Tue - October 19, 2010
The game of life
I have this friend, she's done with school and
not sure what to do next. She's got a lot of interests, but not a single
obvious opportunity. She's more creative and has more raw talent than I do.
Her words crackle with sass and wit much in the way mine
don't.
She's stuck though, without an obvious path, she's both afraid to choose one and also doesn't know where to start. All doors are equally unknown.
She said to me:
"I feel like I'm playing the claw game and I only have one quarter."
This is descriptive and evocative. I would have expressed it as: "I have option paralysis - the tendency when given multiple choices to make none." Like I said, she's a better writer than me.
What I am though, is older and what I have learned is that the game of life is not played the way she thinks. You DO get one quarter but in the claw game of life, you use the claw as many times as you can until your quarter runs out. The downside is, you have already deposited your quarter. You are already playing as your claw dangles in wait. Do you hear me dear friend of mine? While you are debating and waiting the clock is running. Get that claw moving, grab for things, see what happens.
On the upside, if you can read this, your quarter has not run out yet.
On a side note, courtesy of apple, this blog as you know it is going bye bye. I will continue it at www.maxwax11.com in some form.
She's stuck though, without an obvious path, she's both afraid to choose one and also doesn't know where to start. All doors are equally unknown.
She said to me:
"I feel like I'm playing the claw game and I only have one quarter."
This is descriptive and evocative. I would have expressed it as: "I have option paralysis - the tendency when given multiple choices to make none." Like I said, she's a better writer than me.
What I am though, is older and what I have learned is that the game of life is not played the way she thinks. You DO get one quarter but in the claw game of life, you use the claw as many times as you can until your quarter runs out. The downside is, you have already deposited your quarter. You are already playing as your claw dangles in wait. Do you hear me dear friend of mine? While you are debating and waiting the clock is running. Get that claw moving, grab for things, see what happens.
On the upside, if you can read this, your quarter has not run out yet.
On a side note, courtesy of apple, this blog as you know it is going bye bye. I will continue it at www.maxwax11.com in some form.
Posted at 10:49 PM
Fri - July 23, 2010
Know what you don't know.
I heard a speaker tell a story of how he arrived to
his speaking gig early and was shown to the auditorium. There was a grand piano
on wheels in the center of the stage. The man from the auditorium said, "I'll
go get some guys and we'll move the piano for you." Left by himself, the
speaker decides to move the piano. He gives the piano a push and watches in
horror as one leg buckles and the whole thing tilts and comes crashing down. It
turns out the piano had one broken leg, which the speaker had no idea about.
One of the downsides of incompetence is that you don't know you are incompetent.
I grew up wanting everyone to think I had the answers. I would frequently answer questions with "facts" that sounded right to me. Sometimes bluffing worked, but eventually people catch on. It took a lot of growing up before I was able to say "I don't know." Now, when I have an opinion, I will state it as an opinion: "I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure if you can see the bone you want to go to the hospital." My friend Reid has a saying: "Having an internet connection and google does not make you a doctor." The most emphatic thing I will say is: "I could be wrong, but I'm 97% sure that your brakes are not supposed to make that grinding noise." I'm never 100% sure; I've felt 100% sure and been 100% wrong. Sometimes things have changed since the last time you were there. It turns out some kinds of root beer do have caffeine in them.
I'm a pretty smart guy. But I'm not a mechanic or a doctor or even a plumber. I approach everything assuming it can be understood, but I don't start off assuming I understand. I'm not saying you shouldn't leap into brand new things; in fact, I've made a career of it - sometimes having a lack of knowledge brings a fresh perspective. But some days, the smartest thing I'll say all day is "I don't know."
UPDATE:
I was doing some internet research and it amazes me how many people ask important questions of total strangers who have limited qualifications. After a spirited yahoo answers debate about whether or not to worry if your child's penis turns blue, someone chimed in with the best answer of the night:
"I'm a 16 year old girl, I've never seen an infant penis, maybe you should consult a doctor"
I guess you have to be 16 to realize you are not a doctor. Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you should try to answer it.
Now, the flipside to knowing what you don't know is that most of the time, no one cares as much as you do. Your mechanic, doctor, plumber and graphic designer are all doing a job. At the end of the day they don't have to live with your car, tumor, toilet or album cover. They go home. You go home with your tumor. So if your instincts are telling you that the person you are dealing with doesn't care or isn't listening to you, then get a second or third opinion. Trust your instincts.
OK I'm done now.
TLDR: Know what you don't know, but also know when to get a second qualified opinion.
*I wish I could remember who the speaker was so I could credit his story.
One of the downsides of incompetence is that you don't know you are incompetent.
I grew up wanting everyone to think I had the answers. I would frequently answer questions with "facts" that sounded right to me. Sometimes bluffing worked, but eventually people catch on. It took a lot of growing up before I was able to say "I don't know." Now, when I have an opinion, I will state it as an opinion: "I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure if you can see the bone you want to go to the hospital." My friend Reid has a saying: "Having an internet connection and google does not make you a doctor." The most emphatic thing I will say is: "I could be wrong, but I'm 97% sure that your brakes are not supposed to make that grinding noise." I'm never 100% sure; I've felt 100% sure and been 100% wrong. Sometimes things have changed since the last time you were there. It turns out some kinds of root beer do have caffeine in them.
I'm a pretty smart guy. But I'm not a mechanic or a doctor or even a plumber. I approach everything assuming it can be understood, but I don't start off assuming I understand. I'm not saying you shouldn't leap into brand new things; in fact, I've made a career of it - sometimes having a lack of knowledge brings a fresh perspective. But some days, the smartest thing I'll say all day is "I don't know."
UPDATE:
I was doing some internet research and it amazes me how many people ask important questions of total strangers who have limited qualifications. After a spirited yahoo answers debate about whether or not to worry if your child's penis turns blue, someone chimed in with the best answer of the night:
"I'm a 16 year old girl, I've never seen an infant penis, maybe you should consult a doctor"
I guess you have to be 16 to realize you are not a doctor. Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you should try to answer it.
Now, the flipside to knowing what you don't know is that most of the time, no one cares as much as you do. Your mechanic, doctor, plumber and graphic designer are all doing a job. At the end of the day they don't have to live with your car, tumor, toilet or album cover. They go home. You go home with your tumor. So if your instincts are telling you that the person you are dealing with doesn't care or isn't listening to you, then get a second or third opinion. Trust your instincts.
OK I'm done now.
TLDR: Know what you don't know, but also know when to get a second qualified opinion.
*I wish I could remember who the speaker was so I could credit his story.
Posted at 06:23 PM
Fri - June 25, 2010
on living in gratitude.
Why is it so hard for us to be grateful for what we
have? I have air conditioning, it's 96 degrees outside. Do I thank the air
conditioner every day?: "Thank you air conditioner for making my life so cool."
Instead I just take it for granted that the air conditioner is doing the job it
was born to do. On a trip to the pharmacy I asked the wage slave behind the
counter how he was doing. His reply turned my grumpy frown upside
down:
"Just another day in air conditioned paradise"
He waved his hand to indicate his gratitude to not be one of the 4 guys outside who were trimming the bushes in the hot summer heat. I was shamed at my grumpiness. I almost hired him on the spot except i don't own a pharmacy. But someday if I ever start a conglomerate I want to hire that man.
We can always find things to be sad about and we can always find things to be happy about. I think that's why helping with the homeless is so good for perspective; you really come home grateful for things like air conditioning... and well.. having a home to come home to.
"Just another day in air conditioned paradise"
He waved his hand to indicate his gratitude to not be one of the 4 guys outside who were trimming the bushes in the hot summer heat. I was shamed at my grumpiness. I almost hired him on the spot except i don't own a pharmacy. But someday if I ever start a conglomerate I want to hire that man.
We can always find things to be sad about and we can always find things to be happy about. I think that's why helping with the homeless is so good for perspective; you really come home grateful for things like air conditioning... and well.. having a home to come home to.
Posted at 01:05 PM
Mon - June 7, 2010
a morning prayer
instead of asking for a
blessing
may I see the things I am already blessed with.
then, I will always lead a blessed life.
rather than not knowing my blessings till they are taken away.
instead of asking for something, anything to give me hope
may I learn faith, which is unswayed by shadows and storms
thus will I learn to hope in the darkest of times
and rather than asking for others to lean on
others will lean on me
I ask not for riches or treasures but for clarity of vision
for then I will always be able to see truly how rich and how treasured I am
plus I'm practically blind, have you seen my glasses? they're like coke bottles.
may I see the things I am already blessed with.
then, I will always lead a blessed life.
rather than not knowing my blessings till they are taken away.
instead of asking for something, anything to give me hope
may I learn faith, which is unswayed by shadows and storms
thus will I learn to hope in the darkest of times
and rather than asking for others to lean on
others will lean on me
I ask not for riches or treasures but for clarity of vision
for then I will always be able to see truly how rich and how treasured I am
plus I'm practically blind, have you seen my glasses? they're like coke bottles.
Posted at 12:21 PM
Fri - June 4, 2010
fortune cookie wisdom
the soul of punk is not in mohawks and tattoos, but
in not needing to impress people.
