Interview with Arithmancy Professor J. Azrael Prufrock

by Aquila Malfoy

Aquila Malfoy: In addition to our dear, and rather well-known, Professor Swish, former Ravenclaw, the House of Slytherin has been graced with yet another new Professor: J. Azrael Prufrock, who will be teaching Arithmancy. Professor Prufrock has graciously agreed to give the SerpenTimes an exclusive interview, as well as leaving all his nasty little numbers and other creepy signs behind in his office, since somebody here at the editorial office (I have requested to be anonymous!) suffers from a severe case of math-o-phobia! Well... erm...

Professor Prufrock, could you please tell us: What, exactly, is the noble science of Arithmancy? It sounds a bit like Arithmetics... shudders; pulls out a large bag and starts breathing into it

Prof. Prufrock: Arithmancy, as practiced today, consists of attempting to forecast the future, or personality, through numbers. Arithmancy, as it was originally conceived, was a mixture of philosophy, mathematics, numerology, science, literature and myth, all mixed together with wild abandon and nearly indistinguishable from one another. Therefore, the course at present deals with early Greek mathematics, philosophy and numerology — why is 4 called a 'square' number? Why are there 7 days in a week? And so forth.

However, there are surprising patterns in mathematics that are elementary to work out. The one I have used as an example in the lesson is this series : 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11....

Add them up: 1, 4, 9, 16, 25.... In other words, the square numbers. Mathematics is stranger than most people imagine....

Aquila: mutters to self Not as strange as the nightmare I'll have after this interview, thank you, Professor! turns to Prof. Prufrock Well, that sounds... interesting..! Could you tell us a bit about your background and why you chose to teach Arithmancy at Hogwarts? Did you study at Hogwarts too?

Prof. Prufrock: I have always been of a mathematical bent, and have always been amazed by the magic inherent within mathematics. I am a fan of pure number theory, and unfortunately, the magical world has not developed its knowledge of mathematics as far as the Muggles have. However, one might argue that we hardly need to do so.

Yes, I studied at Hogwarts, and after that, magically forged a certificate to get into a very old and prestigious Muggle university to study mathematics.

Aquila: Is there anything you'd like to say to your potential students reading this magazine? Why would you recommend that they take the Arithmancy class?

Prof. Prufrock: Students who have always been intrigued about the surprises concealed within mathematics should definitely apply! The feedback I have received indicates that the course is very interesting, and you can actually learn a lot about the early Greek philosophers.

Furthermore, the course happily accommodates students of varying abilities by having a fairly straightforward compulsory section, followed by a more challenging series of optional questions. The final bonus question is indeed, difficult enough to provide a challenge for the most advanced students. I expect that no one will be able to solve it on their own without outside help from a book or other person. It took myself 20 minutes to logically prove it to my satisfaction ;-).

But go to the website (www.geocities.com/acinonyxjubatus42/arithmancy.html) and find out for yourself!!

Aquila: I'm sure that will convince some people out there... people who don't... breathes into bag again, muttering to self: "And this is supposed to help?! Stupid Muggles! Where's a Calming Charm when you need one?"

Well, over to our very last question: What, exactly... blushes slightly ... is the relationship between you and Slytherin first-year Acinonyx Jubatus?

Prof. Prufrock: Yes, that is a mystery to myself as well. You see, I know for a fact that Acinonyx is a very active member of Slytherin, and yet, I have never seen him. Not once. I have gone looking for him before, but no one can ever tell me where he is at any given moment. Whenever I ask for him, people always stare at me strangely — almost as if I'm mad. I don't know what's going on. I wanted to ask you about that, in fact, now what does he look li....

Aquila: AIEEE!!!

Prof. Prufrock: looks questioningly at the young witch, who points hysterically in the direction of the door, where two little fives and one seven can be seen peeking into the office

Aquila: grabs an old Cleansweep Seven standing in a corner of the room and starts beating the little numbers into their lowest common denominator Ha! Take that! And that!

Prof. Prufrock: Aqui! No! They're prime numbers!! Their only common factor is 1!