nyj41: the day the basket broke


Why is it bad news so often gets read in the wee hours? July 10, bad news.* July 24, bad news: That Company, the one job I've pursued most passionately, the one company I've been talking about all summer long, let the other shoe drop.

Although as recently as two weeks ago they were still telling me a decision might not be made until August about which 10 to interview, let alone whom to hire, this morning I received a reply from one of the principals. They've hired two people and might hire another in September, but they don't know. I shouldn't delay my job search on their account.

I'm still in shock, I expect, though I've had my initial weep. I said to God just now that I feel like my life is a wasteland, all my resources lying unused. The efficiency nut in me is going crazy at this waste of my education, and whatever meagre talents I possess. Judging from an increasingly disastrous (or at least vapid) second blog, arbitrarily choosing projects ain't a good way to go either. Surely there must be some good use for me!

So ... major thinking is in order. Do I still pursue work in AIDS? Do I consider health more generally? Do I contemplate self-induced brain damage? (Just kidding.) Or do I focus my search on writing gigs? Those of you who know me — or dilemmas similar to mine — should feel free to weigh in. Should I reign in my idealism and go crawling back to McGraw for one those editorial jobs in reading I keep hearing about?

Psychologically I'll be fine of course — with a little sleep and plenty of midday caffeine. Besides, thanks to a dear friend's generosity, I have ample stores of fruit to cheer me up with a natural-sugar high for breakfast. The love implicit in her gift helps even more. But in the midst of that ... some definite frustration. I think I hate boredom more than anything. OK, maybe second to wastefulness.

The city this evening surrounded us with an air alternately wet and heavy with the passage of the recent storm. A bit like my weather, just now.


*in effect

posted @ 04:06 AM on Sat - July 24, 2004 remark! Email |  as quoted:
before I said ...  but more recently: 

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