Posted at 12:43 PM
Fri - April 30, 2010
WWIDIIHAY2L
Imagine this. You have been to the doctor and
you have been given a year to live. This is a good way to understand what
is important to you. I'm going to make a bracelet: WWIDIIHAY2L. What Would
I Do If I Had A Year To Live? If you ask yourself this guiding question
regularly, you'll get right to the heart of life. You won't be looking
back, wishing you could have the last 10 years "like gold in your hands."
Obviously, we cannot live every year like it's our last year - that would be
similar to being in one of those booths where they blow money around and you
have one minute to grab all the twenties you can out of the air. This is
not about that year. This is about the 10 years that come before that
year. The 10 years you might be living
now.
With that in mind, here's what I've learned so far. Your mileage may vary.
1. We do not have time to just exist. If we don't try, don't risk, don't fall, don't learn and don't strive, we're probably not living. When I go rock climbing, if I don't fall off at some point during the day, then I wasn't pushing myself and I didn't get any better. Falling is not failing. Not falling is failing.
2. If you're going to leap off a cliff, make sure you understand what you are leaping into. Know how much coffee you will have to sell to stay open before you open. Research, talk to people who have been where you want to be. Test, prototype, repeat. Move fast and loose. Sometimes to get to where you want to be, you have to make that leap just make sure there isn't a rope bridge somewhere that you could take instead.
3. We do not have time to be stuck or lost. If you look 5 years forward and your job is still making you unhappy or your boyfriend is still not going to ask you to marry him or Comcast is going to keep overcharging you for its crappy service, it's time to either make the changes yourself or move on. If your plan for the future is hoping anything besides you will change, then it's time to make a new plan.
4. We do not have time to hold onto grudges, anger or past hurts. Say what you have to say. Get it off your chest. People are the only true joy on this planet and we stand to lose that when we wall them out. If the people who hurt you aren't worth knowing, then move on and invest in people who are... but either way, let the hurt be in the past. Don't bring that stuff from the people you hate to the people you love. If they are family, they might be the same people, but try anyways. We do not have time to want people to be how we want them to be; they are who they are. Learn to love imperfect people. You will feel better about yourself when you do.
5. Impressing people or worrying what they think about us is a waste of time. I once saw some guys on TV picking up girls on the beach by telling them they were in Bon Jovi. The girls were duly impressed, but it was all a lie. Why do we pretend to be more than what we are? We might as well tell people we are in Bon Jovi (on a side note, is it just me or has Jon Bon Jovi not aged in the last 30 years?) Chances are you don't even like the people you are trying to impress. Why kiss the feet of the people who kick you?
6. Try not to beat yourself up about the past. What has happened has happened. We cannot change that, but we can change what will come. Learn from your past, grieve your losses, but move on and focus your energy on your future.
7. We do not have time to put things off till tomorrow. We only have today. Whether it is fear or apathy that keeps us from doing what we have to do, do not serve it tea while it lulls us into thinking there is always tomorrow. We do not have time to be paralyzed. If we need to go into counseling, have that suspicious lump checked out, start exercising, stop smoking, chase our dream... whatever it is, the sooner we start it, the better it will be.
8. We do not have time to live by someone else's credo or rules. Unless the phrase "it puts the lotion on or it gets the hose" applies to the person forbidding you from doing something, you alone are going to make that decision. Make your own decision. Live with the consequences. Learn. This only applies if you are 18 and older. If you live with your parents, try to understand that these people have wiped the poop off your butt thousands of times, and the only thing that makes people do that is love.
9. We do not have time to be arrogant, to think we have it all figured out. When we think we are smarter than someone, we lose the chance to learn from them. Every person, from the homeless man to my harshest critic, has something to teach me. If we go into life expecting to learn, we will. We will never know it all. Only Google knows all.
10. We don't have time to whine about life being fair. Life is not fair and there are plenty of people who have been given more than we have. There are also a lot of people who were given a lot less. It doesn't matter what we start with - it's what we do with it. If we focus on what we don't have or on what other people have, we're not using that energy to rock what we do have.
11. Don't give up, stop trying or stop believing. One day the door will close, the pencils will be put down and the final exam will be over. Until that day, it is not time to quit. If a doctor is not asking you about organ donation, you should still be fighting. Even when they bring the priest in, kick him in the nuts. Fight all the way down. If you have stopped fighting and trying, it's a kind of suicide, a loss of perspective, sometimes a chemical loss. If you can't fight, get help. Tell someone who cares about you. Let them help you fight.
12. Find out who you are. Ask yourself why you do things. When you get upset, try to figure out why. We should know our rules and our beliefs and why we made them. Chances are we are acting out a script our family wrote for us. Examine that script and rewrite the parts you think should be different.
I'm still learning, still picking my way through the garbage dump of life to find the treasures in it. I might look back later and think this list is ridiculous. But for now, it makes sense to me.
I only post this stuff, because I want us all to rock. Unless you're into jazz or something, in which case, I want you to jazz. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
peace
max
for extra credit watch Joe Versus the Volcano to find a quote from that movie in here.
With that in mind, here's what I've learned so far. Your mileage may vary.
1. We do not have time to just exist. If we don't try, don't risk, don't fall, don't learn and don't strive, we're probably not living. When I go rock climbing, if I don't fall off at some point during the day, then I wasn't pushing myself and I didn't get any better. Falling is not failing. Not falling is failing.
2. If you're going to leap off a cliff, make sure you understand what you are leaping into. Know how much coffee you will have to sell to stay open before you open. Research, talk to people who have been where you want to be. Test, prototype, repeat. Move fast and loose. Sometimes to get to where you want to be, you have to make that leap just make sure there isn't a rope bridge somewhere that you could take instead.
3. We do not have time to be stuck or lost. If you look 5 years forward and your job is still making you unhappy or your boyfriend is still not going to ask you to marry him or Comcast is going to keep overcharging you for its crappy service, it's time to either make the changes yourself or move on. If your plan for the future is hoping anything besides you will change, then it's time to make a new plan.
4. We do not have time to hold onto grudges, anger or past hurts. Say what you have to say. Get it off your chest. People are the only true joy on this planet and we stand to lose that when we wall them out. If the people who hurt you aren't worth knowing, then move on and invest in people who are... but either way, let the hurt be in the past. Don't bring that stuff from the people you hate to the people you love. If they are family, they might be the same people, but try anyways. We do not have time to want people to be how we want them to be; they are who they are. Learn to love imperfect people. You will feel better about yourself when you do.
5. Impressing people or worrying what they think about us is a waste of time. I once saw some guys on TV picking up girls on the beach by telling them they were in Bon Jovi. The girls were duly impressed, but it was all a lie. Why do we pretend to be more than what we are? We might as well tell people we are in Bon Jovi (on a side note, is it just me or has Jon Bon Jovi not aged in the last 30 years?) Chances are you don't even like the people you are trying to impress. Why kiss the feet of the people who kick you?
6. Try not to beat yourself up about the past. What has happened has happened. We cannot change that, but we can change what will come. Learn from your past, grieve your losses, but move on and focus your energy on your future.
7. We do not have time to put things off till tomorrow. We only have today. Whether it is fear or apathy that keeps us from doing what we have to do, do not serve it tea while it lulls us into thinking there is always tomorrow. We do not have time to be paralyzed. If we need to go into counseling, have that suspicious lump checked out, start exercising, stop smoking, chase our dream... whatever it is, the sooner we start it, the better it will be.
8. We do not have time to live by someone else's credo or rules. Unless the phrase "it puts the lotion on or it gets the hose" applies to the person forbidding you from doing something, you alone are going to make that decision. Make your own decision. Live with the consequences. Learn. This only applies if you are 18 and older. If you live with your parents, try to understand that these people have wiped the poop off your butt thousands of times, and the only thing that makes people do that is love.
9. We do not have time to be arrogant, to think we have it all figured out. When we think we are smarter than someone, we lose the chance to learn from them. Every person, from the homeless man to my harshest critic, has something to teach me. If we go into life expecting to learn, we will. We will never know it all. Only Google knows all.
10. We don't have time to whine about life being fair. Life is not fair and there are plenty of people who have been given more than we have. There are also a lot of people who were given a lot less. It doesn't matter what we start with - it's what we do with it. If we focus on what we don't have or on what other people have, we're not using that energy to rock what we do have.
11. Don't give up, stop trying or stop believing. One day the door will close, the pencils will be put down and the final exam will be over. Until that day, it is not time to quit. If a doctor is not asking you about organ donation, you should still be fighting. Even when they bring the priest in, kick him in the nuts. Fight all the way down. If you have stopped fighting and trying, it's a kind of suicide, a loss of perspective, sometimes a chemical loss. If you can't fight, get help. Tell someone who cares about you. Let them help you fight.
12. Find out who you are. Ask yourself why you do things. When you get upset, try to figure out why. We should know our rules and our beliefs and why we made them. Chances are we are acting out a script our family wrote for us. Examine that script and rewrite the parts you think should be different.
I'm still learning, still picking my way through the garbage dump of life to find the treasures in it. I might look back later and think this list is ridiculous. But for now, it makes sense to me.
I only post this stuff, because I want us all to rock. Unless you're into jazz or something, in which case, I want you to jazz. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
peace
max
for extra credit watch Joe Versus the Volcano to find a quote from that movie in here.
Posted at 12:28 PM
Mon - April 12, 2010
On the importance of belief
Hope and belief are what keep us moving forward.
