and did I mention: WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Especially when Bush & Co. had everything planned except the days and months
and years after "liberation."
We'll never win this with 130,000 military. I doubt that we could win it
with half a million. Imagine a foreign army occupying California. Jeesus,
give 'em AK-47s and RPGs, and the Crips and Bloods alone could kick the ass
of any army in the world!
No, we won't win in Iraq; not in a year or a decade. It's a no-win, folks.
It's a fantasy, like giving 'democracy' to a country filled with Islamic
nutbars.
So at the current rate, eventually Bush Jr. will have to drop a few H-bombs
and incinerate Iraq just to save face and show that even testicles are
bigger in Texas; it's only a matter of time.
The end game in Iraq is a nuclear bomb. Trust me. (Hey, you trusted George,
why can't you trust me?)
Do we do it sooner -- or later?
(Or better yet, maybe Bush and Cheney should dress up in those little
flight-suit costumes and go over there show us how it's supposed to be done:
They can put on cowboy hats and ride the Big One from the bomb-bay of a B-52
all the way onto Main Street in Fallujah. They wanted it so bad, let those
criminals die for it. Slim Pickens would have. And George already HAS a
cowboy hat!)
REPORTER: "President Bush, now that weapons of mass destruction -- your main
justification for going to war in Iraq -- appear to be non-existent, what
possible reason can you have for putting American lives at risk and draining
the American treasury?"
PRES. BUSH: "umm... um... I can no longer sit back and allow infiltration,
indoctrination, subversion, and an international conspiracy to sap and
impurify all of our precious bodily fluids! Yee-haw!"
================================
Okay, maybe 'nook-yul-er' weapons are a bit of an overreaction on my part.
LET'S JUST GET OUT OF IRAQ.
Why the hell do we have to 'finish the job'?
We do what American CEOs do when their companies start sliding toward an
economic implosion: We simply resign. Leave it for somebody else to clean
up. Fuck the 'employees.' Fuck the 'stockholders.'
Fuck everybody; let's go home. I resign.
And it's real simple: Here's how you do it;
You say:
"This wasn't what I expected."
"I don't see that this position has any real opportunities for me in the
future."
"I want to spend more time with my family."
"I no longer share a common vision with my subordinates."
"I have health issues I need to address."
See how easy that is?
But people say, "SHARK! We can't do that! We can't JUST LEAVE IRAQ to the
insurgents, the terrorists, and the civil wars!"
"Why?" I ask.
"Because... we just... can't."
"Then," I say, "let's quit screwing around and just bomb them off the map
and get it over with."
"No," they say, "That does tend to make it easier to win, but we are trying
to take the high road and not 'bomb them into dust', 'hearts and minds' and
all that -- this is why we are experiencing a higher mortality rate. You
liberal wimps must be patient."
"Gee," I say, "kinda sounds like politics is restraining an all-out military
victory. Hmm, when was the last time we heard that? mmm... lemme think... Oh
yeah, VIETNAM!"
"SO, SHARK, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST? Just should nuke the fuckers? Or
daisy-cutter major Sunni cities into rubble? Or MOAB Baghdad? Look, I know
you don't think we should have been there in the first place. That's a
reasonable opinion. But we ARE there. So what do we do now, SHARK?
...A) Nuke 'em all?
B) Bomb civilians without any remorse?
C) Do what we're doing now, avoiding civilian casualities while going after
extremists?
D) Run away like a French school-boy and scream "We're sorry! We're
sorry!"??
Which is it? Or do you have another option?"
And I answer: "OF COURSE I'VE GOT AN OPTION!"
== Shark's Solution to Iraq ==
phase 1: EXIT IMMEDIATELY.
phase 2: Line the entire Iraqi border with land mines, barbed wire, and a
gigantic wall (built by Halliburton, of course).
phase 3: Step back and watch.
phase 4: Videotape the results from various vantage points along the wall:
sell it on late night cable as "Iraqis Gone Wild". Give profits to families
of the 9/11 dead and casualties from Bush's Blunder.
By the way: I'll be announcing my candidacy for President of the United
States for the 2004 election.
