it was a good thought
and a one fit to be shared
i dont know
if i should be sorry for not being there when you were
or not having the thought while you were there
or should you be sorry
for not being here

there is the butterfly again
reminding us
or at least me
that i live in an alternate reality
that there are tides and pools beyond what i see

unrequited smells

i type and type
and think
and type
never synonymously
the fingers separate from the mind

connection refused

if anything else i am just there
i am one with the couch and the computer
and the rest of the world

i care
and my life brightens for a moment
and i am terrified
for once having seen the light the dark hides untold terrors
and i am afraid to close my eyes
i can feel it slipping out of my grasp
what am i doing wrong
where did i go wrong
why didnt i change anything when i could

the sky is darker
everything has a shadow
i just realized that before there were no shadows
for there wasnt any light
what a stupid thing to say
i feel as if i am tapped dry
i cannot think of anything else that i could possibly say

where am i going with this
am i trying some type of catharsis
to release my internal infernal
itll never work
the rain wont let it happen
nothing this painful could happen in the real world
this is a dream
nothing i do matters
i can change the world
i am freed and fettered in one sentence
i am going mad

what do i have going for me
a trenchcoat and a sense of humor that no one understands

so i take an ideal of friendship
black knights
white knights
and the old magicians
and fair maidens of old
i think im a romantic at heart
of course being a romantic what else could i be but at heart
liver or spleen
and i believe in it with all my heart
it takes everything that i can
as if to make it up to the person on the other end
i decided that i just was going to do everything in my power
to be the ideal friend
my end will be held up
no matter my cost
no matter their business
and the more i feel about a person the more i hold it up
or i try
that confuses me sometimes
rhyme and thyme and spice
         and everything nice
why people run away

i have a very linear and very slow progression of friendship
and i have nothing to hide
i think this might be the first

and the clown cries
at night
in the sewers
where they float
         floating
         floating point
         floating point coprocessor
         mechanics
         relays and bits and this bytes
         to be a machine
         datalore

i feel a bit indistinct
a little listless
as if my boundaries werent defined anymore

people seem to have a lot more layers than i do
or that i recognize in myself

i really dont have anything to hide
or do i
where do i get off thinking that i dont

there are people who give and there are people who take
there are people who create
people who destroy
people who don't do anything and drive the other two kinds crazy
its born in you whether you give or take and thats the way you are
ravens bring things to people
were like that
its our nature
we dont like it
wed much rather be eagles or swans or even one of those moronic robins
but were ravens and there you are
ravens dont feel right without somebody to bring things to
and when we do find somebody
we realize what a silly business it was in the first place
ravens are pretty neurotic birds

part of the problem with that is that i find myself infinitely boring
i always find it surprising that other people
occasionally
find me interesting

always looks at the humor in a situation
it helps you deal
and gives you some perspective
you are part of something infinitely larger
         and more grand than you could ever hope to be
         or that you could ever hope to affect
and yet you are paradoxically the most important thing in it
i laugh because i must
i laugh because i can
when i cant i will die
my soul will have left and it means that life will have won

it doesnt mind