by Maggie Hettinger
August, 1997
last updated November 7, 1998
LTT is not gone, but he and Rand are becoming one integrated person, the Dragon Reborn (similar to the concept of humans being two persons, right-brain, left-brain, in one). Here's a brief synopsis of how it happened.
Rand is the Dragon Reborn. In Book 3, The Dragon Reborn, Rand accepted the duty of being the Dragon Reborn, but he had not accepted the reality of being Lews Therin Telemon reborn. And he must do this if he is going to defeat the Dark One.
Everybody in the Wheel of Time world is somebody reborn, but people are usually pretty much unconscious of their previous personalities. The taint on saidin seems to break down the barrier between them, and this problem of more than one conscious person in one body seems to be part of the madness that affects male channelers.
For Rand, the problem seems worst when the two personalities mix together, screwing up all his instincts and reactions, both physical and emotional. This is a major cause of the anger and rage that become so prevalent in his character.
Sometimes, Rand is able to deal with this problem of emerging awareness of LTT's soul (personality?) by hearing LTT speak as a voice in his head. It's an unconscious defense that lets Rand reject that other personality when he needs to. This makes it possible for him to keep LTT separate, and claim his body as his own.
Rand is definitely walking the edge of madness, with uncontrollable anger and other emotional upset, constantly wrestling for control with LTT, the personality that is becoming strong enough and aware enough to influence him.
All of this comes to a head on page 331 of Crown of Swords, when Cadsuane asks Rand whether he hears voices, then tells him that hearing voices is part of the madness. Rand doesn't hear the voice of LTT after this. Here's the reason: Cadsuane has identified his unconscious defense mechanism, brought his attention to it in a different way. After she calls it madness, making him aware of it, making him think about it differently, he can't do it anymore.
Now he's worse off. He still has this problem of two personalities, added to the other difficulties of being the Dragon Reborn. He doesn't have a way to deal with it, yet he can't escape. The duty is still there.
That unfocused rage inside him settles on his self-image. He hurls away the Dragon scepter, smashes the Dragon throne, breaks the mirrors in the room, and goes into a real funk. Min breaks through all this, treats him like a person, (thank you, Min) and they *comfort* each other.
Afterwards, Rand's reaction to the comforting seems all out of proportion, unless you consider that his and Min's off-screen action must have been more violent (or perhaps just more mature) than anything Rand considered acceptable, AND unless you realize that more was going on than just an excess of hormones and passion. Rand lost control, and what he lost control to was the LTT part of himself. (All along, LTT seems to be a lot lustier than Rand, and he's certainly more experienced.) This is a big part of what Rand can't accept, what makes an emotional and sexual interaction that was totally acceptable to Min seem abominable to Rand.
There's more to it than that, though. Rand and LTT are coexisting but the result is uneven, unhappy, insane. Since losing "LTT's voice", Rand has lost much of his ability to be the dominant personality. His subconscious is a battlefield, and he spends those next days and nights (after Cadsuane's visit) unable to sleep except to be overwhelmed by nightmares. He refuses to see anyone, less because of ordinary anger or shame, than because suddenly he has no "self" to put on, no identity to wear in public, a feeling more naked (more shameful) than most of us can imagine.
While he hides away from everyone, Rand says over and over, "I am the Dragon Reborn". He is tormented by it. He seems to be wallowing in a very LTT-influenced frame of mind. "What a fool he had been to want to live past Tarmon Gai'don. He did not deserve to." Crown of Swords (522)
How many times had LTT's voice said, "Let me die. I deserve only death"? In the past, it had been LTT's voice, and Rand only had to listen to it. He can't make that distinction any more, so the death-wish is part of himself and it's dragging him under.
Min comes to Rand, talks to him. (Why didn't they talk sooner?) She tells him she loves him, and that Elayne and Aviendha love him, too. This is a tremendous thing, because he is a person who has a lot of love to give, but thinks that as the Dragon Reborn, he is both unworthy and unable to give it. He's certainly had very little hope of any love being returned. Suddenly, out of the blue, he finds out that not only Min, but all three girls love him. It's the best thing that has happened to him in years, and it anchors his self-image to something good, for a change. This revelation triggers the turning point for Rand and LTT.
It happens on page 525 of A Crown of Swords, Chapter 33 (A Bath):
"I won't go, Rand," she said quietly.
After that, there is a shift in the way Rand talks and acts. He even seems to move differently. And Robert Jordan states, over and over, that the difference is significant.