Okay.
Over the last few days, I became a convert.
I realized that the only time we're going to see crowds cheering in the
streets of Iraq is when they're hanging a burned American body part on a
bridge as sort of an Islamic/Neanderthal Maypole celebration.
So I spent yesterday in my attic digging out and dusting off my old "BRING
OUR BOYS HOME" signs from 1968.
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
The latest mindless catch-phrase is, "Well, we're over there and we have to
finish the job." You hear it from everybody, liberals, Dems, Neo-Cons,
Repubs, little old ladies, and motard MTV types. I figure if everybody is
saying it, it must be wrong. They're hypnotized.
"We must finish the job!"
Everybody seems to have forgotten: WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE
FIRST PLACE. IT WASN'T OUR JOB, so why finish it?
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
I mean, what are you people waiting for? Democracy?
We 'give' them democracy, who the hell do you think they're going to "vote"
for?
In case you haven't noticed, they're voting every day, except instead of a
fake count like we had in Florida, they're using roadside bombs, mass
marches, and burned dead Americans.
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
Oh, and did I mention: WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Especially when Bush & Co. had everything planned except the days and months
and years after "liberation."
We'll never win this with 130,000 military. I doubt that we could win it
with half a million. Imagine a foreign army occupying California. Jeesus,
give 'em AK-47s and RPGs, and the Crips and Bloods alone could kick the ass
of any army in the world!
No, we won't win in Iraq; not in a year or a decade. It's a no-win, folks.
It's a fantasy, like giving 'democracy' to a country filled with Islamic
nutbars.
So at the current rate, eventually Bush Jr. will have to drop a few H-bombs
and incinerate Iraq just to save face and show that even testicles are
bigger in Texas; it's only a matter of time.
The end game in Iraq is a nuclear bomb. Trust me. (Hey, you trusted George,
why can't you trust me?)
Do we do it sooner -- or later?
(Or better yet, maybe Bush and Cheney should dress up in those little
flight-suit costumes and go over there show us how it's supposed to be done:
They can put on cowboy hats and ride the Big One from the bomb-bay of a B-52
all the way onto Main Street in Fallujah. They wanted it so bad, let those
criminals die for it. Slim Pickens would have. And George already HAS a
cowboy hat!)
REPORTER: "President Bush, now that weapons of mass destruction -- your main
justification for going to war in Iraq -- appear to be non-existent, what
possible reason can you have for putting American lives at risk and draining
the American treasury?"
PRES. BUSH: "umm... um... I can no longer sit back and allow infiltration,
indoctrination, subversion, and an international conspiracy to sap and
impurify all of our precious bodily fluids! Yee-haw!"
================================
Okay, maybe 'nook-yul-er' weapons are a bit of an overreaction on my part.
LET'S JUST GET OUT OF IRAQ.
Why the hell do we have to 'finish the job'?
We do what American CEOs do when their companies start sliding toward an
economic implosion: We simply resign. Leave it for somebody else to clean
up. Fuck the 'employees.' Fuck the 'stockholders.'
Fuck everybody; let's go home. I resign.
And it's real simple: Here's how you do it;
You say:
"This wasn't what I expected."
"I don't see that this position has any real opportunities for me in the
future."
"I want to spend more time with my family."
"I no longer share a common vision with my subordinates."
"I have health issues I need to address."
See how easy that is?
But people say, "SHARK! We can't do that! We can't JUST LEAVE IRAQ to the
insurgents, the terrorists, and the civil wars!"
"Why?" I ask.
"Because... we just... can't."
"Then," I say, "let's quit screwing around and just bomb them off the map
and get it over with."
"No," they say, "That does tend to make it easier to win, but we are trying
to take the high road and not 'bomb them into dust', 'hearts and minds' and
all that -- this is why we are experiencing a higher mortality rate. You
liberal wimps must be patient."
"Gee," I say, "kinda sounds like politics is restraining an all-out military
victory. Hmm, when was the last time we heard that? mmm... lemme think... Oh
yeah, VIETNAM!"
