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Ängst: Anger, Lust, Frustration, Fear, and Fun lyrics

[The lyrics are presented here as they appear in the CD sleeve, with minor corrections. Choruses, other than the first one per song, are left out on the sleeve to save space; since I have no physical restrictions here, I insert choruses where they appear in the recordings. Bracketed text is inserted by JT to bring the text here into closer agreement with the recorded songs. All expanded abbreviations and links are inserted by JT, and are not in the original text.]

East Rock

nature built a rock
pulled it from the ground
mankind fenced it off
cause it’s a long damn fall down
nine point eight m slash s squared
running through my mind
it seems [like] I come back here all the time
God created man
pulled him from the earth
I don’t know any details
I don’t care what I’m worth
all that really matters now
is this dull pain inside
can’t remember the last time I smiled
I don’t remember how to cry
but I wouldn’t know
and I wouldn’t know
what my soul was put inside for
and I couldn’t say
what I ought to be
and I couldn’t hear
the voices there inside my head
no calm left to shock
nature built a rock
and I would laugh at myself outside of myself
too much the fool
slipping stealthy circumstances makes one wonder why we even sit around and wait for the inevitable moment
my petty problems all unchained
extravagant fears elegant pain
it seems I might as well
I’ve become a mockery of myself
beauty in my last descent
glory in my flight
today by God I’m gonna do something right
and all these vague attempts
and broken dreams
hostile thoughts and guilty schemes
can fill a column inch on page thirteen
and I’d never know
[chorus]
nature built a rock
pulled it from the ground
Jesus walked on water
all I can do is drown
I don’t know where my life stands now
but I know where I’ve been
and if I make this [last] step into air
it will end my chain of sin.

Godshaped Void

shaped like God placed by God
a dual reckoning
I guess when you’re a deity you can do that kind of thing
my hole is getting bigger
my flesh sucks off a drought
a stain like blood that won’t wash out
pleasures born in waterfalls now linger drop by drop
they taunt me like my Godshaped void but cannot make me stop
every time I come so close I’m just a step away
gain sight of victory to see my past progress decay
no ones better than
more of a terror than
it traces me I face it
cannot shroud it can’t erase it
all of my pleasures dredged
all of my gambles hedged
my hole stares up at me
bleeding from its edge
trying to fill up my Godshaped void
sectioning off which sins to enjoy
in the race of life the battle goes not to the strong
I wouldn’t bet on weakness
I guess I could be wrong
I rid myself of God the crutch
my broken leg doesn’t hurt so much (thanks crashdog)
if I can’t have everything then just give me a taste (thanks trent)
I can’t begin to list the sins you see upon my face
I can’t begin to fill the space don’t know where to begin
all things stop everything fails it’s got to have an end
who can know so well
I want to live to tell
of picket fences and fractional children
all of my pleasures dredged
all of my gambles hedged
my hole stares up at me
bleeding from its edge
[chorus]
only one choice thats left to avoid
my pride must come down it must be destroyed.

Decomposition

it’ll take fifteen minutes to walk up the hill
to KSL and get my fill
of neurons and ions and membranes are bringing me down
down to the ground
I’m the little boy who stayed inside
when the trees and the grass had their arms open wide
and all the other little girls and boys had such fun
kissed by the rays of the sun
I am breaking down
breaking down
feel like a lifeless automaton
about as bright and vibrant as phlogiston
a unidirectional unexceptional bag
of ions and H2O
breaking down
I’ll have a good opinion of you if you give me a smile
and really want to sit with me and talk for a while
too used to thinking about myself
as the sludge that they dredged up from the bottom of boredom
shoot me in the head and check my attitude post-mortem
there are just these little comments
and mirror ball reflections too far off the ground to touch
making me think that I think too much
[chorus]
breaking down down down
hastening decomposition
to join the ground
misled by my supposition
that no one I will ever meet
will ever think of me
as someone that they’d want to know
and in some small way want to be
so put me under a rock when I die
engrave upon the stone
this man liked himself too little
and this man died alone
I am breaking down.

