I am a concrete sequential learner, which means:
 
I am…
Hardworking. Conventional. Accurate. Stable. Dependable. Consistent. Factual. Organized.
 
I work best when…
            1. I have an orderly quiet environment.
            2. I know the accepted way of doing things.
            3. I have exact directions and examples.
            4. I can be consistent and efficient.
            5. I face limited change in predictable situations.
            6. I am given approval for specific work done.
            7. I can apply ideas in a practical hands-on way.
            8. I can answer, "How does this work?"
            9. I am able to trust that others will follow through.
            10. I have guided practice with an organized person.
 
I like…
            Order. Predictability. Logical sequence. Following directions.
 
I learn best with a structured environment.
 
I dislike…
            Incomplete. Unorganization. Questions without a right or wrong answer.
 
A schedule to follow and step by step process make sense to me.

Finally!! I have booked the church - Church on the Square in The Villages. The date has been changed to July 25, 2009 due to it being the only available date next summer. Changing the date was hard to adjust to at first, but putting the deposit down today stirred up a whole new level of excitement within me. It really feels real now and not just a dream. It's happening! I am getting married! Wow! 

Next thing is reserving the reception site which will be sometime this week as well. The more I do, the more excited I get. I can't hardly wait for this day to arrive. There are many details that need to be done and I don't know exactly what all to do, but it will come together in time. I will keep everyone updated, and if you have any comments, tips, etc. then please e-mail me at AshleyNail21@gmail.com. 

What an interesting time it has been being home and taking care of wedding details. The other day I called the church we want to get married in, Church on the Square, to check and see if June 20 was open. The words on the other end were like nails on a chalk board to me. The only available date for next summer is July 25. That is not what I wanted to hear. Discouraged and determined to get married on June 20, I set out on a church hunt to find another beautiful church to tie the not in. I was getting so desperate that I looked into a Lutheran church. Not pleased with anything I found, I warmed up to the idea of July 25 as my wedding date. The more I thought about it and the more I looked at other church's, waiting is the most satisfying thing to me. I can't always get what I want when I want it, and even though change is difficult for me to deal with, I am being flexible. The most important thing is marrying the man God has made especially for me whether is is June 20 or July 25. 

On a happier note, I found my wedding dress. My mom and I went dress shopping last Friday. They say that you know it's the perfect dress when you put it on, and after putting this dress on, it was the most perfect one and suited my personality the best. I tried others on after that just to see if I liked anything better, and I didn't. It was the second dress I tried on that I knew was the one I would have. Now, I just have to lose about 20 to 30 pounds before we buy it -- that's the deal I made with myself. 

After two and a half months, I am finally sitting down to write a blog. Much has gone on, but at the same time nothing has been happening. I had decided to give up my summer for taking classes. After four classes, I finished Friday and I am heading home on Tuesday for a two-week break before coming back to school.

Much has gone on around campus. The school has definitely taken a leap to growth. We have 200 new students enrolled for this semester coming up, which to me is very exciting. Many changes have gone on around campus such as painting, paving the student parking lot, new things in the cafeteria and tables, and so forth. We also have new degrees which will go in effect this semester. What an exciting year it is going to be. However, with all the changes that have been happening, some are not so great. We do not have enough space in the dorms for students, so a lot of juniors and seniors were moved to the old president’s house for girls and the guys were moved to an old doctors office which will be renovated that is located about a half a mile from campus. Luckily, I have been kept in Napier, my dorm I have always lived in. Not only that, but Lauren and I were blessed with the handicapped room, which is about twice the size of a regular dorm room and we were very happy about that.

While home, I am hoping to spend time with everyone I love. I especially can’t wait to play tennis with my grandpa. It has been many years since I have played and taken lessons, but since Josh has started to get into tennis I have started playing once again and surprisingly I have not lost many of my skills. I miss playing and taking lessons, and my grandpa is very good at teaching me.

Coming home for Father's Day, right outside of Tallahassee, Josh and I got into a bad storm. I had an extremely uneasy feeling only going 60 mph and asked Josh to turn his flashers on and slow down. Only a couple minutes later on a bridge, Josh's truck began spinning in big circles. My eyes got real big, my hands were up, and I was screaming because all I could think about was that I was going to die, we are going to wreck, oh no! After three spins in the middle of the road, we stopped and pulled over so we could both regather ourselves so we could continue on our way home.
 
