Paul has found a real wacky web gem (when I try to say that too quickly it comes out as weal wacky web gem or real racky reb gem) in a fantastic blog called Cake Wrecks. Jen, the blogger, has a gift. She is talented and hilarious. There is no possible way for me to improve on her posts, so I'm just going to link to several of them and let you read for yourself. You won't regret it.

The Painted Cake Cometh
Any Occasion Will Do
Mixed Signals
Marcus and the New Job
Like THIS, Not Like THAT



Well done, Jen. Well done.

von PAUL

I've discovered a new level of WHAT? on the world wide web. This German Gentleman takes his place among an upper echelon of artists. Yes, he stands with great artists of our time like Wing, Michelle Higgs, Steve "The Whistler" Herbst, and THIS lady. I mean check out that upper-end Casio. Oh. Yeah.



Mr. Papp (whose name makes me uncomfortable, by the way) has provided Demos that capture his abilities. I highly recommend that you listen to them, especially "Let It Be."

If the demos aren't enough to satisfy your inevitable appetite for Mr. Papp's original cover music, then I suggest you take
the multi-sensory experience that is the

"Drücken Sie auf Video und Sie sehen einen Video Clip von mir"

(translated - "Drunken green screen video that stops in the
middle and I'm calling it a video but it's not, it's just a link")

Thank you Holger for adding your brand of
talent to the world wide wacky web.


(von der Hawkenlugie)

...and I thought, "Well, sometimes that extra line at the bottom of the letter 'I' is just way too much....especially if it's icy."

I got some great material from you readers - thanks!

This week, I'm going to start with one that
Emily Luerhmann sent me.

J and I were just talking recently about church marquees. Some churches try to draw people in by putting clever, fortune cookie sayings (or One-liners for Evangelism) on their marquees. Do you know anyone who would say that they visited a
church because the sign said:

"Down in the mouth? It's time for a faith lift"(1)
or
"When God saw you - it was love at first sight"(1)

I'm all for evangelism at every opportunity, but this is just a little ridiculous and I would venture to guess, ineffective. Doesn't it seem that the title and text of the sermon are more likely to peak a passer-by's interest in a church than a cheesy
saying on a "street pulpit" like

"The Bible is the breakfast of champions.
What did you have for breakfast? (2)"

C'mon.

The following is a FABULOUS way to use a church marquee - banter. I have to agree with the sender that the Catholic church seems to have a much better sense of humor about it....

Ok. Just found this video that my friend Rachel posted to Facebook.



HAHAHA!!!

Ok all you faithful readers, I need some ideas for my www.Wednesday.what? theme. Have you seen anything online that makes you go, "WHAT?"



If so, send me a link, and if I use it I'll credit you for the find. I'll take as many as you got.

You all already know that I'm not good at spelling under pressure. Well, I have a very sad example for you. A couple weekends ago at Bible Study Retreat, I thought it would be cool to write our study's website address (firesidestudy.com) in the sand and take a picture of it....



.....so sad.

BAD HAIR POST


The title of this picture is "Fluffy Mullet" which gave me the giggles. Then I saw the mustache and let out a Jersey-style, "OHH!!"
It's like the infamous bearded lady got a glamour shot.



Did he REALLY think that looked good or did he think it would get him more publicity? I'll let you decide.



*BORK*
It looks like he laid down in a cow field and took a souvenir with him.



Nice.



I CANNOT understand why someone of his stature has such a bad do. Granted, this picture shows it on a particularly bad day....but it doesn't really get much better than that.
C'mon Donny-T....time for a change.



I had years of bad hair, myself.





Bad hair was apparently a problem in my family
(that's me on the far right).



My niece had bad hair for about 6 months.





Everyone has bad hair days, even Mr. Tumnus....



This poor guy needs a friend to tell him about the bad hair on his head and above his lip.


But NOTHING tops the bad hair of the 80s

As promised, I give you...

THE BEST MARIACHI ALBUM COVERS


"Hey Muchachos! Before the wedding party gets here, line up behind those tables so I can take your picture..."



Ok. A few things.
First of all, there is nothing about this album cover that makes me think mariachi, except that the word mariachi is on it.
Second, "Mariachi Rock"? Really? Is that a real thing?
Third, I think they stole that picture from Butterick.



I'm trying to understand this cover. All I know is Mariachi dude is about to get whipped in the face by vaquero dude.



This picture was taken back in the day when the film would get double exposed. Jose first took a picture of that globe, then the next shot in the roll was of Walt Disney with his guitar, harp, and other guitar neck. They ended up mixed together, but Jose thought it looked "global artsy."



What's happening in the white suit area.... especially the one on the left. Looks like he's trying to keep his hat strap on with his lower lip.
How about the guy on the far left in the black suit.... I think he's about to strike the Santa "Ho, ho, ho!" pose.


This is what the band looks like after a little too much mariachi partying...



Is he trying to disguise his horse-rider's permanent bow-legs?



"Hallo, my name es Vicente and I have the best sombrero in Mehico. All the señoras love my matching orange sash-tie."

I was going to write something witty and sarcastic about these videos, but they really speak for themselves. My only advice is to hang in there until the "breakdown dance" in the middle.....you'll know it when you see it.






Amazing - in so many ways.

As promised, I give you:

ADVERTISEMENT IDEAS THAT SHOULD HAVE DIED IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM



This is just wrong. Have you ever seen THIS commercial?
That's what I think of when I see this add. I don't know if I could
actually cook those eggs. Beside that, are they saying
that if you use their razor you'll look like an egg?
What, does it shave your whiskers and shape your face too...



The first time I saw this, I got dumb chills. Are there people out there that actually think this is good comedy?



I don't know anyone who wouldn't roll their eyes at this ad. I've never tried Zyrtec and I'm not any closer to trying it from this ad.



Oh no no no....



What a great price! They must have had some interesting shoppers that week. At least there was food there for the munchies.



This may be the most disturbing ad I've ever seen. The grossly bugged out eyes weird me out. Besides, I don't usually associate kids misbehaving and a mom overreacting with caffeine....

J and I were watching TV the other day when a commercial for HD Vision Wrap Arounds came on. Have you seen these babies?



You really have to see the commercial to fully appreciate them.



And I quote, "HD Visions have a modern European style." Really? Are you sure? Did you notice that they claimed a patent on the visor clip? Is it just me or can you get a visor clip like that in any convenience store in the country?




I always wonder when I see these kinds of commercials if the actors are embarrassed. Especially the lady in the blue shirt. You know who I mean.



You know you want them. Get them here.

...or does anyone else think it's a little odd that McDonalds is an official partner of the Olympics?

Is there anyone reading my blog who has arthritis? I'd like to ask you an honest question.... do you find that this product could benefit you? If so, well then I guess give that company a Klondike Bar. But couldn't they have come up with a better name? I mean, Whizzers? Really? Isn't that what happens when you've had one too many sodas? I would think the name "Power Scissors" would have done just fine. Or how about "Lazors"? Ya know, Lazy - Scissors. "Lazors, they're a cut above!"



