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Total entries in this category: 51
Published On: Mar 07, 2006 03:02 PM
Total entries in this category: 51
Published On: Mar 07, 2006 03:02 PM
Small talk = Big deal
There was a time that I thought that everyday
shooting-the-shit talk, with its small vocabulary and limited purpose, would be
easier to learn than constructive Chinese conversation. No more.
The problem with small talk, and really the virtue,
is that the words are almost irrelevant. What you say is not as important as
your attitude when you are saying it. What you are trying to communicate is that
you and the person you are speaking with share an understanding of the world.
That's next to impossible for me now in
China.
Nothing sounds worse than artificial casual conversation. Can you imagine a Harvard grad student from China saying "Howyadooin?" or "Whassup?" when you meet? My situation is no different. The words may be simple, but the assumption of belonging cannot be so easily achieved. It's easier for me to imagine negotiating to buy an electric bicycle (something I still hope to do) than it is for me to manage the deal-closing handshake talk.
After our last year in China, within the first 24 hours of our return to the US, I re-discovered the pleasure of small talk. I woke up at sunrise on a Sunday morning and wandered around our neighborhood, drifted into a convenience store and decided to buy a newspaper. It was a ratty little place, with bars on the windows and lots of cigarettes for sale behind the counter, a place where drive-by shootings are never far from your mind.
When I paid for the paper, the guy at the cash register, probably the owner, joked with me, saying "Well, the newspaper's usually $10, but you look like a nice guy so I'll give you a deal today - $1." It's the kind of bullshit that I probably would have ordinarily paid no attention to, but it struck me then that for a year, I had never had anyone speak with me like that. His stupid remarks were the kindest words I'd heard in a long time.
Nothing sounds worse than artificial casual conversation. Can you imagine a Harvard grad student from China saying "Howyadooin?" or "Whassup?" when you meet? My situation is no different. The words may be simple, but the assumption of belonging cannot be so easily achieved. It's easier for me to imagine negotiating to buy an electric bicycle (something I still hope to do) than it is for me to manage the deal-closing handshake talk.
After our last year in China, within the first 24 hours of our return to the US, I re-discovered the pleasure of small talk. I woke up at sunrise on a Sunday morning and wandered around our neighborhood, drifted into a convenience store and decided to buy a newspaper. It was a ratty little place, with bars on the windows and lots of cigarettes for sale behind the counter, a place where drive-by shootings are never far from your mind.
When I paid for the paper, the guy at the cash register, probably the owner, joked with me, saying "Well, the newspaper's usually $10, but you look like a nice guy so I'll give you a deal today - $1." It's the kind of bullshit that I probably would have ordinarily paid no attention to, but it struck me then that for a year, I had never had anyone speak with me like that. His stupid remarks were the kindest words I'd heard in a long time.
Posted: Thu - April 29, 2004 at 07:17 AM