Quick Links
Calendar
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
Stupid Mission Statement
Click here for your introduction to the Museum of Stupidity Stupid Links
Links to really stupid sites. Please feel free to visit these sites and torment the nitwits who run them. It's fun, and let's face it, it's why they were put on Earth in the first place
Bill O'Reilly's pageAnn Coulter's page
Free Republic
The truly moronic Mickey Kaus
Jen Martinez
Megga Ditto Dipshit
Non-Stupid Links
Links to sites that we love, even though they aren't stupid
Brian Flemming's WeblogAltercation
Daily Kos
Tom Tomorrow
Oliver Willis
The Daily Howler
Incredible site about Ninjas
despair.com
The Apologist
Surplus Culture
Low Culture
Archives
XML/RSS Feed
Site Meter
Statistics
Total entries in this blog:
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Apr 25, 2004 05:25 PM
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Apr 25, 2004 05:25 PM
Fear, loathing
I know it's my patriotic duty to be scared,
terrified, and terrorized --
because my President constantly reminds me.
Shortly after 9/11, Bush and Co. instituted a "color coded" scare alert to
let me and my fellow Americans know just how scared we should be; its called
the "Terrorist Threat Level" and comes in various pretty, almost soothing
colors. This color code not only made it easier to alert the American
public, but it effectively requisitioned the rainbow, taking it back from
those pesky gay troublemakers (who had turned a symbol of Utopia in Kansas
to a symbol of utopia for people used to getting the shit beat out of 'em
for what they do behind closed doors with consenting adults; Now when Judy
Garland sings, "Somewhere over the Rainbow," we can imagine a post-9/11
civilian bomb shelter instead of a gay disco party. Damn right.)
Terrorist Threat Alert. Scary Rainbow. That's better.
Then we had White House spokesman Ari "I studied Himmler" Fleischer warning
Americans to "be careful" what they say.
That was scary, too. As a matter of fact, the last time a flaccid,
frustrated right-wing bald guy uttered those words, Italy joined the Evil
Axis, brown shirts became a really IN fashion statement among ruthless
killers, and the world spent the next seven years at war.
Then along came "The Patriot Act" -- which is about the scariest phrase
since "Big Brother is Watching" -- except that was a fictional invention
created to frighten the reader, and this happened to be paraded in front of
God and the nation as something to be proud of.
You know that any legislation that needs the word "Patriot" attached to it
means somebody is going to get fucked, but no, everybody was sufficiently
scared, and so they not only voted for it, but bragged about it afterwards.
The Patriot Act. The Patriot Hunt. The Patriot Burnings. The Patriot
Lynchings. One imagines all sorts of fantastic legislation will follow the
Patriot Act, if only we become scared enough.
Right after 9/11, it appeared that most of the Al-Qaeda terrorists were
being supported by a nation-state of thugs who ruled Afghanistan. The
logical thing to do to fight terrorism was to invade Afghanistan, remove the
thugs, and then go after the terrorist cells imbedded in nations around the
world using infiltration, spy techniques, police efforts, and ways to
disrupt their money laundering.
So what did our President do? He invaded Iraq. He created a few million new
terrorists and gave them a new unstable anarchic nation-state in which to
recruit, train, arm and thrive. Cool. Long live terror!
That's because the Republicans long ago figured this one out:
AS LONG AS WE'RE SCARED, WE'LL VOTE REPUBLICAN, the party of the tough guys,
the macho men, the uber-studs, the military-industrial tit-minders, the
neo-cons, the party of the Hawks in Humvees. (John Wayne died for your sins.
You'll take my gun when you pry my cold dead finger from the trigger -- and
other such born-again Christian sentiments.)
And as if Bush hadn't spread enough TERROR among Americans (making him a
what, kids?), the other day, our President George W. Bush told reporters
that he fully expects another major attack on American soil before the
November election.
No embarrassing future hearings asking what they were doing on this one, eh?
Not with that "Cover Your Ass" statement to an Associated Press convention!
"I told them there'd be an attack! I told the editors of AP at that dinner
in April! It was our highest priority! I warned you, America!"
No, we're in a war, and unlike other great leaders, Bush doesn't tell us
that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. --- And no, unlike other
"wars", we're not asked to sacrifice anything other than our peace of mind.
No gas rationing, no meat coupons, no steel collection drives by the Little
Rascals, no "turn in your nylon stockings" days down at the Junior League in
Crawford, Texas. Nope. Buy a Hummer. Invest in Halliburton, keep shopping,
stay terrified, and vote for Bush.
As if we weren't scared enough, Bob Woodward asked Bush if he consulted his
father on the war in Iraq. Bush replied that he got advice from a HIGHER
Father, a cosmic dude who apparently whispers sweet nothings in his ear
about invading other nations, spreading democracy, remaking the Middle East,
and expediting the fucking Apocalypse.
It's scary enough to have a born-again Christian with one hand on the red
nukes button and the other hand flipping through "The Book of Revelations",
but now the guy has a direct line to God Almighty. And unlike those heathen
animals who place calls to a lesser god named "Allah", he is never put on
"HOLD". Never. God not only has call waiting, but he has a video-conference
capability; He can talk to Pat Robertson, Ralph Reed, Judge Moore, and
George W. Bush at the same time.
In contrast to that, Democratic candidate John Kerry can't even get his guy
the Pope to stop making ads for Bush and the Right To Lifers. He can't even
get a friggin' Cardinal in Boston to return his calls.
One would hope that when it comes to The End of The World, God doesn't need
any outside help, but I'm not sure Bush doesn't see that as part of his job
description.
