I know I haven't updated these for a while, but the freaks are still expressing their mating calls in the London Review of Books, though the nihilist hasn't been back for a while.

This week they gave a prize to:

"List your ten favourite albums. I don't want to compare notes, I just want to know if there's anything worth keeping when we break up. Practical, forward-looking man ..."

Then there's, 'Clever mistress wanted. Very light duties...'.

If that's creepy, try 'Will you crown me with algae? Woman seeks man...'.

A 'professional M, 38' from Basingstoke 'seeks a heartless common slut with detailed knowledge of sheltered housing applications.'

And near the ad from 'thinking man's crumpet' (I mean, honestly), an 'otherwise thoughtful, stylish political woman' asks for 'straighforward love and friendship.'

You're looking in the wrong place, baby....