We sit back now and laugh because we are alive and no harm was done. We were extremely lucky to not hit the wall and no cars were around to hit us in such an uncontrollable state.
 
It really makes me think about how unfaithful I am to God, yet He still protects me and keeps me safe, though I do not deserve it.

Do you remember the nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty? I remember as a kid, we would always sing that. In day care we would all stand around in a circle just like we would for Ring Around the Rosy, and sing:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put humpty together again

Now Humpty Dumpty was an egg. Why would an egg be sitting on a wall? I always thought that was crazy, because if he fell, the he would die. But I began to ponder on this nursery rhyme and there is actually something to be learned.

The wall: Life is full of many dangers and risks. Humpty, a fragile egg, sits on the wall. Why on earth would he do this with the high risk he has of falling? Well, if we think about it, this is pretty courageous. Humpty obviously does not live life in fear. If we live in fear, it is impossible to experience the fullness of life God has intended for us to experience. Isaiah 41:10 tells us, "Do not fear, for I am with you," while John 10:10 says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." We are meant to really live…to take in the sights of life from a high wall that overlooks a beautiful kingdom…approach our days with vision and purpose…dream dreams, sing songs and continue to grow in the likeness of Christ until our last breath is breathed. He made this abundant life possible by bearing our sins in death and enduring the shame and suffering. He was courageous and fearless and sat on those high walls.

The Fall: Humpty definitely had a great fall. I know in my life, I have had my share of falls. Some falls were much greater than others. I've needed rescued from these falls, just like I still do on a daily basis.

The Call: All the king's horses and men were called to Humpty's rescue. But what do they know about a cracked shell? Obviously nothing, because they could not put him back together. If they would have called on the king himself, then of course he could treat Humpty they way he needed. Does the king not get the best medical treatment? Humpty needed to be taken to the king himself, so do each one of us.

I fall daily and have many cracks in my shell. And not each time do I call on God to fix me, but I will call on one of His men to help me. Do you do the same? We need to stop looking for healing in others and look up to the God whose gaze never leaves our side. He is the One to call out to. He is the only salve that will heal our many cracks.

Perhaps, we have all possibly been on the other side on this crazy metaphor. Where we, the King's men, have been the one to try to help the broken and rescue them. We reasoned with them and talked them out of something. But in spite of doing all this, did we consent with the King first and ask Him for His help and guidance?

Today, whether we find ourselves taking in sights from the wall, cracked by wounds in a fall or recognizing God's call to bring burdens to Him, these things are certain: all power for living abundantly and repairing brokenness lies in the hands of the King of all Kings. Let's be sure to take our days, dreams and despairs to HIS throne for complete hope and healing.

I am becoming an independent woman and I am still in the making of it.

Lately, I have had to learn to do the things dads and husbands are suppose to do, but unfortunately, neither are around when I need it done. A couple weeks ago, my showerhead in my dorm broke. Lauren did not know what to do, maintenance never came to fix it, so I went to the dollar store, bought a new shower head, thinking it would be simple, but it was more complex than I thought. Not knowing what I was doing, I called dad. He walked me through step by step how to change out the showerhead. It was a good thing Lauren and I keep a toolbox around. It was a hard task, but I did it and I can do it again! I was proud.

That, though, is not the only independent thing I have had to do. My car needed new windshield wiper blades and washer fluid. Saturday, while I was home, I went down to the auto place. Dad was golfing, so I did it myself. I need to learn, right? I walked into the store, went to the wipers, looked my car up in the book (I saw someone do this, that is how I knew to do the same), found what I needed, purchased it, and left to go home and begin maintenance. Once I got home, I really had no clue what to do. I did not even know how to lift the hood of my car. I had to wait on dad, but that was ok. Dad taught me step by step once again, and I can now put windshield fluid in my car and change the wiper blades.

Aside from my recently learned man tasks, I know some other things I learned a while ago. I designed a shelving unit for the top of my closet at school for organization. (I knew all my drafting classes in high school would come in handy sometime.) I drew the plan up with dimensions, took it to my dad and said, "teach me." We went to Lowe's, bought the wood, and began working. I learned how to use the drill and how to build. Ever since, I have a new love for building and drilling.

