Lifetime bio


Mediabistro ad:

"LIFETIME is looking for a bona fide RELATIONSHIP EXPERT to host a new humor-based relationship show. The ideal Expert/Host is a woman* (any ethnicity) in her 30s, 40s or 50s with a dynamite personality. She is no-nonsense and take charge plus witty, warm, and a lot of fun and could be a Life Coach, Psychologist, Author, Humorist, Matchmaker, Couples Therapist, Advice Columnist..."

For which I plan to submit the following:

Christi A. Foist is a writer, former Thespian, and analyst of romantic culture who publishes the blog, “notes from the Navel.” She used to tell people her M.A. in religious studies was preparation to be “a therapist for sexually frustrated priests.” In the meantime, she is working on an untitled novel. Previous writings on sexuality include "The Cult of the Orgasm as Romantic Mysticism," and a review of Sex, Religion, Media for The Journal of the History of Sexuality.




When she isn’t writing, Christi divides her time between knitting, solitary swing dancing, and dispensing advice. She has functioned as life coach, job counselor, resume editor and consultant at large. One of her first jobs in New York was working for a Nicorette-addicted artist who proved inhospitable to employees reluctant to acknowledge him as office Omniscient. When she’d had enough of the large Andy Warhol Portrait of the Artist in His Youth that loomed over the bathroom toilet, Christi was charged with finding a replacement bookkeeper, office manager, and general kowtower. Once the resumes began pouring in, however, the quality of most was so alarming or inappropriate that she began responding with individualized advice on tightening and focusing one’s job search and application materials. She has also advised clients on how to re-oomph their resumes without resorting to dishonesty or exaggeration.

As life coach, Christi has advised friends and others through a variety of difficult situations. To a Catholic who refrained from home-run sex but insisted a woman better give good head, she delicately suggested that the underlying issue in his relationships might be the inherent selfishness of an attitude focused only on his own sexual pleasure. She has advised numerous women during their relationships with married men, helped internet daters deal with the disappointment of deception, and counseled men prepared to cheat in their relationships or struggling with the dissatisfaction of jacking off.

Some life coaching has actually been unrelated to sex, however. One friend dithered for weeks through an endless apartment search, each time convinced that she’d “found the one.” Dithered, that is, until Christi sat her down for a quantifying session. Disregarding the romantic ambiance of a Chelsea café at twilight, she forced the friend to list every conceivable quality that factored into the apartment decision. Christi dutifully copied these onto the paper tablecloth, and made a chart to tabulate the woman’s choice when going through every possible combination of apartment qualities (essentially a series of all possible boxing matches between the pool of “contestants”). Once the choices had been rigorously determined, Christi tallied the results of the “bouts” and ranked the qualities-of-apartment. Finally, she forced the friend to evaluate her two current housing options, rating each on a scale of 1-5 for each quality. Combining these scores with the quality weights, Christi was able to create an independent index for each apartment that not only provided a concrete comparison between them, but also rated each place in terms of the ideal apartment. Consequently, the friend realized neither place did a good job of meeting her stated needs and continued looking, armed with a way to quantify her emotional responses to any given apartment.

Wow, that sounds pretty crazy, you might be thinking. How’d she get to be so anal? Good question. Although Christi has two degrees in religious studies (from which she learned lots about human behavior and critical thinking), she also has a B.A. in economics. Inspired by the guy who studied why drug dealers live with their mothers, she strives to bring the practicality of economics to bear on relationships. “What is fear of commitment if not the fear of the opportunity cost? If you realize there will always be an opportunity cost — an unknown option you’re giving up — that frees you to decide as wisely as you know how.”

Clearly Christi, who once asserted, “I’ve become adept at the vernacular!” is a bona fide nerd. But whatever rough and long-winded edges made her a private laughing stock in high school have been smoothed into shtick during her ongoing dramatic activities. High school roles included Ethel Toffelmeier in The Music Man, Fruma Sarah in Fiddler on the Roof, and bit parts in Guys and Dolls and Our Town. During college she performed in a one-act scene and created a quirky librarian character who delivered announcements during weekly meetings of Campus Crusade for Christ. Later she was a regular guest singer with musician Greg Ford at Rula Bula in Tempe, Arizona. Most recently she was a featured extra in the indie film Ash Tuesday and graced the stage at Slipper Room in an impromptu Grease skit with comedian Seth Herzog.

posted @ 04:38 PM on Wed - June 23, 2004 remark! Email |  as quoted:
before I said ...  but more recently: 

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