Min grumbles, "You're in love with the Dragon Reborn, Min Farshaw, and best you remember it. Best you did too, Rand."
Rand agrees to see the Sea Folk, whom he had been avoiding because he had wanted to protect them from being tangled in the prophecies of the Dragon. He goes so far opposite as to say that "now the Sea Folk can kneel to the Dragon Reborn in all his splendor." (A Crown of Swords p.526)
Rand asks for Min's viewing, and Min tells him, "I saw you and another man. I couldn't make out either face, but I knew one was you. You touched, and seemed to merge into one another". She follows with her worries about which one dies, but Rand isn't bothered by that at all. He's grinning. He goes on to think, "One lived and one died, but he had known for a long time that he was going to die. " (A Crown of Swords, A Bath, pg. 526) (Something about this last statement lets the reader feel the one-ness in Rand. He takes her worries about two people, dismisses them as a sure thing for one person.)
Rand doesn't have any experience with the concepts of multiple personalities. He interprets Min's viewing as a sign that the voice was real, so he's jubilantly relieved. "At least he was not mad. Or not as mad as he had feared." (A Crown of Swords p.526)
The chapter ends with the bath with Min and the Maidens. It states, "Rand al'Thor" (the personal Rand, the one who had previously owned the naked body) "might have been routed in a bathtub, but the Dragon Reborn was going to the Sea Folk in a style that would send them plummeting to their knees with awe." (A Crown of Swords p.528) Again, Jordan is restating and highlighting the change.
The next two chapters (Ta'veren and Into the Woods) describe Rand's manic assertion of himself as the Dragon Reborn. This is uppermost in Rand's mind and everyone else's. The chapters are loaded with Dragon symbolism (the word Dragon comes up 18 times) and full of ta'veren-ness, and after all, who could be more ta'veren than the Dragon Reborn when being fully himself, not fighting himself?
Note: In some ways, this whole business reminds me of those horrible parlor games, where there is a joke or trick that is hidden in full sight. (Chinese Numbers, I Take the Scissors Crossed and pass them Uncrossed, etc.) Once it is seen, it is so obvious that you can't believe you didn't get it right away. I think Jordan is telling us straight out, over and over, what happened here. --M.H.
Check it out for yourself. If you've lent your book to someone, you may never get it back. Just order a new one. Once you notice this stuff, it's like reading a new book.
Rand affects LTT, too. LTT has come back to consciousness in a world defined by Rand's character--his integrity, his warm humanness and original healthy outlook.
Rand's personality is dominant, but LTT is there, more and more. Only a few instances are shown in which LTT becomes dominant--once with Taim and the seal, once when Rand tests Taim's strength and LTT seizes saidin, and once when LTT speaks to Lanfear just before her death. These were examples of domination. One personality will exist, or the other. Rand is sure (and this is confirmed in Moiraine's letter to him), that if he stops fighting this battle, he will exist as a voice in Lews Therin Telamon's head, if that.
Integration requires something different than fighting for dominance. It requires a measure of control that is more subtle than complete rejection. At the end of Lord of Chaos, Rand learned new skills. Two things happened during Rand's stint in Galina's box: 1) Rand managed to "talk to" LTT when he needed to. 2) Rand learned to shut LTT up, damp the voice down to the buzzing of a fly. Perhaps the new relationship at the end of Crown of Swords is similar, including that ability to damp down the unpleasant and unstable aspects of LTT. That ability was something that had to develop before the two were going to be able to integrate successfully.
So, according to this theory, the madness could be (mostly) shut out,
meaning the Dragon Reborn is (mostly) sane. He still has to deal
with the evil of the taint, and more than a few job-related stress factors,
but as far as the integration, he's over the hump.
On page 95, something happens that a lot of readers have wondered about. (Rand questions it too, by the way.) When Mazrim Taim first meets Rand, he comes across as arrogant and cocksure, then suddenly changes and submits totally to Rand.
OK. Now look what happens right before and right after.
I'll start quoting just a little ahead, to give the flavor.
Rage rose up in Rand till his vision filmed red. He had spoken of things he should have no knowledge of, had probably birthed a dozen rumors about himself and the Forsaken, all to make this fellow's deeds seem less dark, and the man had the audacity to speak of compacts? Lews Therin raved in his head, Kill him! Kill him now! Kill him!For once Rand did not bother to quell the voice. "No compact!" he growled. "No partners! I am the Dragon Reborn, Taim! Me! If you have knowledge I can make use of, I will, but you will go where I say, do as I say, when I say."
