Mel's Musings
Bits and Pieces from the
S P A C E
(The Final Frontier)
Between My Ears
How Did Noah Do at the Door? |
Noah: Good Morning! My name is Noah and I'm calling... Householder: (Interrupting) Look, make it quick, will you, pal? I'm busy eating and drinking. Noah: Well I'll be brief then, I'm calling on you and your neighbors to discuss world conditions. What do you feel is the most urgent problem we face today? Householder: Well, first of all, it never rains. Noah: Well, yes, that's because... Householder: ...and second of all, we have a public eyesore in the neighborhood. Noah: Oh really? What is it? Householder: Some religious nut on the other side of the hill is building this great big boat of some kind. True, everybody like to tinker on weekends, but this guy is going overboard. Noah: Strange you should mention "overboard" Householder: What? Noah: Oh, nothing. Householder: Look, Mr. Noah, I admire your zeal and devotion, but I've had discussions with members of your family before, and I'm not interested. Besides, I'm busy getting ready for my daughter's wedding. You should see the guy she's marrying. Wow! He must be nine feet tall if he's an inch. His name is Nephilim... Irving Nephilim. You should see the size of shirt he wears. I'd be swimming in it. Noah: Funny you should mention swimming. Householder: What? Noah: Oh, nothing. Householder: (continuing) ... and you should see the honeymoon they're taking -- 40 fun-filled days and 40 exciting nights on scenic Mount Ararat. It should be nice if the weather stay's as it is. Noah: I wouldn't count on it. Householder: What? Noah: Oh, nothing. (Noah Leaves) Householder: (to wife) What a strange guy that was at the door. Wife: Who was that, dear? Householder: I don't know. Some preacher of righteousness. And he sure smelled like animals! Wife: Well, maybe he owns a pet shop. Householder: Could be. Are you all ready to go to the wedding? Wife: Yes, I'm ready. Say dear, I haven't seen you with that hat before. Householder: I know, but it sure looks like rain. |
Author Anonymous
This jewel of a skit showed up in the maelstrom that is my spare bedroom. I'm not exactly sure where, when, or from whom I copied it. Judging from my handwriting, it must have been sometime in my late teens before my youthful calligraphy degraded into adult chicken scratch. It has a distinctively theocratic flavor, though.
Since I first posted this page online, I have noticed a few more versions of this piece elsewhere on the Web. The largest variation is the first name of Mr. Nephilim. I think it's a geographic/demographic thing. So you might consider this to be the Long-g-Island, Brooklyn, or Catskills version of the skit. As you read, please, supply the proper Yiddish accent to the text.
If you don't already know what's funny about the previous two sentences, you can click on the message link below and ask me.
Enjoy!