Since learning how to drill, I fixed a broken futon that Josh was going to throw away. I told him no, I could fix it. I bought a new piece of wood, borrowed a drill, and it is better than new.

It feels great learning to be an independent woman. When the task is done, you have a sense of accomplishment and it feels good.

Thanks to dad, my knowledge is expanding so that when I become a mom and I can be "Mrs. Fit-It" and "Handy Lady".

All day I have been thinking and saying to myself, “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives within me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me (Galatians 2:20).” Why so much have I been thinking about this verse?
 
You see, when I decided to pick up my cross and daily follow Christ, I crucified myself with Him. I said I was going to trust God in everything I do, but how often do I really trust? What does it even mean to trust? To trust is to have confidence, faith, believe, dependence, hope. Do I always have this so-called “trust” thing? No, I honestly don’t. I have been hurt, abused, mistreated, lied to, and abandoned by so many people that it is sometimes hard to trust in the Lord with ALL my heart and lean on His understandings rather than my own because I want to protect myself. Yet, I hurt myself even more in the long run.
 
So, how can we learn to trust and what does the Bible say about it?
 
Matthew 14:28 – The disciples are in a boat and Jesus comes walking toward them on water. Peter called out to Jesus and said, "Lord, if it is you, bid me to come to you on the water." Jesus told him to come, and Peter walked on the water for a while. Then he began to look at the boisterous winds around him and when he did, he began to sink. The next thing we see happening is Peter crying out to Jesus to save him. As I think about this account, Peter had the faith to call out to Jesus and ask Him to let him come to Him, and at Jesus' word He stepped out onto the water. When Peter began to sink, he had the faith to call out to Jesus to save him. But if you'll notice, he did not have the same faith in Jesus when he looked at the "storm" around him. We are no different than Peter- we have faith in the Lord to step into the water, and if we get in trouble and start to sink we have faith in Him to save us It seems that our trouble comes in the "middle" of the storm – that's when we have trouble believing and trusting Him. I trust Him to get me out there, I trust Him to save me when I sink, but can I trust Him when I'm in the storm and it's raging all around me? Do I have the faith to believe that He can keep me afloat? Do I forget Who is with me on the stormy sea? Most people find it hard to walk "with" Him in the storm. This is where our problem lies. When Peter was sinking, Jesus asked him why he doubted? In other words...why did you doubt that I would take care of you while you were out here? We must learn to trust Him while we are in the boat, when we take that first step out of the boat, when we are sinking... and while we are going through "boisterous" times.

So, can I just say that I love my roommate! She is absolutely the best. This past weekend we both stayed up until 12:00 at night talking. This is very unusual for us considering we both go to bed around 10:00. Last night, we sat in bed until 1:30 this morning talking. There is nothing better than a quality conversation with someone. We are so much alike, but different at the same time. I love that Lauren and I can sit in silence and not feel like we have to talk to each other. I love that we are both clean freaks and everything has to be a certain way. Last semester when I was home, Lauren mailed me a care package. In it she put a letter in there with the reasons I needed to come back and be her roommate again and she put things in the box that reminded her of me. She is the best roommate! Not once have we fought. What more could you ask for? There is nothing better than having a roommate that you love, trust, and care for. We imagine ourselves being sisters sometimes standing at the mirror getting ready to face the day. It's lonely without her here when she goes home for the weekend. When I don't make my bed, she makes it for me. When Josh was in the hospital, her and her boyfriend went and sat with Josh for about an hour and a half while I was not there and then when she came back to the dorm she folded my clothes because I was in a hurry to get back to the hospital.  Lauren is the best and makes the most perfect roommate anyone could ask for!

Wow! What a weekend! I think I just need to sleep for the next week until Spring Break and then vacation. Hmm… Sounds good to me, but unfortunately, I can't. Bummer.

Friday night Josh took me out on a date. We went to Outback for dinner and then we went to one of our favorite places – Barnes and Noble! We both love to go pick out some books or magazines, sit down, relax, and read.