Without, we simply exist; we fill our lives with diversions or numb
ourselves to the door marked life. We wonder why we don't feel much. Our
ability to work, to fight depends on what we believe, the man who digs for
buried treasure digs twice as fast as the man who believes he is digging his own
grave. To succeed, you must fight, to fight you must
believe.
Hope is a feeling, and faith is the discipline of hope when that feeling is gone. In a crowded subway, if hope and belief leave a seat, a passenger named fear will ride in that space. Fear and doubt fill the car with smoke if we do nothing.
Hope and belief fuel miracles. When we sit down to write, step out on stage, climb the mountain, venture into the darkness to slay the dragon, it is not common sense but hope and faith that propel us. Fear would keep us hidden in the tall grass, silent as mice.
Fear and doubt twist us into a mobius strip of anxiety. We go around ad infinitum, surfing for internet cats rather than spend that 5 minutes we promised ourselves we would work on our novel or work out. It is fear that tells us we are better off not to try - but it's belief that makes us need to try. Fear and doubt are the unseen puppet masters. If we do not fight their power we are their zombies. They trick us into believing that they are not with us, that we do not carry this dark trickster. When we confront them, they are mafia hoods, shaking a warning finger at us as we reach to open the door. I fear they will break my legs with a baseball bat, but fear is my own self, writ large in the smoke and shadows. Our greatest battle is a spiritual battle. I watch my friends losing this war: screenplays going unwritten, companies going unstarted, ideas dying on the vine like overripe rotting tomatoes. Bitterness is the post traumatic stress disorder of the creative generation.
How dare we try? Surely we are not brave enough or talented enough for our own standards.
The truth is, it's not us that achieves the dream; it is only us who takes the step... and indeed sometimes fear is right and we strike out. We are struck down. Sometimes the whole world watches and laughs and points. Sometimes our friends snicker behind our backs. And sometimes it is the worst of all, and our efforts are not even mocked - we are a tree falling in the forest with no one to hear. We did not even make a sound as we fell.
But what fear would have us forget is that some times when we try, when we take up the pen to do battle with the tyranny of the blank slate, we are blessed with a gift and words that we did not know inside us flow onto the page. Sometimes, miracles happen. Belief knows that one step today is one step closer to the top of the 1000 step mountain. If you can't believe in the top of the mountain, you only need believe that today's step goes somewhere, that if we turn enough corners, walk through enough doors, we learn and grow and good things always come from learning and growing. Belief is the knowledge that if we get up and fall down enough times, we will learn to walk, to run, to dance, to skate, to write. Believe that even if we don't get all the way to our dream, we will have been better for the effort... because the alternative to getting busy living is to get busy dying. Without belief there would be no Tony Hawk, no Shaun White, no Michael Jordan and no Susan Boyle. Even if we never climb to the lofty heights we set our standards by, truly we are better off seeing how high we can fly than sitting in the stands growing harder, older and bitter. "I did not have the chance!" we cry. And perhaps we did not win the lottery of life, but it's always easier to pretend that we do not have the power - that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
So do not let fear and doubt crowd your mind, do not lose the war unfought, but fan your coals of hope and rise to the battle, for the world is moved by those who believe.
sources:
Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure - Marianne Williamson -
Our greatest war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives- Chuck Palahniuk from Fight Club
Get busy living or get busy dying - Shawshank Redemption - In fact if you could imagine this whole blog entry read in Morgan Freeman's voice it would be really give it a lot of gravitas.
Hope is a feeling, and faith is the discipline of hope when that feeling is gone. In a crowded subway, if hope and belief leave a seat, a passenger named fear will ride in that space. Fear and doubt fill the car with smoke if we do nothing.
Hope and belief fuel miracles. When we sit down to write, step out on stage, climb the mountain, venture into the darkness to slay the dragon, it is not common sense but hope and faith that propel us. Fear would keep us hidden in the tall grass, silent as mice.
Fear and doubt twist us into a mobius strip of anxiety. We go around ad infinitum, surfing for internet cats rather than spend that 5 minutes we promised ourselves we would work on our novel or work out. It is fear that tells us we are better off not to try - but it's belief that makes us need to try. Fear and doubt are the unseen puppet masters. If we do not fight their power we are their zombies. They trick us into believing that they are not with us, that we do not carry this dark trickster. When we confront them, they are mafia hoods, shaking a warning finger at us as we reach to open the door. I fear they will break my legs with a baseball bat, but fear is my own self, writ large in the smoke and shadows. Our greatest battle is a spiritual battle. I watch my friends losing this war: screenplays going unwritten, companies going unstarted, ideas dying on the vine like overripe rotting tomatoes. Bitterness is the post traumatic stress disorder of the creative generation.
How dare we try? Surely we are not brave enough or talented enough for our own standards.
The truth is, it's not us that achieves the dream; it is only us who takes the step... and indeed sometimes fear is right and we strike out. We are struck down. Sometimes the whole world watches and laughs and points. Sometimes our friends snicker behind our backs. And sometimes it is the worst of all, and our efforts are not even mocked - we are a tree falling in the forest with no one to hear. We did not even make a sound as we fell.
But what fear would have us forget is that some times when we try, when we take up the pen to do battle with the tyranny of the blank slate, we are blessed with a gift and words that we did not know inside us flow onto the page. Sometimes, miracles happen. Belief knows that one step today is one step closer to the top of the 1000 step mountain. If you can't believe in the top of the mountain, you only need believe that today's step goes somewhere, that if we turn enough corners, walk through enough doors, we learn and grow and good things always come from learning and growing. Belief is the knowledge that if we get up and fall down enough times, we will learn to walk, to run, to dance, to skate, to write. Believe that even if we don't get all the way to our dream, we will have been better for the effort... because the alternative to getting busy living is to get busy dying. Without belief there would be no Tony Hawk, no Shaun White, no Michael Jordan and no Susan Boyle. Even if we never climb to the lofty heights we set our standards by, truly we are better off seeing how high we can fly than sitting in the stands growing harder, older and bitter. "I did not have the chance!" we cry. And perhaps we did not win the lottery of life, but it's always easier to pretend that we do not have the power - that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
So do not let fear and doubt crowd your mind, do not lose the war unfought, but fan your coals of hope and rise to the battle, for the world is moved by those who believe.
sources:
Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure - Marianne Williamson -
Our greatest war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives- Chuck Palahniuk from Fight Club
Get busy living or get busy dying - Shawshank Redemption - In fact if you could imagine this whole blog entry read in Morgan Freeman's voice it would be really give it a lot of gravitas.
Posted at 03:51 PM
Wed - March 10, 2010
Like water around.
I always told myself that when I got rich, I would build a studio and fill it with the creative toys necessary to make music, movies, photography or art. Then I would throw the doors open to anyone who wanted to learn but could not afford it. Back then, the only tools were in big studios. I worked for free just to be around people who made records. I borrowed gear from friends when they weren't using it. I was a teacher's assistant so I could get keys to the school studios. I would start editing at midnight in video edit bays after everyone had gone home. I got used to going home when the sun came up many times. It was the only way to learn. You had to want it.
I never got to build that compound, but thanks to the miracles of modern technology, my dream has come true. The tools are affordable to almost everyone. Take this piece of software for example. It's a bunch of cool music tools that we used to pay a lot of money for. Back in the day it was probably $10,000 worth of stuff. Most of it looks very familiar to me, I would borrow the individual pieces from different people and wire them up just like this and happily make bleeps and bloops till it all had to go back to it's respective owners. Now you can do it in software. At home. I'm assuming if you are reading this you have a computer, so it's available to you. Here's the best part. It's free.
http://www.hobnox.com/index.1056.en.html
Obviously not everything is free, but nonetheless, if you can afford a computer, almost everything is available. Computers can be had for less than $500. Digital cameras, going for less than $250 used, Video cameras coming in at $150 for used flip cams. Guitars to be found used for under $100. Almost anyone with a summer job can take a shot at a dream now. You might have to flip some burgers to get there, but for about a summer of mowing lawns you can be the next spielberg or rick rubin. It's up to you. In addition to all this cool low cost creative stuff, there's lessons for just about anything on the internet. You don't even have to take your bike to the library anymore. (still a good resource though). Whatever it is, someone, somewhere on the internet has a video showing how it's done. I'm learning blender right now, thanks in no small part to internet tutorials. Blender lets you do 3d modeling and it's free too. There's also gimp which is free and similar to photoshop. In the last 5 years or so you've seen me learn photography and videography and it's mostly been from gleaning the internet. I haven't had a class since college which was a long time ago. We taught ourselves wireflying. And of course we posted a video about how we did it. Hopefully someone won't kill themselves trying to learn it now...
The tools are available to you, the instruction is available to you and when you are done creating, the whole world can see it now.
What a unique time in history we are in. I had lunch with a very cool guy who said "we are looking at the renaissance again" and I totally agree with that. Thousands of kids with no adults to tell them that it shouldn't be done that way. The revolution starts now. Look around, you are the revolution.
Now, the only thing holding you back is you. Be like water. When you reach an obstacle. Go around. If you have the tiniest crack, water will find a way in. Water cannot be stopped and wears down even stone over time. Start with the belief that it can be done. If you believe, you can find the will. The will is the most valuable asset you have. If you lack the will than take a cue from personal trainers and set yourself up to win. Start something with a buddy who will keep you going. Or hire someone to show up and listen to you play music every day. Trade accountability for something they want to do. If you can't do it alone, find people to make music with. If you can't find people in your town, then find people on the internet. Gocher who is my other half in ThumpMonks lives in New Jersey. I've seen him once in the last 5 years but he's worked on almost every record I've done in that time. If you want to be a professional ice skater and you live in Africa, you might have a problem, but almost everything else is solvable.