I've highlighted this fine product once before. The name "ManGroomer" just makes me feel uncomfortable. Seriously folks.



Ok. Really? Did the people who came up with this name really not see the problem? Are they giggling to themselves every time they see their own logo? Do they double as a plumbing service?



There's nothing wrong with the name on this one.....just the picture. Could that flower be in a more awkward spot? Are they trying to say that if you use Fresh n Easy kitty litter that you're cat's "area" will smell like flowers? Any cat owners out there care to comment?




Vegetables everywhere are putting up "wanted" signs
for this criminal grater.



When I was growing up, "ralph" was one of the words we used for throwing up. It took me a while to get used to the idea of shopping for food in a store called Ralphs.



This is actually the most appropriate product name I've ever seen.



Does the blue one taste like snips and snails and puppy-dogs' tails and the pink like sugar, spice and everything nice?



Sounds delicious.



Is he stroking right now?



I think I smelled this cooking down the street...

I know that there are people out there that are buying some of these products because they keep making infomercials. But can I just ask, who? Who buys these products? Let's start with this one:


Could a "fitness" product possibly be more lazy? Well MAYBE. But could a "fitness" product possibly be more awkward to watch? Ok. YES...UH HUH and OH YEAH. But this one definitely ranks in the upper echelons of awkwardness. Watching this stellar infomercial, I might be tempted to think, "Hey! I can sit...that means I can get fit" but I'm not a moron.



And I quote, "Lose weight deliciously with the aid of Ayds." I have no further comments.



The best description I read about this video was, "Have you ever had an unexplainable desire to look like a freshly caught catfish struggling for life on a dock? Then the Facial Flex is just what you need!" Yep. That's exactly what she looks like. If you can get lines and wrinkles on your face from laughing and smiling, does it really make sense to use this product to stay looking young?




There is an extra bonus that's not discussed in this infomercial - it can double as your serial killer disguise. Sweet!



Where would YOU go next? The Statue of Liberty? The Grand Canyon? The top of the Eiffle Tower? The International Space Station?

It's almost 12:30 on Friday night after Susi's wedding. I'm starting to upload the pictures from the day's wonderful events and I turned on the TV for some noise. I had to post right away because I'm absolutely in awe of the current program (program...isn't that what my Grandma called TV shows?). It's a documentary all about ferrets and ferret owners. Called "Ferrets: The Pursuit of Excellence.," That's right. You read that right. Why am I watching it? Because it is quite possibly the oddest thing I have ever seen. As I'm typing a rather "interesting" ferret owner is giving her ferret a shower. Yes. A shower. She's holding the ferret at it's armpits under the shower head and using Brilliant Brunette Shampoo. WHAT'S. HAPPENING. I have a few comments:

1. Isn't it illegal to own ferrets - don't they carry the plague or something?
2. Ferret owners, at least the owners interviewed in the documentary, need to get out more.
3. Is this for real? Really?



And I quote:

"I have pots of roses around my house and I bury my ferrets in the pots. That way the ferrets are always alive and I take them with me wherever I move."

"For me, it seemed like as my children got older, grew up and got out that I replaced them with ferrets."

I can't really describe in words what's happening right now in front of me. I'm just going to have to let you see these previews from PBS.









I'm just so embarrassed right now.

I can't believe I've been writing this blog for over a year and I haven't yet mentioned Wing. Have you heard of Wing? No, not a bird's wing or an airplane's wing, but Wing as in www.wingtunes.com



Wing is the best karaoke singer I have ever heard. (GTY cruise buddies - she totally would have won!!) She has 14 albums "so far...", such a tease, including:


Wing Sings the Songs You Love


Wing Sings AC/DC


Wing Sings More AC/DC

According to her website, --- "the singer popularly known as Wing, has in a few short years achieved world-wide fame and a cult following that transcends borders and languages. When Wing sings, you cannot miss her sincerity and the pure joy she has for singing. With her unique voice and determined spirit, she has achieved what many singers can only dream of doing...." --- I agree. She has certainly achieved more than I have. When I listen to Wing's CDs I think, "Wow, she really wanted to make that CD."

Wing has been compared to artists such as William Hung and Florence Foster Jenkins and those comparisons are accurate. She belongs in the company of such infamous singers. Some of my favorite Wing selections (which you absolutely MUST listen to) include:

"9-5"
from CD 14: Wing - One Voice

"Dancing Queen"
from CD 9: Dancing Queen by Wing

"Phantom Of the Opera"
from CD 1: MUSICAL MEMORIES OF Les Miserables and The Phantom of the Opera.

Wing's website regularly features a different set of CD samples so if the song you'd like to hear isn't currently featured, good news - you can hear it on iTunes!! Trust me, it will be worth your time (while you're there, take a quick listen to Florence Foster Jenkins, you won't regret it....well maybe you will, but you'll get a good laugh anyway).

I was delighted to find on my most recent visit to Wing's website that I could hire Wing to "sing just for me, or for a friend on a birthday." Oh. Boy. So to any of my friends out there with birthdays coming up - if you get a call from a New Zealand number, pick up. If after you pick up, you hear a strange sounding, must-be-joking singer, don't hang up - it's Wing wishing you a happy birthday from me.

Of all the candidates for the shirtless overall look (are those overalls? Suspenderalls?) I wouldn't think these guys would at the top of the list....or even on the list. At least 2 of them could use the ol' Mangroomer.



Here is an outstanding example of why it's better to have
art on your CD cover than a photo of yourself



So do I, Little David, so do I.



I'm so scared....and confused.



Wow, Larz Kristerz is at it again. You can't just have one stuffparty in those wigs. In fact, you need to have three

J and I were in Target yesterday buying some shampoo and what not when we walked by a display for this bad boy...



Yes, folks, that DOES say "Mangroomer" and yes it does have it's own website www.mangroomer.com

I have a few observtions:

1. Is that really the best name they could come up with? Really? I supposed it's better than BackAttack, Wolfman'sFriend, or HandyHairEliminator. But Mangroomer?

2. I appreciate that it took 2 pictures of a man shaving his back to get the point across. "Oh, I can go over my shoulder too! Sweet!"

3. The website certainly makes me want to buy one:

"How the Mangroomer can IMPROVE your life

- Summer essentials
- Spark up your romance
- Gain confidence
- Less sweat, body odor
- Muscle definition"

Just in case you were confused about summer essentials being a reason, here's more info

"Summer Essentials – When your shirt is off this summer – a must is NO back hair at anytime……

• Beach – It can be embarrassing to be in public space with strangers and have a hairy back.  Hairy backs are not attractive - nor generally appealing to anyone.

• Pool parties – Don’t be the joke /‘hairy guy’ of the party – not a good image to portray."