"SO, SHARK, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST? Just should nuke the fuckers? Or
daisy-cutter major Sunni cities into rubble? Or MOAB Baghdad? Look, I know
you don't think we should have been there in the first place. That's a
reasonable opinion. But we ARE there. So what do we do now, SHARK?
...A) Nuke 'em all?
B) Bomb civilians without any remorse?
C) Do what we're doing now, avoiding civilian casualities while going after
extremists?
D) Run away like a French school-boy and scream "We're sorry! We're
sorry!"??
Which is it? Or do you have another option?"
And I answer: "OF COURSE I'VE GOT AN OPTION!"
== Shark's Solution to Iraq ==
phase 1: EXIT IMMEDIATELY.
phase 2: Line the entire Iraqi border with land mines, barbed wire, and a
gigantic wall (built by Halliburton, of course).
phase 3: Step back and watch.
phase 4: Videotape the results from various vantage points along the wall:
sell it on late night cable as "Iraqis Gone Wild". Give profits to families
of the 9/11 dead and casualties from Bush's Blunder.
By the way: I'll be announcing my candidacy for President of the United
States for the 2004 election.
This exhibit mounted at 08:59 AM Read More
Iraq/Vietnam - GWB/LBJ
Exhibit designed by the docent
Shark
President George W. Bush -- who missed out on the Vietnam war because he was
busy protecting the borders of Texas and Alabama (?) from Communist
invasions, wouldn't know it from direct experience -- but his war in Iraq is
starting to have a few similarities to the war in Vietnam.
Here are just a few:
The escalation of the Vietnam military presence was based on an erroneous
event, the Gulf of Tonkin incident.
The war in Iraq was based on an erroneous goal, the destruction of weapons
of mass destruction that turned out to be non-existent.
The Tet Offensive was a series of battles in the South Vietnam. It was a
major offensive by the North Vietnamese Army, Viet Cong, and civilian
guerilla fighters. It involved military action in almost every major city in
southern Vietnam and attacks on the US firebase at Khe Sanh. The NVA
suffered a heavy military defeat but scored a priceless propaganda victory.
The current "insurgency" in Iraq is a major offensive occurring in almost
every major city in Iraq, and is being perpetrated by a guerilla army in
civilian guises. Whereas the U.S. will probably attain a 'military victory'
over this current uprising, we stand to suffer a "priceless propaganda"
loss.
In Vietnam, there was a gulf between the US public and the US government
over support for the war and its progress. There were also tensions between
the US military and their Vietnamese allies.
In Iraq, there is a gulf between the US public and the US government over
support for the war and its progress. There are also tensions between the US
military and their alleged Iraqi allies, the Shiites and the Interim
Governing Council.
The strategy of the Viet Cong was effective because US leaders were at best
misleading, and at worst, lying outright to the American public about what
was going on in Vietnam, why we were there in the first place, and what the
costs and exit strategy would eventually be.
The strategy of the Iraqi insurgents is effective because US leaders were at
best misleading, and at worst, lying outright to the American public about
what is going on in Iraq, why we are there in the first place, and what the
costs and exit strategy will eventually be.
Media coverage of the Tet Offensive shocked the American public and its
politicians. The US military reaction surprised the North Vietnamese
leadership. The heavy US shelling of Ben Tre produced the famous quote, "it
became necessary to destroy the town in order to save it."
Media coverage of the Iraqi offensive is shocking the American public and
its politicians. The US military reaction will probably surprise even the
rebellious Shiite and Sunni leadership. We'll probably have to instigate the
old approach of "It became necessary to destroy the town in order to save
it."
Iraq is not Vietnam, but the perception alone could turn into a nightmare
for Bush and his Neo-Con cronies.
58,000 Americans died in Vietnam. So far 620 Americans have died in Iraq.
Terry Anderson, an expert on the Vietnam War, a veteran of the war, and
currently a historian at Texas A&M University:
"I completely agree this is Bush's Vietnam. Just like Lyndon Johnson, Bush
has totally misjudged the culture in which they are fighting. Just like LBJ,
we are trying to bring democracy to people who are not particularly
interested in U.S.-style democracy -- and just like LBJ, we are rotating out
battle-hardened people with new troops. And just like LBJ, Bush is not
telling Americans they are going to be there for years."
