Six-word 'Serenity' contest winners!




(Above: One of the excellent guerilla marketing flyers by "11th Hour.")

Man. This was tough.

Roughly 100 Browncoats entered our "Six-word 'Serenity'" contest -- submitting six-word "micro-stories" about the "Firefly" TV series for the chance to win tickets to the June 23 "Serenity" screening in Portland.

Our judges (i.e., me and my family) spent a decent chunk of weekend sorting through hundreds of individual stories. We were looking for entries that resonated on a couple of levels, that maybe made us laugh, that demonstrated a familiarity with "Firefly." The winners and runners-up follow.

GRAND PRIZE: Kirsten wins two tickets for her entry, "Curse your sudden but inevitable cancellation!"

SECOND PLACE: DeAnn wins one ticket for "Don't judge Book by his hair."

THIRD PLACE: Rob, who wins a single ticket for the very funny "No shirt, no shoes, no Saffron."

FOURTH PLACE: Karl, who wins a "Serenity" poster and keychain for "Two by two. Run like hell."

HONORABLE MENTIONS (i.e., ONE OR MORE OF THESE MIGHT HAVE WON IF I'D HAD SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR BREAKFAST THAT MORNING):

"Gorram Feds, let's go crash Fandango!!" (by Cora B)
"I love Hoban and Kaywinnit! Who?" (by Ryan)
No sound in space? Duh! Vacuum! (by Benennie)
Browns bring Serenity to the Black (by Lee-Anne)
Earth's resources depleted. Whedon's are not. (by Brian)
"Blue Hand Group seeks preternatural prepubescent." (by Kristy)
Browncoats for hire. We ain't particular. (by Jenwah)
"Space -- the real frontier. With horses." (by Greg)
Browncoats unite: Serenity's tomb lies empty! (by Jim)
Horses, but no sound, in space. (by Sara)
Jayne shoots. Something falls off. What? (by Denise)
Jayne refuses. "They're whores." "I'm in." (by Hanover Fist)
A healthy marraige on television? Astonishing! (by Debra)
River dances... They all fall down. (by Adam)
Kiss the gorram whore already, cap'n! (by Lisa)

The tickets are already in the mail.

And after the jump: A massive data dump of all the rest of the entries. Feel free to tell us how wrongheaded our judges' choices were in the comments section.

(Click here to read 'em all!)