Saturday Josh called me and asked me to take him to the emergency room because his blood pressure was 198/100. I was in the middle of putting my make-up when he called and hurried my way out the door to pick him up. Once we got to the hospital, the emergency room was empty and he was taken back right away. What a blessing. The nurses hooked him up and saw his heart rate was 176. The nurses had this terrible look on their faces as they called the doctor and ordered an EKG. EKG was fine, but his heart rate was ridiculous. They transferred him into a different room where they gave him man injection to slow his heart rate down. They made me leave during this time because if his heart did not start back up within 15-30 second they would have to shock him. They did this twice and it did not slow his heart down. They then gave him an IV and a pill to slow his heart down and we sat there for 5 ½ hours until his heart rate went under 100. If his heart had not slowed down he would have gone to ICU. They kept him for two nights on an IV drip and drugging him up. I slept on the couch in his room and hardly got any sleep, but that is ok because I would expect the same thing out of him. He goes tomorrow for a test on his thyroid because they think that is causing the problem, but they don't know.

This, however, was definitely a different experience. I was scared and called my mom about 1,000 times to get her opinion and asking her what's next. Many times I just wanted to cry and freak out, but I had to be strong for Josh. I was the only there for him. Thank you mom for being there for me. Although, I did not show my stress and anxiety, you talking to me helped me to keep a positive attitude and know things will be ok. Thank you for keeping the phone glued to your ear to talk to me after you had a long, stressful day of your own.

After about 4 hours of sleep this past weekend and trying to study for the hardest test of my life, a friend of mine told me I looked dead. I tried to sleep yesterday afternoon after my test, but I was beyond the point of sleep. I finally feel asleep at about 10:30 last night only to wake up to a difficult morning. While taking a shower, the showerhead fell out. I have no clue how to fix a shower. I thought I could just screw it back on, but apparently, our shower is broken and water sprayed everywhere – outside the curtain and all only to get out bathroom soaking wet. Maintenance did not come today to fix our shower, and Lauren and I have to shower somehow, so I went to the dollar store to find a showerhead. I came back to fix the shower and I had not a single clue what I was doing and it took me about an hour while talking to my dad on the phone walking me through how to fix my shower. Needless to say, my life has been crazy for the past couple days, but I have learned to do a man thing and the victory of it feels great.

One day, there was a grape branch in the vineyard that had been growing for a long time, and another that had just been planted. The new branch grew, developed more branches, and bore fruit. On one hot summer day, the young branch turned to the old branch and asked him how he could have such sweet fruit as he did, for he was the best in the whole vineyard. The old branch smiled and said, "be willing." The young branch was frustrated at such a response as "be willing." One fall morning, he heard the gardener come out into the vineyard. Usually the vines would clap when he came, but today was different. Everyone was quiet as they watched the gardener bend down with his scissors and move to his friend. The young branch heard the branch at the end plead, "No, No, why are you doing this to me? Haven't I been sweet? Didn't I bring honor to the garden? Please, please, don't do this to me!" Before long, his friend lay on the ground except for the nub. Not long after, the young branch turned to the old branch and asked why the gardener did that? He must not have liked her. She must not have been sweet enough. She must be being punished. The old branch looked at the young and said, "He loves her very much and she is very sweet. She is not being punished. Listen carefully – your friend is being pruned. Not because she was trying to do things wrong, but because she was trying to do things right. Not because her fruit was not sweet, but because the gardener wants her to be sweeter." The young branch then says, "Well, you don't have to worry about being pruned because you have the sweetest fruit in the garden." And then old branch says, "I want to be pruned. I must admit it's quite uncomfortable. You see, my young friend, I know I look good to you, but I have a fungus growing on my underside that no one can see. If it remains, it will diminish the quality and quantity of my fruit. Now, when the gardener comes to prune me, I won't pull my leaves back. I'll lift myself high in the air to make his job easier. When the gardener comes to prune you, remember that the gardener only prunes those who belong to him, which makes it an honor. He doesn't prune you because you're trying to do things wrong, but because you're trying to do things right. It's not because you're not sweet, but because He wants you to be sweeter. And always remember, my young friend, the very fact that you're being pruned means you will bloom again." The garden then turned to the young branch. His leaves were shaking, and tears rolled down his side, but with every ounce of strength he raised his leaves high in the air. He looked up into the gardener's face and said, "I am willing."

We can find ourselves in one of three places: we have just been pruned, we are growing back after a pruning, or we are in full bloom.

Maybe you are growing after a pruning. Don't look back, or your growth will be stunted. It can be tempting to walk in unforgiveness and bitterness over an unpleasant occurrence that was part of your pruning. Le it go and rejoice in the strength gained!

