KUNMING, YUNNAN  In an apparent attempt to foil American plans to remove the damaged spy plane from Hainan Island, Chinese authorities have transported the plane to the distant province of Yunnan. American expats in Kunming were shocked to discover the plane sitting on display at the local zoo. "There were kids playing all over it, and having their pictures taken," according to a source requesting anonymity. "It really shows how little respect the Chinese have for American interests."

Dashing the hopes of American intelligence officials, the plane appeares to have been stripped of all surveillance equipment leaving only the shell, still showing signs of damage to its nose and one of the wings. "It's going to be hard for the kids," our source concluded, "but we have to get the plane back."
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BAILONGSI, KUNMING
In a move sure to have international repercussions, the Chinese today exploded what appears to have been a small nuclear device in the White Dragon Temple section of Kunming, also known by the Chinese name "Bailongsi." "This came as a big shock to us," a local business leader was reported as saying. "We may get some publicity out of being the first community to be bombed by its own government, but on the whole this will be a setback."

The neighborhood had been on the upswing since 1999, when the International Horticultural Exposition was built nearby. Large apartment blocks lined the newly widened streets and stores and restaurants catering to the wealthy incoming residents had begun to appear. All of these have now been reduced to rubble.

"It won't be easy building this all back up again," an injured, but optimistic resident suggested, "but having lived through the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution, let me tell you, a thermonuclear explosion is nothing."

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