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Published On: Mar 26, 2004 06:42 PM
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Published On: Mar 26, 2004 06:42 PM
Passion Weirdness
For the SECOND time, this early piece on The
Passion, by Shark, has been somehow removed
from the archives . Every other goddam thing we've put up is still
there, but this one keeps disappearing. So, until we know why, we'll keep
presenting it to you, because, what the hell, it's funny as shit.
Here's the text of the second posting of this thing:
---
For some reason, the link to the "Passion Fruit" entry has died. Every other link here works, but not the one to our scintillating and scathing commentary on Mel Gibson's new movie about Jesus. If we were Mel Gibson, we might take this as a sign that a conspiracy is afoot and someone's out to get us. But we're not, as our wives and girlfriends are happy to remind us on a daily basis.
So anyway, here's the original post, just in time to capitalize on the Passion Fever that will surely sweep the nation on Ash Wednesday! Personally, we can't wait for the Happy Meal tie-in. For one month only, a single Filet-O-Fish sandwich will feed a hundred!
---
Exhibit designed by Docent Shark
In Mel Gibson’s new movie "The Passion", Justin Timberlake portrays a Roman
Centurion who rips off Antonio Banderas' breechcloth during a climactic
final moment in the crucifixion.
Meanwhile, Mary Magdalene, played by a tearful Anna Nicole-Smith, is
consoled by Jesus' mother, Mary, played by Madonna (of course)---who plants
a long French-kiss on her collagen-filled lips as the two mournful babes
stare in horror.
Okay, that doesn't really happen, but it's hard to imagine that Mel Gibson
could have ANY more free publicity for his soon-to-be-released film based on
questionable accounts of the last day of Christ.
Ironically, the bulk of the publicity is coming from Jews and Jewish
organizations who aren't thrilled with the film and its portrayal of their
"race" as "The Guys Who Screwed God's Son". (Apparently, the New Testament
was written BEFORE the Jews controlled all the media!)
But hey, let's be honest: being the whipping boys throughout Western
History---and losing 6 million people during the 1940s does not necessarily
justify irrational paranoia decades later, does it? I mean, it's time for
these oversensitive Jews to chill out, buck-up, move on, get over it, and
don't be so grumpy about a silly little movie portraying them as the killers
of the Savior of Mankind. Sheesh.
Gibson has defended his portrayal of Jews cheering Christ's death sentence
at the hands of a Yiddish Kangaroo Court as being HISTORICALLY ACCURATE
because it was based on the writings of Matthew.
Basing anything on ANY PART OF THE BIBLE and calling it historically
accurate is like saying the movie "The Santa Clause" is an accurate
portrayal of the life of Santa based on the historical accuracy of the poem
"The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Moore. In other words, if you want
to learn about Easter, just ask the Easter Bunny. (If you can find him...)
I know you WANT to believe the Bible is the "literal word of God", but the
synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) are a mess of mistakes,
contradictions, and outright fictionalized docu-drama lies and inventions.
(You think CBS did a bad job with the Ronald Reagan Story!?)
But hey, that's okay: John Wayne had his 'Alamo' and Mel Gibson can have his
"Passion".
This bloody epic is said to be one of the most violent films ever made, but
that won't stop thousands of conservative church leaders from jumping on the
bandwagon and sending busloads of young children and teenagers to see the
movie. Christian evangelicals have never been opposed to using the ol'
"SCARED STRAIGHT" techniques when it comes time to pass around the plate.
(Note to Parents: Shark's Universal Law #32 states that:
"ALL Youth Ministers are Pederasts"
---so act accordingly.)
Anyway, for those interested in a HYPOCRISY and cultural context, in 1972,
Clockwork Orange was the first movie in history to receive a XXX rating for
violence---but the ULTRA-VIOLENCE in this upcoming RIGHT-WING
CHRISTIAN/CONSERVATIVE BLOCKBUSTER makes Alex and his Droogs look like the
Teletubbies.)
Ultra-violence is bad when it's in a 'secular' movie or a mindless video
game, but when it comes to propaganda for the "flock" (euphemism for
"sheep"), there are NO RULES.
For the best review of "The Passion"---one doesn't have to turn to Michael
Medved for God's official opinion: THE POPE was shown a copy of "The
Passion"---after which he said: "It is as it was," and gave a VERY jittery
TWO-THUMBS UP.
Of course, it was *Gibson's company that spread this "Good News", but I
don't believe those *LIARS for a second!
The Pope can't hold his head up for two hours straight.
*Thou Shalt Not Lie
----
The Curator would like to chime in here with a small codicil/correction to Shark's rant - The best review of the film so far did NOT come from the Pope incident, but from a higher source than that. Apparently three people who worked on the film, including star Jim Caveziel, were struck by lighting during production.
