My husband is a scientist. Well, first, he is a Christian, and a fabulous husband. But he is also a scientist. So everyone has to ask him about the 'creation vs. evolution' problem.

Trouble is, I don't SEE it as a problem. To me, it's really more of a mystery than a problem.

This is a personal blog, so I'm going to share my personal thoughts, here, and not give a ton of references from books I've read or studies I've done. If you want those, email me and I'll fill you in. I just want to share my ideas.

The book of Genesis, indeed the entire Old Testament, was written at a time when keeping history was very different from what it is today. Today we want just the facts; no biases, no morality, nothing subjective thrown in. We want to make up our own minds about things and just have the facts to do this with. This is fine.

The Old Testament, however, was written at a time when keeping history had a bigger purpose. First of all, there was a point beyond the history itself. Histories were written to get a point across.

For example, Genesis chapters 1 and 2. Here's a huge problem if you want history to be exact facts. The two histories don't even match! But if you understand that there is a point beyond the story you see this:

1. God created everything.
2. God considered it good.
3. God made people to commune with Him. Since it is the first relationship mentioned, it is the most important.
4. God created people to commune with each other. Since the second relationship is husband/wife, it must be very important as well.
5. We are to take care of God's creation and enjoy it, not abuse it or neglect it.

There's a lot more there, including the sin problem (we brought it upon ourselves) but the idea here is that this ISN'T a story to tell us HOW God created, or WHEN or what He was thinking. Maybe God just took a bunch of dirt and said 'man' and man was. Maybe man wasn't what man is today...maybe we evolved, maybe we didn't. Here's my though...IT DOESN'T MATTER!

At least, it doesn't seem to matter to God. And how would we understand it if He DID explain it? I think (and this next statement I take from my dear hubby) the creation vs. evolution problem was invented by The Adversary to divide the church.

After giving it a great deal of thought, I can't see how it makes a difference in my life one way or the other. If I evolved from monkeys, I am still me today, here and now, created to worship and commune with God. If I evolved from a man very similar to my husband, I am still me today, here and now, created to worship and commune with God. It makes no difference to salvation, sin, forgiveness, peace, the need for food, shelter, and love...it makes no difference to my own existence or purpose, if there is such a thing.

Maybe for Christmas I should have a plaque made that people can read when they visit his office or our house so they don't need to ask the question. Then we can get on with the 'communing with other people' part. LOL.

Romans 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.

A friend of mine, who is Orthodox (American church) has mentioned to me before that he considers anything you do for the Lord to be worship. So, when we reads the Bible, it is worship, when we help at a soup kitchen, it is worship.

But it struck me last night in a way that it didn't strike me when he mentioned it. I mean, I agreed with him, but I don't think I really was paying attention to the word 'worship'. I just let that fly right by me. I sort of heard 'it is pleasing to Him' or something.

But it is WORSHIP. And, if I take the passage a little more literally, if we are truly living for Him, and we are attempting to allow God to direct us, to guide us, then most everything we DO is worship. So, like, blogging here is worship...playing bartender at the coffee house is worship...even working at my job is worship.

Somehow, that seems very profound. I'd love to hear what other people think...

This Coffee House thing...this is so cool!

Last summer, I think it was, Chad and I were chatting on the way home from church. It's a 45 minute drive, so there was plenty of time to dream.

One of us, I think it was Chad, had an idea for a coffee house type thing. We would offer free drinks, at least the first one would be free, and spend an hour or so just letting people mill around and enjoy themselves.

After an hour or so we would have a short drama or a song or something and each round table with 3-4 people at it (we would make sure all groups were 3-4 people, even if we had to ask people to move) would have a list of questions to discuss about the drama, etc. After some time of 'table talk,' we would have a facilitator lead a discussion. The whole thing would last about an hour or so, would include religious, moral, culturally significant topics.

We looked for a place, got the students excited about it, then finally gave it up for then because of lack of funds.

And then, out of the blue, we got a phone call this past September from the local United Methodist church. They wanted to know who they could help GCF, what they could do for the students.

After several meetings they rented the space, set up a budget for us, and the Coffee House got started! Some of the members come over every week to meet students, hang around, help out, etc. They see a need being met, namely, a place for students to gather in a good environment, get study help, and be exposed to Christian students and non-students in a non-threating environment.

And God has shown us His faithfulness by bringing along what we needed to get the dream He gave us going!

Now, we aren't doing the drama and discussion thing at this point. We are just providing coffee, Italian soda (club soda with flavorings added,) and games like Uno and Scrabble. The students come over, get a free drink, visit with us and their friends, study, play Uno, whatever...it's great!

We have other dreams that we feel God has given us, too, and it is so easy now to investigate them, then wait for His time and people to come help us realize them!

I am participating in a noble blogging project called the Ampersand Project. The current topic is "This place is not my place,/ these ways are not my ways." - Dennis Lee (from "Blue Psalm")

This world that I leave in, it is not my world. It is not the world I was made for. The work I do, repairing computers, creating web pages, maintaining a database...this is not the world I was made for. The life I live, here where the earth molds and the worm destroys; this is not the life I was created for.

