Mon - February 2, 2004

Speaking of cheap-ass mutha fuckas


How I didn't save the world by ignoring assholism

So when you go to a restaurant, you have an idea of how much the food will be, the wine, the dessert. If you have a lot of wine yourself, you don't always want to pay the "more than retail" that happens at restaurants, in which case, you bring your own and pay something called corkage. Depending on the restaurant, it can run between $5 (think Old Spaghetti Factory) to $15-20 (think Ruth's Chris).

A couple of weeks ago, we had a group of ten come into the restaurant. The first couple there brought a canvas bag that looked rather full and there was a bottle of wine on top. As I was taking them to their table, I asked what wine they brought. The man takes out a very nice bottle of Walla Walla red and we talk a little about that and then he asks about corkage, which at my restaurant is $15/per bottle. He whistles a little and tells me that is steep. Whatever.

The rest of the group comes, and as it is a busy Saturday night I don't really have time to pay attention. I do notice them getting a little rowdy, however, and I always see everyone's glass about a third full. So I ask their server how many wines they have gone through and he says, "well they haven't ordered anything off the list and I only opened that one bottle." Hmmmmmm, interesting. So I make a casual pass by the table, yup, it was a different bottle than they originally had, I would have picked it up and taken it, but there was a skosh left in it, and that's pretty much against the rules.
Now that I started paying attention, I noted that they are careful to leave a bit in the bottle, so it didn't get removed. Apparently when they were done with one they carefully opened another under the table and swapped. Not only this, but they made sure to do it with no one watching. At the end of the evening, they put the original bottle back on the table.

So here's the thing. Jesus, there are so many things, but they KNEW coming into this event that they were going to do this. They had the canvas bag with all the wine in it, but hidden, they had to have had a wine key to open the bottles and they even were detail oriented enough to swap it back to the original bottle. All and all, it was fairly disgusting to see. People really have a way of making me ill.

If I had been their waiter, I would have just poured off the rest of the wine, and pulled the bottle off the table. Thereby forcing their lie into the open. Since I was so busy with the rest of the restaurant that night, I didn't have a chance to really notice until the end of their meal. As we are on the higher end of fine dining, I also didn't want to make a scene. It was one of the cheapest, most disgusting displays I have ever witnessed in a restaurant, though. That's a big statement for someone who has been in the industry for 12 years.

cheap ass muthas

Posted at 09:05 PM     Read More  


Tue - November 11, 2003

Needle in the Hay



Is there a school for building sandwiches? Because, I have found it to be almost universal that all the meat and cheese for sandwiches is folded up and placed towards the middle of the sandwich. My guess is that this makes it appear as if there is more meat and cheese than there really is....but SO WHAT????????



There is a ratio of bread to meat and cheese. Not to mention lettuce, tomato, onion (light), mustard (yellow for sammies), and miracle whip (never, ever mayonnaise). So when these "Graduates of the Sandwich class for dummies" make the piled meat/cheese combo, I just have to rip the damn sandwich apart and even out the meat and cheese anyway. The reason this comes up is that we went to see the final Matrix this weekend (thank god it was bargain prices, I was too, too annoyed with the final installment) and were running late and went to the deli of the store next to the theater for a little lunch before we went in. So, on their sandwich sign, they highly recommend grilling the sandwiches before eating. Not usually a huge fan of the warm sandwich, I complied because my restaurant background told me that somethings are better done the way the "chef" wants them done.

Of course, I had to frantically search for a mayo-free sammy, and then debate the value between veggie, roast beef and cheddar, and some undefined white-type meat with a red spread. Ok, roast beef and cheddar it is, not a grand choice, but my Gram used to make some killer roast beef sandwiches. The major bonus was the baguette, god I loooooooooooooove baguette. The Hub got the unidentified meat with red spread on ciabatta (ewwww soggy). We then take our little cafeteria trays and go through the line to get sodas, and then pay, while waiting for our supposedly-yummy grilled sandwiches. Fyi, the San Pellegrino limonata was FABOO.

In a short course of time, the sammies come and mine......well.......hmmmm, how to put this? SUCKED ASS. The roast beef and cheddar were all in the middle, and cold, therefore not melted. But worse....the baguette was BURNED, not just a little browned, but blackened. Ok, what jackass thinks that a baguette should be grilled???? And just what dumas actually believes said jackass?????? The Hub in his sweet way offered to trade me sandwiches, which was rather noble, but the spread on his was some sweet red pepper thing, and I already have ciabbata issues. So I redistribute the meat and cheese (cold and not melted), and then find, I have to just discard the burned bread anyway. As for the meat and cheese, they tasted old and dry, but I hadn't eaten yet that day and we had a time limit.

I blame myself for agreeing to eat lunch at a place that insists on grilling a baguette. NEVER AGAIN

Posted at 11:15 AM     Read More  


Sun - October 5, 2003

Hello? Hello?


How I conquered evil

As the Manager/host/wine buyer/generaldogsbody I answer the phone when I am at work. This is a literal conversation I had with a guest today (names have been changed to protect the innocent – aside from that, I can't remember the exact name):

phone rings

me: Hello....UBC, this is Karri

them: Hi, I would like to make a reservation for 2, please

me: What day would you like to come in?

them: 6 o'clock

me: Okay, and what DAY would you like that?

them: Under the name Farfernutter

me: Alright, but WHAT DAY would you like to come in?

them: Can you hold on for a second? Someone is talking to me

me: Um, Alright

them: Okay, now can you give me some directions?

me: Sure, but WHAT DAY would you like to come in?

them: Oh, well, today

me: Okay, 2 people today at 6pm can you spell your name for me, please?

them: We wanted to be sure to sit in that first room

me: Okay, sure, but can you spell your name for me, please?

them: And, I need some directions, I am familiar with the incline are you at the bottom, or the top?

me: (fyi incline goes E/W and we are at the bottom, to the East) We are at the bottom of the incline, but, can you spell your name for me, please?

them: F-A-R-F-E-R-N-U-T-T-E-R, So, if I was going North on whatchamawhosis street, you would be on the left of the incline?

me: No, we are on the RIGHT, 2 blocks East of Yuppie Shopping Mall

them: Oh, well, I am new to the area, but I want to make sure we get to dine in the first room

me: No problem, we'll do our best

them: Thanks!

Restaurant tip #2: Listen to the person on the other line of the phone, or they might post your entire conversation online

and p.s. how the hell can you be new to the area yet still know that you would prefer to dine in one area over another?

Posted at 01:05 AM     Read More  


Fri - October 3, 2003

In My Heart, In My Head, In My Everything


The soundtrack to my life

Least favorite thing to hear when answering the phone at work:

"Have you changed owners recently? Because when we were in there this summer, we had a bad experience. I mean the food was superb as always but the server seemed surly, and you weren't very busy, like you used to be."

Of course, after I got off the phone, 8 million proper responses went through my head. I would have given a lot to be able to say, "Oh no! That's terrible, the next time you call in for a reservation, please make sure to ask for me, and I will make sure to make things right!"

What I went with wasn't bad, but I failed to get that person's name and maybe address for a free app card or something. However, I can't help but feel that snarky inside my head thought about how it was a contrived call to 1) get free shit and 2)put someone at the disadvantage on the other side of the phone. I do not run a free give-me-shit-because-you-control-nothing-in-your-life service. Furthermore............the whole damn neighborhood is DEAD IN THE SUMMER! You want busy? Go downtown and hang out with the tourists.

Restaurant tip #1 If there is an issue with your dining experience, don't wait 3 months to complain about it, when it can't be proved and it certainly can't be fixed.

Posted at 01:11 AM     Read More  

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