Tue - December 14, 2004

strange


To think one can go through an entire day — much less a few days — in which there is literally almost no real, palpable, skin-to-skin contact with another person except the harried jostle of squeezing from a subway car. Perhaps the only real touch, indeed, was pressing my one last Hershey kiss into the hand of a prostrate homeless man last night, just before I hurried home from a Tom Wolfe lecture.

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Mon - August 16, 2004

the Berkeley back story, pt. 2


Continued from the email I sent a friend. Original summer-of-Berkeley write-up in three parts: 1, 2, 3.

As the summer slowly unraveled, things became increasingly confused and difficult. To this day, it’s still an extraordinary puzzle I’ve never quite figured out. There’s even a lot of the summer I just don’t remember — what happened, how I spent my time, what we talked about ... I think I was in a real hibernation mode, emotionally, so overwhelmed and confused that most of my normal, self-analytical processes just shut down completely.

At this point you’re probably confused, right? :) What in the scant details above could possibly explain this utter confusion?

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Sun - August 15, 2004

the Berkeley back story, pt. 1


Recently my thoughts have turned back to that pivotal summer in Berkeley (1999). I’m not sure why, completely, but maybe there’s still a lingering desire for closure. As there was last summer, when I wrote those lengthy recollective analysis to a new Craigslist buddy. Since that email was soooo long, I’m splitting it in two here. Part one is basically the stuff that came before Berkeley, while part two is observations about the actual two-month project experience.


From an email originally sent June 23, 2003.

Just as some brief background on the Berkeley thing ... I grew up in a fairly conservative Christian home — standard evangelical, protestant stuff. I have to say, though, that it wasn’t quite the stereotypical upbringing. From the standpoint of an insider, my parents have always been somewhat maverick and not as conformed to the cultural aspects of Christianity as a lot of other people. And in fact, their big thing growing up was that they had a relationship, not religion — as in, a relationship with God that was really vital and passionate. Not “religion,” which they saw as more mechanistic, ritualistic and often insincere.

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Fri - August 16, 2002

learning to juggle rent


(from a more-positive email "home")

The music thing wouldn't have been a job — just something fun to do in my freetime. But Jared (the guy) said he wanted someone with more stability in their life, so I don't think that'll work out. Which is OK. I like his music, but it wasn't like my life's passion to be part of making it or anything.

The two jobs I've interviewed for so far would both be as office managers. The company I interviewed with Thursday is the one I'd rather work for, though. Last night I got a weird call about 10 o'clock from some guy who worked at the first company and was evidently following up on that interview, though I'd never met him. Actually, the more I think about it, the weirder that call seems. He was really interested in my academic background and wanted to know what philosophers I found influential, and really just wanted to spout off about his own views on patriarchy, postmodernism and feminist scholarship (sigh). I had to drag any information about the job out of him, although he claimed I was "on the short list." I guess that's good, but I don't feel *I've* had a chance to interview the company yet to my satisfaction. I have almost no idea what my responsibilities would involve, since the real interview was all about me (the woman was reading my resume as we spoke) and nothing about the job (she got called away at the end and couldn't finish). The more I think about it, I'm just really having my doubts about that office.

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Mon - August 12, 2002

graduation —> settling in


(from an email "home" to Mom)

> Also, we'd love to hear some of your story about selling stuff, storing
> stuff, deciding between the two and then finally what went on the plane.

Well.... I was packing down till the end. Mostly clothes and essential stuff went in the suitcases, although I don't remember much about that decision process. Some sales of stuff are still in progress, which may actually work out
pretty well. I did net $150 at the garage sale, though. What else? Sold one picture; I get to cash that check ($60) on the 16th.

The rest got stored by my friend Jerry, who said he can also ship stuff whenever I need it, and I can just pay him back when I have the money. I haven't yet gotten any of my boxes — even the ones I sent in advance of my trip — so I'm not yet sure how that'll work out. But so far I'm doing OK. I have my computer :) and clothes, so that's about all I've needed so far.

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Fri - July 26, 2002

moving on


(Originally sent as an email)

Perhaps with this email more than any other, expedience forces me to rely on a very impersonal format though my news portends changes in the relationship I have enjoyed with many of you.

Those who’ve seen a lot of me face to face will soon be seeing only the text of my emails, or occasionally hearing my voice on the telephone. But for some of you who’ve primarily been keeping in touch that way, things are about to become much more immediate and less mediated.

...Which is the jibberish way of saying, I’m moving:

.... to New York.

