Quick Links
Calendar
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
Stupid Mission Statement
Click here for your introduction to the Museum of Stupidity Stupid Links
Links to really stupid sites. Please feel free to visit these sites and torment the nitwits who run them. It's fun, and let's face it, it's why they were put on Earth in the first place
Bill O'Reilly's pageAnn Coulter's page
Free Republic
The truly moronic Mickey Kaus
Jen Martinez
Megga Ditto Dipshit
Non-Stupid Links
Links to sites that we love, even though they aren't stupid
Brian Flemming's WeblogAltercation
Daily Kos
Tom Tomorrow
Oliver Willis
The Daily Howler
Incredible site about Ninjas
despair.com
The Apologist
Surplus Culture
Low Culture
Archives
XML/RSS Feed
Site Meter
Statistics
Total entries in this blog:
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Apr 09, 2004 09:13 AM
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Apr 09, 2004 09:13 AM
I resign
Exhibit designed by the docent
Shark
Okay.
Over the last few days, I became a convert.
I realized that the only time we're going to see crowds cheering in the
streets of Iraq is when they're hanging a burned American body part on a
bridge as sort of an Islamic/Neanderthal Maypole celebration.
So I spent yesterday in my attic digging out and dusting off my old "BRING
OUR BOYS HOME" signs from 1968.
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
The latest mindless catch-phrase is, "Well, we're over there and we have to
finish the job." You hear it from everybody, liberals, Dems, Neo-Cons,
Repubs, little old ladies, and motard MTV types. I figure if everybody is
saying it, it must be wrong. They're hypnotized.
"We must finish the job!"
Everybody seems to have forgotten: WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE
FIRST PLACE. IT WASN'T OUR JOB, so why finish it?
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
I mean, what are you people waiting for? Democracy?
We 'give' them democracy, who the hell do you think they're going to "vote"
for?
In case you haven't noticed, they're voting every day, except instead of a
fake count like we had in Florida, they're using roadside bombs, mass
marches, and burned dead Americans.
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
Oh, and did I mention: WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Especially when Bush & Co. had everything planned except the days and months
and years after "liberation."
We'll never win this with 130,000 military. I doubt that we could win it
with half a million. Imagine a foreign army occupying California. Jeesus,
give 'em AK-47s and RPGs, and the Crips and Bloods alone could kick the ass
of any army in the world!
No, we won't win in Iraq; not in a year or a decade. It's a no-win, folks.
It's a fantasy, like giving 'democracy' to a country filled with Islamic
nutbars.
So at the current rate, eventually Bush Jr. will have to drop a few H-bombs
and incinerate Iraq just to save face and show that even testicles are
bigger in Texas; it's only a matter of time.
The end game in Iraq is a nuclear bomb. Trust me. (Hey, you trusted George,
why can't you trust me?)
Do we do it sooner -- or later?
(Or better yet, maybe Bush and Cheney should dress up in those little
flight-suit costumes and go over there show us how it's supposed to be done:
They can put on cowboy hats and ride the Big One from the bomb-bay of a B-52
all the way onto Main Street in Fallujah. They wanted it so bad, let those
criminals die for it. Slim Pickens would have. And George already HAS a
cowboy hat!)
REPORTER: "President Bush, now that weapons of mass destruction -- your main
justification for going to war in Iraq -- appear to be non-existent, what
possible reason can you have for putting American lives at risk and draining
the American treasury?"
PRES. BUSH: "umm... um... I can no longer sit back and allow infiltration,
indoctrination, subversion, and an international conspiracy to sap and
impurify all of our precious bodily fluids! Yee-haw!"
================================
Okay, maybe 'nook-yul-er' weapons are a bit of an overreaction on my part.
LET'S JUST GET OUT OF IRAQ.
Why the hell do we have to 'finish the job'?
We do what American CEOs do when their companies start sliding toward an
economic implosion: We simply resign. Leave it for somebody else to clean
up. Fuck the 'employees.' Fuck the 'stockholders.'
Fuck everybody; let's go home. I resign.
And it's real simple: Here's how you do it;
You say:
"This wasn't what I expected."
"I don't see that this position has any real opportunities for me in the
future."
"I want to spend more time with my family."
"I no longer share a common vision with my subordinates."
"I have health issues I need to address."
See how easy that is?
But people say, "SHARK! We can't do that! We can't JUST LEAVE IRAQ to the
insurgents, the terrorists, and the civil wars!"
"Why?" I ask.
"Because... we just... can't."
"Then," I say, "let's quit screwing around and just bomb them off the map
and get it over with."
"No," they say, "That does tend to make it easier to win, but we are trying
to take the high road and not 'bomb them into dust', 'hearts and minds' and
all that -- this is why we are experiencing a higher mortality rate. You
liberal wimps must be patient."
"Gee," I say, "kinda sounds like politics is restraining an all-out military
victory. Hmm, when was the last time we heard that? mmm... lemme think... Oh
yeah, VIETNAM!"
"SO, SHARK, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST? Just should nuke the fuckers? Or
daisy-cutter major Sunni cities into rubble? Or MOAB Baghdad? Look, I know
you don't think we should have been there in the first place. That's a
reasonable opinion. But we ARE there. So what do we do now, SHARK?
...A) Nuke 'em all?
B) Bomb civilians without any remorse?
C) Do what we're doing now, avoiding civilian casualities while going after
extremists?
D) Run away like a French school-boy and scream "We're sorry! We're
sorry!"??
Which is it? Or do you have another option?"
And I answer: "OF COURSE I'VE GOT AN OPTION!"