Anderson adds that a big difference between Iraq and Vietnam is that public
support for the war in Iraq has ebbed much more quickly. The American
electorate began turning against the Vietnam war after two years of
fighting, but with opposition escalating quickly after the 1968 Tet
Offensive.
"You had massive rallies against this war even before Bush went in,"
Anderson says, "because the Vietnam experience jump-started opposition to
this war."
Polls released this week show support for Bush's handling of the situation
in Iraq hovering between 40 and 45 per cent, with many questioning the June
30 target for hand over of political power to Iraqis.
"You're starting to hear that 'Q' word: quagmire," pollster John Zogby said
yesterday. ("Quagmire" has become synonymous with Vietnam, and "LBJ" might
quickly become shorthand for "GWB.") "The public seems confused," Zogby
said. "How do we get out? Do we send more troops? How do we cut casualties?
It's all becoming a big problem for Bush."
Republican Senator John McCain (4/08/04): "We have to tell the American
people that we are in this for the long haul. We cannot say, as we did in
Vietnam, that the light is at the end of the tunnel"
The Bush administration continues to insist that the war in Iraq is a vital
part of the fight against international terrorism, others are suggesting the
opposite:
Hans Blix (04/07/04): "It's clearly the negative aspects that dominate. Bush
declared war as a part of the U.S. war on terror, but instead of limiting
the effects of terror, the war has laid the foundation for even more
terror."
QUAGMIRE.
President George W. Bush -- who missed out on the Vietnam war because he was
busy protecting the borders of Texas and Alabama (?) from Communist
invasions, wouldn't know it from direct experience -- but his war in Iraq is
starting to have a few similarities to the war in Vietnam.
Here are just a few:
The escalation of the Vietnam military presence was based on an erroneous
event, the Gulf of Tonkin incident.
The war in Iraq was based on an erroneous goal, the destruction of weapons
of mass destruction that turned out to be non-existent.
The Tet Offensive was a series of battles in the South Vietnam. It was a
major offensive by the North Vietnamese Army, Viet Cong, and civilian
guerilla fighters. It involved military action in almost every major city in
southern Vietnam and attacks on the US firebase at Khe Sanh. The NVA
suffered a heavy military defeat but scored a priceless propaganda victory.
The current "insurgency" in Iraq is a major offensive occurring in almost
every major city in Iraq, and is being perpetrated by a guerilla army in
civilian guises. Whereas the U.S. will probably attain a 'military victory'
over this current uprising, we stand to suffer a "priceless propaganda"
loss.
In Vietnam, there was a gulf between the US public and the US government
over support for the war and its progress. There were also tensions between
the US military and their Vietnamese allies.
In Iraq, there is a gulf between the US public and the US government over
support for the war and its progress. There are also tensions between the US
military and their alleged Iraqi allies, the Shiites and the Interim
Governing Council.
The strategy of the Viet Cong was effective because US leaders were at best
misleading, and at worst, lying outright to the American public about what
was going on in Vietnam, why we were there in the first place, and what the
costs and exit strategy would eventually be.
The strategy of the Iraqi insurgents is effective because US leaders were at
best misleading, and at worst, lying outright to the American public about
what is going on in Iraq, why we are there in the first place, and what the
costs and exit strategy will eventually be.
Media coverage of the Tet Offensive shocked the American public and its
politicians. The US military reaction surprised the North Vietnamese
leadership. The heavy US shelling of Ben Tre produced the famous quote, "it
became necessary to destroy the town in order to save it."
Media coverage of the Iraqi offensive is shocking the American public and
its politicians. The US military reaction will probably surprise even the
rebellious Shiite and Sunni leadership. We'll probably have to instigate the
old approach of "It became necessary to destroy the town in order to save
it."
Iraq is not Vietnam, but the perception alone could turn into a nightmare
for Bush and his Neo-Con cronies.
58,000 Americans died in Vietnam. So far 620 Americans have died in Iraq.