It's the worst to be "the joke/'hairy guy' of the party"

My dad has really come through lately with wacky web material. Here are some more gems. The title of his email was

"Just when you thought all the good ideas were taken..."



This actually seems kinda practical for earthquake prone So Cal. I wonder if it could double as a trampeline



GENIUS! This is a great idea....except the pitcher looks a little too "scientific" to use it for drinks.



Is this a one-size-fits-all glass?



So let me get this straight....you use this mic sponge to wash yourself and then you put it up against your lips and sing into it? Hm.



Did Wallace come up with this invention? Poor Gromit probably got tea soaked toast for breakfast.



If I had stairs at my house, I would SO do this.



That's actually a pretty good idea. I often forget to take out the tea bag and then it's WAY too strong to drink. I think I would like it better if it were not shaped like an animal.



So wait... you do a "I'm the champion" arm pump and it opens? What if you're having a dream that you just won the HGTV dream home and do the arm pump in your sleep? What a pleasant dream to be interrupted by a dumb flower light....sigh


Is this a my side - your side thing? Or is it a way to keep track of your weight gain? Or is it bedroom decor for a nerd?



I'm trying to find something funny about this, but it just looks like a super streamline and easy to use ladder....am I missing something?



95 waist??!?!! Buddy, it's time to hit the gym....or maybe the operating table.



It would be nice to really be able to hang on to the tray, but where do you put the dishes? There are 5 molehills in the way.



Again, GENIUS! This eliminates all possibility of double chins or up the nose shots.



I would SO spill the crackers every sip!



Ahhhhhhh



YES!



*BORK*


Really? You're working so fast and hard that you can't take 4 minutes to walk to the nearest restroom? REALLY?

It's that time again...


The wigs are fantastic, fellas....almost as fantastic as those gold mariachi outfits. Where are your sombreros?



I wish someone would have sabotaged this artwork....or the factory that produced those enormously ugly boots....or the superhero that donated his tights to the Rockers 'R' Us 2nd Hand Store. And someone should tell jean jacket man that his wife's outfits look better on her......
Wait, is that a man?


They can what? Look like an Anne Geddes picture gone REALLY wrong?



Is it just me or do they look more "scared" than "scary"?



Seriously, what's next?



Pardon me, Captain You Planet.



There's nothing more graceful than ballerinas with
arm-pit hair and mustaches.



It took 3 people to keep that horse in the picture and a tranquilizer to keep that dog there. I don't blame the poor animals, do you? Those varied-color-collars alone make me want to run away.



Somebody off-camera just told them that they were going to an 80s exercise video taping after the photoshoot, and fancy boots said, "In these radical outfits? You gotta be joshin' me!"



If there were a thought bubble next to the guy kneeling on the right, it would say, "MY idea was much better. Besides, why should the only white guy get to be front and center?"



Ok, I'm a little confused. They're called "The Peacemakers" and they're dressed in cops and dressy robber outfits, but the album title is "My Faith Still Holds" in Army font. So, what exactly are they trying to say? Their faith in the judicial system still holds? Or their faith in the idea that that photo would still be in style by the time the album was released?



I really want to make fun of Mrs. Cooper's glasses, but I'm afraid pictures of my family's poor taste in glasses over the years may surface somewhere.



"Thank you for the dove...I'm hungry"



♫
The mailman sports
Funny-looking shorts
House to house a path he's beating
With his bag and friendly greeting
It's a lot like trick-or-treating
♫



Did you ever see The Pink Panther Strikes Again? Is that Peter Sellers pretending to be a dentist again?



You know when you go on vacation to a real touristy area and they have $5 photo booths where you can have your picture taken in front of a "local scene"? I think these guys were on Spring break in Baja and thought, "Hey, $5 album cover art! Excelente!"



Even the dummy looks embarrassed...

May Dad came through once again with a great find. Some of you may be a little freaked out by a huge mastif hugging a tiny baby. I think it's super cute and so does the baby...although, I think Cesar Milan would say that the dog is trying to dominate the baby and that the parents should teach the dog that the baby is actually a pack leader too. (I know, I'm a dog nerd...a derd?)

How to properly hug a baby

The Front Fell Off



Great find, Dad!

Thanks to Melissa, I have now seen it all. Yes, Melissa has been awarded

The Gordo's Blue Ribbon for
"Most Ridiculous Online Finding"



(No, that's not Melissa. No, that's not her prize winning discovery,
but have you ever seen such a nicely groomed alpaca?)


Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you
(drum-roll please)

KITTY WIGS!!!




That's right, no need to rub your eyes, you're seeing it right. Someone out there decided that cats need wigs and Vogue-style photoshoots.

And I quote:

Pink is the color of fantasy. Our model, Chicken, looks like her mind is elsewhere when she wears this wig -- somewhere in a land of cotton candy and pinwheels where the air smells like sugar kisses. Pink makes your kitty feel elegant, modern and quintessentially feline.

Now, I'm no cat person, so this is just plain disturbing to me. Any cat lovers out there that care to take a stab at defending this waste of cyberspace? Would YOU spend $50 on a colorful wig for your kitty?

CARING FOR A BABY
Part 2

Those of you who missed last week's part 1 may want to go back and get up to speed on the first 14 flashcards.


The baby doesn't like the cage because there is no room for the toy.



In general, babies like to see what's happening.



Blahhhhh



An eye cover followed by a high 10 is a much more fun game than chess - besides the baby can't reach the timer.



Again, babies like to see what's around them when they're riding in a car



Once again, babies want to see! Get the picture?



It's important for your baby to be able to join in the shopping process. He has opinions about food too.



If we're honest, no one really likes the chop-chop massage.



Dogs? Yes. Babies? No.



You can only use the dryer method with cats.



Fish bite.



We don't use dresser drawers as beds in America



C'mon, this isn't safe for anyone.



Always look for a 1950s college sweater when choosing a babysitter.

CARING FOR A BABY
Part 1

Are you thinking about starting a family or starting a baby-sitting business but really have no idea how to take care of a baby? Are you a Grandparent who has forgotten how you raised your own children? Are you worried you may not know how to properly handle a baby's daily needs? You will be happy to know that the internet is chock full of instructions on how to properly care for any baby!

The following flash-cards from a German blog will be particularly helpful.


Yes. A child's head is not a basketball nor should it be handled like one.



Obviously, the problem with this method is that you may burn your tongue.



Despite popular belief, young babies cannot eat turkey legs. Many suggest you introduce turkey leg at the child's first birthday...he doesn't really appreciate cake yet anyway.



I would venture to guess that neither of these options are good ones, though both are better than the traditional hold the child's rear up to your nose and sniff vigorously.



Babies do not like the feel of skirt fabric.



How would you like to be awakened by an air horn?



Never toss a baby into the air without burping him first.



This one is pretty self-explanatory.



Even if the baby prefers shoes, it's still not a good idea
...he may choke on the laces.



