The best part about this is that the operator actually stays on the line and helps the kid.



I'm gonna call 911 next time I can't figure out a tip!

10 OF THE WORST ALBUM COVERS EVER

Thanks Joey Green, you crazy mad scientist, for such gems as "the little known uses of Cheerios."

Cheerios®

• Relieve itching from chicken pox, poison ivy, poison oak, or pain from sunburn.  Pour two cups Cheerios in a blender and blend into a fine powder on medium-high speed.  Put the powdered Cheerios into a warm bath and soak in the oats for thirty minutes.  It’s a soothing oatmeal bath.

• Give yourself a moisturizing facial.  Make a paste from ground-up Cheerios, lemon juice, and honey.  Apply to face, let sit for ten minutes, then rinse with warm water.

• Relieve dry, chapped hands.  Pour one cup of Cheerios in a blender and blend into a very fine powder.  Empty the powder into a large bowl.  Rub your chapped hands in the powder, gently removing the top layer of dead skin cells.  Rinse with cool water, pat dry, and then apply hand cream.

• Make “Cheerios Chicken.”  Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.  Line a jelly-roll pan (15.5 inches by 10.5 inches by 1 inch) with aluminum foil.  Mix two cups finely crushed Cheerios (from the yellow box), one-quarter teaspoon pepper, one teaspoon parsley flakes, one-quarter teaspoon garlic powder, one-quarter teaspoon dried oregano leaves, and one-half teaspoon salt.  Dip four chicken-breast halves (skinned and boned) into one-quarter cup milk, then roll in cereal mix until well coated. Place chicken in pan and drizzle with two tablespoons melted margarine.  Bake until done, about twenty to twenty-five minutes. (Above 3,500 feet elevation, bake about thirty minutes.) Makes four servings.


This baby's laugh is as contagious as a yawn. By the end of it, you'll either be laughing or....well..yawning I guess.

If any of you out there love me, you'll want to know that I just found a great gift for me. Next time you feel like buying me something...here's what you can get

WARNING - Don't watch this if you are about to eat or have recently eaten a meal.

NMKY (Finnish YMCA Cover)

We were watching a dog show last night....cancel that....I was watching a dog show last night. Have you ever watched a dog show? Anyway, there are a lot of odd things about these events and I usually end up fast-forwarding past most of the show, stopping to see the boxer, great dane and bull dog, maybe the mastiffs too. Ron Reagan (I heard him interviewed once and was very specific that he was not Ron Reagan Jr) was one of the hosts. On a scale of awkward hosting, dog show hosts are somewhere between the Miss America pageant and golf tournaments. I would be happy if I never heard the phrase "what a glorious specimen he is," ever again...in my entire life.

(ummm...I'm scared)


(Yes, that really is a dog - a komondor)


(is it just me or is he really sad about his pigtails?)


(there are no words)


(pardon me, I need to go *bork*)


(These people are remarkably calm for being about to be eaten by a giant alaskan malamute)

There was one thing in particular that struck me as odd last night and I don't recall noticing this on any of the other shows I've seen. As a dog would come up to be judged, the hosts would give information about him/her including name, breed facts, show history and favorite foods. Really? Really, Ron Reagan? Favorite foods? One dog's favorite food was filet mignon, another preferred Krispy Kream doughnuts, and another preferred pizza. First of all, why are the owners of these dogs feeding them such foods? Second, how do they know it's their favorite? And third, why should I care?

I'm pretty sure Fritz's favorite foods all fall in the category of non-vegetable, which includes meat, fruit, dairy, carbs, kibble, bugs and pool water. Have I fed him things that dogs aren't supposed to eat? Sure. It's hilarious to watch him eat marshmallows, but would I call them his favorite? After watching him eat a giant cricket yesterday, and a piece of chicken the day before, I'm gonna guess no. He seems to be just as a happy no matter what culinary delight he has inhaled. Maybe his palette just isn't quite as sophisticated as those "perfect specimens" on TV last night.

BAN THE BALM!
http://lipbalmanonymous.com/

There are 43 Questions in the following self-test for addiction. I have narrowed it down to the essentials.

Lip Balm Anonymous Self-Test for Lip Balm Addiction

• Do you ever use more lip balm than you planned?
• Has the use of lip balm interfered with your job?
• Is your lip balm use causing conflict with your spouse or family?
• Do you feel depressed, guilty, or remorseful after you use lip balm?
• Do you ever wish that you had never taken that first application or hit of lip balm?
• Are you experiencing financial difficulties due to your lip balm use?
• Have you begun to use lip balm while alone?
• Do your lips, nose, or other areas hurt when you avoid Lip Balm?
• Do you use larger doses of lip balm to get the same protection you once experienced?
• Have you ever lied to or misled those around you about how much or how often you use?
• Do you use lip balm in your car, at work, in the bathroom, on airplanes, or other public places?
• Do you occasionally coat heavily after a disappointment, quarrel or rough day?
• When using with others, do you try to have a few extra coats when they won't know it?
• Have you tried to control your lip balm use by changing jobs or moving?
• Is lip balm affecting your reputation?
• Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of lip balm?
• Are you afraid that if you stop using lip balm your work will suffer or you will lose your energy, motivation, or confidence?
• Do you spend time with people or in places you otherwise would not be around but for the availability of lip balm?
• Have you ever stolen lip balm or money from friends or family?
• Can you apply lip balm with one hand?

If you have answered Yes to any of these questions, you may have a lip balm dependency problem.

