To Carla

August 4, 2003

Carla is gone.

Our daughter died this morning. Her daughter, Danielle, and her husband, Byron, were with her at the end. Roz and I and our son, David, were with her during her last intervals of communication.

For those of you who didn’t know her, forgive us for imposing our tears on you.

Carla was 59. Breast cancer struck when she was 33, and recurred six and a half years ago. Despite the long, ominous foreboding of what was to come, she lived a full and beautiful life. We leave it to others to note her accomplishments as a mathematician, scientist and teacher. For us, she was as dear and caring as anyone could ever be, engaged not only with the people around her, but with all human struggles and dreams of a better world.

When it became clear that nothing further could be done, we wanted to be sure she knew how special she was. We sent her this letter:

July 14, 2003

Dearest Carla,

We’re writing this letter because we want you to appreciate how rare and wonderful you are.

Everyone who has ever known us quickly discovered (often to your discomfort) our irrepressible joy and pride in you and David. Parental love is a law of nature, but it’s hard to believe that every parent feels as deeply and uniquely about a child as we feel about you.

There are so many “objective” witnesses, without the benefit of parental instinct, who see you as we do. You are so warm and genuine. You are more than sensitive — so perceptive and able to understand others. You have encouraged so many, and so many love you as a friend.

Do you realize how much you’ve done for us in just this last couple of years? As the insecurities and infirmities of old age invade, you have given us both a sense of our worth, that we each have insights and ideas to offer, that what we do now is still valued. Without you, the website journal that became a big part of our lives would never have happened. With you, the books and movies and music we share all take on new life. You and David are the best friends of our lifetime.

We are so happy with the person you are. You have put together a rich life of accomplishment in work that you love. You have the remarkable daughter and the exceptional life’s companion that you deserve. Your mind and your beauty are appreciated and treasured.

We love you. See you soon!

Mom and Dad