Perhaps you have recently been pruned – cut down to the nub. You look funny, and it hurts. Be patient, and the pain will pass. Rejoice that the fungus has been cut away and in time you will bloom again. Don't stunt your growth with "What if…?" or "If I had only…" Stop asking God, "Why?" and start thanking Him and rejoicing in His infinite wisdom, for He knows what is best for you.

I raise my hands to our Heavenly Father and say, "I am willing." Are you?

The other day Josh and I had gone to Kay Jewelers to get my ring cleaned. I had been very disappointed with it.  It was not sparkling like it use to and I began to wonder if it had a flaw in it. The beauty was not the same anymore and I really did not want to look at it much. Therefore, because of my paranoia, I went to Kay’s and got it cleaned. Afterwards, the beauty had been restored. It sparkled like new and I couldn’t take my eyes of the ring.
 
Sometimes in life, we are like my diamond ring. We feel worthless, dirty, and nasty like no one wants to look at us. The world tells us that we have to be thin and we have to be a certain way. It tells us that we have to be this perfect person and when we try to mold ourselves into this person then we fail and begin to feel like a flaw. The pain we bare in this world will get the best of us. We all deal with different issues. Some cut, starve, or even drink to numb the pain they feel.
 
Dirt. Worthless. Lame. Nasty. Imperfect. Useless. Ugly. No good. Unloved. Failure. Rejected.
 
At one point or another, everyone has felt this way. Maybe you felt this from a past experience, or someone told you this. Maybe you have felt like you just weren’t good enough.
 
Satan has grabbed a hold of us and whispers these lies into our head and heart. We need to knock him down and rebuke him. Jesus conquers all and His word tell us that we are redeemed, loved, chosen, favored, beautiful, pure, clean, His, justified, covered in the blood of the Lamb. He has lavished His love on us, washed our stains clean. Lay this down at the foot of the cross.

At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me your love
Though the judgment you received
And you’ve won my heart
Yes, you’ve won my heart
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

About a month ago I received a call from my brother. As I stood there surprised by his call, I hear the words, "I am getting married." I thought it was a joke at first, but he reassured me it was true and it would happen within the next month. I was in total shock! I could not believe the words I had just heard. He is Matt, my brother, he can't get married before me. For days, I was speechless. I did not know what to say. I did now know what to think. I was flabbergasted.

Well, a month has gone by and Matt is now married. Josh and I traveled eight hours to Tennessee this weekend to see my brother marry this girl he had met in boot camp. Her name is Annie. I don't know her really, I just met her this weekend.

I don't really know what to think. I am still just shocked and speechless. It has not sunk in yet that Matt is married. Wow. It is all too much for me to soak in right now.

On another note…

It was great to spend time with the family. The older I get and the more I am with my family I realize how great they truly are. We are comfortable enough with each other to put everything behind us and be who we really are. We laugh and play. We are blunt and honest. My grandparents are truly the light of my life. My parents are a heck of a lot of fun to hang around, and my aunt… she really knows how to have fun. And Matt… well, you never know with him, but his love towards me shows more and more the older we get. Thank you for who you all are and what you  mean to me.

Laughing. Smiling. Amazing conversations. Bright colors. Rain. Sunsets. Pictures. Jesus. Coldstone Creamery. Hanging out with friends. Amazing Conversations. Grey's Anatomy. Beach days. Diamonds. Home accents. Coffee Shops. Starbucks hot chocolate. Hugs. Ocean waves. Dippin' Dots. Polka Dots. Napping. Coach purses. Day dreaming. Bright colors. Gerbera daisies. Photo shoots. Sweet tea. Living life. Love. Learning. Worship. Robber duckies. Encouragement. New clothes. Long showers. Good books. Gooey cookies. My grandma's chocolate cake. Mail. Being classy. Fall leaves. Spring Flowers. Wind. Skiing. Jogging. Shopping. Pedicures. Make-up. Chick flicks. Dogs. Birthdays. American Idol. My planner. Being tan. Scrapbooking. Friends that know everything about you. Family. Painting pottery. Saxophone. God's humor. Steak. Worship.

Today is Josh's 24th birthday, so I thought I would let the whole world know the top 24 reasons I love Josh.