Without a pause, Taim slipped to one knee. "I submit to the Dragon Reborn. I will serve and obey." The corners of his mouth quivered again in that almost smile as he rose. Tumad gaped at him.
"That fast?" Rand said softly. The rage was not gone; it was white hot. If he gave way, he was not sure what he would do. Lews Therin still babbled in the shadows of his head. Kill him! Must kill him! Rand pushed Lews Therin away, to a barely audible murmur.
Point 1: Rand talks and acts like he is going to act in A Crown of Swords where he visits the Sea Folk and Darlin and Caroline.
Point 2: Rand feels rage throughout the episode.
Point 3: The character change starts for the same reason--he consciously accepts Lews Therin, doesn't chase that part of himself away.
Point 4: The result is a very strong ta'veren reaction.
Point 5: Rand states plainly "I am the Dragon Reborn", and the dialogue and imagery that follows reinforces Dragon-ness, just like the chapters in A Crown of Swords.
The difference is in Lord of Chaos, Rand pushes Lews Therin away. In Crown of Swords, after chapter 33, he doesn't.
IMHO It's the most important thing that happens in A Crown of Swords. Rand has assimilated Lews Therin and become the Dragon Reborn. Tarmon Gaidon might be closer than we thought.
(For another example of foreshadowing, see the incident with Rand, Aviendha
and the Draghkar in The Fires of Heaven.
This example includes a similar mucked-up emotional reaction on Rand's
part. It's good to know there's a reason he acts that way.)
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Rand picks up his flute again after not playing for a long time.
However, if flute playing was something Lews Therin hadn't known, Rand wouldn't have played very well. His new self would have to play for a while to work out the coordination again.
It's possible that that's what all that sword practice in Lord of
Chaos was about. Rand said he did it to keep from thinking,
to keep his mind his own, but it might also have had the effect of letting
him integrate this new self on a physical level, long before any higher-level
integration was possible.
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Once I caught the dynamics of the integration, Rand's dialogue and action
became a fascinating interplay of two characters, one of whom is extremely
attractive, and the other a dangerous unknown.
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Read it again. You'll see. A Crown of Swords, by Robert
Jordan. Hardback
(if you want to look up the page numbers in this article) or Paperback.
Path of Daggers makes it clear that the process is not over, but just begun. Rand and Lews Therin have reached the point is which they are (both) becoming conscious of each other, but there's still plenty of tension on the unconscious level.
Nevertheless, the important things that have already happened are:
Path of Daggers provided a few surprises. Since Crown
of Swords ended with Rand and Lews Therin functioning fairly well as
the Dragon Reborn, it seemed feasable that LTT's voice wouldn't be heard
again. We see, though, how important Min is to this newfound
integration, and how fragile and incomplete it really is. In PoD,
Rand isn't functioning well, and eventually, LTT's lovable voice
comes back to torment him. Still, Path of Daggers is consistent
with the personality integration that happened in LoC and CoS.
First, I'll restate a little.
LTT's voice was (and still is) a coping mechanism for Rand to be able
to deal with a fully-developed personality (LTT's) that is reforming itself
within him.
At the end of Crown of Swords:
* Cadsuane messed up his ability to use this mechanism, mostly by making
him conscious of it
* Rand entered willingly into a situation (the "comforting") in which
ego is left behind--he interacted with Min on a level that he truly WAS
both Rand and LTT merged
* Since he couldn't distance himself from LTT, Rand went through a
very bad bout of Multiple Personality Disorder, hiding away from
everyone
* Largely because Min accepted him and gave him balance, he pulled
his self-image back together enough to function
* For the same reason, Rand stopped fighting becoming Lews Therin and
started being "the Dragon Reborn."
When we finally (!) get to see Rand in Path of Daggers,
* He has left Min behind. Not good.
* Rand has changed. He is planning battles, now, something he formerly delegated to others. He obviously knows what he's doing, because he is successful in the campaign he sets out. Even the scene with Callandor, which is such a personal disaster, actually succeeds in what it was intended to do, so bucking Bashere was a decision, not an insane risk. It was the kind of decision a battle leader would make on the spur of the moment.
* Taking hold of or turning loose of saidin causes double vision. This is new. It sounds like the jolt to his system kicks him back to two sets of senses.
* He is full of rage. The source of this rage, though, is the same as it was in CoS. It's the constant, nagging, screaming wrongness of two competing sets of social patterns within one person. No matter what Rand sees or does, everything affects him with the feeling that the world is wrong, he is wrong.