Let nothing stand in your way. Dream, learn, practice and express yourself through your dream. Don't be proud of how cool the songs on your ipod are. Be proud of the music you make. Living in an expensive vibey loft does not make you vibey. You are buying other people's vibe and hoping to associate yourself with it. Make your own art. Express your own creativity. Cook, customize motorcycles, make records, movies, whatever it is, do it. Define yourself not by what you consume, but by what you create.
If you are getting angry right now, ask yourself, why you would be angry with someone who is telling you to go for your wildest dream.
'I bring the pure flow, like water around, the rocks of life won't pull me down....' - from the song pure by superchick.
Posted at 12:01 AM
Sat - October 31, 2009
Why I drive a honda civic.
I once lived in a house with 11 guys. We raided
dumpsters at night for food. We found a cache of discarded sunny delight and I
drank so much of it that to this day I can't drink sunny D. Especially since
one of the guys who slept by the water heater took to peeing in an empty
container at night and we found the sunny D branded jug of black liquid long
after he moved out.
I lived with friends when I could, I lived in my car if I couldn't. (only a couple nights, mom and dad!) I lived in a house where if you put your hands on the carpet they would smell like cat pee. We couldn't steam it out. Later the cockroaches drove us out of that house. I've had my electricity cut off. I drove without windshield wipers for a year because I couldn't afford to get it fixed. I applied for a mechanic at church to fix them and the church gave me money to have it fixed at a regular shop. I didn't take the money, I knew my lifestyle was a choice and the money should be for someone who didn't have a choice. Later when I had to take the car in for something unrelated, the mechanic said "oh I fixed your wipers for you". When I asked him how much it cost he said "oh nothing, the linkage just popped off, I put it back on." On the plus side I can snowboard in blinding snow since I've learned to navigate on vague shapes.
I had milk crates for furniture and salvaged wood for shelves. We raided college dumpsters for cast off couches. I lived in a room with bare light fixtures. A friend of mine came over and looked at my sad room and she said :
"it's so romantic".
And it was. She wasn't looking at the rusty car, the cat pee on the carpet or the cockroaches. What she saw was the sacrifice. I was giving up everything for something. I was charging the gates. All the shields were set on forward. It didn't matter where we were, it mattered where we were going.
I spent all my money on gear and what equipment I still needed I would borrow. I would line up a couple days where I could piece together a semi functional studio from different friends. Then I would record furiously without sleep until the gear had to go back. (I still somehow have Ian Eskelin's Alesis data disk from that era) I took every chance I could find. I called 50 studios downtown about internships. Literally every studio in Chicago. No one wanted me. I called every video house. I went in for one interview where the guy had me come downtown to tell me : "Columbia college graduates X kids a year with a broadcast major, why should I give you a job?" I ended up interning at a video facility doing audio for video, which meant a lot of washing vans and emptying trash. I turned that experience into doing free music videos with a VHS camera. That lead to me being in a music studio the day they got a computer to do music. I volunteered to show them how it worked. I was there working for free for 6 months before they gave me my first record. We sold 10,000 units of it. We stopped at Walmart on our way to the first festival and bought pajamas. We wore them on stage since our slot started at midnight. It was a blast. We went on tour in a chevy lumina van. One of our band members failed to bring a toothbrush. For the whole tour.
It goes on and on and on. There are stories and stories and stories. Playing a festival in New Zealand for 20,000 people that went nuts when we hit the stage. Falling out of a hotel bed on tour when we heard our music on the X-games. Staying in the theatre while the credits rolled and our song played. A gold record with my name on it. Going to the Grammy awards as a nominee. And most importantly, an itunes review that starts with:
"this album was the soundtrack for my summer."
What an honor that is. Truly I couldn't ask for more than a review like that from a fan. It wipes away the negative reviews that once left me too depressed to leave the bathtub for an evening. (there wasn't any water in it.)
The story doesn't end here. It goes on. I taught myself photography, I'm learning to make movies. I'm driving my sister's 2001 civic instead of the BMW 5 series I could have bought with the video gear money. I live in a small house so we don't have a big house payment. I keep my expenses small so I can afford to keep trying new things. My table and chairs are from Ikea. The chairs were $19 each. My wife and I argued over whether we should have 4 or 6 of them. She wanted 6. We have 6.
More than one person has said to me wistfully: "I wish I could do what you do". And I've always wanted to say to them; You can! Move back in with your folks, sell your new car and your matching furniture! give up everything you can, get by on an artist's meager pittance and hurl yourself at the gates. I grew up as a missionary kid and I wore out of date second hand clothes and we drove second hand cars and we had second hand furniture. But I grew up knowing we did it for a purpose. And that's what you get when you give up all the normal stuff: purpose and adventure.
That's just me though, I'm weird like that. It's not for everyone but I sure don't look back and wish I'd bought a BMW in 1995 instead. Then I'd be sitting in my matching furniture reading about other people's adventures instead of writing about my own.
EDIT: I'm not opposed to BMWs, I'm just saying that if you're working solely to pay for your nice things, you can't chase your dream. Unless your dream is to own a BMW, in which case, you're set.
I lived with friends when I could, I lived in my car if I couldn't. (only a couple nights, mom and dad!) I lived in a house where if you put your hands on the carpet they would smell like cat pee. We couldn't steam it out. Later the cockroaches drove us out of that house. I've had my electricity cut off. I drove without windshield wipers for a year because I couldn't afford to get it fixed. I applied for a mechanic at church to fix them and the church gave me money to have it fixed at a regular shop. I didn't take the money, I knew my lifestyle was a choice and the money should be for someone who didn't have a choice. Later when I had to take the car in for something unrelated, the mechanic said "oh I fixed your wipers for you". When I asked him how much it cost he said "oh nothing, the linkage just popped off, I put it back on." On the plus side I can snowboard in blinding snow since I've learned to navigate on vague shapes.
I had milk crates for furniture and salvaged wood for shelves. We raided college dumpsters for cast off couches. I lived in a room with bare light fixtures. A friend of mine came over and looked at my sad room and she said :
"it's so romantic".
And it was. She wasn't looking at the rusty car, the cat pee on the carpet or the cockroaches. What she saw was the sacrifice. I was giving up everything for something. I was charging the gates. All the shields were set on forward. It didn't matter where we were, it mattered where we were going.
I spent all my money on gear and what equipment I still needed I would borrow. I would line up a couple days where I could piece together a semi functional studio from different friends. Then I would record furiously without sleep until the gear had to go back. (I still somehow have Ian Eskelin's Alesis data disk from that era) I took every chance I could find. I called 50 studios downtown about internships. Literally every studio in Chicago. No one wanted me. I called every video house. I went in for one interview where the guy had me come downtown to tell me : "Columbia college graduates X kids a year with a broadcast major, why should I give you a job?" I ended up interning at a video facility doing audio for video, which meant a lot of washing vans and emptying trash. I turned that experience into doing free music videos with a VHS camera. That lead to me being in a music studio the day they got a computer to do music. I volunteered to show them how it worked. I was there working for free for 6 months before they gave me my first record. We sold 10,000 units of it. We stopped at Walmart on our way to the first festival and bought pajamas. We wore them on stage since our slot started at midnight. It was a blast. We went on tour in a chevy lumina van. One of our band members failed to bring a toothbrush. For the whole tour.
It goes on and on and on. There are stories and stories and stories. Playing a festival in New Zealand for 20,000 people that went nuts when we hit the stage. Falling out of a hotel bed on tour when we heard our music on the X-games. Staying in the theatre while the credits rolled and our song played. A gold record with my name on it. Going to the Grammy awards as a nominee. And most importantly, an itunes review that starts with:
"this album was the soundtrack for my summer."
What an honor that is. Truly I couldn't ask for more than a review like that from a fan. It wipes away the negative reviews that once left me too depressed to leave the bathtub for an evening. (there wasn't any water in it.)
The story doesn't end here. It goes on. I taught myself photography, I'm learning to make movies. I'm driving my sister's 2001 civic instead of the BMW 5 series I could have bought with the video gear money. I live in a small house so we don't have a big house payment. I keep my expenses small so I can afford to keep trying new things. My table and chairs are from Ikea. The chairs were $19 each. My wife and I argued over whether we should have 4 or 6 of them. She wanted 6. We have 6.
More than one person has said to me wistfully: "I wish I could do what you do". And I've always wanted to say to them; You can! Move back in with your folks, sell your new car and your matching furniture! give up everything you can, get by on an artist's meager pittance and hurl yourself at the gates. I grew up as a missionary kid and I wore out of date second hand clothes and we drove second hand cars and we had second hand furniture. But I grew up knowing we did it for a purpose. And that's what you get when you give up all the normal stuff: purpose and adventure.
That's just me though, I'm weird like that. It's not for everyone but I sure don't look back and wish I'd bought a BMW in 1995 instead. Then I'd be sitting in my matching furniture reading about other people's adventures instead of writing about my own.
EDIT: I'm not opposed to BMWs, I'm just saying that if you're working solely to pay for your nice things, you can't chase your dream. Unless your dream is to own a BMW, in which case, you're set.
