GLOSSARY
WHAT MOBEN SAY
AND
WHAT MOBEN MEAN
NB THIS PAGE REFERS TO MKD
HOLDINGS LTD TRADING AS MOBEN
The following words,
phrases, etc in Blue are taken from Moben's
adverts/website/brochure and from correspondence with me.
The interpretations in red are based on my experience
of Moben and some may contain a hint of speculation, after
all I don't claim to have ESP. My additional comments are
in Magenta. You may be luckier - if
they treated everyone as abysmaly and as inefficiently as
they've treated me then they probably wouldn't still be in
business (oops they did end up in Administration) - but you
could be even unluckier than me (See 'Links &
Searches').
Before you buy a Moben Kitchen, ask yourself 'Do I feel
lucky?'.
FROM
ADVERTS Etc :
using only professional fitters and tradesmen
using unsupervised
subcontractors with quality control carried out by the
customer
Fully project managed by Moben
Not fully project managed
by Moben
(Moben's website gives
their definition of project management; it's different from
the accepted definition. Moben mean there'll be someone
who'll phone you up now and again to let you know things
are delayed. Or you can phone them up and complain, not
that it'll do you much good. Actually they do have Project
Coordinators but that didn't do me much good.)
You're special
Your money is special
Each kitchen is fully fitted by our own
trained experts, including our unique technical survey,
ensuring the fastest, best possible results and fully
guaranteed.
If you believe
this you'll believe anything
(They probably
get it right sometimes.)
Each Moben
kitchen installation is completely planned out before work
begins.
We make plans
that are impossible to keep to because we don't have enough
competent staff
(They probably
get it right sometimes.)
FROM
CORRESPONDENCE :
Thank you for your
submission, the contents of which are noted.
We didn't have time to
read all your moaning as we had so many other moaning
letters to reply to.
The customer is expecting more than is in the contract
We said the plaster would
be good enough to paint, and it will be, when you've spent
a few days with a chisel followed by some
Polyfilla
I am given to understand the existing tiles have now been
removed
I
haven't a clue what's going on in your kitchen as I'm only
the Project Coordinator
I am sorry you have found it necessary to write in such
terms
We thought you'd be happy
with our poor workmanship
Assuring you of our best attention at all times
We've got your money so
what do we care?
FROM
HOMEFORM FINANCIAL STATEMENT 2005 :
Difficult trading conditions
It's hard selling kitchens
when there's so many companies that do it better and the
internet is packed with sites slagging us
off.