Terry Anderson, an expert on the Vietnam War, a veteran of the war, and
currently a historian at Texas A&M University:
"I completely agree this is Bush's Vietnam. Just like Lyndon Johnson, Bush
has totally misjudged the culture in which they are fighting. Just like LBJ,
we are trying to bring democracy to people who are not particularly
interested in U.S.-style democracy -- and just like LBJ, we are rotating out
battle-hardened people with new troops. And just like LBJ, Bush is not
telling Americans they are going to be there for years."
Anderson adds that a big difference between Iraq and Vietnam is that public
support for the war in Iraq has ebbed much more quickly. The American
electorate began turning against the Vietnam war after two years of
fighting, but with opposition escalating quickly after the 1968 Tet
Offensive.
"You had massive rallies against this war even before Bush went in,"
Anderson says, "because the Vietnam experience jump-started opposition to
this war."
Polls released this week show support for Bush's handling of the situation
in Iraq hovering between 40 and 45 per cent, with many questioning the June
30 target for hand over of political power to Iraqis.
"You're starting to hear that 'Q' word: quagmire," pollster John Zogby said
yesterday. ("Quagmire" has become synonymous with Vietnam, and "LBJ" might
quickly become shorthand for "GWB.") "The public seems confused," Zogby
said. "How do we get out? Do we send more troops? How do we cut casualties?
It's all becoming a big problem for Bush."
Republican Senator John McCain (4/08/04): "We have to tell the American
people that we are in this for the long haul. We cannot say, as we did in
Vietnam, that the light is at the end of the tunnel"
The Bush administration continues to insist that the war in Iraq is a vital
part of the fight against international terrorism, others are suggesting the
opposite:
Hans Blix (04/07/04): "It's clearly the negative aspects that dominate. Bush
declared war as a part of the U.S. war on terror, but instead of limiting
the effects of terror, the war has laid the foundation for even more
terror."
QUAGMIRE.
This exhibit mounted at 08:59 AM Read More
Thu - April 1, 2004
There are no stupid questions
The families of those who died on 9/11 have formed
an ad hoc organization
whose purpose is to find out exactly what happened leading up to, during,
and after 9/11.
In light of the fact that our President and Vice President have agreed to
answer questions of the Special Committee Investigating 9/11, I thought you
should see what questions the families of the dead would like answered by
the two top men responsible for our nation's safety.
(It should be interesting to see how many of these important questions
surface during the questioning of Bush and Cheney by the Commissioners.)
http://www.911independentcommission.org/questions.html
=====================
The Family Steering Committee Statement and Questions Regarding the 9/11
Commission Interview with President Bush
(dated February 16, 2004)
The Family Steering Committee believes that President Bush should provide
sworn public testimony to the full ten-member panel of the National
Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States. Collectively, the
Commissioners are responsible for fulfilling the Congressional mandate.
Therefore, each Commissioner must have full access to the testimony of all
individuals and the critical information that will enable informed decisions
and recommendations.
Before an audience of the American people, the Commission must ask President
Bush in sworn testimony, the following questions:
1. As Commander-in-Chief on the morning of 9/11, why didn't you return
immediately to Washington, D.C. or the National Military Command Center once
you became aware that America was under attack? At specifically what time
did you become aware that America was under attack? Who informed you of this
fact?
2. On the morning of 9/11, who was in charge of our country while you were
away from the National Military Command Center? Were you informed or
consulted about all decisions made in your absence?
3. What defensive action did you personally order to protect our nation
during the crisis on September 11th? What time were these orders given, and
to whom? What orders were carried out? What was the result of such orders?
Were any such orders not carried out?
4. In your opinion, why was our nation so utterly unprepared for an attack
on our own soil?
5. U.S. Navy Captain Deborah Loewer, the Director of the White House
Situation Room, informed you of the first airliner hitting Tower One of the
World Trade Center before you entered the Emma E. Booker Elementary School
in Sarasota, Florida. Please explain the reason why you decided to continue
with the scheduled classroom visit, fifteen minutes after learning the first
hijacked airliner had hit the World Trade Center.