Young babies cannot hold their liquor



The problem with the TV set up is that the baby really doesn't want to be reminded of his time in the hospital.



The chat-over-coffee method may cause your baby
to question your sanity.



Personally, I find puppets much funnier than fingers in my mouth.



This one is simple...picking bugers is gross.

I love the commentator on this clip...

What do you think of when you see these pictures?




Costumes from a movie set in the "Old West" ?
Clothes taken as evidence from Eldorado, TX?
A homeschooler's home-ec project?

What if you also saw this:


"She has desired for awhile to design a line
that is a little more of a treat for the moms."


"Girls bloomers! Dresses on girls are girly, but not always modest without bloomers. Bloomers are comfortable and practical, and now affordable. April has been sewing bloomers for her younger sisters for years and is now taking orders for your family! Place an order and within two to four weeks you'll be in style!"

If you'd like your own pair of bloomers, be sure to visit www.jumpinbloomers.com/

This morning when I returned from my daily-coffee-for-the-boss run there was a man repeatedly driving his mini-van around the block trying to find parking for the Post Office across the street. This man was obviously upset about there being no parking spots open. I must have watched him drive around the block about 10 times and every time he would drive in front of the PO with no empty spaces he would yell, very loudly, about his frustration that no had left yet. His windows were wide open and every time he would yell, anyone on the street would look over at him, startled and disgusted at his obscenity laced anger. This didn't seem to phase him...he kept driving around the block, yelling.



I couldn't figure out why he would angrily drive around in circles instead of parking in one of the several spaces open on my side of the street...unless he had specific directions from Jack Bauer that he must park on the south side of the street and he only had 20 minutes to send the parcel by global priority mail at that specific Post Office or else Nina would come back and take over CTU.



The ironic thing is that in the amount of time he spent driving around and yelling, he could have been to the other Post Office just up the street, parked, mailed his package and headed on to his next destination.
What in the world...

Your dry cleaner deep thought for the day...

Animals are an important part of our world. They provide food, clothing, entertainment, companionship and sport. Of course, we're all familiar with the common animal sports such as horse racing, horse showing, dog racing, dog showing, polo, bull fighting, cock fighting, pig wrestling and well, hunting. But did you know about these?

ELEPHANT POLO








According to the World Elephant Polo Association -

Elephant Polo, the world's unique sport, which has been there for twenty-five years yet remains so novel and still like a big tale to many as it remains yet to be discovered. Yes, the long journey of the great elephants, their admirers and this grand game is reaching its twenty-fifth year in coming November 26th.

Yes....It is still like a big tale to many as it remains yet to be discovered.

I understand that horses are not exactly little and they are rather fast, but can a horse do this? C'mon....





RAT AGILITY
That's right. You read that right. People have pet rats....(deep breath)....and they train them to compete in agility courses...(Shudder)



According to The Agile Rat -

Fancy Rat Agility is gaining popularity as it is fun to participate in as well as to watch the Fancy Rats maneuver the agility equipment. Fancy Rat agility equipment is FAR easier to store and transport then either cat or dog agility equipment. As a matter of a fact... so are the Fancy Rats easier to house and transport than a cat or a dog... and quieter too.

I can see why this sport is gaining in popularity...who doesn't love a pet rat? Did you know you can even train a rat to use a toilet? I'll spare you that video since I wish I had never seen it.


I REALLY hope this is a joke...



CAMEL WRESTLING






According to All About Turkey-

In reality it doesn't happen and camel wrestling is more akin to comedy than to blood-sport. Bull camels normally wrestle and butt one another in a knock-out contest for precedence in a herd, and more importantly, precedence in mating. In the arena two bulls are led out and then a young cow is paraded around to get them excited. It's very easy to know when a bull is excited as streams of viscous milky saliva issue from his mouth and nostrils. Mostly the two bulls will half-heartedly butt each other and lean on the other until one of them gives in and runs away. This is the really exciting bit as the bull will often charge off towards the crowd, with the conquering bull in pursuit, and the spectators must scramble hurriedly out of the way. The antics of spectators trying to avoid a thousand kilograms (nearly a ton) of camel running towards them can lead to pure comedy and is the best part of camel wrestling. Miraculously there are few accidents.

Ah yes, nothing I love to see more than two HUGE camels, issuing viscous milky saliva from their mouths and nostrils heading full boar toward a crowd of onlookers. It's especially funny when some slow Joe doesn't move fast enough. Comedy, pure comedy.

What exactly is happening here? Has it been so long since he's seen his "mum" that she won't recognize him? Or is it that she's so embarrassed that she's pretending she doesn't know him?



Um....raise your hand if you feel awkward



AHHHHHHHH (big breath) AHHHHHHHH



I don't understand...am I supposed to be scared or hungry?



I think Ann Rabson speaks for herself.



Watch out, David!! There's a huge explosion behind you!!



I just have no idea what to say about this one....it's just plain disturbing. But it does look like he's doing the dance from THIS VIDEO



"My Goals, Beyond getting the ransom money for Mahabala (pictured to my left), include getting my original compositions for guitar on every radio station within one year. This is how I intend to eventually take over the world! MWAhahaha"

There certainly is a vibe....


"You see Julie, when you were born your parents promised
that you would marry me on your 16th birthday. I know I don't have
much now, but with your dowry and this CD we'll be able to buy
that beet farm down the street!"




"Cloud Nine" as in-
NINEties hair
NINEties sunglasses
NINEties outfit
NINEties green screen
Wait a second....is that cousin Larry?



If there was a thought bubble for the tall guy on the left it would say -

"Why are we doing this? This is really stupid. Oh man...please put your leg down.
This is gonna look really awkward. My kids are gonna be so embarrassed."



Ah, poor QBoy! I heard about that accident with the weed-wacker
....at least they could cover up the forehead scar with makeup.



Track 2 - "Can I Also Borrow An Eye"




This Heino CD was the special give away at the
German Star Trek Convention - HUGE hit.

And I quote -

Oh you're absolutely fine, your lips are taste of wine, I'd like to think you're mine. And if I could touch your hand this rock would turn to sand, so this is where we stand.

I hope those dancers were volunteers.

Ok, so the following is not from an online source which means that technically, it doesn't fit into the "www.Wednesday.what?" theme. But it made me laugh so hard that I decided to stretch the rules a bit.

J stopped by our local Starbucks on his way home tonight and as he was walking into the store, he noticed a group of gang banger looking hispanic guys sitting out front. Since this is not an unusual site in our town, J didn't think twice about it until he got close enough to overhear the following, and I quote:

"No, Jorge, X is equal to 0."

It's good to know that gang bangers in San Fernando are working hard at Algebra.

Thanks for the link, Nate!!


I hope her project is about germs...



Do you know what the key is to animal magnetism? Parting your hair on the side of your head and a perv stache. MAGNETIC!




Larry the Cable Guy STILL hasn't graduated elementary school??



I'll give you one guess what their conclusion was.



