Tummy less turbulent...
...took half a dose of Imodium, ate some
applesauce and drank some tea with ginger in it. I'm still weak and my tummy is
touchy, but at least the initial episode is over. The last one, a month ago,
lasted FIVE DAYS. I should get some Boost or something to keep around for those
days when I can't handle solid food. I worry about not getting enough nutrition.
Got my family get-together
plans sorted out somewhat. My aunt is going to call my dad, and we'll try to get
everyone together sometime this weekend to visit my grandmother, who is in a
24-hour Alzheimer's facility. Most of my relatives are going to my cousin's in
Vail on Christmas Day...my aunt invited me, but I'm not sure my foot can handle
that long of a day yet (two hour drive each way), so I declined. Maybe next
year.
Bonus Rave
of the Day: Some last minute giggles from the one and only
Ducky...
LIFE
LESSONS FROM A
SNOWMAN
*
It's okay if you're a little bottom
heavy.
*
Hold your ground, even when the heat is
on.
*
Wearing white is always
appropriate.
*
Winter is the best of the four
seasons.
*
It takes a few extra rolls to make a good
midsection.
*
There's nothing better than a foul weather
friend.
*
The key to life is to be a jolly, happy
soul.
*
It's not the size of the carrot, but the placement that
counts.
*
We're all made up of mostly
water.
*
You know you've made it when they write a song about
you.
*
Accessorize! Accessorize!
Accessorize!
*
Avoid yellow snow. Don't get too much
sun.
* It's
embarrassing when you can't look down and see your
feet.
*
It's fun to hang out in your front
yard.
*
Always put your best foot
forward.
*
There's no stopping you once you're on a
roll.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SIGNS
YOU'RE CAUGHT UP IN THE HOLIDAY SHOPPING
FRENZY
*
Before stepping out of your car, you put in a mouthpiece, slip on protective
goggles, and tape your
ankles.
*
You've somehow convinced yourself that "Visa burn" entitles you to park in
handicapped
spaces.
*
You call the kids to dinner and hear their muffled screams coming from boxes you
wrapped that
afternoon.
*
At 95percent off, you don't care if that Acme Iron Lung works or not -- your
kids are going to use it and appreciate
it!
* Sure,
the sign says "1 Furby per customer", but they're probably not doing body cavity
searches.
*
The bank has replaced your Platinum Visa with a one-of-a-kind Plutonium
Visa.
* On
any given day, you have more plastic on you than Anna Nicole Smith and Pamela
Anderson Lee
combined.
*
In an effort to please your 5-year-old, you trade your 2-year-old for a
Furby.
*
Upon awakening on the sofa, you discover 10 beer empties, 5 Cheetos bags, and an
answering machine message thanking you for your order of 100 Dale Earnhardt
Hummel
Figures.
*
The producer of "American Gladiators" calls after seeing you fight for the last
Furby on
CNN.
* Just
too busy shopping to fact-check your NY Times
article.
*
Currently spending more time at "Amazon.com" than at
"AmazonWomen.com".
*
Your MasterCard bill arrives on a Zip
disk.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
WAYS
TO CONFUSE
SANTA
*
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you
think he could stand to lose a few
pounds.
*
While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding
ticket.
*
Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he
would mind watering your
plants.
*
While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait
and see what happens when he tries to get them to
fly.
* Keep
an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a
little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa
suit!
*
Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted
to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way
home.
*
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let
him leave until the strippers
arrive.
*
While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back
and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take
off.
* Take
everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives,
show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the
scene of the
crime."
*
Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and
corrections.
*
While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed
wire.
*
Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and
hard-to-read directions to your new
house.
*
Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in
it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a
bear.
*
Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go
out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled."
Threaten to
sue.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kids'
Fun With Christmas Carol
Titles
No
one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new
takes on old
favorites:
Deck the Halls
with Buddy Holly
We three kings
of porridge and
tar
On the first day
of Christmas my tulip gave to
me
Later on we'll
perspire, as we dream by the
fire.
He's makin a
list, chicken and
rice.
Noel. Noel,
Barney's the king of
Israel.
With the jelly
toast proclaim
Olive, the other
reindeer.
Frosty the
Snowman is a ferret elf, I
say
Sleep in
heavenly
peas
In the
meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and
brown
You'll go down
in listerine
Oh, what fun it
is to ride with one horse, soap and
hay
O come, froggy
faithful
You'll tell
Carol, "Be a skunk, I
require"
Good
tidings we bring to you and your kid
Posted: Wed - December
24, 2003 at 02:15 AM