6. Is it normal procedure for the Director of the White House Situation Room
to travel with you? If so, please cite any prior examples of when this
occurred. If not normal procedure, please explain the circumstances that led
to the Director of the White House Situation Room being asked to accompany
you to Florida during the week of September 11th.
7. What plan of action caused you to remain seated after Andrew Card
informed you that a second airliner had hit the second tower of the World
Trade Center and America was clearly under attack? Approximately how long
did you remain in the classroom after Card's message?
8. At what time were you made aware that other planes were hijacked in
addition to Flight 11 and Flight 175? Who notified you? What was your course
of action as Commander-in-Chief of the United States?
9. Beginning with the transition period between the Clinton administration
and your own, and ending on 9/11/01, specifically what information (either
verbal or written) about terrorists, possible attacks and targets, did you
receive from any source?
This would include briefings or communications from
* Out-going Clinton officials
* CIA, FBI, NSA, DoD and other intelligence agencies
* Foreign intelligence, governments, dignitaries or envoys
* National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice
* Richard Clarke, former counterterrorism czar
10. Specifically, what did you learn from the August 6, 2001, PDB about the
terrorist threat that was facing our nation? Did you request any follow-up
action to take place? Did you request any further report be developed and/or
prepared?
11. As Commander-in-Chief, from May 1, 2001 until September 11, 2001, did
you receive any information from any intelligence agency official or agent
that UBL was planning to attack this nation on its own soil using airplanes
as weapons, targeting New York City landmarks during the week of September
11, 2001 or on the actual day of September 11, 2001?
12. What defensive measures did you take in response to pre-9/11 warnings
from eleven nations about a terrorist attack, many of which cited an attack
in the continental United States? Did you prepare any directives in response
to these actions? If so, with what results?
13. As Commander-in-Chief from May 1, 2001 until September 11, 2001, did you
or any agent of the United States government carry out any negotiations or
talks with UBL, an agent of UBL, or al-Qaeda? During that same period, did
you or any agent of the United States government carry out any negotiations
or talks with any foreign government, its agents, or officials regarding
UBL? If so, what resulted?
14. Your schedule for September 11, 2001 was in the public domain since
September 7, 2001. The Emma E. Booker School is only five miles from the
Bradenton Airport, so you, and therefore the children in the classroom,
might have been a target for the terrorists on 9/11. What was the intention
of the Secret Service in allowing you to remain in the Emma E. Booker
Elementary School, even though they were aware America was under attack?
15. Please explain why you remained at the Sarasota, Florida, Elementary
School for a press conference after you had finished listening to the
children read, when as a terrorist target, your presence potentially
jeopardized the lives of the children?
16. What was the purpose of the several stops of Air Force One on September
11th? Was Air Force One at any time during the day of September 11th a
target of the terrorists? Was Air Force One's code ever breached on
September 11th?
17. Was there a reason for Air Force One lifting off without a military
escort, even after ample time had elapsed to allow military jets to arrive?
18. What prompted your refusal to release the information regarding foreign
sponsorship of the terrorists, as illustrated in the inaccessible 28
redacted pages in the Joint Intelligence Committee Inquiry Report? What
actions have you personally taken since 9/11 to thwart foreign sponsorship
of terrorism?
19. Who approved the flight of the bin Laden family out of the United States
when all commercial flights were grounded, when there was time for only
minimal questioning by the FBI, and especially, when two of those same
individuals had links to WAMY, a charity suspected of funding terrorism? Why
were bin Laden family members granted that special privilege -- a privilege
not available to American families whose loved ones were killed on 9/11?
20. Please explain why no one in any level of our government has yet been
held accountable for the countless failures leading up to and on 9/11?
21. Please comment on the fact that UBL's profile on the FBI's Ten Most
Wanted Fugitives poster does not include the 9/11 attacks. To your
knowledge, when was the last time any agent of our government had contact
with UBL? If prior to 9/11, specifically what was the date of that contact
and what was the context of said meeting.
22. Do you continue to maintain that Saddam Hussein was linked to al Qaeda?
What proof do you have of any connection between al-Qaeda and the Hussein
regime?
