ADVICE TO LOVELORN
Chet Corey

Do not eat your heart out. A lonely heart should never be eaten, as ancient hunters ate the hearts of deer kill, even though some contend that the lonely heart can be eaten from the inside out. Nor should the blood of the bleeding heart be drunk, as the Watusi mix the blood of the hunt with the milk of cattle, a sort of café latte. Do not confuse the fickle heart with a kosher pickle on your plate beside a Ruben and fries. If you are served up a fickle heart, leave it untouched. The broken, even the shattered heart should be mended, piece by piece, with the glue of new love, even if small pieces remain missing. As with the drying of tears, over night may be required for larger parts. Moreover, do not expect the mended heart to go unnoticed by lovers or ever again to be as good as new. Think of it as wearing your pain on your sleeve. The broken heart should never be discarded or thrown away; mended, it may have some worth at a garage sale. Only when the heart has aged and been seasoned by lengthy separations, divorce, or death of lover or spouse will it be good eating. But by then you will have lost your appetite. And never beat your brains out, even though brains are a delicacy on the menus of trendy New York restaurants. As is tongue. Both are overrated and overpriced compared to the heart, broken or shattered by love.