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Date: Mon, 16 Mar 1998 23:00:36 -0500
From: Cristina Forbes
Subject: Uncle Paul's cecum
To: Multiple recipients of list PETBUNNY <PETBUNNY@LSV.UKY.EDU>
On 6:54 PM 3-10-98, Paul H. wrote:
> I'd make the switch to timothy ASAP, personally.
to which his beloved nephew Charcoal, Jr. Tough Bun, replied:
> You're gonna take nutritional advice from a guy who,
> even without a GI stasis problem, an impaction, or a
> microbial imbalance in his cecum, tossed a handful of
> bunny poops into his mouth, munched them down, then
> admitted to millions of people on the web that he was
> a closet poop-eater?
ASH: Ummm... Charky, I don't think Uncle Paul even *has* a cecum.
CHARKY: What?!!! No cecum? Small ears, pitiful tails,
furless bodies, can't hop worth a flip, and NO CECUM?
You're kiddin', right? Are humans really that far behind
us evolutionally? How sad...
ASH: Yeah. Listen, Charky, I'm worried. How will Uncle Paul
get his vitamins and minerals?
CHARKY: The poor guy will suffer from severe malnutrition.
We've got to do *something*... but what? (foot thumping
thoughtfully) I know, I've got it! Let's get to work and
make him some Bunny Berry Tea!
ASH: Chark, you're a *genius*! We can do it - we can
supplement his high "pellet" diet, restore his intestinal
flora, dissolve his gastric trichobezoars (hairballs) -
we can SAVE Uncle Paul!!! He will be forever grateful to us.
Now where does Mom keep the blender?
CHARKY: There it is, on the bottom shelf in the kitchen. You
hop up on the countertop, extend your tail over the side,
squeeze hard, and aim for the pitcher below. I'll set the blender
speed. Hmmm... grate, chop, mix,... puree! Yeah, Uncle Paul
will like it smooth and frothy, fur sure. [Click. WHIRRRRRRRRR]
Fire away, Ashy!
ASH: Here comes a nice gooey one. [SPLOOT] Yes, a direct hit!
Get the lid on the blender *fast*, Charky!
CHARKY: I can't, I can't - the speed's too high! It's breaking
up, it's breaking up! Cecal is flying everywhere! Run for your life!!!
LOWLY SO: Sounds like a freight train in the kitchen, dear. I'll
go check on things... Hey, bunnies, what's goin' on in heeeerrre?
[SPLAT] Yahhh!!! (hands clutching his eyes) My FACE, I can't see!
(spinning around aimlessly, in agony)
CHARKY: Yo, Fudge Ripple Boy, where'd ja git them shades?
From someplace where the sun doesn't shine? HAR-HAR.
ASH (hiding under the bed): Boo-hoo-hoo... Now we'll never be
able to make Bunny Berry Tea and rescue poor Uncle Paul from
his malnourished existence. He will surely "waste" away. SNIFF.
CHARKY: Yeah, but we've created a *killer* facial mask.
Cretin-A. Sunblock factor eleventy-two. At least his skin
will look more youthful. Nice tan, Dude! HAR-HAR.
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