One of Those Days, Until...
22/01/08 18:27 Personal
I'm having
one of those days where the best just doesn't seem
good enough.
You know, those when realize who old you are and then that there are people who are much younger and, in your estimation, much more accomplished. I've never been one to rush myself, or my work in pursuit of external validation - I must be satisfied and, mostly, even when others are, I am not when I know there is the potential for more. But, now, I feel myself growing impatient. I feel like I need a kick in the ass that is different that those kicks I've tried to give myself in the past. I feel like I've should be doing more.
I've been hit by a wave, which I'm cherishing, in which I've started a novel and my bohemia verse play, in which one of the characters will not speak to me. One night, before I went to sleep, I asked her why. She whispered simply: Just write me. When I come to it, her voice will be Also, I've picked up the tempo on my book of Star Trek poems. As a book, I definitely believe that those poems have a direction now. They, not I have charted their course. Though the end is not yet in sight, I do feel like I am holding onto something that has weight. That is something.
Edit: As I was writing this, the news was published that Heath Ledger was found dead. One of the few truly actors of my generation is dead at 28 years old from pneumonia. I've never been one to mourn those persons that I didn't know, but this is a very sobering instance. Rest in peace, Mr. Ledger.
I know that I've used his lyrics on my blog before, but I thought that it would be appropriate.
from the Brokeback Mountain Soundrack,
One more chain I break
To get me closer to you
One more chain does the maker make
To keep me from bustin' through
One more notch I scratch
To keep me thinkin' of you
One more notch does the maker make
Upon my face so blue
...
Oh Lord, how I know
Oh Lord, how I see
That only can the maker make
A happy man of me
You know, those when realize who old you are and then that there are people who are much younger and, in your estimation, much more accomplished. I've never been one to rush myself, or my work in pursuit of external validation - I must be satisfied and, mostly, even when others are, I am not when I know there is the potential for more. But, now, I feel myself growing impatient. I feel like I need a kick in the ass that is different that those kicks I've tried to give myself in the past. I feel like I've should be doing more.
I've been hit by a wave, which I'm cherishing, in which I've started a novel and my bohemia verse play, in which one of the characters will not speak to me. One night, before I went to sleep, I asked her why. She whispered simply: Just write me. When I come to it, her voice will be Also, I've picked up the tempo on my book of Star Trek poems. As a book, I definitely believe that those poems have a direction now. They, not I have charted their course. Though the end is not yet in sight, I do feel like I am holding onto something that has weight. That is something.
Edit: As I was writing this, the news was published that Heath Ledger was found dead. One of the few truly actors of my generation is dead at 28 years old from pneumonia. I've never been one to mourn those persons that I didn't know, but this is a very sobering instance. Rest in peace, Mr. Ledger.
I know that I've used his lyrics on my blog before, but I thought that it would be appropriate.
from the Brokeback Mountain Soundrack,
One more chain I break
To get me closer to you
One more chain does the maker make
To keep me from bustin' through
One more notch I scratch
To keep me thinkin' of you
One more notch does the maker make
Upon my face so blue
...
Oh Lord, how I know
Oh Lord, how I see
That only can the maker make
A happy man of me
|