Ultrapessimist (n.) 


A particularly virulent and persistent type of pessimist who repeatedly insists that they are not actually a pessimist at all and are instead a ‘realist’, despite the fact that all their espoused beliefs pertain to the worst possible outcomes of every situation known to humankind. 

Ultrapessimists can generally be placated with the words ‘Yes, of course you are, dear’, or—somewhat more confrontationally—by backing them into a corner by saying ‘Actually, I think you're being a little over-optimistic there. The real situation is actually far worse than that’, at which point the true ultrapessimist will recoil in horror and run off to seek psychiatric counselling, which is the only known remedy for this debilitating condition. 

Posted on Monday - April 25, 2005 at 10:42 AM            

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