23. Which individuals, governments, agencies, institutions, or groups may
have benefited from the attacks of 9/11? Please state specifically how you
think they have benefited.
=== end of excerpt ===
whose purpose is to find out exactly what happened leading up to, during,
and after 9/11.
In light of the fact that our President and Vice President have agreed to
answer questions of the Special Committee Investigating 9/11, I thought you
should see what questions the families of the dead would like answered by
the two top men responsible for our nation's safety.
(It should be interesting to see how many of these important questions
surface during the questioning of Bush and Cheney by the Commissioners.)
http://www.911independentcommission.org/questions.html
=====================
The Family Steering Committee Statement and Questions Regarding the 9/11
Commission Interview with President Bush
(dated February 16, 2004)
The Family Steering Committee believes that President Bush should provide
sworn public testimony to the full ten-member panel of the National
Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States. Collectively, the
Commissioners are responsible for fulfilling the Congressional mandate.
Therefore, each Commissioner must have full access to the testimony of all
individuals and the critical information that will enable informed decisions
and recommendations.
Before an audience of the American people, the Commission must ask President
Bush in sworn testimony, the following questions:
1. As Commander-in-Chief on the morning of 9/11, why didn't you return
immediately to Washington, D.C. or the National Military Command Center once
you became aware that America was under attack? At specifically what time
did you become aware that America was under attack? Who informed you of this
fact?
2. On the morning of 9/11, who was in charge of our country while you were
away from the National Military Command Center? Were you informed or
consulted about all decisions made in your absence?
3. What defensive action did you personally order to protect our nation
during the crisis on September 11th? What time were these orders given, and
to whom? What orders were carried out? What was the result of such orders?
Were any such orders not carried out?
4. In your opinion, why was our nation so utterly unprepared for an attack
on our own soil?
5. U.S. Navy Captain Deborah Loewer, the Director of the White House
Situation Room, informed you of the first airliner hitting Tower One of the
World Trade Center before you entered the Emma E. Booker Elementary School
in Sarasota, Florida. Please explain the reason why you decided to continue
with the scheduled classroom visit, fifteen minutes after learning the first
hijacked airliner had hit the World Trade Center.
6. Is it normal procedure for the Director of the White House Situation Room
to travel with you? If so, please cite any prior examples of when this
occurred. If not normal procedure, please explain the circumstances that led
to the Director of the White House Situation Room being asked to accompany
you to Florida during the week of September 11th.
7. What plan of action caused you to remain seated after Andrew Card
informed you that a second airliner had hit the second tower of the World
Trade Center and America was clearly under attack? Approximately how long
did you remain in the classroom after Card's message?
8. At what time were you made aware that other planes were hijacked in
addition to Flight 11 and Flight 175? Who notified you? What was your course
of action as Commander-in-Chief of the United States?
9. Beginning with the transition period between the Clinton administration
and your own, and ending on 9/11/01, specifically what information (either
verbal or written) about terrorists, possible attacks and targets, did you
receive from any source?
This would include briefings or communications from
* Out-going Clinton officials
* CIA, FBI, NSA, DoD and other intelligence agencies
* Foreign intelligence, governments, dignitaries or envoys
* National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice
* Richard Clarke, former counterterrorism czar
10. Specifically, what did you learn from the August 6, 2001, PDB about the
terrorist threat that was facing our nation? Did you request any follow-up
action to take place? Did you request any further report be developed and/or
prepared?
11. As Commander-in-Chief, from May 1, 2001 until September 11, 2001, did
you receive any information from any intelligence agency official or agent
that UBL was planning to attack this nation on its own soil using airplanes
as weapons, targeting New York City landmarks during the week of September
11, 2001 or on the actual day of September 11, 2001?
12. What defensive measures did you take in response to pre-9/11 warnings
from eleven nations about a terrorist attack, many of which cited an attack
in the continental United States? Did you prepare any directives in response
to these actions? If so, with what results?
13. As Commander-in-Chief from May 1, 2001 until September 11, 2001, did you
or any agent of the United States government carry out any negotiations or
talks with UBL, an agent of UBL, or al-Qaeda? During that same period, did
you or any agent of the United States government carry out any negotiations
or talks with any foreign government, its agents, or officials regarding
UBL? If so, what resulted?
