how to waste a perfectly good night...


Spend it writing up your profile on a personal site! Sometimes I really wonder why I do these things...

Following are some excerpts from the short-answer portions of my profile (read: ad). The content is far more explicitly religious than usual, so click through to new york journals or another page if that makes you feel better. ;)

What I did for a stranger
Recently I was in line for the bathroom at a Manhattan club overflowing with the kind of post-Greek scene I don't really care for. A blond whom I could easily disdain cut in line shortly before I reached bladder relief. When I asked her, she insisted she'd been in line. I didn't buy this, but left it at that. But when I was next, and a stall opened up, I turned to her: "Go ahead." She will never know I did it because of Jesus, but at that moment it seemed the best way to glorify Him.

It was right to lie when
When my best friend asked me if this guy she really liked was coming to her birthday dinner (he was). She's such a control freak that she can't stand surprises. But if I'd been honest with her, I would have ruined her birthday surprise. And I really felt that she needed to experience the good things that can happen when you are not in total control of your life. That sometimes dependence results in a blessing greater than you, yourself could create. So I lied.

I am most grateful for
By the grace of God, I have moved beyond a superficial knowledge of Him. In many ways I am a terrible, faithless follower, but my faith is in GOD, not the evangelical paradigm of Him I was raised with. This is not to say I eschew community, but that God has revealed Himself to be bigger and more real than my ideas of Him. My paradigm can change, even shatter, but I know that God has not gone away. He is in control of my spiritual journey, and will reveal Himself as He sees fit.

Issues we should agree on
The seriousness of your commitment to God matters more than anything. The more you allow God to work in your life, the more radical your views will probably become. As God is working in your life, you will probably become more compassionate than you are now, and more certain of some things than you once were. This is open-mindedness, but not the conventional sort. It is more a quality of open heart and malleable will.

In a tornado, I'd save
My laptop, what negative binders I could grab, and something handmade — sweaters I've made, or the quilt my mom finished. Journals were lost once (by the post office; most arrived in the end), but they're really about the past. If I've processed that history, do I need its record? But pictures are different to me; they matter more. They have a yet-undetermined life in my future, more so than journals. Once I would have said my Bible but that can be replaced — but for the margin notes and such.

Makes me laugh the hardest
Jackie Chan trying to mount the horse in Shanghai Noon was pretty great. But I also loved Buster Keaton in College. I have a great appreciation for wit and repartee, but nothing makes me laugh harder than those brilliant comedic scenes that just build and build like a stack of dominoes tumbling down: the scene in Meet the Parents where the cat knocks over the urn with the aunt's ashes ... or contributes to some fire that ignites Owen Wilson's character's sculpture. In a word: slapstick.

My favorite guilty pleasure
Disco or some indulgence of my latent romanticism. I also own Ricky Martin, Lou Bega and Tom Jones CDs ... But generally I don't think too much about the "guilt" factor; I just indulge. ;) (Being careful to sufficiently self-deprecate, of course.)

On my fridge you'll find
My Homer Simpson magnet set! Akin to paper dolls, they've gone with me from apartment to apartment, ever since I bought them in Paris. I still wish I'd bought the Bart or Lisa ones too ... I haven't seen anything comparable here. Still, one set is enough to keep guests entertained and amused while I'm wrapping up a meal. I love the idea of that: people gathered in the kitchen, just before eating, talking and relaxing. It's rare in New York, but no less possible than elsewhere.

Why you should get to know me
Oh, God. The dreadful sales pitch. And they know it! Three times the verbiage allowance!

Of course, that would never be enough for even one entry from my blog ... but that's another story. A story you can't google ... but if you're clever could track down.

But enough of my red herring. This is why we hate the internet: that you have to spell out things just felt when you meet someone face-to-face. Then again, I suppose half the problem of face-to-face meetings is the things we feel that prove unfounded ... or, at least, unsound as sources of guidance.

Which is not always the case with me. Friends actually like my advice, generally. Maybe they get fooled by the big words (which, curiously, are not always long words, just obscure). But I have fans, I do. Maybe I just kept emailing them, or we hit it off once...

You see, I don't mind exerting a lot of energy to maintain relationships, so I tend to have a lot. Of the platonic sort.

And a few of the short-lived romantic sort, but that mostly comes from dating men who don't love Jesus. Funny how that contrives to mess things up...

But really, that's why you should get to know me: Because you love Jesus, and are eager to know more of Him. Assuming both of us even marginally allow Him to work in our lives, that means others encounter Him through us. No matter what my relationship with you, if Jesus reveals Himself through it, we're both the better for it.

What I'm looking for in a Soulmatch
Nothing. Because I'm not looking. For a "soulmate," anyway.

From the standpoint of divine destiny, I understand why people want to believe in one. And I do think God is involved in our lives. But all too often the desire to know how God is involved creates an abdication of responsibility. People would rather be told what to decide than how to decide.

But I suppose I'm dodging the question. Or rather, its intent.

I used to have so many lists of "qualities," but they were often slanted by the guy I liked most at the moment.

Honesty matters, of course.

But the most important thing — the hardest to find — is sincere, thoughtful passion for God and His glory that manifests itself in humble but courageous leadership. That, right there, is probably asking a hell of a lot. But I really feel that God designed spouses to have complementary roles. The strength of the woman is displayed more in the seeming weakness of submission (though that in itself is about five conversations alone!). But I am only prepared to submit to a leader I respect. I realize that, if I marry, I will disagree with my spouse. But if I can at least respect his thinking and decision-making process, it will be much easier for me to abide by a decision I would not have made.

