TAP WATER

1999 New York International Independent Film Festival - Best New Filmmaker (Feature)

Wayne Russo (Jayson Pasquarella) and Tech Barton (Jon Licata) run a Hollywood talent management company out of their home. In keeping with their aggressive approach, WIT Management is an acronym for "'Whatever It Takes", a philosophy they abide by in an effort to break into the big leagues after three years of barely getting by. Fortunately, Wayne's casual affair with a sex starved Hollywood power broker named Tracey Banning (Teri Apple) may finally pay off. Tracey is VP of Production for "The Studio", and is producing the next big budget James Bond film "The Man Who Hung the Moon". In exchange, for his company, Tracey promises Wayne exclusive casting privileges for the coveted role of Wah Tah Tung, the next irresistible Bond babe.

The front-runner for the role is a bitchy Asian transient, Caroline No (Delphine Pacific), who drops by WIT Management following her final interview with the director and producers. Caroline excuses herself to the bathroom just as Wayne and Tech receive a call from Tracey. Wayne hangs up and erupts, "She got the part!" At that very moment. Caroline's lungs seize as she inhales an enormous mound of cocaine. She dies against the bathroom wall in a flurry of white powder as the guys blend strawberry Margaritas in the Kitchen, oblivious to anything out of the ordinary.

Meanwhile, a benign old ex-mafia friend and neighbor, Old School Kitty (Robert Blumenthal) slips into WIT to use the bathroom, a daily ritual. Using a cane to steady himself, Kitty discovers Caroline's body and dutifully informs the guys. Confusion and chaos ensue as Wayne and Tech grapple with what to do. Kitty offers a solution that may work, given the guys are prepared to give up drinking tap water.

As the three struggle carrying the dead body down the stairs, they are ambushed by an overly amped and armoying actress wannabe, Blanche Bittere (Hilaire Masi). Apparently, she is convinced that she's the ideal choice for the Bond babe (despite the fact she's not of Asian descent). Wayne manages to sate her and send her on her way without arousing suspicion despite the fact that Tech is trying to single-handely support Caroline's limp body.

They drive to the Hollywood reservoir and dump Caroline's body into the murky depths of the city's primary water supply. Wayne remains convinced that they can and will find a way to deliver a suitable replacement to The Studio within twenty four hours... whatever it takes. Tech isn't so sure.  Also stars Desi Doyen, Steve Hedden (Color/87 min./Rated R)

• Produced by Jon Licata and Jayson Pasquarella
• Directed by Oliver Darrow
• Arriflex BL4 camera and Zeiss lenses by Otto Nemenz International
• Color negative film stock by Fuji Film