Oh, HE'S the voice of the dragon.




Drop it like it's hot or drop it in the microwave till it's hot?



Poor guy caught the electro worms mid-project



Does soda make fat?



I smell it too. Deodorant might be the answer.



Like, totally!



Help us do a real project!




Lunch time!




You mean, I missed part 1!!! Does the perfect pancreas keep you from slouching?



The only thing worse than cool beans is juicy beans....*shudder*.....




Ah....American Militia in the making




Thanks for the tip.




Apparently, the code requires that he wears really bad sweaters that are about 10 years too young for him.




The only thing that kills a conversation faster than garlic are mom jeans on a kid.




Girls, girls....should have used some of those wipes on that fabric paint.




The answer is YES

This is me today. Yawn. Remember when you were in kindergarten and you got to curl up on a blanket and take a nap during the school day? I think there is good reason to continue that practice throughout school and into the workforce. I think workers and students alike would be much more productive if they were able to take a cat nap in the afternoon.




Take this cat for example, 10 minutes in that bus and he is up and ready to go again. Suddenly his energy for chasing mice has returned and he is much more productive for the rest of the day.




Now I've heard that yawning is your body's way of bringing in extra oxygen to help give you more energy. Hm. Shouldn't I feel much more energized now since I've yawned about 10 times since starting this sentence? Why is it that nodding off usually follows the yawn?






Yawning is a funny thing. Everybody has different yawn faces. Some people open up wide and let all their fillings show. While others try to hold the yawn in until the pressure forces their lips apart like a surprised fish.






Yawns are contageous. Whether you see someone yawn, hear the word yawn or read it, you can bet you'll be yawning soon. Are you yawning yet?









I think I'll take this lady's cue and go take a
rest on the bench down the street.

Ever since the advent of America's Funniest Home Videos (was there a show previous to that?) Americans have loved to watch people fall down, get knocked over and hit in the groin. There's something sick about enjoying other people's pain, but man, is it funny!


Take this poor fella for example. I'm not sure if he was trying to break dance or if the floor was recently waxed, but his fall is actually quite graceful. I'll give it an 8 out of 10 since he didn't point his toe.



Oh. Man. Nothing like being surprised by a pothole in the rain.
Alot of good that umbrella did him.




The things people do while falling are very funny to watch. It is certainly not good to be the one falling, but it's hilarious to be the one watching....



This is just Mean

Those of you who have followed my blog for a while might remember when I posted THIS about mispronunciation. Here's round 2.

Correct:
Spectrasonics [spek-truh-son-iks]
Atmosphere [at-muhs-feer]
Stylus RMX [stahy-luhs R M X]
Trilogy [tril-uh-jee]


Incorrect:
Spectrumsonics
Assmosphere
Stylux
Stylus RMS, MRX, DMX, GMX
Cyclist
Trilgy
Trilogu

Come on people....

Do you remember when stenciled borders were in? I do. I had these great purple teddy-bears that matched my pastel hearts comforter. One of my sisters had a red heart pattern that went nicely with her NKOTB posters and the other sister had black bars that were intended to look like piano keys. Oh. Yeah. I don't feel too embarrassed about it since we were kids at the time, but some of you are still hangin' in there with your stenciled borders.

I'm of the persuasion that in general, stenciling is better left in embarrassing pictures of decor from the 80s and 90s. It really has no business existing in 2008. I suppose it's not fair to lump all types of stenciling into one group, but for my purposes consider the following examples.

Exhibit A

Ah yes, the garden flowers with fat bumble bee motif. Perfect for any craft room needing some color.



Exhibit B

Gardeners everywhere unite! Watch the sky for the watering can stenciled spotlight....that will be our cue to plant in empty flowerbeds everywhere!



Exhibit C

Classic pink flower vine border. It's the perfect way to make your master bedroom feel comfortable for your husband.



Exhibit D

No Stenciled house would be complete without the twirly vine heart pattern.



Exhibit E

This versatile pattern goes well over the doors or windows, over a mirror, or as a border.



Exhibit F

For the stenciler wanting a simpler, less flowery pattern, try using this lovely ribbon bow. Nothing says "welcome to my home" like ribbon wrapped gift walls



Exhibit G

The perfect look for any bathroom is a green ivy growing on the walls. It's especially useful to cover up any real green growing on the walls.



Exhibit H

Last, but not least, this pattern is perfect for the beach dweller in you. Finish this look off with a bowl of collected sand-dollars on your coffee table and your oceanside cottage look will be complete!

I WISH I could take credit for this. This guy, whoever he is, is hilarious! Ah...good ol' Olan Mills Photography. I remember when I thought Olan Mills was the De Vinci of modern family portraiture. Ok...maybe not the De Vinci, but it was pretty good. Oh...how things have changed.


ACTUAL OLAN MILLS PHOTOS


"Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne"




"Thoughtful Lance. Mirthful Lance. Two sides of a delightful coin."



"Drake won Rockin'est Senior Mullet by a landslide."



"That dude wore a tie for nothing."



"The Purvis family made several stops along the Oregon Trail to document their six-month journey. This photo was taken just two weeks before the dysentery took Momma to Jesus."



"I wanted a shot like this for my wedding. The Mrs. said no."



"It's called a leisure suit, ladies and germs, and if you didn't have one in the early 70s, you were a big fat loser. Mine was teal. I wore it with a silk floral shirt and a long necklace with a football player pendant that we all got at that year's team banquet. I was THE MAN."



"Once they had two or three, how did they ever find enough time alone to make more?"



"No Comment"



"Olan Mills backdrop #4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence. Is that an animal carcass behind her? "



"A pose like this will get you kicked right out of the Convention. "



"Oh, this is super. What better way to capture the charm and innocence of a child than to plunk him down amid the coarse trappings of a life lived in pursuit of wealth -- oversized bills, an adding machine and the Wall Street Journal -- and make him sit inside a briefcase? (They probably just fold up the little demon right in there to carry him home.) The finishing touch is the globe, which completes the portrait of the young Antichrist in Chess King vest and Red Goose loafers, plotting his takeover of the world (insert maniacal laugh). That is, as soon as someone changes his poopy diaper. "



"Bobbi isn't the first waitress to fall for her manager, but she and Dale both got fired from Shoney's."



"Rejected Toby Keith album cover."



"Just a typical afternoon down on the plantation. In a business suit. Y'know, for a budget meeting with the servants."



"Dawn and her recently exhumed sister, Gorgotha, pose with Scraps. "



"This photo isn't discolored. The 70s really were that Orange."



"And don't miss the First Presbyterian Players as they perform "Godspell" next Wednesday night in the Fellowship Hall. Childcare will be provided. Please bring a covered dish."



"At the Southern Baptist Convention?"



"Olan Mills Backdrop #11: The Library, one of their most popular themes, as seen in this photo of the young Unabomber and his wife."



"The Library might be more believable if the shelves weren't sloping downhill."