The Curator would also like to provide this link to Mel's comments as to whether or not the Holocaust actually happened, and in so doing, would like to suggest that if the acting/directing thing doesn't work out, Mel always has a future as a high wire artist:
http://tbogg.blogspot.com/2004_01_01_tbogg_archive.html#107548927207066690
Here's the text of the second posting of this thing:
---
For some reason, the link to the "Passion Fruit" entry has died. Every other link here works, but not the one to our scintillating and scathing commentary on Mel Gibson's new movie about Jesus. If we were Mel Gibson, we might take this as a sign that a conspiracy is afoot and someone's out to get us. But we're not, as our wives and girlfriends are happy to remind us on a daily basis.
So anyway, here's the original post, just in time to capitalize on the Passion Fever that will surely sweep the nation on Ash Wednesday! Personally, we can't wait for the Happy Meal tie-in. For one month only, a single Filet-O-Fish sandwich will feed a hundred!
---
Exhibit designed by Docent Shark
In Mel Gibson’s new movie "The Passion", Justin Timberlake portrays a Roman
Centurion who rips off Antonio Banderas' breechcloth during a climactic
final moment in the crucifixion.
Meanwhile, Mary Magdalene, played by a tearful Anna Nicole-Smith, is
consoled by Jesus' mother, Mary, played by Madonna (of course)---who plants
a long French-kiss on her collagen-filled lips as the two mournful babes
stare in horror.
Okay, that doesn't really happen, but it's hard to imagine that Mel Gibson
could have ANY more free publicity for his soon-to-be-released film based on
questionable accounts of the last day of Christ.
Ironically, the bulk of the publicity is coming from Jews and Jewish
organizations who aren't thrilled with the film and its portrayal of their
"race" as "The Guys Who Screwed God's Son". (Apparently, the New Testament
was written BEFORE the Jews controlled all the media!)
But hey, let's be honest: being the whipping boys throughout Western
History---and losing 6 million people during the 1940s does not necessarily
justify irrational paranoia decades later, does it? I mean, it's time for
these oversensitive Jews to chill out, buck-up, move on, get over it, and
don't be so grumpy about a silly little movie portraying them as the killers
of the Savior of Mankind. Sheesh.
Gibson has defended his portrayal of Jews cheering Christ's death sentence
at the hands of a Yiddish Kangaroo Court as being HISTORICALLY ACCURATE
because it was based on the writings of Matthew.
Basing anything on ANY PART OF THE BIBLE and calling it historically
accurate is like saying the movie "The Santa Clause" is an accurate
portrayal of the life of Santa based on the historical accuracy of the poem
"The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Moore. In other words, if you want
to learn about Easter, just ask the Easter Bunny. (If you can find him...)
I know you WANT to believe the Bible is the "literal word of God", but the
synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) are a mess of mistakes,
contradictions, and outright fictionalized docu-drama lies and inventions.
(You think CBS did a bad job with the Ronald Reagan Story!?)
But hey, that's okay: John Wayne had his 'Alamo' and Mel Gibson can have his
"Passion".
This bloody epic is said to be one of the most violent films ever made, but
that won't stop thousands of conservative church leaders from jumping on the
bandwagon and sending busloads of young children and teenagers to see the
movie. Christian evangelicals have never been opposed to using the ol'
"SCARED STRAIGHT" techniques when it comes time to pass around the plate.
(Note to Parents: Shark's Universal Law #32 states that:
"ALL Youth Ministers are Pederasts"
---so act accordingly.)
Anyway, for those interested in a HYPOCRISY and cultural context, in 1972,
Clockwork Orange was the first movie in history to receive a XXX rating for
violence---but the ULTRA-VIOLENCE in this upcoming RIGHT-WING
CHRISTIAN/CONSERVATIVE BLOCKBUSTER makes Alex and his Droogs look like the
Teletubbies.)
Ultra-violence is bad when it's in a 'secular' movie or a mindless video
game, but when it comes to propaganda for the "flock" (euphemism for
"sheep"), there are NO RULES.
For the best review of "The Passion"---one doesn't have to turn to Michael
Medved for God's official opinion: THE POPE was shown a copy of "The
Passion"---after which he said: "It is as it was," and gave a VERY jittery
TWO-THUMBS UP.
Of course, it was *Gibson's company that spread this "Good News", but I
don't believe those *LIARS for a second!
The Pope can't hold his head up for two hours straight.
*Thou Shalt Not Lie
----
The Curator would like to chime in here with a small codicil/correction to Shark's rant - The best review of the film so far did NOT come from the Pope incident, but from a higher source than that. Apparently three people who worked on the film, including star Jim Caveziel, were struck by lighting during production.
The Curator would also like to provide this link to Mel's comments as to whether or not the Holocaust actually happened, and in so doing, would like to suggest that if the acting/directing thing doesn't work out, Mel always has a future as a high wire artist:
http://tbogg.blogspot.com/2004_01_01_tbogg_archive.html#107548927207066690
Posted: Fri - March 26, 2004 at 06:42 PM