I love Josh because of…

1.    His love for Christ
2.    His servant attitude.
3.    His incredible green eyes.
4.    His loyalty to me.
5.    His devotion.
6.    His compassion.
7.    His gentleness.
8.    The fact he is not afraid to cry.
9.    How he is always concerned about me and my well-being.
10.    His electronic and technical savvy.
11.    His uncompromising belief in God.
12.    The fact that He will make a better father than I would mother.
13.    There is no one else in the world like him and no one will ever come close to the love he gives me.
14.    How he always tells and shows me everyday how much he loves me.
15.    How he gives up things he has wanted just for my benefit.
16.    His faithfulness.
17.    The way he looks at me that make me melt inside.
18.    The excitement he brings into my life every day.
19.    The fact that without a doubt he is my true soul mate.
20.    The fact that he is the first and only person I have ever loved, and the only person who ever truly loved me.
21.    How He always tries to scare me when I am not expecting it.
22.    How much He knows about me and he has seen my good side and my bad side, but still loves me more than ever anyways.
23.    Every single little detail about him that makes him who he is and the fact that he will make the best husband ever. Sucks for everyone else to not have him.
24.    The annoying facts that most of the time, he is right and I am wrong.

Josh has always wanted me to get into football. He took my to two gator games and explained the game to me the whole time in hopes for me to learn the game and love it as he does. However, I could care less about football. All it is to me is guys playing a game of chase with a ball. Well, I guess I am coming around to warming up to football. Poweder puff season is here once again and I have decided to sign up to play. We have had two practices so far and I really have no clue what I am doing. All I know is I am playing center -- the girl who bends over and throws the ball backwards through her legs. The coach is great with all of us girls out there that has no clue what the football slingo means. Bob, our coach, gave us a speech yesterday and all I could do was laugh. He said...

"There are two kinds of people in football. Poise and practice. Those with poise have praticed while paying attention to everything around them so when the time comes and they catch the ball, they don't panic and know what to do with it. Then there are those who practice. They learn their position and not pay attention to those around them. When they catch the ball, they panic and run around asking what to do with it."

When Bob gave this speech, all I could think about is catching the ball, standing there in panic asking what to do with it, and then run in the wrong direction because I don't know what I am doing. Only I would do this because I am that "blonde at heart."

The Bible says my king is a seven-way king. He's the King of the Jews; that's a racial king. He's the King of Israel; that's a national King. He's the King of Righteousness. He's the King of the Ages. He's the King of Heaven. He's the King of Glory. He's the King of kings, and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King.

Well, I wonder, do you know Him? David said, "The Heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His Blessings. He's enduringly strong. He's entirely sincere. He's eternally steadfast. He's immortally graceful. He's imperially powerful. He's impartially merciful. Do you know Him?

He's the greatest phenomenon that ever crossed the horizon of this world. He's God's Son He's a sinner's Savior. He's the centerpiece of civilization. He stands in the solitude of Himself. He's august. He's unique. He's unparalleled. He's unprecedented. He's the loftiest idea in literature. He's the highest personality in philosophy. He's the supreme problem in higher criticism. He's the fundamental doctrine of true theology. He's the cardinal necessity for spiritual religion. He's the miracle of the age. He's the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him. He's the only one qualified to be an all-sufficient Savior.

I wonder if you know Him today? He supplies strength for the weak. He's available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He strengthens and sustains. He guards and He guides. He heals the sick. He cleanses lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharges debtors. He delivers captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent. And He beautifies the meek. I wonder if you know Him?

Well, my King is the King. He's the key to knowledge. He's the wellspring to wisdom. He's the doorway of deliverance. He's the pathway of peace. He's the roadway of righteousness. He's the highway of holiness. He's the gateway of glory. Do you know Him?

Well, His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy, and his burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you, but He's indescribable.. He's incomprehensible. He's invincible. He's irresistible.

Well, you can't get Him out of your mind. You can't get Him off of your hand. You can't out live Him, and you can't live without Him. The Pharisees couldn't stand Him, but they found out they couldn't stop Him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. The witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree. Herod couldn't kill Him. Death couldn't handle Him, and the grave couldn't hold Him. Yea! that's my King, that's my King!