____________________

Space Hooker? Aint that some shit.
"Ha. You're going to special hell."
"Companions aren't like Whores, they're Classy."
"No ridiculous aliens, finally good scifi"
"guns, whores, hidden doors, evil corps"
Please, I really must get tickets.
Fox cancelled: no fans. Sold out.
BDM for fans, gorram Ebay scalpers!
Too pretty to die? We'll see.
"River runs through it (i.e., Serenity)."
"Blue hands reaching to destroy Serenity."
"For sale: Reaver man-suit. Never worn."
'Spolsions?! In space?! Whedon's my hero!
Reavers killed my mother, you bastards!
Whats better than boobs in space?
"Mal calls Inara a slut unintentionally."
"Cowboys in Space! Really, it's good."
"Browncoats, rebels, companion, mechanic and preacher."
"Don't judge Book by his hair."
They swear in Chinese, Dong ma?
Smugglers run from cops and cannibals.
Not much hair on Mal's ass.
Mal lies, crew survives. Keep flyin'!
We have not lost. Dong ma?
"kill with her mind, she can!"
"space western Star Trek failed at."
"Can't stop the signal? what the--?!"
"Cinema's future relies on Whedon's vision."
"If you desire Serenity, avoid reavers."
"Take me out into the black."
"Even cancelled, you can't stop us."
"Joss -- when does Spike show up?"
"Mal's past continues to haunt him."
We just keep flying. That's all.
Maybe they will kiss. Maybe not.
Things never go well for us.
I have two words: "Bobbie Fett."
Space, Western, we are all screwed!
Where one could "Have good sex"
Serenity, the movie! At long last.
Simon rescues River, books transport away.
An enigma never gets an answer.
So very pretty. So wonderfully clever.
"Joss Created, Fox Canceled, Serenity Soared."
"Firefly fought, Browncoats Bought, Serenity's Shot!"
The Future: Space Whores and Psychics
Firefly: Do the job. Get paid.
If Buffy was insane and psychic.
Ten characters (including the ship: Serenity)
Reavers are coming, Mal! Let's run!
Tell them I ain't coming back.
"Mal Reynolds: Serenity's Captain; Petty Thief."
Confounding conventions, Serenity becomes cinematic. Shiny!
Please, see it with me mei-mei.
"Firefly, fox failed to extinguish you."
"Ship broke. Got Drunk. Passed out."
"Another fine mess stumbled upon them."
War lost. Serenity flies. Family found.
Ship for hire. Inquire within.
Misfits and desperate souls redeemed here.
The Train Job: Steal medicine. Guilt. Reputation not solid.
Shindig: Whore! Thief! Sharp sword? Love you.
War Stories: Lesbians? I'll be in my bunk.
Out of Gas: Should’ve fixed the compression coil, Mal.
Ariel: Jayne thinks the money’s good enough.
Trash: From Captain Tightpants to Captain Nopants.
Serenity (Pilot): Curse Patience’s sudden but inevitable betrayal.
Our Mrs. Renyolds: Married life is its own special hell.
Can you say browncoat in Chinese?
Sister saviors sell souls to Serenity
"Existential quandary? I'm pregnant, you bastard!"
"Sally's inexplicable issue- robots and alcohol."
"Wrap that and define it, square."
"That makes us big damn heroes."
"We live in a spaceship, dear."
"The sky's no limit aboard Serenity."
River boards. The Alliance gives chase.
The crew of Serenity makes do.
Reavers think Malcom would taste good.
River sought. Mal finds a way.
Fractured soul endeavors to find serenity.
Ruttin' Reavers, meet my gorram sister!
In the black, freedom, peace, serenity.
Big damn heros never stop flying.
Always flying, always heros, always Serenity
September 30th, aka, Big Damn Day.
Firefly: shot down in its' prime.
Captain. Ship's broke. Can't be fixed.
They lived, loved, lost and fought.
She sinned. He stole. They loved.
Firefly: big damn heroes never die.
"Can't take the sky from me."
"Fugitive space cowboys aimin' to misbehave"
Slightly used blue gloves, need cleaning.
Trace vitamins shortage, use more dynamite.
Heart of gold, still shot dad.
Survivor, guilty of much, still surviving.
Fox screws Joss. Not a porno.
Intelligence required. Not for Newlyweds fans.
Serenity: I'll be in my bunk.
Browncoats good. Scalpers, not so much.
Mal, Inara. Get a room already!
Shepherd Book. Om. Kneecaps are ok.
Reavers came. Lives lost. Hope gone.
Losing side. Not the wrong one.
Got Firefly? Better than Mudder's Milk!
"Time for thuggery and thrilling heroics."
"Still flying. Still surviving. Still free."
We lived, we fought, we ran.
Snap into a Firefly, ohhh ya!!!
Schizophrenic Fugitive, Joss' done it again.
Alliance reaches far. Serenity flies farther.
Lost AT Serenity. Found ON Serenity.
Life's big lessons on little spaceship.
“My Joss, I pray I win!”
I was pompus. My sister, crazy.
If in doubt, kick into engine.
Strawberries: Real girls don't need shampoo.
"You don't have to die alone!"
"Everyone dies alone. Don't trust Jayne."
"Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
Universe beckons / Serenity crewmembers. / Shiny adventures. (That's a haiku.)
Beautiful ship; drama unfolds, mysteries inside.
What no space monkeys? Untold terrors.
Nightime vengance proves unweldy; send reinforcements.
Conquering powers--eternally fighting, never winning.
The future is here, on Serenity.
Western space opera. Joss foretold it.
"he returned but penguins haven't moved"
They try. They fail. They succeed.
Big damn heroes. Big damn nostrils.
One ship. Nine people. Whole ' verse.
Avoid Reavers, deliver cargo, keep flying.
Firefly movie - Everybody's makin' a fuss!
Bigscreen Captain Tightpants? No closeups, please.
This sounds like a Wash out.
Wake me for Inara's shower scene.
Better to burnout than fade away.
Firefly runs away. Smuggling resumes tomarrow!
We don't get Shepherd Book either.
Space western, with more naked!
Firefly. Ratings? DamnF*x. DVD. Slashfic. Movie!
Firefly: Original, so, of course, cancelled.
Wild West is sexy. Who knew?
joss whedon is a god (creator)
jayne's moon heist, sigh poor kid
i would die to see serenity
Reavers, Alliance, Bounty Hunters, Space Monkeys.
The crew succeeds? Not so much.
Jayne - The Man They Call JAYNE!
Wedded bliss. Special hell. Knockout kiss.
Inara's client. Crew peeking. Jayne's bunk.
Scalpers bad, Portland sad, win tickets!
Jayne. Sane, no, smart, no. Special!
"I don't murder children." "I do."
For sale. Firefly Spaceship. Needs repair.
Travelling far? With this crew? Serenity!
Disabled Couple: No money in 'verse...
Will Sew for Tickets! Great Costumes!
Desperately Seeking miracle. Fan Couple begs.
Gone? Choo fay wuh suh leh.
Rumors of unexpected death, now expected.
Spaceships, tyranny, heroes, humor, and Chinese.
Damnit, Jayne!
Yea, but I have a gun.
The last one standing wore brown.
No shirt, no shoes, no Saffron.
"Has to be better than Sith!"
"Only need two words: Joss Whedon"
"Deathtrap ship. (Mostly) loyal crew. Shiny!"
Weapon Stolen: It's a Hot Chick!
Scalping tickets. Well, isn't that special...?
Hands of Blue... coming for you!
Objects in Space: Bad man. Helpless crew. River's... Serenity???
Scalpers raped, skinned, and eaten... Reavers!
Scalpertown on Ebay hit by Reavers!
Another screening. More cities. SOLD OUT.
Buffy. Angel. Firefly. Joss is genius.
Mal and Inara: So much attraction. So little understanding.
Dress fit for queen didn't fit.
Blue hands nothing. Dodge that stick.
Nine smugglers, constant betrayal. Serenity anyway.
Serenity is where you make it.
He's lost, but Mal flies on.
So great, should be TV series!

Posted: Mon - June 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM        

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