[This rage seems to need explanation. I think of it this way. Imagine being at work, trying to do a crucial job, and someone follows around behind you, moving all your stuff, picking up things you set down, and just generally screwing with everything, but you can't see this person, can't get away from them. Irritation magnified.
Or (this might be easy to identify with) picture that your computer, on which you depend utterly--an extension of yourself--doesn't put the right words in the right place, renames all your files, changes itself so that the dialup connection doesn't connect, your mail is screwed up, it crashes regularly, is always off doing things of its own. This is more than irritation, constant and irrepairable.
These are examples of situations in which actions that should be unconsciously smooth are suddenly frustrating to the extreme. They result in a fundamental feeling of irritation that can easily be provoked into something very much like rage.
Now try to make the conceptual leap from this small type of irritation to Rand's situation.]
There are interesting theories from linguistics and psychology that apply here. Since the interaction of different sets of cultural social patterns provide the essence of the whole WoT plot, it's not too surprising that Robert Jordan has gotten his main character into a situation where everything depends on how he deals with competing sets of internal social patterns. In linguistics, it has been proposed that every time a person speaks, he chooses from a (huge) set of dialects and possible statements. Rand has two separately-developed sets. No matter which one he uses, while both personalities are mixed in together, everything he says feels wrong, wrong, WRONG according to the other set.
The same is true with actions. All the thousands of small things we do, the unnoticed things, are done by having a repertoire of actions and a ranking system that has been developed, over time, to automatically decide which one to use. With Rand being aware now of TWO complete sets, the internal ranking system is all screwed up. It takes conscious effort to re-rank every tiny detail, every small movement, and decide what to do. With a centered self-image, such as Rand had for a little while with Min in CoS, these constant decisions would be likely to start to fall together, to mesh into a new pattern.
But he left Min for the worst possible situation--to be surrounded by people who hate him, who fear him, who despise him utterly, who want him dead. He's doing a job that he has commitment to, but no love for. The pain of those never-healing wounds is taking a constant toll as well.
With all this going on under his skin, his anger at the scheming and lying is difficult to control. His suspicion of others is constant. Both suspicion and anger are generally accepted as signs of madness. But in this case, they are not. Anyone would be angry, and he needs to be suspicious. He is aware of the danger. He worries about the "dreads". If he was too far gone, he wouldn't be worrying about it. He knows he needs to trust, but thereis no one to trust.
When he hears LTT's voice again, it's got to be an incredible relief. It's not a resurrection of anything. It's Rand's subconscious recreating that ability to separate himself, to defend itself from the constant internal battle. When he separates LTT into a disembodied voice, the double sets of patterns don't constantly come into play. The rage diminishes, and he's on a more even keel. This need for separation is shown on the conscious level as well, because he tells the voice he will die at TG as "me." (<sigh> One step forward, two steps back.)
In the later parts if PoD, after Rand hears LTT's voice again, we don't see rage or fury except for three cases--two in Illian, one in Cairhen--two of them situations in which LTT's voice is absent. ( The exception is the time that Rand has the desire to stab Lews Therin. <grin>)
It's interesting that Rand notices that LTT (the voice) is madder, angrier, and stronger. He also notes that the voice is seldom silent unless forced. But he can force it silent. For the most part, Rand has cause to be frustrated, but instead of the fury that characterized the early part of the book, the whole feeling is calmer, comparativelymore controlled.
Especially during that time of inseparability, when he isn't hearing the voice, a lot of integration happens. He takes on more of the abilities and mannerisms of Lews Therin. The planning of battles is probably the major one. He also seems to be more into pomp and ceremony and awareness of station. His suspicion of the Asha'man is an only slightly toned-down version of LTT's wanting to kill them. The arrogance comes from Lews Therin. LTT's thing about women is still strong, although it's interesting that Rand manages to protect himself from that one, if only a little. He doesn't go near the Seanchan prisoners so he won't see their faces.
When Rand comes back to meet Min, he smiles, thumbing his ear and humming a little. These are obvious LTT mannerisms. They don't bother Rand in this context, and don't bother Min. She loves all of him, and it is the Dragon Reborn that loves Min, not just Rand.
Rand hasn't BECOME Lews Therin. He's still hanging on to himself throughout it all. He's never lost himself so badly he hasn't recovered. Example: One of the major differences between Rand and all the other WOT characters is his ability to interact with people personally, without rank and custom getting in the way. This is still there, although we don't get to see it much. His relationship with the serving-women in Illian must be good. They obviously care about him. His relationship with some of the Asha'man is a personal one, in spite of his justifiable suspicion of them all. He admires the bowman who speaks for the Illianer army (Eagan Padros), keeps tabs on him and gives him a position of authority.