Posted at 01:38 PM
Thu - October 22, 2009
another fortune cookie
average effort = average
results
for extraordinary results apply.......
for extraordinary results apply.......
Posted at 01:36 PM
Mon - August 24, 2009
papa john...
Sorry this blog has been dark as of late, I've been
rather tied up in a project very dear to my heart. Just as soon as I get it all
shined up, you'll be able to see what's kept me in the
cave.
In the meantime, let's talk about papa john.
The papa john legend says that to start the company he sold his beloved 72 Z28 Camaro to fund his first purchase of pizza making equipment. He was 22 at the time and fortunately it turned out to be a sacrifice well worth making. He's actually on the lookout for that original camaro, so if you happen to come across it, he'd like it back. In fact he'd be happy to give you $250,000 for it if you have it. Sadly that makes my quest to find a nice 72 Camaro that much harder. It's like cash for clunkers on steroids.
I was surprised to read on my pizza box about sacrifice. Lately, it seems as a culture we dream big dreams, but we want them american idol style. We want wall street money in a dot com work place with plenty of time off to travel the world. We expect to start life after college in trendy downtown lofts and drive nice cars. We want to be our own bosses and do only creative work and leave the boring stuff to the interns. Unfortunately, this is the interns I'm talking about.
So at the risk of sounding like I walked to school uphill in the snow both ways, i have to say it.
If you want to be at the top of the mountain, you are going to have to hike up there. Reality TV has shown us a lot of what it's like to live at the top of the mountain, but precious little about getting to the top. If you want to model your life on reality TV, start with Biggest Loser. Pretend Jillian is your life coach. She has one basic plan for achieving your goal and it is in a nutshell: "work your ass off."
It wasn't just a car that Papa John gave up, I have no doubt that while his 22 year old friends were out partying on the weekends, he was slaving over a hot oven. He probably did it for years. I have no doubt he is a focused man and a hard worker. Learn to work hard, learn to focus. They are skills that will serve you well and get you where you need to be.
No one makes an olympic athlete practice day after day after day. They don't start practicing after they know they are going to the olympics. They practice because they are olympians in character and spirit. The practice is not an unfair imposition on them. They don't whine about having to practice. They practice because they are olympic athletes and that is what it means to be an athlete.
So this is what it means to reach the top of the mountain. It is to climb uphill. And when life seems uphill, do not stop, for surely this is a sign that you are climbing your mountain.
climb on.
In the meantime, let's talk about papa john.
The papa john legend says that to start the company he sold his beloved 72 Z28 Camaro to fund his first purchase of pizza making equipment. He was 22 at the time and fortunately it turned out to be a sacrifice well worth making. He's actually on the lookout for that original camaro, so if you happen to come across it, he'd like it back. In fact he'd be happy to give you $250,000 for it if you have it. Sadly that makes my quest to find a nice 72 Camaro that much harder. It's like cash for clunkers on steroids.
I was surprised to read on my pizza box about sacrifice. Lately, it seems as a culture we dream big dreams, but we want them american idol style. We want wall street money in a dot com work place with plenty of time off to travel the world. We expect to start life after college in trendy downtown lofts and drive nice cars. We want to be our own bosses and do only creative work and leave the boring stuff to the interns. Unfortunately, this is the interns I'm talking about.
So at the risk of sounding like I walked to school uphill in the snow both ways, i have to say it.
If you want to be at the top of the mountain, you are going to have to hike up there. Reality TV has shown us a lot of what it's like to live at the top of the mountain, but precious little about getting to the top. If you want to model your life on reality TV, start with Biggest Loser. Pretend Jillian is your life coach. She has one basic plan for achieving your goal and it is in a nutshell: "work your ass off."
It wasn't just a car that Papa John gave up, I have no doubt that while his 22 year old friends were out partying on the weekends, he was slaving over a hot oven. He probably did it for years. I have no doubt he is a focused man and a hard worker. Learn to work hard, learn to focus. They are skills that will serve you well and get you where you need to be.
No one makes an olympic athlete practice day after day after day. They don't start practicing after they know they are going to the olympics. They practice because they are olympians in character and spirit. The practice is not an unfair imposition on them. They don't whine about having to practice. They practice because they are olympic athletes and that is what it means to be an athlete.
So this is what it means to reach the top of the mountain. It is to climb uphill. And when life seems uphill, do not stop, for surely this is a sign that you are climbing your mountain.
climb on.
Posted at 03:41 AM
Wed - June 24, 2009
a modern fairy tale
Once upon a time, in a kingdom not unlike ours
there was a common serving boy with dreams of knighthood. In those days, you
had to be a knights son to be trained as a knight. Sometimes if a dragon was
slain or a particularly clever irrigation system was invented they would make an
exception. But you had to be extraordinarily lucky since dragons were few and
far between and this was before American Idol had been
invented.
One day, on the advice of his wizard, the king made a new decree. All through the land it was proclaimed;
"Any person who can complete a marathon will be granted a wish from the king. This offer is good as long as the kingdom stands and the offer is open to all."
This was exciting news. The whole country was abuzz. Everyone wanted a wish from the king. Everyone made plans to run the marathon.
The marathons were to be held once a year. The boy signed up for the first one. Surprisingly there were few names on the list.
"I'll do the next one" said a friend, "I'm pretty busy right now".
"I'm not sure if I want the king to make me a knight or a minstrel, so I'm going to wait till I figure out which I should be" said another.
"My boyfriend wants me to wait till he can run it too said a pretty lass."
And so on the first marathon only half the town showed up. When the bell was rung, they started running the 26 miles they had to complete. (this was before the metric system). After about 2 miles, the first person gave up. At about 5 miles the boy was too exhausted to go on. He crawled for awhile till he passed out. No one from their town finished the marathon.
The next day, people were talking again, about how the king had set an impossible task. It was obvious that as many people could run marathons as could slay dragons. The general populace went back to living the way they did before.
A year later though, a skinny tailor won it. And the year after that a couple other people did. They all had their wishes granted. Still the people did not hope because many had tried and most had failed. They were not genetically predisposed to running marathons. They were a short and stocky people.
One day a knight came to town to talk about how he won the marathon.
The town hall was full because people always have dreams. The knight shared his secret:
"Almost no one can run a marathon at first try." he said and everyone nodded their heads at this truth. "No matter how hard you try." And the boy knew this was true because he had tried with all his heart but that had only taken him to mile 5. "but I know a secret that will help you pass the marathon" said the knight and everyone leaned forward.
"when I ran my first marathon, after 2 miles it became impossible and I quit. I went home defeated. But the next day I woke up mad because I am not a quitter and so I went back to where the marathon was held and though no one was there, I ran it again. And this time it was even harder because I had blisters, but I ran it anyways and at 2 miles it became impossible again and I went home defeated. Because I am stubborn, I came back the next day and ran it again. I did this all week purely because my nickname is stubborn joey. After a week though, I found that I could run 3 miles. So I was a little encouraged. I resolved to complete the marathon for my own pride and every day I ran and every week I found I ran a little farther. When the next year's marathon came around, I failed yet again, but this time I got to 18 miles before I had to quit. I ran every day until the next marathon and suddenly and easily I won the next marathon. As you can see, the king granted me my wish, I am a knight".
The people were angry.
"We want a proper secret!" they yelled. No one wanted to run everyday for 2 years.
"but don't you see?" the knight told everyone still listening "you can have your dream, you can have anything you want if you just dedicate some time to it every day. Even a little daily effort will get you closer to your dream. You just have to learn to push yourself a little farther every day. It's not that hard once you get used to it"... but by that time the only person who was listening was the boy.
So the boy resolved to train for the marathon. He ran a mile every day for a couple days... then things got busy and he told himself he would run 4 miles on the weekend when he had more time, but he ended up going to the beach with his friends. He always intended to start running again, maybe tomorrow or for sure by next week. He never gave up on his dream, he bought some very nice running shoes and did a lot of research about running. He did a lot of planning and made a lot of resolutions. But he rarely actually went running. He thought of himself as a runner and was bitterly critical of other people who trained and he was especially bitter about the people who won marathons. He drank a lot of ale and grew heavier but he kept telling himself that one day he would start training again, he would run the marathon.
Finally years later, he found the knight who gave the speech and he asked him how the king granted his wish.. did he rub a lamp and a genie came out? Did he wave a magic wand? The knight explained that the king sent him to see the wizard who told him this:
"You have already learned the secret to getting what you wish in life. Almost any change you desire can be brought about by daily practice. While your goals may seem impossible at first, with enough faithful training you can achieve them. Now go and spread this knowledge."
And the boy who was now a man became angry and hit the knight with a rock because he really didn't want to hear that the power to change his own life was in his own hands.
A great sadness fell over the knight because no one wanted to hear the fantastic truth and also he had just been hit with a rock.
and while the knight went on to live happily ever after, very few other people did.
One day, on the advice of his wizard, the king made a new decree. All through the land it was proclaimed;
"Any person who can complete a marathon will be granted a wish from the king. This offer is good as long as the kingdom stands and the offer is open to all."
This was exciting news. The whole country was abuzz. Everyone wanted a wish from the king. Everyone made plans to run the marathon.
The marathons were to be held once a year. The boy signed up for the first one. Surprisingly there were few names on the list.
"I'll do the next one" said a friend, "I'm pretty busy right now".
"I'm not sure if I want the king to make me a knight or a minstrel, so I'm going to wait till I figure out which I should be" said another.