I was created for the joy of my Lord. I was created to praise His name and bring glory to Him. I was created to live with Him forever in the Holiest of Places.

I am here but for a time; I am here to learn, to grow, to shine His light. My true work is love, my true purpose here is prayer. My true way is by His path.

We are talking about the Fruit of the Spirit in our weekly Bible study.

Last week we talked about joy and one of the students mentioned a rephrasing of Phillipians that she's heard, "When you face trials, consider it n opportunity for joy." What a great way to turn your attitude around when faced with problems...remember that somewhere in the midst of it, joy is alive.

Wow...I didn't realize it had been so long since I last blogged here!

I've been doing more blogging on the the other blog sites that I keep (see the links on the right.)

We had some interesting insights at our Bible study recently. We were talking about Yeshua washing the feet of the disciples during the Last Supper. You see, they walked through the grime of the city, so their feet were dirty. Yeshua took a towel and bowl of water and washed the grime off, leaving their feet clean.

The insight (and it was fun to watch the young lady as this occurred to her) was that we, too, walk through the grime of the world and get our 'feet' dirty with sin. Yeshua cleans the grime off for us and leaves us clean. What a great picture!

It occurred to me this weekend that God will only change the hearts of those who allow Him to.

You see, I have been praying for someone and this weekend I prayed that this person wouldn't do something. I felt the gentle but firm voice of God reminding me that this person has free will.

I wonder if God is reminding me of that because He is preparing me for the moment when this person does that thing. Or perhaps He is simply trying to redirect my prayer. I hope it is the later.

When Chad and I disagree,
I pray.
Sometimes he changes his mind, sometimes I change mine.
Sometimes we both do.

When there are too many choices to make a decision,
I pray.
Doors open, doors close,
Decisions become obvious.

When I hate my job and it feels unfair,
I work harder and
I pray.
Eventually there is satisfaction and reward. My job changes, my circumstances change...my job is good again.

Answers don't always come quickly.
Conflict, however, does. Divisions begin imperceptibly and are one day huge chasms.

Have I learned nothing?

There must be honesty,
there must be communication,
there must be trust,
there must be patience.
But most of all,
I must pray.

It is so hard, sometimes, to figure out what God's will for your life is.

I mean, when you just start off asking, "God...what's your will" in this vague prayer, He must be thinking, "Well, about what in particular? Your marriage? Your job? Your ministry? What? I have a LOT of plans, you know..."

But once you've gotten the question down to something like, "God...what is your will for my career? Should I take this new job or stay where I am?" Well...now you've gotten specific and the answer comes pretty quickly.

No? Not for you? Well, try this: imagine yourself doing one thing, like, taking the job, then imagine yourself doing something else, like, staying with the job you have. When I do this, I get a feeling one way or the other. Usually one of the imaginings will make me feel nauseous or bring a feeling of dread. It is usually the thing I most want to do and it seems to mean that it is a bad idea. The other imagining should relief that dread. It might replace it with sorrow or grief, but these are temporary emotions that I will get through.

Now, when I say 'imagine,' I don't mean just think about it a minute; I mean close your eyes and SEE yourself at the new job, driving to work, walking into the building, talking with your new boss...really feel it. Then check your emotions. Works every time for me.

Chad and I have been talking about some of the people in our ministry lately and how much they have learned through all the trials they've gone through the last year or two. It got us talking about how much WE have learned through our various trials, as well.

Our conclusion, in some ways, is that we need the struggles, the pain, the heartache in order to grow.
Not quite like Agent Smith's comment in The Matrix , "human beings define their reality through misery and suffering;" more like human beings need misery and suffering to figure out that they don't have all the answers and that a great deal of what we spend our lives doing is vanity.

Such as the time I spend organizing my music in iTunes into sets so I can play 'morning' music, or 'romantic' music, or 'cycling' music on my iPod. Really...what does this accomplish in the great scheme of things? Not that I should abstain from it, or from using my iPod, but that perhaps I need to keep it in perspective. Perhaps fighting with my husband over who takes out the trash (no, we don't fight about that...it's an example) or whatever is meaningless, selfishness. Just get it done and move on. It isn't worth the time and energy. Now, discussing how we discipline our children (example, again, we have no children) IS worth the time and energy, but fighting about it is not.

But what I learn from, what I really understand is what I've struggled with. We've learned how to run a ministry from the mistakes we've made in the past; we've learned how to communicate by learning what doesn't work; I've learned not to run into a tree on my mountain bike by realizing that I was paying too much attention to the tree when I hit it. But more importantly, my struggles have shaped my character, my 'charaso,' the etching on my soul. I am who I am, largely, because of the endometrial pain, the divorce, the laughter at my expense, the hysterectomy, the friends who've hurt me and the friends I've hurt.