Still, he desperately needs some down-time to get this stuff worked out, and get everything under control. It could happen if he can stay with Min.
Perhaps in the next book there will be some insight into Lews Therin. LTT should be an interesting person in his own right, especially now that he's more sane (and he is). Maybe with Rand and Min on the road we'll find out who this Lews Therin person really is, and what potential there is for the Dragon Reborn.
Somebody noticed, and I think it's true, that if you look at the prologue, we only got half of Path of Daggers. I expect Mat is active in the second half of the book, the half that also contains Rand (and hopefully Min with him) running. We've seen the Fisher on black, strong in attack, but slow and vulnerable. The second half should be the Fisher on white, weak in attack yet agile and far-ranging in escape. I remember Robert Jordan saying that Rand would have some kind of fall from the heights of power, and this would be the setting of PoD. It certainly wasn't the setting of the PoD we got. I think, pacing-wise, the attack on Tar Valon could be part of the phantom second half of the book. Also all those Borderland rulers. So why not hope for glimpses of Lews Therin (sane) and the chance to watch as he and Rand become that new man in Rand's dreams?
Maybe the second "half" of this, the Fisher on white, will bring another
difference as well. Path of Daggers has been set in situations
that call constantly on Lews Therin's experience--command, battle, channelling,
the Game of Houses. Perhaps Min and the Dragon Reborn will
be away from all this, in places where Rand's background and knowledge
are more valuable, and Lews Therin will come to appreciate what Rand al'Thor
has to offer.
I did read something about the human mechanism of hearing voices to explain un-integrated or unsocialized unconscious knowledge. It was a long time ago, and I have just found the book again. It is The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind, by Julian Jaynes. 1976 ISBN0-395-20729-0
I am including a long quote. Jaynes is using this information on voices to prove a quite different point than Rand al'Thor's method of dealing with personality integration, but, as I said, this book planted the seeds of my knowledge and interest in the subject, such as it is. I'm sure I have added to these impressions over the years, but I don't have any other sources.
From The Bicameral Mind, pp. 87-89 (Underlines added to highlight portions relevant to The Wheel of Time)
It is of course in the distress of schizophrenia that auditory hallucinations similar to bicameral voices are most common and best studied. This is now a difficult matter. At a suspicion of hallucinations, distressed psychotics are given some kind of chemotherapy such as Thorazine, which specifically eliminates halluncinations. This procedure is at least questionable, and may be done not for the patient, but for the hospital which wishes to eliminate this rival control over the patient. But it has never been shown that hallucinating patients are more intractable than others. Indeed, as judged by other patients, hallucinating schizophrenics are more friendly, less defensive, more likeable, and have more positive expectancies toward others in the hospital than nonhallucinating patients. And it is possible that even when the effect is apparently negative, hallucinated voices may be helpful to the healing process.
At any rate, since the advent of chemotherapy the incidence of hallucinatory patients is much less than it once was. Recent studies have revealed a wide variation among different hospitals, ranging from 50 percent of psychotics in the Boston City Hospital, to 30 percent in a hospital in Oregon and even lower in hospials with long-term patients under considerable sedation. Thus, in what follows, I am leaning more heavily on some of the older literature in the psychoses, such as Bleuler's great classic, Dementia Praecox, in which the hallucinatory aspect of schizophrenia in particular is more clearly seen. This is important if we are to have an idea of the nature and range of the bicameral voices heard in the early civilizations.
The Character of the Voices
The voices in schizophrenia take any and every relationship to the individual. They converse, threaten, curse, criticize, consult, often in short sentences. They admonish, console, mock, command, or sometimes simply announce everything that's happening. They yell, whine, sneer, and vary from the slightest whisper to a thunderous shout. Often the voices take on some special peculiarity, such as speaking very slowly, scanning, rhyming, or in rhythms. There may be one particular voice, more often a few voices, and occasionally many. As in bicameral civilizations, they are recognized as gods, angels, devils, enemies, or a particular person or relative. Or occasionally they are ascribed to some kind of apparatus reminiscent of the statuary which we will see was important in this regard in bimeral kingdoms.