"My boyfriend wants me to wait till he can run it too said a pretty lass."
And so on the first marathon only half the town showed up. When the bell was rung, they started running the 26 miles they had to complete. (this was before the metric system). After about 2 miles, the first person gave up. At about 5 miles the boy was too exhausted to go on. He crawled for awhile till he passed out. No one from their town finished the marathon.
The next day, people were talking again, about how the king had set an impossible task. It was obvious that as many people could run marathons as could slay dragons. The general populace went back to living the way they did before.
A year later though, a skinny tailor won it. And the year after that a couple other people did. They all had their wishes granted. Still the people did not hope because many had tried and most had failed. They were not genetically predisposed to running marathons. They were a short and stocky people.
One day a knight came to town to talk about how he won the marathon.
The town hall was full because people always have dreams. The knight shared his secret:
"Almost no one can run a marathon at first try." he said and everyone nodded their heads at this truth. "No matter how hard you try." And the boy knew this was true because he had tried with all his heart but that had only taken him to mile 5. "but I know a secret that will help you pass the marathon" said the knight and everyone leaned forward.
"when I ran my first marathon, after 2 miles it became impossible and I quit. I went home defeated. But the next day I woke up mad because I am not a quitter and so I went back to where the marathon was held and though no one was there, I ran it again. And this time it was even harder because I had blisters, but I ran it anyways and at 2 miles it became impossible again and I went home defeated. Because I am stubborn, I came back the next day and ran it again. I did this all week purely because my nickname is stubborn joey. After a week though, I found that I could run 3 miles. So I was a little encouraged. I resolved to complete the marathon for my own pride and every day I ran and every week I found I ran a little farther. When the next year's marathon came around, I failed yet again, but this time I got to 18 miles before I had to quit. I ran every day until the next marathon and suddenly and easily I won the next marathon. As you can see, the king granted me my wish, I am a knight".
The people were angry.
"We want a proper secret!" they yelled. No one wanted to run everyday for 2 years.
"but don't you see?" the knight told everyone still listening "you can have your dream, you can have anything you want if you just dedicate some time to it every day. Even a little daily effort will get you closer to your dream. You just have to learn to push yourself a little farther every day. It's not that hard once you get used to it"... but by that time the only person who was listening was the boy.
So the boy resolved to train for the marathon. He ran a mile every day for a couple days... then things got busy and he told himself he would run 4 miles on the weekend when he had more time, but he ended up going to the beach with his friends. He always intended to start running again, maybe tomorrow or for sure by next week. He never gave up on his dream, he bought some very nice running shoes and did a lot of research about running. He did a lot of planning and made a lot of resolutions. But he rarely actually went running. He thought of himself as a runner and was bitterly critical of other people who trained and he was especially bitter about the people who won marathons. He drank a lot of ale and grew heavier but he kept telling himself that one day he would start training again, he would run the marathon.
Finally years later, he found the knight who gave the speech and he asked him how the king granted his wish.. did he rub a lamp and a genie came out? Did he wave a magic wand? The knight explained that the king sent him to see the wizard who told him this:
"You have already learned the secret to getting what you wish in life. Almost any change you desire can be brought about by daily practice. While your goals may seem impossible at first, with enough faithful training you can achieve them. Now go and spread this knowledge."
And the boy who was now a man became angry and hit the knight with a rock because he really didn't want to hear that the power to change his own life was in his own hands.
A great sadness fell over the knight because no one wanted to hear the fantastic truth and also he had just been hit with a rock.
and while the knight went on to live happily ever after, very few other people did.
Posted at 11:06 AM
Wed - June 3, 2009
Make a Wish
When I was in my twenties I would say things like
this:
"If we spend the next 10 years of our lives doing this and we only touch one person's life, it will be worth it."
And I meant it. But as I got older, cynicism and practicality and a good dose of reality set in and I started to wonder if I'd had a positive effect on anyone's life.
In retrospect perhaps I should have been developing a proper career or in the words of jackie chan realizing his days as a stuntman was limited and right before he became a superstar actor he went home broke to his parents with these heavy words on his heart:
"I have spent my whole life training for a useless profession"
But this last weekend, we spent the day at the zoo with a little girl from Make a Wish foundation. If you don't know, they help grant wishes for children that are terminal or struggling with a life threatening disease. She's 8 years old and her greatest wish in the whole world was to go to Hawaii and swim with dolphins. Her second wish was to hang out with us. We spent the day at the zoo with her and we got to break the news that she was going to Hawaii to swim with dolphins. I personally felt like she should have asked for Bono or at least Miley Cyrus, but it turns out, our music has been helping her get through her treatments and is meaningful to her.
I have a gold record, ascap awards, songs in over 100 TV shows/movies and a grammy nomination.
But I think the greatest honor of all is being the wish of an 8 year old girl.
I guess it was worth it after all.
I'm honored to play second fiddle to a dolphin. :)
tech note: We may be transitioning servers and/or moving to a proper blogging program, so if the blog vanishes, look for the new one at www.maxwax11.com
"If we spend the next 10 years of our lives doing this and we only touch one person's life, it will be worth it."
And I meant it. But as I got older, cynicism and practicality and a good dose of reality set in and I started to wonder if I'd had a positive effect on anyone's life.
In retrospect perhaps I should have been developing a proper career or in the words of jackie chan realizing his days as a stuntman was limited and right before he became a superstar actor he went home broke to his parents with these heavy words on his heart:
"I have spent my whole life training for a useless profession"
But this last weekend, we spent the day at the zoo with a little girl from Make a Wish foundation. If you don't know, they help grant wishes for children that are terminal or struggling with a life threatening disease. She's 8 years old and her greatest wish in the whole world was to go to Hawaii and swim with dolphins. Her second wish was to hang out with us. We spent the day at the zoo with her and we got to break the news that she was going to Hawaii to swim with dolphins. I personally felt like she should have asked for Bono or at least Miley Cyrus, but it turns out, our music has been helping her get through her treatments and is meaningful to her.
I have a gold record, ascap awards, songs in over 100 TV shows/movies and a grammy nomination.
But I think the greatest honor of all is being the wish of an 8 year old girl.
I guess it was worth it after all.
I'm honored to play second fiddle to a dolphin. :)
tech note: We may be transitioning servers and/or moving to a proper blogging program, so if the blog vanishes, look for the new one at www.maxwax11.com
Posted at 10:55 AM
Mon - March 9, 2009
I'm not dead yet
A concerned email made me realize that it had passed
from neglecting my faithful readers to having them think perhaps I had slipped
away from this earth without blogging about it. It reminds me of the scene from
the holy grail:
MAYNARD:
It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaaaaagggh'.
ARTHUR:
What?
MAYNARD:
'...The Castle of aaaaaagggh'.
BEDEVERE:
What is that?
MAYNARD:
He must have died while carving it.
LAUNCELOT:
Oh, come on!
MAYNARD:
Well, that's what it says.
ARTHUR:
Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaaaaggh'. He'd just say it!
MAYNARD:
Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
GALAHAD:
Perhaps he was dictating.
In this era of twitter and facebook, I guess when someone dies, the blog just goes dark. Unless indeed they are dictating... nonetheless, I'm not dead, I'm just in that all consuming phase right before mixdown where all the Ts need to be crossed and all the I's dotted so I haven't had any spare mental energy to blog. In a week though, this 9 month project will be done and I can move on. If you've seen that case in missouri that's on ebay you'd know that I want it. A friend of mine said "I just don't know how you can live in a cave all year round." The answer to that is, 10 years in the studio making records and you feel perfectly at home.
Regular blogging will resume shortly.
Thanks for the concern folks!
MAYNARD:
It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaaaaagggh'.
ARTHUR:
What?
MAYNARD:
'...The Castle of aaaaaagggh'.
BEDEVERE:
What is that?
MAYNARD:
He must have died while carving it.
LAUNCELOT:
Oh, come on!
MAYNARD:
Well, that's what it says.
ARTHUR:
Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaaaaggh'. He'd just say it!
MAYNARD:
Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
GALAHAD:
Perhaps he was dictating.
In this era of twitter and facebook, I guess when someone dies, the blog just goes dark. Unless indeed they are dictating... nonetheless, I'm not dead, I'm just in that all consuming phase right before mixdown where all the Ts need to be crossed and all the I's dotted so I haven't had any spare mental energy to blog. In a week though, this 9 month project will be done and I can move on. If you've seen that case in missouri that's on ebay you'd know that I want it. A friend of mine said "I just don't know how you can live in a cave all year round." The answer to that is, 10 years in the studio making records and you feel perfectly at home.
Regular blogging will resume shortly.
Thanks for the concern folks!
Posted at 01:11 PM
Thu - October 9, 2008
7 years of skinny cows
The economy is going to get worse before it gets
better. If you're in a creative field, prepare to get by on half of what you
got paid last year. If you can offer a half price solution, prepare for a
golden opportunity.
- from my fortune cookie.
also:
consider the joys of being a pessimist, if you're wrong, it's usually a good thing.
- from my fortune cookie.
also:
consider the joys of being a pessimist, if you're wrong, it's usually a good thing.
Posted at 03:07 PM
Tue - August 12, 2008
Stand.