In terms of "superficial" stuff, music is my life. I can't imagine dating someone with 5 records. And I really love to dance. I've gotten used to doing it alone, but I'd prefer not to.

To get my attention, answer this
Grrrrrr. I hate instructions like this. Dude, I don't know.

Talk about music you're passionate about. Talk about how music makes you feel. Talk about the most difficult time you've gone through in your relationship with God.

Naw, that's too weird for a first interaction. Tell me what you think of British writers: guys like Alain de Botton or Nick Hornby. It's probably more how you talk than what you say anyway.

Show, not tell. Isn't that the most effective way to communicate personality? ;)

My most important spiritual experience
Only one?!! Man, I'm one for candor, but there's no way I could attempt to figure this out and then divulge it to unknown quantities of strangers! Sorry, I won't take advantage of the invitation to wax lengthy here. If we talk, you'll learn about my spiritual journey as it seems appropriate. I'm all for cutting the bullsh**, but there's something to be said for small talk! Reciprocity, I think it's called.

Do pets go to heaven?
It depends on the "heaven" meant here! A lot of people miss the fact that the Bible describes a new heaven and a new earth after all has been made right. The material creation will be restored to the glory once intended. While there's nothing to indicate the fate of personal pets, I can't imagine a new heaven would be lacking in animals. How else could the lion lie down with the lamb?

I feel like this question misses the point. Maybe it's one of those show-your-quirky-hippie-self ops...

Influential spiritual books or authors
Alain de Botton is very illuminating re: romantic relationships. In terms of spiritual stuff, "The Myth of Certainty" was very helpful at one time, as was "The Ironic Christian's Companion" (Patrick Henry). Lewis is of course always good, but so too Dostoevsky ("Crime and Punishment") and Frank Peretti (sin as depicted in "The Oath" is surprisingly memorable). I also have vivid images from childhood readings of a George MacDonald short story.

Favorite verse(s)/hymn
I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's been a long time since the days of Awana when I memorized endless verses to catch up for my late start. I don't even read my Bible very often (yes, I'm sure many of you will click "next" at this point).

What came immediately to mind was the line of that hymn: "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it." The remarkable honesty of that sums up so many things. In the past — especially at a significant turning point in my spiritual walk — I clung to Jeremiah 29:11. But not the "I know the plans I have for you" part as much as the verses that follow: "then you will come and pray to Me. And when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you." That was really a lifeline at times — but also something I claimed in a rather audacious spirit.

Later I came to realize that a relationship with God is just like anything else; it has its honeymoon stage, when you feel close. But then that changes. Sometimes I've encountered God more emotionally in the utter despair of my inability to get something out of the Bible at that moment. Recently I've pondered the book of Judges a lot. There was a distance between God and Israel, in terms of the immediacy of His provision if nothing else, but it wasn't all because of their sin. Part of it was just ... a stage. I wonder about that a lot sometimes.

I most often pray for
Me. Which probably sounds really awful. And in a sense it is.

But part of it stems from the fact my relationship with God has become so much more than those dreadful laundry-list prayers where you check off all those items you promised to pray for and have no genuine compassion regarding. So, I pray a lot about me because a lot of my prayers are a process of struggling through things with God. Recently it dawned on me (in this particular couching of phrase) that the Bible is God's story. It's His. It's about Him. We're just the bit players, really. We'd like to think it's all about us, and therefore we can interpret God as being all about us and His plans as being all about us ... but really it's about Him. He pursues our good and our blessing because it glorifies Him.

I struggle tremendously with that. Man, do I hate it sometimes. It makes me crazy!!! My concerns not being as important as I want them to!

So, plenty of my prayers are about contests of the will. I know I've made a commitment to God, and I won't back down on that, but lately it feels like I'm only beginning to realize how costly that is, how difficult. Thus, the me-prayers. But sometimes it's a way of working through anger toward a friend, for example — trying to work through that, but working through it; not denying the force of the emotions I feel.

My prayers are often psychological in this way, but I also pray about people, world issues and so on as God makes those burdens heavy on my heart.

Being Christian means
Enh. Too big a question. What does "a Christian" mean, for instance?!!

In my master's thesis project, I found "religion" to be so unhelpful a word I abandoned it entirely. Not in the thesis itself, of course, but in working with the photographers whose work I analyzed. I couldn't ask them to make pictures about "religion," because it would engage all these stereotypes — probably often about Christianity more than, say, Buddhism. So I asked them to create images about values because I was more interested in their spiritual life than their views about "religion" (however they variously defined it).

Anyway ... all that to say, "Christian" is just another label sometimes. I think I've been clear enough in some of the other statements made that there should be no doubt whether I "spark" the kind of thing that turns on the sprinklers in the ceiling ;) ... or "that gets a fire going."

Hm ... maybe that imagery doesn't work as well as I hoped. At any rate, we can talk further about this if you wish ... but if we prove to have radically different notions about what it means to follow God — specifically as accessed through the sacrifice of Jesus who was called Christ — you've really missed the point of several things I've said already! ;)

posted @ 03:51 AM on Thu - July 8, 2004 remark! Email |  as quoted:
before I said ...  but more recently: 

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