Zhu Jing replied," Oh? Do you like it? I spent much money on it."

"How much money?" asked Zhang Laoshi.

Zhu Jing thought for a while. "30 thousand yuan." That's her salary for two and half years.

"Oh? Too cheap!" said Zhang Laoshi.

"You say that is easy. I pay that is hard," Zhu Jing concluded.

Confused? I was! When I questioned them in Chinese about the nature of their conversation, they assured me it would be perfectly normal in China.

Compliments in Chinese are handled very differently than in English-speaking countries. For one thing, they are always emphatically denied. If I comment on a child's cuteness, the mother is likely to either say, "Bu haokan," (ugly) or tell me that the kid isn't very smart. To say "thank you" in response to praise is considered quite brazen. Fortunately, the thing for which I receive the most compliments is my speaking of Chinese; since this truly does not merit praise, I feel very comfortable, and also appear very polite, replying, "I don't deserve that! I speak very poorly!" Unfortunately, I am vain enough to brazenly accept all compliments about my hair.

Then there is the matter of the compliment itself. In a country where plenty of people remember famine, it is perfectly normal to enthusiastically comment, "How fat you look!"

You can see that this was an important topic for my speaking class. After covering the important cultural aspects, pronouncing key expressions, and doing some dialogues and role plays, I thought it would be useful for the students just to get a bit of practice casually giving and receiving compliments. So I started a compliment relay in which I threw out a bit of praise, "Leslie, I like your sweater," and Leslie then had to respond appropriately and compliment another student on something. The girls were doing well praising each others' appearances, but as the female student supply dwindled, I began to sense there might be trouble when a girl had to compliment a boy (especially because I had warned them of the implication of praising the appearance of a member of the opposite sex.)

It seemed inevitable that Alice, one of my better students, would have to compliment a male student. I pointed out that it didn't have to be about appearance. She could compliment him on a party he hosted or a test score he received. But she was having none of that--she threw the compliment back to me and I tossed it to a boy.

The boys were not so adept. Shawn told Max, "You look so strong today!" Max complimented Forrest on his beautiful teeth. Forrest looked around and realized that all the boys had been complimented and that there actually were two girls left--sitting right in from of him no less. One was Shelley, a dazzling beautiful young woman with cheekbones that could cut glass.

Forrest mustered up his courage and said, "Shelley, you look better today. What happened?" Shelley hid her face in her hands. I rolled my eyes.

"WHAT did you say?" I asked him, hoping I had heard wrong.

He repeated. I had heard correctly.

I discussed how saying she looked better implied that yesterday she looked worse, something no woman wants to hear. Also, "What happened?" is usually said in response to seeing someone's broken arm or black eye, not to an improved appearance. I urged Forrest to try again, but he said, "Let Max do it."

Max scrutinized Shelley with unconcealed yearning. He looked down, mustered his courage, lifted his head, and announced, "Shelley, your face is very round."

Once again, she covered her actually very angular face with her hands. She shot him a skeptical look and replied, "I don't THINK so," with just the kind of attitude I said was needed to rebuff ridiculously extravagant praise.

I initially thought that Max had screwed up in the realm of compliments, but apparently describing a woman's face as round was actually very flattering.

Think you have a handle on all this? Here's a little test based on a real-life situation. Two of my Chinese colleagues from the English Department and I were chatting at a party. Teacher Yang said, "Deborah, maybe you are so thin because you don't eat meat."

Before I could answer, my friend Zhou Xueying said, "Deborah's not thin! Only her face is thin!"

What's the proper response on my part?

A. "Thank you."

B. "Oh no, my face isn't really thin."

C. "Actually, I'm way too thin. I look awful."

D. Dead silence while I glare at Zhou Xueying for insulting me.

It was too confusing for me. What I said was, "Would anyone like something more to drink?"