nyj73: 2005 wrap-up


I realize it's a bit late to be sending New Year's letters, but as Sis and I were engulfed in a crowd of Chinese New Year celebrants on our D-train last Sunday, I'm gonna sneak this in anyhow. Gotta live up to my childhood nickname of "Last-minute Lucy" sometimes, right? ;) At least I can blame the delay on work this year. What a reversal of fortunes I've seen! Last winter, things got so grim my church paid the rent and my cell phone bill one month, and gave me gift cards for groceries. At the time all I could think about was moving west, though I hardly had funds to do so.

In retrospect, it's almost as if that very commitment to stubborn escapism was the main thing holding up the blessings God had in store. As soon as I chose to forestall that dream, things started to change dramatically. By early summer I had an agent for my memoir, interest from Random House, and publicity in a major national magazine. When I turned 27 in July, life revolved around four basic unknowns — teaching, boy, book, work — which all resolved themselves within months, if not weeks.

teaching/work: In August, I completed GRE teacher certification and was placed in a class that concluded in September. As it turned out, this was just the experience I needed for a major freelance, now permanent part-time, position that came along around the same time. I haven't taught since, but I now work 20 hours/week (or close to it), developing ACT/college-prep curriculum and related materials. Never could I have created such a perfect next job — one that builds on both my editorial and teaching experience in challenging, satisfying ways. If that weren't enough, in October I picked up another project, doing technical writing and editing for a major freelance client — a great opportunity that ended a couple weeks ago when their budget ran out. Which means my hand (and income-tax savings) have now been emptied ... but who's to say what God will shortly fill it with? If there's one thing I've learned in this New York adventure, it's that the adequacy of God's provision has nothing to do with much advance warning I have.

book/boy: Although I'm still uninsured, the timing and nature of my work this year could not have been better suited to the book deal finalized in early September. Manuscript is due July 1, so most days now begin with a solid stretch writing before I dive into the monthly bill-paying freelance work. Things with the boy did not work out ... the way I planned, anyway ... but I'm handling that far better than expected. I'd started to think God could never free me from what had become an enslaving idolatry of sex/marriage/family — but I thought the same thing seven-ten years ago about my weight. In both cases I've been proved wrong about God's capacity to heal and chasten. In the last three-four months, I've begun to find, for the first time in my life, a growing sense of purpose and direction that has neither to do with hoped-for relationships nor work. Marriage or not-marriage, book and post-book: all can be equally subsumed to this new sense of direction, which is contingent on nothing except my willingness to serve God and others instead of myself. Case(s) in point ...

action point 1: Thanks to the book deal, I'm thrilled to be partnering with my friends Tremolo on the benevolent fund they started with profits from their record, Love is the Greatest Revenge. Last August Tremolo launched an online forum for fans to suggest and discuss the causes they care about most, one of which gets our money. Last month we winnowed the list down to the top five, and officially "opened" the voting booth for our first fund payout. UPDATE: Voting is now closed, but thanks to all who "spoke up." It was a very tight race, the winner prevailing but only .5%, but our 2005 proceeds will go to Free the Slaves. Stay tuned for first-quarter 2006 voting, in a bit.

action point 2: Some of you may remember the Cosmo party I won, from which half the budget went to a needy Louisiana school. Recently I learned the same school has a very under-supplied art program. If any of you are interested in donating new or used supplies, let me know. Some old photo supplies I recently sent were very gratefully received, and since then I've been trying to pass the word to everyone I know about that need.

Thanks for the love, prayers, support and friendship so many of you have offered in this last year. Much of its richness truly owes to the companions I'm blessed to have on this strange and challenging journey. The deeper in I go, the more I'm pulled out of my selfishness, into the starkness and grimness of life. And yet, at the same time, I see the beauty of God more than ever before. Thanks to all those who've helped remove the scales that blind me to both the reality and the beauty.

posted @ 04:53 PM on Tue - February 7, 2006 remark! Email |  as quoted:
before I said ...  but more recently: 

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