And as if all that weren't enough to keep you huddled under your bed sucking
your thumb and crying for Mommy, how about this:
Bob Woodward: "President Bush, how will history remember your war in Iraq?"
Bush: "History, what do I care...we'll all be dead!"
I suggest that be the new Republican slogan, the main plank in the
reelection campaign, and a replacement for "In God We Trust" and "God Bless
America."
"WHAT DO I CARE... WE'LL ALL BE DEAD!"
We'll all be dead.
We'll all be...
dead.
Indeed.
because my President constantly reminds me.
Shortly after 9/11, Bush and Co. instituted a "color coded" scare alert to
let me and my fellow Americans know just how scared we should be; its called
the "Terrorist Threat Level" and comes in various pretty, almost soothing
colors. This color code not only made it easier to alert the American
public, but it effectively requisitioned the rainbow, taking it back from
those pesky gay troublemakers (who had turned a symbol of Utopia in Kansas
to a symbol of utopia for people used to getting the shit beat out of 'em
for what they do behind closed doors with consenting adults; Now when Judy
Garland sings, "Somewhere over the Rainbow," we can imagine a post-9/11
civilian bomb shelter instead of a gay disco party. Damn right.)
Terrorist Threat Alert. Scary Rainbow. That's better.
Then we had White House spokesman Ari "I studied Himmler" Fleischer warning
Americans to "be careful" what they say.
That was scary, too. As a matter of fact, the last time a flaccid,
frustrated right-wing bald guy uttered those words, Italy joined the Evil
Axis, brown shirts became a really IN fashion statement among ruthless
killers, and the world spent the next seven years at war.
Then along came "The Patriot Act" -- which is about the scariest phrase
since "Big Brother is Watching" -- except that was a fictional invention
created to frighten the reader, and this happened to be paraded in front of
God and the nation as something to be proud of.
You know that any legislation that needs the word "Patriot" attached to it
means somebody is going to get fucked, but no, everybody was sufficiently
scared, and so they not only voted for it, but bragged about it afterwards.
The Patriot Act. The Patriot Hunt. The Patriot Burnings. The Patriot
Lynchings. One imagines all sorts of fantastic legislation will follow the
Patriot Act, if only we become scared enough.
Right after 9/11, it appeared that most of the Al-Qaeda terrorists were
being supported by a nation-state of thugs who ruled Afghanistan. The
logical thing to do to fight terrorism was to invade Afghanistan, remove the
thugs, and then go after the terrorist cells imbedded in nations around the
world using infiltration, spy techniques, police efforts, and ways to
disrupt their money laundering.
So what did our President do? He invaded Iraq. He created a few million new
terrorists and gave them a new unstable anarchic nation-state in which to
recruit, train, arm and thrive. Cool. Long live terror!
That's because the Republicans long ago figured this one out:
AS LONG AS WE'RE SCARED, WE'LL VOTE REPUBLICAN, the party of the tough guys,
the macho men, the uber-studs, the military-industrial tit-minders, the
neo-cons, the party of the Hawks in Humvees. (John Wayne died for your sins.
You'll take my gun when you pry my cold dead finger from the trigger -- and
other such born-again Christian sentiments.)
And as if Bush hadn't spread enough TERROR among Americans (making him a
what, kids?), the other day, our President George W. Bush told reporters
that he fully expects another major attack on American soil before the
November election.
No embarrassing future hearings asking what they were doing on this one, eh?
Not with that "Cover Your Ass" statement to an Associated Press convention!
"I told them there'd be an attack! I told the editors of AP at that dinner
in April! It was our highest priority! I warned you, America!"
No, we're in a war, and unlike other great leaders, Bush doesn't tell us
that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. --- And no, unlike other
"wars", we're not asked to sacrifice anything other than our peace of mind.
No gas rationing, no meat coupons, no steel collection drives by the Little
Rascals, no "turn in your nylon stockings" days down at the Junior League in
Crawford, Texas. Nope. Buy a Hummer. Invest in Halliburton, keep shopping,
stay terrified, and vote for Bush.
As if we weren't scared enough, Bob Woodward asked Bush if he consulted his
father on the war in Iraq. Bush replied that he got advice from a HIGHER
Father, a cosmic dude who apparently whispers sweet nothings in his ear
about invading other nations, spreading democracy, remaking the Middle East,
and expediting the fucking Apocalypse.
It's scary enough to have a born-again Christian with one hand on the red
nukes button and the other hand flipping through "The Book of Revelations",
but now the guy has a direct line to God Almighty. And unlike those heathen
animals who place calls to a lesser god named "Allah", he is never put on
"HOLD". Never. God not only has call waiting, but he has a video-conference
capability; He can talk to Pat Robertson, Ralph Reed, Judge Moore, and
George W. Bush at the same time.
In contrast to that, Democratic candidate John Kerry can't even get his guy
the Pope to stop making ads for Bush and the Right To Lifers. He can't even
get a friggin' Cardinal in Boston to return his calls.
One would hope that when it comes to The End of The World, God doesn't need
any outside help, but I'm not sure Bush doesn't see that as part of his job
description.
And as if all that weren't enough to keep you huddled under your bed sucking
your thumb and crying for Mommy, how about this:
Bob Woodward: "President Bush, how will history remember your war in Iraq?"
Bush: "History, what do I care...we'll all be dead!"
I suggest that be the new Republican slogan, the main plank in the
reelection campaign, and a replacement for "In God We Trust" and "God Bless
America."
"WHAT DO I CARE... WE'LL ALL BE DEAD!"
We'll all be dead.
We'll all be...
dead.
Indeed.
Posted: Sun - April 25, 2004 at 05:25 PM