"Olan Mills is all about versatility. The simple addition of a column turns this generic plantation into Tara, where, apparently, someone opened a Hair Cuttery. (This Dorothy Hamill cut was very popular in 70s after Doro won Olympic gold. Both my sisters had the cut at different times. I did not -- although I did have a huge crush on Dorothy). "



"Patrick broke ranks and chose drag over the bow tie."



"You'd think Pearle Vision would throw in another two pairs for free."



"Kenneth and his prom date"



"I got a 20 that says he drives a Camaro.'



"Hiroshima, 1945. The last known photo of Kelli and Senor Loco."



"Someone spent money on this."



"It's so cute when couples have matching hairdos "



"Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair "



"I'd hide my face, too, little girl."



"B-52's, the early years."



"She's looking for the speaker that's piping in "Muskrat Love" so she can blast it with her laser eyes."

The Winter NAMM Show is this week. It's one of the biggest (is it the biggest?) music trade shows in the world. It takes up the entire Anaheim Convention Center which is enormous. The company with which I am employed exhibits at the show and it's always really fun. Of course, it's loud and chaotic and gives you a headache in about 10 minutes flat, but it is fun. We've seen all kinds of famous people there including, but not limited to - Steven Seagal, Gene Simmons, Stevie Wonder, Hanz Zimmer, Earth, Wind and Fire and Sinbad. (Steven Seagal is HUGE, by the way, I mean he's a giant).

Music merchants from software companies to instrument makers to music publisher to gear makers exhibit at the show. Roland always has a large portion of one of the halls where they exhibit and demo their instruments. Demos are always entertaining. Some are authentically "wow' type entertainment. Some are "cool" type entertainment. Others are "really?" type entertainment. HERE is an example of the "really?" type. Where the entertainment is more in watching the demo-er than in being impressed by the product.

This is what happens when my co-workers have a little too much time on their hands.


silky1b silky2

Did you know there are hundreds, maybe even thousands of songs about food? I've been thinking about food quite a bit since I'm on a post Christmas-gorge diet. A Google search for "food songs" yielded about 4,600,000 results!! Some of these fascinating results are as follows:

A website named www.mixedup.com boasts an impressive list of 500 songs about food and a very odd and disturbing picture in which apparently Satan has eaten someone's lunch.

"Maximum Consumpion" by The Kinks

"Goober Peas" by Kingston Trio
"Happy Meal" by The Cardigans
"Junkfood Junkie" by Larry Groce
"He Ate Too Many Jelly Donuts" by Rick Dees
and of course
“Bigsmorgasbordwunderwerks” by Squonk 



This bear looks like he's having fun...



Here's KIDiddles songs about food for kids. My favorite is "Who Threw the Overalls in Mrs. Murphy's Chowder?" That's exactly what I'd like to know....







Apparently the top ten food songs, according to The Observer, are as follows:

1 Wine With Dinner Loudon Wainwright

2 Roast Fish and Cornbread Lee Perry

3 Pass the Peas The JBs

4 She Cooks Me Cabbage Champion Jack Dupree

5 Rock Lobster The B-52s 

6 Fish, Chips and Sweat Funkadelic

7 Eli's Pork Chop Little Sonny

8 Chitlin con Carne Junior Wells

9 Forget About Dre Dr Dre

10 Ice Cream for Crow Captain Beefheart 






Even Dole is jumping in with "Jammin' 5 a Day Songs." Check out these great lyrics

Now here's a little song where I can take the lead
I wanna eat the right kind of foods that I need
I'm countin' all my servings in a real cool way
I'm talkin' fruits and vegetables, 5 A Day!

1 -2 -3 -4 - 5 A Day
That's the fruit and vegetable way
Eat 5 servings every day
Sing 5 A Day!

Poetry. Pure Poetry.

Did you know there are professional whistlers? PROfessional WHISTLERS? Yes. There. Are. There is a whole whistling community out there and they have books and albums and websites. Now, I love the whistling section of Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" as much as the next gal, but I had no idea that in the year 2008 there are people who proudly whistle for a living. Check this out.

Whistling Tom is an "award winning virtuoso whistler and singer" who "entertains publicly at community events, fundraisers and festivals, and performs private shows for senior centers, veterans' facilities and civic associations." He is featured in the documentary



There's also Robert Stemmons, a.k.a. "The Whistler" of whom it was said -

"Stemmons is a whistler. But to leave it at that is like calling Steinway a piano."
                 - Utica Observer-Dispatch

Check out his albums here.


Cartter Frierson, The Chattanooga Whistler, with his famous album "Whistling in the Garden." It's well worth your time to go take a listen.



Of course, I couldn't leave out Steve "The Whistler" Herbst the 2002 International Grand Champion, Recipient of the 2003, 2004, 2005 International Whistling Entertainer of the Year Award and inducted in 2007 into the Whistler Hall of Fame.



Whistling has an international audience and is enjoyed by both young and awkward.





From Hand Whistlers


To whistlers of old


I know you're all itching to try out your own whistles. Fortunately for you, I found this very helpful instructional site. How To Whistle Loudly

Have you ever noticed that the festivities of the Christmas season give some people carte blanche to show off bad taste?

This is one of those "had to be there" cards...except I think
if you were there, you might still be confused.
"Wait, I still don't get it...why is the goose flying the plane?"



Is liking and wearing tacky Christmas sweaters a part of getting older
or is it just that you lose your oh-so-healthy style inhibitions?



After receiving this card, my Christmas is sure to be incredible
....I think we're all incredibly thankful for the gift of spandex!



I think hope this picture was taken at one of those "Bad Christmas Sweater" parties. I wonder if she went home with a back-ache
from that enormous corsage.



If I was walking down the street and a snowman with that face was looking at me, I'd run...hard...the other direction. Vice versa if I was walking down the street and a dog with that body was walking, er rolling toward me, I think I'd either laugh or cry hysterically.



Ho-Ho-Holy LAME Sweater.
At least it lives up to its name - it's making me sweat with anxiety.



Uuuuhhhhhhh.......what's happenning?



The quilted, crafty, tacky vester!
(Bounty theme song)

Today's post is a tribute to the people who think it's cool to post videos of themselves lip-syncing to a song.

First up the Numa Numa Guy. In his defense, I don't know that he thought it was "cool" to post this video, I think he thought it was "funny" or "entertaining" and I have to agree on both.



This is what happens if you're home-schooled for too long (sorry home school buddies)



These guys are going to be SO embarrassed in about 3 years if they're not already



Wow. Way too much time on their hands. I found 3 videos with these guys doing this. So sad.



YES!!

That took WAY too much planning and effort.



This may look like a little kid drew it, but I'm guessing it's from an adult with poor mouse skills. Honestly, I'm not sure I could do much better.



Ah yes...the "I am thankful for cornucopia." Classic.



AHHHHH!.....AHHHHH!!!



This was on "Thanksgiving Crafts for Teens." REALLY?