Here As One

we are a family united together
caring and sharing and loving each other
here as one
here as one
wicked witch of the east
built up in nine minds made out to be
backbiting pride and secret shame
she tapped me on the shoulder and stated her name
little brown mousy-haired package of faith
a t-shirt and glasses and my big mistake
couldn’t believe what I was seeing
witch melted into a human being
I should know
[chorus]
a bad sound man and a mic in my face
another example of a loving God’s grace
the audience smiled clapped understood
we never thought it could be that good
then she took the stage after time of prayer
the front two rows left and the rest didn’t care
what a pity such a shame nothing to do
I know God knows we were part of it too
I should see
[chorus]
she took me aside when the lights came down
we sat in the back and I glanced around
afraid maybe tense yes stared at the floor
guilt by implication no less no more
I’d learned my lesson so I had thought
but at a show weeks later once more it was taught
we didn’t even block the audience’s view
flayed away excuses from a portrait of a fool
I should know.
[chorus × 2]

Effexor (venlafaxine hcl)

if I had a star trek transporter
I’d get to class in a flash
and all eyes would be amazed when I’d make it home just before curfew during the summer
eyes filled with wonder
when I’d get me and my guitar from new haven home in five or ten seconds or so
if I had a star trek transporter
I’d find you on the highway
and stop that little pedal just before it hit the floor
I’d take away your effexor
shut the lid on effexor
stop production of effexor
I’d take away your effexor
and take you up into a little cabin in the mountains where you’d never been before
and starve you out until withdrawal set in
till you had no stories to tell me anymore
[chorus]
you could even come to my house for advice
I wouldn’t care if you came twice
and I don’t know what to do with you
I guess its just something I’ll always run into
[chorus]
sounds like a washed-up super-hero’s name.
[chorus]

Bacteriophage [Investment Banker]

he might grow up to be a management consultant
or maybe an investment banker behind an oaken desk
but right now this boy is suffering an infection
a parasite injection that will take his little world and shape it
and make it and mold it then and so
the virus inside us has made us this way
turn on and display
a hardcore montage
of boardrooms and bedrooms
dead lawmen pushing up mushrooms
fodder for fantasy
it all comes out to be
a blender purée of spotlights and sidelines
silk stockings under short hemlines
injection like a bacteriophage
a red green blue montage
all makes sense to me
when I think back to when I was a child
all running wild on the playground
being socialized
ostracized by the alpha male
the one that I despised
you can’t fake it right when you’re just not the same
you won’t score the goal if you can’t play the game
you can’t be the best when you think you’re the worst
you can’t find joy in your toys when you know that
you’re not like the other boys
want to be like the faces on the screen
the flies are inside us
think they’ve found the moon
eating lightbulb soon.
[chorus]
[chorus]

Prozac

in a bottle by the sink
with a child-resistant cap
your little cartwheels lie inside
who can contend with that
brightest boy in this whole town
rumor says he’s been around
he showed me pieces of his past
and his N.I.N. on broken glass
I heard your story
after it had grown old
I heard your story
but your story left me cold
every[body] argues and claims to know what to do
and I believe each one believes that
what he says is true
you made it funny
God knows how
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud
my hands condemn you through and through
but my heart insists that I love you
[chorus]
mother father more-than-friend
you read the lines they bring
and I can only stand aside
and wait within the wings
[chorus]
I heard your story
and after you were through
I’d heard your story
but all I saw was you.

Five in the Chamber

one too many concerts scratching over DATs
and one too many lyric lines about skirts and tricks and gats
they play your little tracks in carolina and think they’re the jams
and knock them out of speakers wherever I am
so many words without deeds it’s said
won’t someone shut up and put some bullets through some heads
a good night kiss
never felt so bold
a good night kiss
lay him down cold
they’ll never miss him at least I hope so
five in the chamber and one in the hole
came in the back porch window not a hitch at all
and made it through the kitchen to kneel here in the hall
I think this is his bedroom it’s got to be
biggest room on the second floor
my trigger finger calls your name
you won’t be needing it anymore
[chorus × 2]
this old world has made him sick
this old world has made me dull
the only way to end it now
is with a hollow point bullet in someone’s skull
[chorus × 3]