They closed the mountain on me. It was my first
day snowboarding and it takes me forever to learn, so much so that I was still
slipping and sliding down when the mountain closed. They sent someone on a
snowmobile out to get me and he found me sitting down, all the strength gone
from my legs. He got off his snowmobile and got me on my feet and as I started
to slide forward I was so tired that I just sort of sagged against him and he
trotted awkwardly alongside me keeping me upright while I slid forward. After
20 feet of that he stopped and said: "I can't help you all the way down, you
have to stand up on your own."
So much of life, we lack the courage or the will or the strength to stand on our own. If only we had help. If only he had someone to follow. If only we things had been a little easier. Unfortunately, life isn't a reality TV show, no one shows up to force us to be who we're supposed to be. Help is all around us, but in the end, the will, the thing that gets us off our butts and into the studio/gym/stage/slopes comes from us or it does not come at all. No one can walk us down the slope. Dreams are made and forged not in a day, but day after day. It is our own daily battle to choose between the things that take us farther from our dreams and the things that take us closer.
Fight well.
from the song one more:
It feels like I have lost this fight
they think that I am staying down
but I'm not giving up tonight
tonight the wall is coming down
I am stronger than my fears
this is the mountain that I climb
got 100 steps to go
tonight I'll make it 99.
one more, we can go one more.
UPDATE: since you asked, here's how the story ended: I eventually made it down, completely exhausted. The place was closed and somehow I had lost my locker key. When we found someone who could open the locker it turned out to be a cute girl who was sweet about it and I would have tried to impress her except that my tired legs gave out when I tried to hand her something and I fell against some chairs knocking them over. That actually summarizes much of my dating life.
So much of life, we lack the courage or the will or the strength to stand on our own. If only we had help. If only he had someone to follow. If only we things had been a little easier. Unfortunately, life isn't a reality TV show, no one shows up to force us to be who we're supposed to be. Help is all around us, but in the end, the will, the thing that gets us off our butts and into the studio/gym/stage/slopes comes from us or it does not come at all. No one can walk us down the slope. Dreams are made and forged not in a day, but day after day. It is our own daily battle to choose between the things that take us farther from our dreams and the things that take us closer.
Fight well.
from the song one more:
It feels like I have lost this fight
they think that I am staying down
but I'm not giving up tonight
tonight the wall is coming down
I am stronger than my fears
this is the mountain that I climb
got 100 steps to go
tonight I'll make it 99.
one more, we can go one more.
UPDATE: since you asked, here's how the story ended: I eventually made it down, completely exhausted. The place was closed and somehow I had lost my locker key. When we found someone who could open the locker it turned out to be a cute girl who was sweet about it and I would have tried to impress her except that my tired legs gave out when I tried to hand her something and I fell against some chairs knocking them over. That actually summarizes much of my dating life.
Posted at 11:01 AM
Fri - July 18, 2008
thought...
here's my favorite quote of the
month:
"We buy things we don't need to impress people we don't like"
- Mary Ellen Edmunds
"We buy things we don't need to impress people we don't like"
- Mary Ellen Edmunds
Posted at 11:23 PM
Wed - July 9, 2008
gone for a week
I'm going to be in mexico this week if anyone is
trying to find me. I hopefully will be able to check my email.
Posted at 12:47 AM
Mon - June 9, 2008
Heart Murmurs
"Your dog has a heart murmur" pronounced the vet. We were at the emergency clinic for a cut on Brynn's paw and after a tech had spent an inordinately long time listening to her heart, he called in a senior vet. The senior vet looked so young that I promptly christened him Doggie Howser. He told us she had a grade 2 heart murmur. We were instructed to take her to our regular vet as soon as possible for a full workup. Heart murmurs are a very common cause of death in boxers and incurable.
Before we'd been to the vet I'd been getting annoyed with my high energy dog. She's incredibly stubborn and requires ridiculous amounts of exercise or she just pesters me all day long. I'm pretty much the dog whisperer with all dogs except this one. Seriously, I calm wild animals. I'm Dr. Doolittle. Except with my dog. And I'd been starting to threaten her with Craigslist. Since she doesn't know what that is, it was largely ineffective.
After we found out she might die anytime, the annoyance pretty much faded right away. When you know your time is limited, it changes everything.
She went back to our regular vet and he spent awhile listening to her heart. After a good long exam he said "I don't know what they were listening to, but as far as I can tell, she's perfectly healthy."
So she's fine. But I find that I'm rarely annoyed with her anymore. What the vet made clear to me, was that my time with her was limited. In fact, our time with everyone is limited. We shouldn't have to wait till tragedy strikes to value our time with people. The tragedy is not when we become separated from people. The true tragedy is if we do not use the time we do have with them. I know i've sung this song a million times, but I guess I have to sing it to myself every day since I keep forgetting it.
live. love. forgive. never give up.
peace yo
max
Posted at 01:50 AM
Wed - May 21, 2008
lost and found.
Shara and I were exercising our dog in the big empty field behind our property. It's been slated for 52 homes but right now it just sits while they go through city planning. There's a big old horse pen at the very back and we were in there throwing the frisbee around. We need Brynn fenced otherwise she just runs away and across the busy street. It's normally just me and I normally use a cloth frisbee but on monday I was trying out the older plastic frisbee. I gave it a hard throw and the wind took it and carried it far far away deep into the tall grass where we try not to go because it's tick and snake party back there. We trekked back to get it and Shara heard something crying on the other side of the fence. It turned out to be the little dog you see above. He was shaking and crying and trapped back there. I had to clear a whole lot of thorn bushes and thickets to get to him, crawling on my hands and knees while holding out a hot dog. It wasn't fun. He had a collar and a name and a number and a family that had been missing him for 3 days. He was 13 years old and just a wee little dog. The family was overjoyed that someone had found him and the amazing thing was, they live over 1.5 miles from us with only major roads in between us. Most of those roads have no shoulder. It's a miracle he wasn't hit. We are the only people who go back in that field. I pulled 3 ticks off him and he very much enjoyed a hot dog, some water and a cup of dry dog food. He was so happy to be found that if I wasn't holding him he would cry and crawl back into my lap. After the tearful reunion in which both dog and family were crying and shaking I looked at my arms. They were covered in scratches and welts and it was a powerful reminder to me of the cuts and welts on the arms of the saviour who saved me.
Posted at 01:24 PM
Wed - February 13, 2008
working through the storm
One thing that amuses me about reality TV is the
ridiculous challenges they set people:
Design a couture outfit for female astronauts that looks good on the runway and can withstand hard vacuum. You have 6 hours, some kevlar, a butter knife and ziploc baggies provided courtesy of ziploc corporation. The winning design will be featured on the first suborbital flight from Virgin Galactic and the bonus for this mission is a Toyota Prius. Go!
Then we get to watch the people get incredibly stressed out because their lives are quite literally at stake. It's the modern equivalent of the Roman coliseum. They're not in danger of being eaten by lions, but some of them look like they would very well take on a lion to get to that prize. Sometimes the challenges are really ludicrous, but they're actually good preparation for life. It very rarely lines up that you have a perfect shot at the target. We want to cry out, "but if I had more time, if I had more money, if I had more something... I could make this work". But in the end, it's only the people who make it work in the storm that make it work at all, because it's always uphill.
I'm thinking about this because I'm in that place right now with this record. I don't have enough time and people keep throwing new twists at me and demanding more things. I'm running on about 5 hours of sleep a night and it's all I can do not to snap at people when they ask for just one more thing. I have only so many precious days left till the band leaves for tour and when I forget that no one wants to work on valentines day it is a crushing blow to lose another day. The sleeplessness exaggerates the stress and I get pissy over things like the fact that the word; exaggerate has 2 gs.
But many records ago, I realized that there's only 2 choices. Pack up and go home or get it done under less than perfect conditions. I whine and complain about the storm but we do the work as best as we can. When we turn it in, it's never what I wanted, but it's the best we could do with the circumstances we were given.
So when you find yourself working in the storm or slogging through the desert, wail, cry out, beat your fists against the wall. But never quit moving forward. Because life is always less than perfect and the ones who learn to fly in the storm are the ones who learn to fly in life.
now. back to the studio for me.
I need to either clone me or invent a time machine. ack!
Design a couture outfit for female astronauts that looks good on the runway and can withstand hard vacuum. You have 6 hours, some kevlar, a butter knife and ziploc baggies provided courtesy of ziploc corporation. The winning design will be featured on the first suborbital flight from Virgin Galactic and the bonus for this mission is a Toyota Prius. Go!
Then we get to watch the people get incredibly stressed out because their lives are quite literally at stake. It's the modern equivalent of the Roman coliseum. They're not in danger of being eaten by lions, but some of them look like they would very well take on a lion to get to that prize. Sometimes the challenges are really ludicrous, but they're actually good preparation for life. It very rarely lines up that you have a perfect shot at the target. We want to cry out, "but if I had more time, if I had more money, if I had more something... I could make this work". But in the end, it's only the people who make it work in the storm that make it work at all, because it's always uphill.
I'm thinking about this because I'm in that place right now with this record. I don't have enough time and people keep throwing new twists at me and demanding more things. I'm running on about 5 hours of sleep a night and it's all I can do not to snap at people when they ask for just one more thing. I have only so many precious days left till the band leaves for tour and when I forget that no one wants to work on valentines day it is a crushing blow to lose another day. The sleeplessness exaggerates the stress and I get pissy over things like the fact that the word; exaggerate has 2 gs.