Something is seriously wrong with this turkey



That's a pilgrim hat mug. Makes my lip feel funny. Also the neon marshmallows make my stomach hurt. Were those made at the local nuclear plant?




And I quote, "For today's cool craft..."




Is that cheese in there? A cheese scented candle?



This one is my favorite.



That's so morbid.

Have you ever noticed that Pigs and Monkeys are some of the most unfortunate looking creatures? It's pretty unusual to find a Wilbur or a George. Most of them look more like this:


This is where the phrase "fat and happy" comes from.



I bet the flies love this one.



I'm pretty sure he was a character in Lord of the Rings. He also played one of the R.O.U.S.'s in Princess Bride.


1. Does he have eyes?
2. Does he have legs?
3. Does he have a hair dresser?



This one just makes me sad. She looks so uncomfortable. Probably has sinus problems.



Watch out, he bites.




Aw, he looks friendly.



Wow. Just wow.



Love the beard and floppy belly.




I know she's not a pig or a monkey....but dang, she's ugly. And also, her name is muffin.

Ah 80s hair....gotta love those bangs.


Do you remember when Beauty and The Beast
was a TV show? Was she the beast?



This is a classic white-trash mix of 70s and 80s styles.
Feathered and Center-Parted. Nice.


Her bangs are actually the same height as her face.
I wonder if she had to stoop to get through doorways.



The hairspray industry owes this lady half of their 80s profits.



The poodle hair is pretty bad in this one, but what I
really want you to notice is the shorts. Whoever thought
it was flattering to wear shorts at the waist COULD NOT
have owned a mirror. These girls may have had nice figures,
but we'll never know thanks to those high set, loose fitting,
wide legged, elastic waisted shorts.
And also, HALLELUJAH shoulder pads are out!!


Fortunately for you, none of my 80s pictures are digital. I too had big waterfall bangs and even bigger glasses.

Mmmmm....hairy hotdog...




There are so many things wrong with this.
1. She...she?...er...he? ...er... it...does not look happy about
the costume or having its picture taken.
2. Hitler? Really?
3. I can think of one thing that's missing from the picture - a newspaper with today's date. Pat's parents had been waiting and waiting for this proof of life photo from the kidnappers.




I really don't know where to begin, but I guess I'll start with their legs.
Do they both have shaved legs and are they both wearing nylons and white tennies?




The saddest part of this photo is that the kid seems to really
like his costume. He thinks it's just hilarious!




A classic - although I don't recall Darth Vader wearing a shirt that had a bad drawing of him with a totally wrong helmet and the movie logo on it.




Another classic - Good ol' Star Trek, Next Generation. I remember one year trying to make that cool little walkie-talkie badge thing. Also, why is she standing like that? It almost looks like her right side does not belong to her left side...a little photoshop action maybe?




COWABUNGA DUDE!!!




Everyone knows that Spider Man DOES NOT have a doggie side-kick
or a shower-cap-eye-mask combo.




This is the scariest costume I have ever seen.

SUPERYARD - Do these parents actually think that little pen is big enough for those two kids? Or is big enough to be called a "Superyard"? It's not even big enough for my dog.



BUMPER BONNETS - Anybody have a prediction on how this kid is gonna turn out?



YETI-BOOTS - That's just gross.

Earlier that day, a well-intentioned stranger passes by and says, "Here's a peach dude. Good luck with your Kung Fu."


Black Shadow Biscuit vs. Nunchuku Chipmunk Master

 

Come on, really? You're a teenager at the Great Wall of China and you ask your mom to take a shot of you in your sweet karate outfit doing that? Really?


"They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (We're really hip)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)"



Is he getting kicked in the face or is this some sort of self-discipline exorcize where he has to keep Stinky Stanley's stink foot in his face for 30 seconds? In either case it looks like Stinky Stanley is about go down.

Oh theeere she is!



I appreciate several special things about this cover. I'll list them for you -
a) the special matching orange tie and suit pants
b) the special hairdo
c) the special signature - Jeff "Ziff"
d) the special hand-hook



I'll let you come up with your own comments for this one.
Let's just say the word I'm thinking of rhymes with Day, Say & Hey...



Yeah, he looks real.
(BTW, did you know K.F.C. put out records?)



I'm not sure what's more disturbing - the title, the outfit or the
permed mullet.



Self-titled debut featuring her own arrangements of minstrel and folk songs. No record collection would be complete without the vocal/keyboard stylings of Joyce.

80's Ninja


Preacher Ninja


Wanna-be-ninjas


Ron Lee, Corporate Ninja


Urban Ninja


Black Shadow Biscuit, the ninja cat


Las Tortugas Ninja Mutantes Adolescentes


Grown-up Mutant Ninja Tommy

(von GUS)

www.engrish.com

I ABSOLUTELY HATE it when people scare me....but I love watching other people get scared.








PS - I DO NOT recommend following the advice of the 2nd video and going to devilthreads.com.

The coolest Swedish Rock bands from the 1970s



This was the picture they sent in for their ELF audition...only the "guy" seated in the center got a call-back. Affirmative Action strikes again.



The members of the Frittes gang are only slightly better known for their roles as the Knights of the Round Table in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.



This group of hairdos got their start handing out cool candys at local parks in Stockholm. After several arrests they decided to abandon that line of work and try their luck at barber shop music.



Garvis made the mistake of taking their Christmas album cover photo in their new polyester suits during the record heat wave of August, 1972.



Ivan Henrys can now be seen opening for Flickorna Fem on their 5th tour of Scandinavian nursing homes.



Ingrid had enjoyed a nice Surströmming for lunch and was now reaping the consequences. Henrik, Lars, Klas and Ingvar thought the sound effect was hilarious, while poor Hans received the brunt of it.


THANKS MATT!!

You may have seen these guys before but it's worth another watch

ENGRISH



I think this picture was taken in my neighborhood....

www.engrish.com

Do you remember when I saw Cedric the Entertainer? Well, one of the great things about living in L.A. is not only do you see a celebrity from time to time, but if you keep your eyes peeled you might just stumble upon a random studio in the middle of Sun Valley where the hit NBC show, THE OFFICE is filmed.

There's definitely going to be some lunch break studio steak outs this season. I'll let you know if I actually see any of the stars.

This is why I love Manatees

I'm not a big fan of cats. I don't think I'll go so far as to say that I actually "hate" them, but I don't see myself ever owning one. I read a great post over on Team Pyro by someone who actually does hate cats, nay, loathe cats. If you are in any way a fan of cats, I don't suggest reading this. For those of you who don't wish to read a post demeaning cats, here are the results of an image search in google for "ugly cats."

Is he screaming or yawning? And also, is that actually fur?


This cat actually looks quite comfortable in his skin


I don't know which is more disturbing, the cat or the lady's fingernails.


I don't want to talk about this one


That's abusive


Aw, Frankencat's 1st grade school picture


Say hello to my little friend!