== Shark's Solution to Iraq ==
phase 1: EXIT IMMEDIATELY.
phase 2: Line the entire Iraqi border with land mines, barbed wire, and a
gigantic wall (built by Halliburton, of course).
phase 3: Step back and watch.
phase 4: Videotape the results from various vantage points along the wall:
sell it on late night cable as "Iraqis Gone Wild". Give profits to families
of the 9/11 dead and casualties from Bush's Blunder.
By the way: I'll be announcing my candidacy for President of the United
States for the 2004 election.
Okay.
Over the last few days, I became a convert.
I realized that the only time we're going to see crowds cheering in the
streets of Iraq is when they're hanging a burned American body part on a
bridge as sort of an Islamic/Neanderthal Maypole celebration.
So I spent yesterday in my attic digging out and dusting off my old "BRING
OUR BOYS HOME" signs from 1968.
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
The latest mindless catch-phrase is, "Well, we're over there and we have to
finish the job." You hear it from everybody, liberals, Dems, Neo-Cons,
Repubs, little old ladies, and motard MTV types. I figure if everybody is
saying it, it must be wrong. They're hypnotized.
"We must finish the job!"
Everybody seems to have forgotten: WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE
FIRST PLACE. IT WASN'T OUR JOB, so why finish it?
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
I mean, what are you people waiting for? Democracy?
We 'give' them democracy, who the hell do you think they're going to "vote"
for?
In case you haven't noticed, they're voting every day, except instead of a
fake count like we had in Florida, they're using roadside bombs, mass
marches, and burned dead Americans.
"GET OUT OF IRAQ!"
Oh, and did I mention: WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Especially when Bush & Co. had everything planned except the days and months
and years after "liberation."
We'll never win this with 130,000 military. I doubt that we could win it
with half a million. Imagine a foreign army occupying California. Jeesus,
give 'em AK-47s and RPGs, and the Crips and Bloods alone could kick the ass
of any army in the world!
No, we won't win in Iraq; not in a year or a decade. It's a no-win, folks.
It's a fantasy, like giving 'democracy' to a country filled with Islamic
nutbars.
So at the current rate, eventually Bush Jr. will have to drop a few H-bombs
and incinerate Iraq just to save face and show that even testicles are
bigger in Texas; it's only a matter of time.
The end game in Iraq is a nuclear bomb. Trust me. (Hey, you trusted George,
why can't you trust me?)
Do we do it sooner -- or later?
(Or better yet, maybe Bush and Cheney should dress up in those little
flight-suit costumes and go over there show us how it's supposed to be done:
They can put on cowboy hats and ride the Big One from the bomb-bay of a B-52
all the way onto Main Street in Fallujah. They wanted it so bad, let those
criminals die for it. Slim Pickens would have. And George already HAS a
cowboy hat!)
REPORTER: "President Bush, now that weapons of mass destruction -- your main
justification for going to war in Iraq -- appear to be non-existent, what
possible reason can you have for putting American lives at risk and draining
the American treasury?"
PRES. BUSH: "umm... um... I can no longer sit back and allow infiltration,
indoctrination, subversion, and an international conspiracy to sap and
impurify all of our precious bodily fluids! Yee-haw!"
================================
Okay, maybe 'nook-yul-er' weapons are a bit of an overreaction on my part.
LET'S JUST GET OUT OF IRAQ.
Why the hell do we have to 'finish the job'?
We do what American CEOs do when their companies start sliding toward an
economic implosion: We simply resign. Leave it for somebody else to clean
up. Fuck the 'employees.' Fuck the 'stockholders.'
Fuck everybody; let's go home. I resign.
And it's real simple: Here's how you do it;
You say:
"This wasn't what I expected."
"I don't see that this position has any real opportunities for me in the
future."
"I want to spend more time with my family."
"I no longer share a common vision with my subordinates."
"I have health issues I need to address."
See how easy that is?
But people say, "SHARK! We can't do that! We can't JUST LEAVE IRAQ to the
insurgents, the terrorists, and the civil wars!"
"Why?" I ask.
"Because... we just... can't."
"Then," I say, "let's quit screwing around and just bomb them off the map
and get it over with."
"No," they say, "That does tend to make it easier to win, but we are trying
to take the high road and not 'bomb them into dust', 'hearts and minds' and
all that -- this is why we are experiencing a higher mortality rate. You
liberal wimps must be patient."
"Gee," I say, "kinda sounds like politics is restraining an all-out military
victory. Hmm, when was the last time we heard that? mmm... lemme think... Oh
yeah, VIETNAM!"
"SO, SHARK, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST? Just should nuke the fuckers? Or
daisy-cutter major Sunni cities into rubble? Or MOAB Baghdad? Look, I know
you don't think we should have been there in the first place. That's a
reasonable opinion. But we ARE there. So what do we do now, SHARK?
...A) Nuke 'em all?
B) Bomb civilians without any remorse?
C) Do what we're doing now, avoiding civilian casualities while going after
extremists?
D) Run away like a French school-boy and scream "We're sorry! We're
sorry!"??
Which is it? Or do you have another option?"
And I answer: "OF COURSE I'VE GOT AN OPTION!"
== Shark's Solution to Iraq ==
phase 1: EXIT IMMEDIATELY.
phase 2: Line the entire Iraqi border with land mines, barbed wire, and a
gigantic wall (built by Halliburton, of course).
phase 3: Step back and watch.
phase 4: Videotape the results from various vantage points along the wall:
sell it on late night cable as "Iraqis Gone Wild". Give profits to families
of the 9/11 dead and casualties from Bush's Blunder.
By the way: I'll be announcing my candidacy for President of the United
States for the 2004 election.
Posted: Fri - April 9, 2004 at 08:59 AM