Popular Breakfast Drink

I read the headlines just this morning
gave them a second each at least
looking somewhat duller than shimmering technicolor
beauty had lost control and killed the beast
and ate him for a feast
with white-wigged aging barristers
and animated characters
vying for a piece
one man says he’d kill for a million
his friend says football’s gone to hell
aging high school wonders
hypothesizing blunders
concocting up a story they could sell
and I guess they might as well
since grim armchair detectives
will spew out their invectives
where their opinion fell
I guess they’ll pray to good old fate
while journalists with bylines
ignore red sunset skylines
they’re busy writing headlines
I can’t appreciate
and nothing seems to take us far from where we want to be
just blow out a candle
wish upon a star
cast your vote
and fill in the circles completely
hens love chickens
geese love ganders
does anybody know Ned Flanders
I made the walk to class this evening
or was it early afternoon
antennas up like honeybees
tuning in the frequencies
a broadcast of judgement like a cartoon
and I guess it means the doom
of unexpected favors
and close-knit next-door neighbors
it’s happened all too soon
and maybe it will get charity
for every boy to be the man
we can all have our own alt.fan
each fifteen minutes down the can
the idea’s lost its hilarity
manufactured disparity
builds headline interest parity
we’ve made too much celebrity
how can it be
allegedly
we find a media for our time
we crack some jokes and judge her from the sidelines
the cameras vie
for a tearful eye
I catch myself wishing that they’d sentenced her to die.

A Kiss

if I had a little girl under my care
I’d take her hand in mine and teach her to be aware
and as she’d live and grow and learn to understand
I’d [tell] her of the gifts God gives to man
we’d sit under the moonlight and dance under the trees
we’d feel a true communion as we’d pray upon our knees
and as she’d live and grow and want to understand
I’d tell her of God’s gift between a woman and a man
a kiss is a gift we have made for each other
a kiss is a gift for a friend and a lover
a kiss is a gift from the Lord down to man,
a kiss is a gift so few people
people understand
shrouded in myth and narrowly defined
thrown into sick parody along the checkout line
if our actions judge the world that we perceive
a kiss should be a testament to all that we believe
only with a standard is the flesh reconciled
so this above all else I would say unto my child
choose what you believe and choose what is right
make sure it guides your actions in all pieces of your life
[chorus]
[chorus]
sixty-nine thirty-nine point seven (that’s 365.25 × 19.0, figure it out) days
rumor says “impossible” and slips along the way
rumor slips around and sips depravity
I know that my decision is what Jesus wants of me
“a kiss is a gift” the father implores
and sees his darling daughter as a virgin among whores
if sex is such a force we should be circumspect
shouldn’t something beautiful be something to protect?
[a kiss is a gift we have made for each other
a kiss is a gift for a friend and a lover
a kiss is a gift from the Lord down to man
a kiss is a gift so few people
a kiss is a gift that is used and abused
it flows by the way to the dazed and confused
God won’t let us be tempted more than we can withstand
that’s why it means so much
the kiss of a righteous man]

Warm Dry Cell

there’s a hill just over a hill
and just beyond there’s a little city
where everybody can step on a stump
and speak their mind
and every himself and herself gets a guitar
handed down by the city fathers
a little rosewood acoustic job
with dull strings turned black from the sea air
I wouldn’t mind a warm dry cell
where I could just talk to myself
no I wouldn’t mind a warm dry cell
I’m just sick of everyone else
you know they play their songs
little folk tunes they wrote for us
5 minutes long and they all sound the same
bash 3 chords for the verse and 4 for the chorus
and every mind is politically minded
and there are messages in every line
I’ve heard of this nirvana but I never did find it
and if it’s up to me well thats just fine because
[chorus etc]
sun burns my skin to a crisp brown cancer
shining bright white tooth rows blind my eyes
somebody chained me down here like a monkey tortured for cosmetics
but I don’t want to just lay down and die
I wouldn’t mind a warm dry cell.

I Want a Capricious God

I want a capricious God
a deliciously just God [× 4]
my God
hint of a smile
makes light of my devotion to justice
I want to lay down with my blame
for all my rants and raves
I’m just like the men I shame
I want a capricious God who will not damn me for my sins
but will just find some poor transgressor
take Jesus’ blood out of his skin
a little brat of a deity I never will forsake
He’ll let my straight white Christian sins slide by
and right the wrongs that I will never make
[the] sound of her laughter
a moral disaster
but who am I to blame
when I’m as
guilty as they come
a little primate figure
blind deaf doomed and dumb.
[chorus]

Boiling Point

fingers curled
wrapped around anger
wound into tight fists
and pounded into jacket pockets
stepping down the street
dead and bloated
cocked and loaded
methodical and torn
gonna reach my boiling point
before I stop myself
from God’s womb
self-aborted
I cut the cord
I took the nails and killed the Lord
passed him by
left Him down the street
left Him in the gutter
I left Him and me to bleed.
[chorus]