But many records ago, I realized that there's only 2 choices. Pack up and go home or get it done under less than perfect conditions. I whine and complain about the storm but we do the work as best as we can. When we turn it in, it's never what I wanted, but it's the best we could do with the circumstances we were given.
So when you find yourself working in the storm or slogging through the desert, wail, cry out, beat your fists against the wall. But never quit moving forward. Because life is always less than perfect and the ones who learn to fly in the storm are the ones who learn to fly in life.
now. back to the studio for me.
I need to either clone me or invent a time machine. ack!
Posted at 11:05 AM
Tue - December 25, 2007
twas the night before Christmas
twas the night before Christmas
and all through the -
not a creature was stirring, not even a -
uh oh....
so we've had a bit of a mouse problem and I can't bring myself to kill them, but mice are fast! They are very hard to catch if you're trying not to squish them. We had one holed up in the closet and it ate the cookies that were supposed to go in my stocking. We named it Tom after the episode of south park where Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet. We got him trapped and released and I think I sealed the hole where they're coming in, but shortly thereafter we saw this little guy scampering about and after we cornered him I had to fashion a trap out of things I could reach without taking my eyes off of his hiding place. Mice move so fast if you stop looking for even a second they dart away and you've lost them. I made this trap out of a salad spinner bowl, some headphones and a roll of packing tape. Unbelievably it worked. After we released our third house mouse Klaus we haven't seen anymore. Let's hope we stay mouse free in 08.
For those of you who remember last year's puppy pictures of Brynn, you can see, that despite having gotten bigger she hasn't really changed much since her puppy days.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Posted at 04:32 AM
Tue - December 11, 2007
The walk of shame.
If you've ever run out of toilet paper when you
really needed it then you know what the walk of shame is. Whether you buy
toilet paper before or after you run out, you're still going to the store and
buying toilet paper. BUT if you buy it BEFORE you run out, then you avoid the
walk of shame. You also avoid the awkward thing that happens when you have a
friend over and you realize while they're in there that you're out of toilet
paper. What is the correct thing to do here? Slide a paper towel under the
door silently?
It took me a lot of life lessons before I learned that one... ignore that squeal in your brakes and it becomes new brake pads AND new rotors. Pay your credit card late and get overdraft charges. Ignore the cavity till it becomes a root canal. Don't feed your snake.... well.. you get the idea. When you stop living with your parents, those things they always say, those parental cliches become cold hard truths that bite you in the face when you think you're above the rules.
Avoid the walk of shame.
note: the walk of shame is not what touring musicians refer to as the 'bag of shame'. Tour bus companies don't allow number 2 on the bus unless it is equipped with a 'grinder'. (which is rare). So if you're on a bus and it ain't stopping and those nachos you had after the show ain't sitting so good....
It took me a lot of life lessons before I learned that one... ignore that squeal in your brakes and it becomes new brake pads AND new rotors. Pay your credit card late and get overdraft charges. Ignore the cavity till it becomes a root canal. Don't feed your snake.... well.. you get the idea. When you stop living with your parents, those things they always say, those parental cliches become cold hard truths that bite you in the face when you think you're above the rules.
Avoid the walk of shame.
note: the walk of shame is not what touring musicians refer to as the 'bag of shame'. Tour bus companies don't allow number 2 on the bus unless it is equipped with a 'grinder'. (which is rare). So if you're on a bus and it ain't stopping and those nachos you had after the show ain't sitting so good....
Posted at 03:48 AM
Tue - November 27, 2007
One person makes a difference
YouTube - Nationl Anthem
Fenway Park
It was disability awareness day at a Red Sox home game in Boston's Fenway Park. A young man with autism sang the national anthem. Partway through he develops a case of nervous giggles. At first there's a lot of good natured laughter and it's not clear if he's going to be able to finish the song but when he falters, the entire crowd at Fenway joins in and finishes the song with him. It's incredibly moving and one comment I saw said something like this:
"I think people in general are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling, but this almost restored my faith in human nature".
I wasn't there, but I'm going to guess what happened. When the singer began to giggle, while everyone was laughing, one person realized the young man wasn't going to get through the song and to help him, he began to sing along, loud enough that people could hear him. As people realized someone else was singing, they caught on; "oh yah, we can help this guy!" and suddenly an entire stadium of people does the right thing because someone showed them the way.
One person can make a difference.
It was disability awareness day at a Red Sox home game in Boston's Fenway Park. A young man with autism sang the national anthem. Partway through he develops a case of nervous giggles. At first there's a lot of good natured laughter and it's not clear if he's going to be able to finish the song but when he falters, the entire crowd at Fenway joins in and finishes the song with him. It's incredibly moving and one comment I saw said something like this:
"I think people in general are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling, but this almost restored my faith in human nature".
I wasn't there, but I'm going to guess what happened. When the singer began to giggle, while everyone was laughing, one person realized the young man wasn't going to get through the song and to help him, he began to sing along, loud enough that people could hear him. As people realized someone else was singing, they caught on; "oh yah, we can help this guy!" and suddenly an entire stadium of people does the right thing because someone showed them the way.
One person can make a difference.
Posted at 11:07 PM
Sat - October 13, 2007
It's called reality my friend...
I'll admit it, being married changes you. One of
those changes is that I've been getting a lot of secondhand reality TV, which
happens when you share the TiVo. The only show remotely close to actual reality
is America's funniest home videos. But nonetheless we can learn from America's
next top chef/model/cheerleader/ventriloquist/bounty hunter.
1. The sky is the limit.
Do you want to be on the covers of magazines? Be a white rapper? Look like a high school cheerleader again? Life actually has even greater possibilities. Do you want to make records then switch careers midway to shoot magazine covers and then music videos? It's all possible. The prizes exist outside of reality television. They exist in reality. You can't have every prize and you will lose some, but you don't have to get accepted to a reality show to compete. You compete already, the game is called life and you are the star.
2. It's going to be a lot of work.
I heard someone say: "I wanted to be a doctor, but it seemed like too much work." It's true, being a doctor requires a lot of work. Unfortunately, unless your highest aspiration is french fries, everything is a lot of work. Some people get lucky but you can't base your life on getting lucky. Fortune favors the prepared. The one thing TV show contestants get that we don't, is they get told when they're screwing up. You whine; you get yelled at, you slack; you get yelled at, you screw up twice you go home and it's very clear what you did wrong. In real life we don't get that luxury. We just have that nagging feeling that we missed a turn somewhere. In real life you don't have 8 contestants, you have thousands. We think if we were on those shows, when crunch time came we would do better. Well unless you are where you want to be, it is crunch time. Right now there are people competing for your dream and working harder and whining less and making progress not excuses. You are losing time and money reading this blog :)
Life is hard. Everyone is struggling through something. Whether it's a career, growing up or working out, you only move forward if you push. It's not a giant push when the moment arrives, but it's getting into the habit of pushing. You're on the treadmill and you go a little farther everyday. You practice a little longer. You do the thing that scares you. You do it on faith that someday you're going to get somewhere even if you can't see that progress today. No one starts training the day after they're accepted to the olympics. You only get accepted to the olympics if you've been training all your life. Make pushing and growing part of your mindset and you will rise to where you're supposed to be. If you don't want to do all that work, just understand that not living your dream takes almost as much work. It takes a lot of energy to be defensive and bitter and come up with reasons why you didn't succeed.
A lyric from the next album:
If your dream is 100 steps away, how many steps did you take today?
1. The sky is the limit.
Do you want to be on the covers of magazines? Be a white rapper? Look like a high school cheerleader again? Life actually has even greater possibilities. Do you want to make records then switch careers midway to shoot magazine covers and then music videos? It's all possible. The prizes exist outside of reality television. They exist in reality. You can't have every prize and you will lose some, but you don't have to get accepted to a reality show to compete. You compete already, the game is called life and you are the star.
2. It's going to be a lot of work.
I heard someone say: "I wanted to be a doctor, but it seemed like too much work." It's true, being a doctor requires a lot of work. Unfortunately, unless your highest aspiration is french fries, everything is a lot of work. Some people get lucky but you can't base your life on getting lucky. Fortune favors the prepared. The one thing TV show contestants get that we don't, is they get told when they're screwing up. You whine; you get yelled at, you slack; you get yelled at, you screw up twice you go home and it's very clear what you did wrong. In real life we don't get that luxury. We just have that nagging feeling that we missed a turn somewhere. In real life you don't have 8 contestants, you have thousands. We think if we were on those shows, when crunch time came we would do better. Well unless you are where you want to be, it is crunch time. Right now there are people competing for your dream and working harder and whining less and making progress not excuses. You are losing time and money reading this blog :)
Life is hard. Everyone is struggling through something. Whether it's a career, growing up or working out, you only move forward if you push. It's not a giant push when the moment arrives, but it's getting into the habit of pushing. You're on the treadmill and you go a little farther everyday. You practice a little longer. You do the thing that scares you. You do it on faith that someday you're going to get somewhere even if you can't see that progress today. No one starts training the day after they're accepted to the olympics. You only get accepted to the olympics if you've been training all your life. Make pushing and growing part of your mindset and you will rise to where you're supposed to be. If you don't want to do all that work, just understand that not living your dream takes almost as much work. It takes a lot of energy to be defensive and bitter and come up with reasons why you didn't succeed.
A lyric from the next album:
If your dream is 100 steps away, how many steps did you take today?
Posted at 10:13 AM
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