Sometimes the voices bring patients to despair, commanding them to do something and then viciously reproaching them after the command is carried out. Sometimes they are a dialogue, as of two people discussiong the patient. Sometimes the roles of pro and con are taken over by the voices of different people. The voice of his daughter tells a patient: "He is going to be burnt alive!" while his mother's voice says: "He will not be burnt!" In other instances, there are several voices gabbling all at once, so that the patient cannot follow them.
Dont' have a copy? Order
it here! The brown truck will bring it right to your front door.
On the subject of personality change, here's the statement of
a person who was committed to a mental hospital and put through shock treatments.
The effect was that he lost a chunk of himself, thereby becoming a different
personality. Maybe the opposite of Rand, who is gaining a chunk,
but still becoming a new personality.
But who was the old personality whom they had known and presumed I was a continuation of?
There's an interesting similarity between the relationship between Rand and LTT and the relationship between Phaedrus and the narrator in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
Phaedrus lived part of his life, into his 30's. He was committed as 'insane', and then given shock treatments, which "killed" Phaedrus. He wasn't totaly dead, but greatly diminished. The new character, the narrator of the book, began his life after the shock treatments. He grew and developed from a 'seed' of Phaedrus's personality. He spent a period of time totally unaware of his former life. After a number of years, the narrator, who had become a different person, started to discover signs of Phaedrus, who began to re-integrate himself, but appeared to be a separate person in the narrator's head. Gradually, the two characters became more aware of each other, then agreed to merge, with the final result being one character, who we assume is the author, Pirsig, as this book is autobiographical.
LTT lived his life, well past middle age (was he over a hundred?), then went mad and died. Some part of him--his character traits or whatever constitutes a soul--was born again, but he was unconscious of his former life. This new person grew and developed into Rand al'Thor. After Rand started to channel, he began to discover signs of LTT, who was beginning to re-integrate himself, but was largely a separate person in Rand's head. In chapter 33, the two agreed to merge, with the final result being the Dragon Reborn.
Of course, some people prefer to assume that LTT is just some fantasy
gimmick, some "magic" character like Saturday morning cartoons.
;-)
Zen
and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig. Hardback
for the living room, where you keep your best books or paper
to fit in your backpack, pocket, or beach bag. Most highly recommended.
I wish I could say that I don't know why he is here, but I'm afraid I must now confess that I do. The ideas, the things I was saying about science and ghosts, and even that idea this afternoon about caring and technology...they are not my own. I haven't really had a new idea in years. They are stolen from him. And he has been watching. And that is why he is here.
With that confession, I hope he will now allow me some sleep.
Poor Chris. ``Do you know any ghost stories?'' he asked. I could have told him one but even the thought of that is frightening.
I really must go to sleep.
Joan of Arc
Moses
Sgt. Martin Riggs, LAPD
I recently read another book, The Magic Daughter: A Memoir of Living with Multiple Personality Disorder, by Jane Phillips, an account of the triumphs of re-integrating herself (selves?), "with 90 percent of the horror stories left out."
Ms. Phillips doesn't dwell on the tough part, but what she does tell of it leads me to think (if Robert Jordan follows through on this) that Rand's and Lews Therin's ordeal is not over. In some ways it is just beginning.
If you're interested in Ms. Philips' book, The Magic Daughter, here are a few quotes. It's not fiction, it's not entertainment. But it's real, and there is much to admire in it.
Here's one description of the intense emotional backlash that accompanies her brushes with reintegration:
Finally home, I go straight to bed and sleep in painful spurts. Days pass, and I cannot shake my anger and my hurt. What's more, I cannont shake an odd, queasy sense of guilt....And so I evade...
Her hands searched in vain for her long wavy hair. She examined her hands, her clothes. She stared around the office...She shrank back into her chair, and looked nervously at the door. "Is my mother out there?" she demanded, her voice frightened and sullen.
Interested in this book? Check out The Magic Daughter, by Jane Phillips.
If you are searching for connection of your own yearnings and the power of the universe, you may join me, the author of this article, in my quest, share in my findings. Some of my research is shared on my web page. The results are published in books to be used by communities, large or small.
To make the connection in the everyday workplace and the world of school,
see the Technology Connection.
To make the connection in your local spiritual community, Sanctification
of Time in the Third Milllennium.
Both can be obtained from http://homepage.mac.com/mhettinger/watchmakerpress
If you're interested in some of the subjects mentioned in this article,
go to amazon.com and search for personality, consciousness, Metaphysics
of Quality, fantasy. Try them in different combinations.
You'll be surprised.
Author's Blog: Random Light
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