I am who I am. God created me into the being I am today, but I feel somehow I have corrupted myself. Not just with the fact of being a sinner, but just in who I am. I took a personality profile test today in my premarital and marital counseling class. I hate to say that I am not pleased with my results. I came out to be a "C" personality.

This means I am… Competent. Compliant. Cautious. Calculating. Careful. Contemplative.

My basic motivation is quality and correctness. I desire clearly defined tasks, details, limited risks, assignments that require precision and planning, and time to think.

I respond best to a leader who provides reassurance, spells out detailed operating procedures, provides resources to do tasks correctly, and listens to suggestions.

I need to learn total support is not always possible, thorough explanation is not everything, deadlines must be met, and more optimism will lead to greater success.

I am passive and task oriented.

Things it says "C" likes:
1. They like to do things right. Finishing a project half way or half right is unacceptable to them.
2. Give them time and resources to do their best.
3. Don't push them to always do better. They may get frustrated and give up.
4. Encourage them.
5. Answer their questions and explain the "whys of life."

When working through the rough spots the "C" Behavior –
Under Pressure:
    Becomes moody, critical, contemplative, negative, worrisome.
Sources of Irritation:
Incompetence, disorganization, foolishness, dishonesty, inaccuracy, wastefulness, inconsistency, blind faith, false impression.
Needs to:
Loosen up, communicate, be – joyful, positive, tolerant, compromising, open, trusting, enthusiastic.

It tells me I am most like Esther in the Bible. Out of everything it tells me I am, this is one thing I enjoy hearing. I admire Esther for the girl she was and wish to be half of who she was.

However, overall, I would say this is partially accurate because some of those aspects I am not. I am not as detailed as it says I am or negative. I have always tried to look on the bright side of situations because looking on the negative side only brings you down. I do agree with needing organization in my life, doing things right, and needing encouragement.

I am… Law-abiding. Conscientious. Conservative. Inflexible. Perfectionist. Precise. Accurate. Exact. Guarded. Masked. Protective. Organized. Orderly.

I am who I am.

Women have been programmed with intense emotions and the capacity to yearn for life’s best for themselves, their family and their friends. God has equipped us with such deep and intense desires.
 
Before I began to date, I longed to date Josh. Now that we are dating, I long to marry him. It consumes my thoughts, many times because my heart desires that. I want to care for him and provide for him, as a wife should do for her husband. With such an intense longing, not just myself, but many others will fill unfulfilled and experience sleepless nights, lack of energy, and extreme weariness.
 
God knows this longing in my heart. The longing to be married, finish school, live in a nice house, and to enjoy a long happy life with the man I love. God cares about the desires of our hearts and longs to fulfill our deepest need. Whatever the deep desire of your life is at this time, be assured that God knows, he understands, and he truly longs to be the answer to your need.
 
In 1 Samuel we read about Hannah. Before Samuel was born, Hannah experienced the heart-wrenching turbulence of a longing unfulfilled. Back in those days it was a terrible trial for a wife to not have children. Hannah not only felt unfulfilled and lonely as a woman, but she also carried the burden of feeling she had displeased God. Hannah felt a deep sense of guilt, since children were a gift from God.
 
Hannah poured her deep longing to the Lord, but it’s silly to me that Eli thought she was drunk. Imagine laying everything down at the feet of our Lord and someone looking in on you during such a private and personal moment.
 
God wants us to lay it all down to him. He wants us to turn our soul inside out to him; and whatever we are experiencing on the inside, he wants us to bring every bit of it to him.
 
Hannah did exactly what God wants us to do. She wept much and prayed to the Lord even with bitterness within her. Prayer is the only way to gain strength to overcome your emotions and your circumstances.
 
When I run to God with my burdens, my focus begins to shift from my burden to God. As I spend more time talking to him about my deep desires, I begin to realize that he is reaching into my soul and is saturating my inner being with a desire for him.
 
Romans 8:26-27 tells us, “In the same way the Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings. And He who searches the heart knows the Spirit’s mind-set, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”
 
As you go throughout your week, begin to birth a willing spirit, offering him the longing of your heart so that he may bring you closer into his love and meet your deepest need. When you ask him to give you what is best for your life, you are placing your trust in the one who has every need of your heart covered. Remember that total faith and reliance on him will not happen over night, but will gradually grow as you spend time with him, pouring you heart and trusting him to give you his best.