December 23-29, 2004

Ready or not, the holiday season is here. When the festivities turn frenetic, what can you do to enjoy the holidays more than ever before? Here are a few tips I've gleaned from my favorite holiday movies.

Detach from Family Drama

Remember Jodie Foster's 1995 film, Home for the Holidays? The story begins with Claudia Larson (Holly Hunter) flying home to spend Thanksgiving with her wildly dysfunctional family. How many of us empathized with the family reunion drama that prompts Claudia to explain, "Nobody means what they say on Thanksgiving, Mom. You know that. That's what the day's supposed to be all about, right? Torture."

Whether the drama is your aging grandmother deciding she can't tolerate your spouse, your drunken uncle knocking over the heirloom china or your youngest child coming down with the worst kind of flu, you can remain unruffled regardless of what happens. Most often family drama is not the problem, it's our response that determines how much we will or won't enjoy the holidays. A brisk walk or a quick call to a supportive friend can make the difference between a happy or a hopeless holiday season.

Do a Good Deed

In It's a Wonderful Life, perennial do-gooder George Bailey is devastated when the financial security of his family's Building and Loan business is threatened by a missing $8,000 deposit. But all is not lost because George can't resist helping others in greater distress than himself. Instead of plunging to his own demise, he rescues angel-in-training, Clarence, who beats him to the jump. Clarence reveals that without George's good deeds, Bedford Falls would be a much bleaker place indeed.

Making a charitable gesture towards someone less fortunate than yourself is a sure-fire way to add satisfaction to your holiday season. Is there a soup kitchen where you and your family can volunteer for an afternoon? How about recruiting your children to donate some of their old toys to a worthy cause, before asking Santa for new ones? Could you spearhead an impromptu fund-raiser at your office or social group? You may decide to donate locally or abroad. Web resources such as www.altgifts.org or www.heiferproject.org make selecting an international cause easy.

Opt for More Fun and Less Stuff

"And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more." If an over-emphasis on the material aspects of the holidays has you feeling as crabby as The Grinch Who Stole Christmas then maybe you need a refresher on the 1966 Dr. Seuss TV film. Or, if you're a Jim Carrey fan, try Ron Howard's 2000 feature film version.

Before frustration drives you over the grinchy edge, seek relief by logging on to the Center for a New American Dream at www.newdream.org/holiday/home.html. The CNAD is a national non-profit foundation helping people challenge the "more is better" definition of the American Dream. "More Fun, Less Stuff" is their motto. Their "Simplify the Holidays" brochure contains frugally creative and eco-friendly gift ideas, perfect for downsizing your holiday celebrations without skimping on the fun.

Spend Some Time Alone

In the comedic family classic, Home Alone, eight-year-old Kevin McCallister declares, "This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone." When his extended family leaves for Paris without him, he discovers that his wish has come true. Does he crumble with fear? Does he run for the nearest sensible adult? No, in fact, he relishes his newfound freedom, at least for a little while.

This holiday season, there will be plenty of well-meaning media messages touting the benefits of "spending time with loved ones." Of course, it's always wonderful to spend time with family and friends over the holidays, but there is something to be said for taking time to be alone too. Like Kevin, when you take time to be with yourself, you will find that you can better appreciate time with others. Certainly, when we don't spend time alone we can become irritable and exhausted. I spent a most memorable Christmas away from family and friends once. I called everyone long distance in the morning, then fell asleep on the couch in an afternoon sunbeam. It was the best long winter's nap ever! In the evening, I volunteered locally and joined some acquaintances for an impromptu Chinese dinner. I was technically "alone," but never lonely.

Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude

In the 1938 big-budget Hollywood version of Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol we witness a ghastly, ghostly tour of Ebenezer Scrooge's stingy past, present and future. Subsequently, you may be inspired to cultivate a more loving and generous attitude of your own. Think back to every kindness offered to you in times of struggle or despair. I distinctly remember a college friend listening to my broken-hearted sob story and telling me afterward that I was beautiful. I remember an old boss offering a kind word instead of criticism even though I'd royally messed up some important documents. Next thing you know you may look more kindly on the person who jostles you on the street, the car that rudely cuts you off, or the telemarketer who dares to invade your hallowed holiday home. An attitude of gratitude reminds us that we have been wretched and have still been worthy of love.

Buy Yourself a Present

 Still feeling a little blue this holiday season? All right, let's pull out the secret weapon movie with a message. Sometimes there's nothing to brighten up your holidays quite like that gift you deeply long for and have never received. In Bob Clark's 1983 hilarious comedy, A Christmas Story, little Ralphie Parker is dying for a Red Rider BB Gun. Although his parents and teachers reprimand him that he will "shoot his eye out," Ralphie is relentless in imagining his dream coming true. The dozen or so universally hilarious childhood scenes will perk you up just enough to grab your car keys, drive to the mall, sit on Santa's lap and ask for that ridiculous childhood toy you always wanted and never got. It's never too late, you know.

If all else fails, simply watching these films, alone or with loved ones, will activate your holiday cheer. Happy Holiday Movie Season, everyone!