I've learned patience by the results of my own impatience; kindness as much from my own meanness as I have from the kindness of others; hope from the times I had none and the times I found it; faithfulness from infidelity; selflessness from what I lost being selfish. I learned to delight in someone else's good fortune because I didn't like who I was when I took pleasure from their pain. I learned to endure because when I gave up I lost everything.

No, you don't have to go through struggles to learn these things, but I believe you can't truly understand something until you have struggled with it. I believe that, unless you struggle with it, it will desert you when you need it most. Is there courage if you are not afraid? Is there patience if you are not bothered?

Most of the things I said I'd never do, I've done. Now I know that there is nothing that I won't do, given the right provocation. And so what is left, but to learn from all of those things?

Could this be why there is evil in the world?

I just heard this on my iTunes...this is such a gem of a lyric, right in the middle of a so-so song. What a great prayer!

In my pursuit of God, I thirst for holiness
As I approach the Son, I must consider this
Offenses unresolved, they'll keep me from the throne
Before I go to Him my wrong must be atoned
(dcTalk)

I've been thinking a lot about worship lately, so Idecided to look it up.

Worship is defined as
1:reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also
2:an act of expressing such reverence
3:a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual
4:extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem

or as a verb,

1:to honor or reverence as a divine being or supernatural power
2:to regard with great or extravagant respect, honor, or devotion
(from Merriam-Webster online )

No wonder protestant worship services annoy me. What I've always said I loved about the Catholic Mass is that there is such a feeling of reverence from the moment you walk into the church. There are no children running around, no groups of people exchanging gossip, no visiting with neighbors...just prayerful worship.

Don't misunderstand me; I AM protestant. But I have never really understood the worship service. We sing; sometimes those songs are worship or praise but often they are 'rah 'rah songs that are more about how great it is going to be in heaven, or 'Lord help me' songs. We take communion; this is usually much more reverent. And we listen to a sermon.

I know they did all those things in the early church. Acts talks a lot about the early church. But somehow I think the sermon is, I don't know, misplaced. 30 minutes of worship before a 30 minute sermon just doesn't seem right. I mean, if we're only going to gather together for 'corporate' worship once a week, shouldn't we at least spend more time actually worshipping?

Just a thought. I'm not as dissatisfied as I sound. I just always want to grow our church to a better and closer relationship with God. So I think about these things.

A couple of quick updates:

I have moved the entries from the old seivom dna skoob site to this one, but I haven't added anything new, yet.

I think I have the comments issues worked out...if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you'd comment so I know I'm not the only one able to, or send me an email if the comments still aren't working.

There is a quick update section at skoob and at aLife ...if you happen over there, please check the comments on those as well.

My Jesus, my Yeshua...

thank you so much for showing me through my husband how faithful and loving you are. I always feel safe, always feel loved, always feel heard when I am with him and I know that you are even more faithful and loving than a man could ever be.

Help me to grow more faithful and loving every day as a wife and friend, but help me, also to be a more trusting bride for you.

Kathy Troccoli, broken hearts, and tools

This past weekend was the Extraordinary Women conference in Cumming, Ga. Kathy Troccoli was one of the speakers and I was so excited to get to hear her not only sing, but speak as well. She speaks to a crowd as if she is speaking only to you. Her style is so intimate and powerful that I fell in love with her completely. I already loved her music, from many years back; now she is one of my favorite people.

One thing she mentioned is that, at 45 she has experienced enough of life and of God that she can ask Him to break her heart. Only through the pain of a broken heart can God heal our hurts and make us strong. Only then can He be miraculous to us. She wrote a song about it and as I listened and sang along, I felt God speaking to my soul, telling me that today is a turn in my journey to and with Him; a new phase or some kind of testing period.

I don't know what that will mean...I have a feeling I'm going to be growing, so I expect I'll be breaking, too, but I am so excited to know that He sees something in me that He can use, that is worthy of the time and effort of breaking and healing me. I feel so ready to fall into His arms; something I haven't felt in a long time.

One of the other speakers was Dr. Mintle. She is a counselor and talked about the great tools that psychology gives us. But she said something else that made God grab my heart...she said that she wants to use those tools to help people relieve their symptoms while they grow to a point of being able to let God heal them.

You see, the tools are not a cure...they are helpful and necessary, but only God forgives, and only God heals.

And, you see, this is SO exactly how I feel about pursuing an education in psychology...there would be no point if it were just to put out fires in people's lives...I've done that enough to know that the fires always re-ignite. I want them to be free of the pain and bondage that these hurts cause. In my ministry, I grow to love the people who come; I get to know them and share in their lives and God shows me (when I'm looking) a little bit of what is so special about them. And then I care, and I want to see them free. It can be so hard to see them struggling in the muck and mire of their wounds when I know He can heal them and wants to heal them.

So I wonder if this new 'phase,' or the new lessons in my life will be related to this. I just don't know, yet. But the truly amazing thing is, I just don't care. Whatever God has planned, where-ever He is taking me, is going to be a fabulous place, I'm sure.