Am I wiping right?


I recently saw a character on TV wiping his bum differently than I had ever done in my life. This perplexed me and got me to wondering if I was doing it right. This led to other questions about how normal I am as well.


Well this question haunts me again. Again, you say? Yes. Awhile back I saw an episode of Oz on HBO that got me to thinking.

You pitch, I'll catch


As I was looking for a blank tape to record something on TV with I saw where I had taped this episode. In it one of the prisoners is sitting on the toilet while a guard is talking to him and he pulls a length of toilet paper off the roll and reaches down between his legs from the front to wipe.

I saw that and wondered how odd. But later it began to bother me. My whole life I've wiped by reaching around from behind. Have I been doing it wrong my entire life? If I do that wrong what else do I do incorrectly that I've never realized?

I always put my toothpaste on my toothbrush then run it under the faucet for a second to get it wet so it will lather better before I start to brush. Would others find this abnormal?

I always put my left leg in my pants first then my right. Does this make me odd?

When I pack my suitcase I put underwear and socks in first. Should they go in last?

When I rub my eyes I use my knuckles instead of my finger tips. Am I an outcast?

When I put on cologne I spray a mist in the air and then walk through it instead of spraying it directly on me. Does this make me insane?

The first thing I do when I get a magazine is pull out all the little subscription cards instead of pulling them out as I come to them. Does this make me mad?

I'm more worried than ever now that everything I do, I do wrong. There should be a web site somewhere that explains the right way to do these things so we can all be normal. I'm already concerned that I'm in the minority in the Pop vs. Soda battle because I call it soda.

Oh well, it's probably too late to change now, I've been doing what i do for so long I don't know that I can change it now. It comes so naturally. I feel a rumble in my tummy so it's off to "drop the kids at the pool" and try not to worry if I'm wiping ass backwards!

P.S. I found this while on the phone and taking a break from typing. The Great Wipe Debate

I don't feel so awkward now.

Posted: Thu - September 18, 2003 at 03:06 AM   | | Email Me | |

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