14. Your schedule for September 11, 2001 was in the public domain since
September 7, 2001. The Emma E. Booker School is only five miles from the
Bradenton Airport, so you, and therefore the children in the classroom,
might have been a target for the terrorists on 9/11. What was the intention
of the Secret Service in allowing you to remain in the Emma E. Booker
Elementary School, even though they were aware America was under attack?
15. Please explain why you remained at the Sarasota, Florida, Elementary
School for a press conference after you had finished listening to the
children read, when as a terrorist target, your presence potentially
jeopardized the lives of the children?
16. What was the purpose of the several stops of Air Force One on September
11th? Was Air Force One at any time during the day of September 11th a
target of the terrorists? Was Air Force One's code ever breached on
September 11th?
17. Was there a reason for Air Force One lifting off without a military
escort, even after ample time had elapsed to allow military jets to arrive?
18. What prompted your refusal to release the information regarding foreign
sponsorship of the terrorists, as illustrated in the inaccessible 28
redacted pages in the Joint Intelligence Committee Inquiry Report? What
actions have you personally taken since 9/11 to thwart foreign sponsorship
of terrorism?
19. Who approved the flight of the bin Laden family out of the United States
when all commercial flights were grounded, when there was time for only
minimal questioning by the FBI, and especially, when two of those same
individuals had links to WAMY, a charity suspected of funding terrorism? Why
were bin Laden family members granted that special privilege -- a privilege
not available to American families whose loved ones were killed on 9/11?
20. Please explain why no one in any level of our government has yet been
held accountable for the countless failures leading up to and on 9/11?
21. Please comment on the fact that UBL's profile on the FBI's Ten Most
Wanted Fugitives poster does not include the 9/11 attacks. To your
knowledge, when was the last time any agent of our government had contact
with UBL? If prior to 9/11, specifically what was the date of that contact
and what was the context of said meeting.
22. Do you continue to maintain that Saddam Hussein was linked to al Qaeda?
What proof do you have of any connection between al-Qaeda and the Hussein
regime?
23. Which individuals, governments, agencies, institutions, or groups may
have benefited from the attacks of 9/11? Please state specifically how you
think they have benefited.
=== end of excerpt ===
This exhibit mounted at 09:06 AM Read More
Cooked Rice
Tuesday, 4:16 p.m. EST - March 30, 2004
-
President George W. Bush has just announced that he will permit Condi Rice
to testify before the 9/11 Commission, in public and under oath.
Yes, the Bush administration finally responded.
Apparently, Karl Rove looked out the window and saw a gigantic public
relations disaster heading for the White House at 500 mph.
It was too late to scramble Air Force F-16s, Bush was busy reading a story
to some little kids, but Rove went ahead and gave the order:
"Send out Condi."
LOOK!
They're action oriented!
They're pre-emptive!
They're aggressive!
They're looking out for... um... we'll get back to you on that one...
President George W. Bush has just announced that he will permit Condi Rice
to testify before the 9/11 Commission, in public and under oath.
Yes, the Bush administration finally responded.
Apparently, Karl Rove looked out the window and saw a gigantic public
relations disaster heading for the White House at 500 mph.
It was too late to scramble Air Force F-16s, Bush was busy reading a story
to some little kids, but Rove went ahead and gave the order:
"Send out Condi."
LOOK!
They're action oriented!
They're pre-emptive!
They're aggressive!
They're looking out for... um... we'll get back to you on that one...
This exhibit mounted at 09:02 AM Read More
FRIED RICE: 'Condi' Lies Again
Does irony drip, or does it ooze?
Oops!
Passion Weirdness
The Passion Death Count
Why We Shouldn’t Watch TV 3
Why We Shouldn’t Watch TV 2
Why We Shouldn’t Watch TV 1
Will Link For Food
Civil War a-brewing Exhibit 1
Richard Clarke: True or False?
Punk Republicans
ELECTION YEAR FAT FIGHT
Oops!