I bet he's got a good sense of humor

The best part about this is that the operator actually stays on the line and helps the kid.



I'm gonna call 911 next time I can't figure out a tip!

10 OF THE WORST ALBUM COVERS EVER

Thanks Joey Green, you crazy mad scientist, for such gems as "the little known uses of Cheerios."

Cheerios®

• Relieve itching from chicken pox, poison ivy, poison oak, or pain from sunburn.  Pour two cups Cheerios in a blender and blend into a fine powder on medium-high speed.  Put the powdered Cheerios into a warm bath and soak in the oats for thirty minutes.  It’s a soothing oatmeal bath.

• Give yourself a moisturizing facial.  Make a paste from ground-up Cheerios, lemon juice, and honey.  Apply to face, let sit for ten minutes, then rinse with warm water.

• Relieve dry, chapped hands.  Pour one cup of Cheerios in a blender and blend into a very fine powder.  Empty the powder into a large bowl.  Rub your chapped hands in the powder, gently removing the top layer of dead skin cells.  Rinse with cool water, pat dry, and then apply hand cream.

• Make “Cheerios Chicken.”  Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.  Line a jelly-roll pan (15.5 inches by 10.5 inches by 1 inch) with aluminum foil.  Mix two cups finely crushed Cheerios (from the yellow box), one-quarter teaspoon pepper, one teaspoon parsley flakes, one-quarter teaspoon garlic powder, one-quarter teaspoon dried oregano leaves, and one-half teaspoon salt.  Dip four chicken-breast halves (skinned and boned) into one-quarter cup milk, then roll in cereal mix until well coated. Place chicken in pan and drizzle with two tablespoons melted margarine.  Bake until done, about twenty to twenty-five minutes. (Above 3,500 feet elevation, bake about thirty minutes.) Makes four servings.


WARNING - Don't watch this if you are about to eat or have recently eaten a meal.

NMKY (Finnish YMCA Cover)

BAN THE BALM!
http://lipbalmanonymous.com/

There are 43 Questions in the following self-test for addiction. I have narrowed it down to the essentials.

Lip Balm Anonymous Self-Test for Lip Balm Addiction

• Do you ever use more lip balm than you planned?
• Has the use of lip balm interfered with your job?
• Is your lip balm use causing conflict with your spouse or family?
• Do you feel depressed, guilty, or remorseful after you use lip balm?
• Do you ever wish that you had never taken that first application or hit of lip balm?
• Are you experiencing financial difficulties due to your lip balm use?
• Have you begun to use lip balm while alone?
• Do your lips, nose, or other areas hurt when you avoid Lip Balm?
• Do you use larger doses of lip balm to get the same protection you once experienced?
• Have you ever lied to or misled those around you about how much or how often you use?
• Do you use lip balm in your car, at work, in the bathroom, on airplanes, or other public places?
• Do you occasionally coat heavily after a disappointment, quarrel or rough day?
• When using with others, do you try to have a few extra coats when they won't know it?
• Have you tried to control your lip balm use by changing jobs or moving?
• Is lip balm affecting your reputation?
• Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of lip balm?
• Are you afraid that if you stop using lip balm your work will suffer or you will lose your energy, motivation, or confidence?
• Do you spend time with people or in places you otherwise would not be around but for the availability of lip balm?
• Have you ever stolen lip balm or money from friends or family?
• Can you apply lip balm with one hand?

If you have answered Yes to any of these questions, you may have a lip balm dependency problem.

Doggie Pawlish



So, I'm a dog lover. But this? This is going way too far. Who, I ask WHO paints their dogs claws? Are the dogs walking around with bare nails jealous of their fashion forward counterparts? Do they feel less loved by their owners? I think if I tried to paint Fritz's nails, he'd escape from the yard at the first opportunity and never come back...ever and I wouldn't blame him.

As a receptionist, I hear all kinds of interesting uses of the English language. The name of my employer is not a word that the average American encounters on a daily basis but the calls I receive are from customers. Customers who OWN our products. Of all people, I would expect them to be able to pronounce the name of our company and the names of our products. The following is a list of some of the creative variations I have heard.

Correct:
SPECTRASONICS [spek-truh-son-iks]

Incorrect:
SPECTRATRONICS
SPECTRONICS
SPECTERSONICS




Correct:
STYLUS R.M.X.
ATMOSPHERE
TRILOGY

Incorrect:
STYLUS REMIX
SPECTRASONICS R.M.X.
STYLUS R.M.S.
STYLUX
ATMOSPHERES
ATMOSPHERIC
TRINITY
TRI-OLOGY

The names of our products are not cryptic or unusual words. Anyone who has lived since the advent of the Palm Pilot should know the word stylus. Anyone who has ever taken a science class in their life should know the word atmosphere. Anyone who has ever heard any of the following film trilogies; Star Wars, The Godfather, Indiana Jones, Back to the Future, Lord of the Rings, The Santa Clause, Shrek, Spider Man, Pirates of the Caribbean, or The Bourne Trilogy, (just to name a few) or is acquainted with the number 3 should understand the word trilogy. Oh well.

The thing that really makes me laugh is that even if I correct them, they still say it wrong. For example,



me- "Good afternoon, Spectrasonics"

customer- "Hi spectraTRonics, I need help with my trinity"

me- "Ok, your Trilogy?"

customer- "yeah, my trinity from spectraTRonics"

me- "I'll transfer you...sigh"

Useless.....

I'm officially making Wednesday the day for wacky online findings. The world wide web is chuck full of ridiculousness and I need a new weekly theme. So here it goes.



To kick off wacky Wednesdays I'd like to point you to the wackiest blog I have had the fun of reading. This blog is authored by a guy from my church who also happens to be a policeman. I'm not sure what his name is but I am sure that he is hilarious. Trust me it's well worth your time to go back into the archives and catch up on all his posts, that is, if you have the stomach for it.

By PECADILLO

Global Warming Strikes Again. This weeks victim? Grammar.


pet-bottle-yarn.jpg

WARNING - The operators of Engrish.com decided to do an "adult english" week. Now is not a good time to poke around the site. I did appreciate that the home page gave fair warning so I didn't have to see anything.

www.engrish.com

um.....
www.engrish.com

It actually IS the shoes...

http://engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=fartin-shoes.jpg&category=Clothing&date=2006-09-20

Starbucks' Stinky Competitor




http://engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=starbutts.jpg&category=CHINGLISH&date=2007-01-27

Check out this drummer! He's only 2 and he's got rhythm!



http://www.drums.com/drumtalk/showthread.php?t=14144

My friend Holly introduced me to this gem of a site. www.engrish.com

Here's a taste



FRY me to the moon? er...

Frank Sinatra

Those of you out there who have had baby boys will probably see the practicality of this particular item. I see the humor. I do appreciate the protection from untimely squirts and of course the modesty...but c'mon....WEEBLOCK?





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