gender, pt. 2


See “pt. 1” here. Meanwhile, on with another comment blurb from the New Pantagruel forums (click here to read the whole thread; includes some stuff on the McGreevey announcement):

The problem viz. gender roles extends to both men and women, and bears itself out in the confusion of our interactions. The men probably do know the stakes, and are therefore more reluctant to actually ask a girl out (hence the pseudo-date). The women become frustrated with this and either date men outside the church, or engage in passive-but-aggressive attempts to get the man’s interest and try to force him into interaction. I have, um, been very guilty on both counts.

But the men, to be fair to them, have a lot working against them. First off, they’ve been schooled to be mindful of women’s feelings, be more sensitive, etc., etc. Secondly, the Christian community can often be fairly intimate. I have no idea how people do it who briefly date and then split up. Often I think one person ends up going to another congregation so that even a brief period of experimental dating can prove fairly disruptive to the person’s spiritual life. Thirdly (which really relates to my first point), I think guys have a hard time flat-out telling a girl when they’re not interested. Maybe they don’t want to hurt us, so they don’t actually say, “Look. I’m not interested.” But as a way of trying to discourage the woman’s not-so-subtle advances, the guy may feel forced to behave in an increasingly unkind fashion that probably will hurt her in the end — possibly more than a frank clarification would have done.

Recently I read the following account on a friend’s blog:

“I went to Nola's last night for dinner, and this really hot blonde girl named Monica was picking up on me. Asked for my number, wanted to hang out this weekend, was being a little too touchy and friendly after chit chatting for 20 minutes, and I told her point blank that I wasn't interested in her. She asked if I had a G/F and I said no. She said I needed one, and I said it wasn't going to be her. She said it was unfair of me to judge people like that and I said 'Yeah? Well, I'm good at it.' She sat there for a minute with this depressed, stunned look on her face, and then turned around and started talking to the guy next to her. I paid my tab and the bar tender (who heard this whole exchange) mouthed the words' WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?' at me as he took my CC. Hilarious.... I'm guessing wife material is not common in a place like Nola's. It really pisses me off when girls think they have your number just because they are hot. Anyways, I laughed all the way home. I don't think I've dissed someone that hard before. hahahah...."

After thinking about it, I can’t decide which reaction I feel more strongly: a) automatic recoil at the harshness of it, or b) respect for this frankness in flat-out telling her it wasn’t going to go anywhere. It takes a lot of balls to just say something like that, and ultimately I think I admire it.

posted @ 03:04 AM on Tue - August 17, 2004 remark! Email |  as quoted:
before I said ...  but more recently: 

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