nyj63: staying in a New York state of mind (after all)


Someone on the office iTunes network has a couple Billy Joel albums in the library, one of which includes the song in reference. I joked about this song prior to moving here in 2002 — initially I literally planned to take Greyhound east from Arizona. Right now, if I were to leave anytime in the near future, that’s probably the only transportation my budget would cover.

But I won’t be leaving, for that reason and others. After much soul-searching and more than a few head-congesting weeps, I’ve decided I need to stick it out here at least another year or so. In spiritual terms, I think I’ve been fighting God a long time on this and not fully submitting to what I knew I was being asked to do, even though I don’t completely understand the why. For those to whom such language is a bit incomprehensible ;), I don’t think my motives for leaving are wise (to the degree I’ve sorted those convoluted spaghetti strands into a neat row of noodles). There’s more to life than just doing what you want or chasing down dreams. Character counts for much too — and sometimes it’s the missing ingredient necessary for the dreams you hope to realize. So, though it right now feels like the primary benefit of staying planted a little bit longer is mostly the character sculpting, I’m confident this is the right choice.

Besides, too much has been disrupted by the last 10 months of unemployment. Though I have had the publishing-industry experience I came here to find, other “work” in this place seems to be unfinished. Once I can find permanent work (which may or may not come from the current temp assignment), I need to focus on paying down debt and stabilizing in other ways. And I have a book-proposal idea nicely on its way that a major move might delay or interfere with. Since the real reason I wanted in on publishing was that I wanted to be published, I think it would be wise to follow this through.

So, some of the work-yet-to-be-done may be relational, some emotional, some even spiritual. I’m not sure. I just know that as much as I have wept to yield my will on this, I feel more at peace about staying another year here than moving out West like I’ve wanted. Don’t prepare to update your address books anytime soon. And don’t forget that as long as I’m in Brooklyn there’s sturdily canvas-covered futon you’re welcome to grab a snooze on. ;)

posted @ 10:55 PM on Wed - March 23, 2005 remark! Email |  as quoted:
before I said ...  but more recently: 

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