Why is this even an issue?



It's been a while since I have brought the soapbox out. Frankly, I'd much rather tell you about Magnus' teetering steps that he's taking, or the fact that he is using a spoon (most of the food does not make it to his mouth), or even (and this is what I would much rather blog about) how the rhythm of my day is so very based on the simplest tasks (yesterday it was trimming nails--Magnus', Ceili's, and the cat's who still is avoiding me; the day before it was all about poo, Ceili's & Magnus'). But this is all over the news in Washington and I'm tired of hearing about it. So I'll add my two cents and maybe then we can all agree with me and get on with our day. ;-)

I once asked a gay friend of mine why he wanted to marry his partner. At the time I really didn't think much of marriage. I considered it to be bowing to some sort social pressure. Never mind that no one was pressuring me to get married. It was just part of the attitude that I was carrying.

The look my friend gave me was so hurt that I desperately wanted to take back what I said. He had been in love with his partner for more than 10 years, longer than many of today's marriages. And now that I married the man that I love (after dating him for a mere two years) I get it. I legally announced to the world, more importantly my family and friends, that I was making a commitment to this one person. We wanted our friends and family to help us and we wanted our government to recognize it.

I'm not even sure what to say now. This right is so basic to me that it is one of the few issues where there is no grey. To deny two men the opportunity to marry after they have been together for more than a decade (I believe it has been more than 15 years now) is just weird. There are lots of good social arguments for gay marriage that apply to all of us. Most notably that marriage, for most people, creates an atmosphere of stability. This is not only good for couples and families, this is great for communities.

And finally, and I can't say how much this attitude offends me, how the hell does gay marriage deteriorate my commitment to my husband. That's not even a question. It's a statement. Maybe your marriage is so fragile that two men getting married hundreds of miles from your home is a threat. If that's the case, look into counseling, watch some Dr. Phil or just get over it and love each other.

That's all for now.

Oh wait. That friend of mine did marry his partner. Their ceremony was beautiful and had such a strong sense of community that it influenced decisions I made about my wedding. They're still together.

Posted: Wed - March 9, 2005 at 08:33 AM        

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