Like Water Through a Sieve

hurts like hell to drive away
I choke on the words that I can’t bring myself to say
I wish I could cry
could choke out the tears
I want to take your pain away
[and] cover all your fears
and I’ll be counting down the days come October
when the autumn turns to mist
count the days down from my wrist
curl my fingers to a fist
and get so mad at me
for waiting so impatiently
I know each day should be an end in itself
but I’m not counting them for anyone else
the days slip by like water through a sieve
I want to give you something you can hold and believe
there will come a day when you will never leave
there will come a day when you will never have to leave
I will be your cacophony
and you can be my simple melody
my friend asked “what does it mean to sing if there are no words”
what is the extent of what you’ve heard
I’ve said it as plainly as I know
can you understand
do I come apart
can you give it to prayer
can you take it to heart
somewhere the future is hard to find
blooms the vision in my mind
beyond the moment I perceive
a day when you will never leave
and God will get around to showing me how
but that doesn’t help the pain much now
[chorus]
[chorus]
the days slip by like water through my hands
I want to give you something
want you to understand
that I am not going anywhere.

Beautiful Girl Song

when he sees a beautiful girl
his mind turns to jelly and his thoughts blend to swirl
he eyes her face her dirty blonde curls
when he sees a beautiful girl
[a] beautiful girl
[a] beautiful girl
[a] beautiful girl
never know where she’s been in this world
staring at the beautiful girl
when he sees a beautiful face
he thinks of a time and imagines a place
maybe some shame a little disgrace
pretty young thing with the beautiful face
[chorus]
moment follows moment the idea becomes bland
Calvin Coolidge rooster moves as fast as he can
husband tells wife “you can’t understand
the scars of evolution of the dirty old man”
[chorus]
by himself he’s never had to think about the beautiful girl
so why did God make him this way?

Removed

do I have to go away
and if so for how long before I
forget what I wanted to say
signals over copper wires
and words disgruntled postmen carry
have punctuated autumn’s days
do I have to go away
is my smile just an accent to me
and will I lose it [just] the same
“can you believe it’s been a year” penned in uppercase
my friend I
I know
I can’t [I]
I know
I can’t
I
your words bring your thoughts to life
and yet they seem to claim you
as a sitcom subplot of my life
but still I feel I’ll always love you
charter me to fell and I still know those black threads well
miles away from you
miles removed
do I have to go away
and will I make it through tonight to
come out smiling sometime soon
Christians shooting through the ether
are no consolation to me
but Jesus should be
I wish you could be
[chorus]
miles away from you.

Lollapalooza

she got the little braids put in her hair
they split the cost her boyfriend paid his $7.50 share
he must have thought they were cute she looked alright
but even better silhouetted tonight
somewhere with him
silently taking him in
and he’d dyed every strand fire-engine red
“I think I’ll make mine putrid green”
his rainy-day friend must have said
he probably replied “hell yeah” but didn’t think
and didn’t think much about anything
about nipple rings or latex or the mall
or anything at all
I lost all my faith in mankind knew I would
I never believed that were essentially good
but all that my grim observations have wrought
is an angry young man full of cold bitter thoughts
in hell
I built my hell
a bassist’s bewildered expression left a trace
how can you sing those anarchic lyrics two million albums later and still save face?
anger lust frustration fear and fun
teenage ängst for everyone
can’t you see that everyone’s a poser and a wannabe
[chorus]
Jesu Christos Father amen.
[chorus etc]

Cursed (ocular mix)

when my eyes are cursed
my eyes
it’s hard to trust my eyes
my eyes
when my eyes are cursed
my eyes
it’s hard to trust the things I see [× 2]
my eyes are cursed
shivering down the sidewalk
there where New York meets Broadway.
[chorus × 2]

Nothing Else

a narrow trembling branch
dripping from the rain
and all the life that this third rock from the sun may now contain
it could not be as real
it could now ring as true
as everything you’ve told me everything that’s happening to you
like water into wine
blooms the flower on the vine
and nothing else could be more real than what you’ve said today
I only wish that I could feel your joy without your pain
your Godshaped void is filled
it’s written on your face
but forgiveness doesn’t deny that there was something wrong in the first place
and so my joy is tainted
with hope for what was lost
in time or being I believe that somebody had to pay the cost
like water into wine
transformed thought within your mind
[chorus]
in the recesses of my joy there lurks a thieving fear
I don’t want you or I to ever go through what it took you to get here.