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Mon - July 22, 2002

advice


(email to an elder at my church)

Hopefully you got my phone message earlier this week. :) Without knowing what your schedule is like, I thought it might be helpful if I outlined the situation in advance of any conversation we have, in person or over the phone.

In brief, what I am considering is a move to New York City. As of a conversation tonight, I have a strong lead on a roommate I think I would really get along with, whose place sounds pretty nice and is also a reasonable deal for the area.

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Tue - November 23, 1999

journal entry


I look at my life, and all of a sudden I see a million changes amassing like storm clouds speeding at me from the horizon. I'm terrified — scared almost to tears, yet at the same time strangely excited (I think). Worlds are opening up to me — still vague and hazy, but still distinguishable as alternatives I hadn't considered before.

The beat and rhythm of the music that has been college life begins to change subtly — and I recognize that it is due to a movement on my part. I now stand between college and a life beyond — whose music and rhythm begin to mingle with the familiar cacophony, yet in a voice I begin to distinguish. And I stand transfixed — slightly terrified of this strange new sound, yet oddly attracted as well. I know not how to dance to this tune, yet something in it excites me. The pace is at once faster and yet a slower bass part plays beneath, like the slow, sensuous rhythm I imagine in lovemaking. Trepidation. Excitement. Uncertainty.

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Tue - July 27, 1999

berkeley pt. 3: walk with God


(Originally sent as an email. Pt. 1: the city; Pt. 2: community)
Walk with God
First off, I feel the need to explain this subtopic a little. I realize that not all of you receiving this are Christians or are interested in a relationship with God. Maybe you don’t even believe in God. I want to apologize for kind of overlooking you in some of my remarks. Perhaps I should take the time to give you a “de-spiritualized” version of my updates. I guess my only excuse is that I’m so busy I barely manage to squeeze out emails at all, and that understanding a little about my relationship with Jesus is important to understanding ME.

That said, I’d like to tell you a little bit about how this summer has been for me, spiritually.

Definitely, it’s been an adventure. I just got out of my weekly small-group Bible study, where we were asked what God has been teaching us. It was kind of a hard question for me to answer. Part of the reason, I think, is that this project can at times be so busy, there’s barely time to reflect! Literally one of my best opportunities to reflect and ponder is the daily walk to the BART station, 15-20 minutes there in the morning (gloriously cloudy :)), 15-20 minutes back in the evening.

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Mon - July 26, 1999

berkeley pt. 2: community


(Originally sent as an email. Pt. 1: the city)
Community
There are 18 students on our project - 12 women and 6 men, all of whom come from 10 states across the country. Quite a lot of people are from the Midwest, but there are also a few from California, one from Washington (my roommate) and the three of us from Arizona. It’s a very white project, but I guess that’s what God had in mind.

There are so many people I could tell you about I guess I’ll try to hit them all, but keep it brief.

First there’s my roommate Carla, who’s a computer science major from the U-Dub. :) :) She’s Peruvian with a dual citizenship, and generally a very classy dame. :) Carla is 20.

Our suite mates are my friend Jen from Arizona, and Jaelithe. Jaelithe is from southern Indiana, where she’s a 20-year-old journalism major, and the only girl on project with an accent. She’s pretty awesome :) - really into poetry and English and things like that.

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Sun - July 25, 1999

berkeley pt. 1: the city


(Originally sent as an email)
Hopefully this will get out in one piece; last time I tried to email you all, there was a glitch toward the end of my first attempt, so I had to retype it. I’m really praying that doesn’t happen this time, because there’s a lot I want to say! So much, in fact, that I will try to organize things under the following subtitles: Berkeley, community, walk with God, work, ministry, research. There will probably be some overlap though. :)

For starters, I should probably explain a little about how we got up here. :) We did the road trip thing. Two of my friends from ASU, Joe Golike and Jen Swinford, hooked up with two of the Midwesterners coming here, and the five of us made the 12-hour trip in one day. We left Joe’s parents’ house around 2 a.m. June 20th, and drove through the night to LA. We had breakfast at a Denny’s somewhere in California, and drove pretty steadily up to the Bay area from there, arriving mid-afternoon. I ended up doing a lot of the driving for our car (maybe 7-8 hours), which I think was a blessing for the other two. Jessica and Angie had already driven out to Arizona from Indiana/Michigan, so they’d had plenty of driving already.

So we got to Berkeley, hauled our stuff into the house, settled in a little bit, and went off for a dinner deal at Bruce McCluggage’s (he’s our project director. And that’s kind of where it all began.

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