My nieces are starting kindergarten this week. Are you kidding me? It just doesn't seem possible. I'm pretty sure kids these days are starting kindergarten much earlier than in my day. It seems like just yesterday that they were crawling around in diapers.



The girls are starting kindergarten in 2 different states, 1000's of miles apart, but I love that they get to share a common experience. I can just picture them now, taking the phone from their moms and talking all about their teachers, the books they get to read, the kids in the class, and the pictures they colored. I love that they're so excited to go to school but they've both told their moms how much they will miss them during the day. So sweet. Kate told her mom, "Mommy, you're going to miss me when I go to school, aren't you?" I can't relate to what my sisters are going through this week , but I'm sure it's an odd combination of joy and terror, of excitement and sadness. I'm sure they're wishing they could make time stand still for a while and hold off that high school graduation that is beginning to loom over the horizon, while at the same time enjoying all the ways in which their little girls are growing up. They are each growing into lovely little girls and I know they will grow into beautiful women. I can't wait to see what the future holds for my girlies and I'm so proud of my sisters.

Yeah....I know, it sounds weird, but trust me, it's AWESOME

Burgers
Ground Beef
Sausage
1 Green Apple (chopped finely)
1/4 Onion (chopped finely)
Garlic Powder
Worcestershire Sauce
Kosher Salt
Fresh Ground Pepper

Cran-Mayo
Cranberry Sauce (may substitute with any tart fruit sauce)
Mayonnaise

I usually use a raw breakfast sausage, but whatever kind of sausage you like is fine. Using your hands, mix all the burger ingredients together so that they are equally dispersed. Careful not to overmix, this makes the meat tough. Form patties and grill to your liking. Mix 1 part cranberry sauce to 2 parts mayonnaise together. Serve with lettuce and pepper jack cheese. (tomatoes and avocado add a nice flavor as well) Enjoy!

Thanks Amy & Beth!!

Doggie Pawlish



So, I'm a dog lover. But this? This is going way too far. Who, I ask WHO paints their dogs claws? Are the dogs walking around with bare nails jealous of their fashion forward counterparts? Do they feel less loved by their owners? I think if I tried to paint Fritz's nails, he'd escape from the yard at the first opportunity and never come back...ever and I wouldn't blame him.

Rhett & Link
www.rhettandlink.com

They're like a cross between You Tube + Homestar Runner + Jack Black and that = entertainment. Here's just a sampling.

Grammys '07


Facebook Song

As a receptionist, I hear all kinds of interesting uses of the English language. The name of my employer is not a word that the average American encounters on a daily basis but the calls I receive are from customers. Customers who OWN our products. Of all people, I would expect them to be able to pronounce the name of our company and the names of our products. The following is a list of some of the creative variations I have heard.

Correct:
SPECTRASONICS [spek-truh-son-iks]

Incorrect:
SPECTRATRONICS
SPECTRONICS
SPECTERSONICS




Correct:
STYLUS R.M.X.
ATMOSPHERE
TRILOGY

Incorrect:
STYLUS REMIX
SPECTRASONICS R.M.X.
STYLUS R.M.S.
STYLUX
ATMOSPHERES
ATMOSPHERIC
TRINITY
TRI-OLOGY

The names of our products are not cryptic or unusual words. Anyone who has lived since the advent of the Palm Pilot should know the word stylus. Anyone who has ever taken a science class in their life should know the word atmosphere. Anyone who has ever heard any of the following film trilogies; Star Wars, The Godfather, Indiana Jones, Back to the Future, Lord of the Rings, The Santa Clause, Shrek, Spider Man, Pirates of the Caribbean, or The Bourne Trilogy, (just to name a few) or is acquainted with the number 3 should understand the word trilogy. Oh well.

The thing that really makes me laugh is that even if I correct them, they still say it wrong. For example,



me- "Good afternoon, Spectrasonics"

customer- "Hi spectraTRonics, I need help with my trinity"

me- "Ok, your Trilogy?"

customer- "yeah, my trinity from spectraTRonics"

me- "I'll transfer you...sigh"

Useless.....

I'm officially making Wednesday the day for wacky online findings. The world wide web is chuck full of ridiculousness and I need a new weekly theme. So here it goes.



To kick off wacky Wednesdays I'd like to point you to the wackiest blog I have had the fun of reading. This blog is authored by a guy from my church who also happens to be a policeman. I'm not sure what his name is but I am sure that he is hilarious. Trust me it's well worth your time to go back into the archives and catch up on all his posts, that is, if you have the stomach for it.

By PECADILLO

At the risk of sounding like a big nerd, I think the Discovery channel is great. Really great. One of my favorite things about Discovery channel is 'Shark Week' and I'm really disappointed to admit that I completely missed the most recent installment. But it turns out that I, along with the rest of you who revel in such quality programming, don't have to worry because there is a host of shark delights on discovery.com! Remember, I already admitted I was a nerd so don't judge.  I think sharks are so fascinating because they are at once beautifully graceful creatures and blood thirsty monsters. I suppose there are other animals in our world with those same characteristics like say lions, tigers and bears (go ahead...you know you want to say it). But it seems to me that, with all of those other predatory animals, it would be obvious if you were being preyed upon. Sharks are so freaky because you likely won't see them coming. Of course, in the movies, as the shark approaches you can see it's dorsal fin cutting through the water like a speed boat. Somehow I doubt if that really happens though.




One of the goals of 'Shark Week' is to dispel rumors and misnomers about sharks. For example, out of the 400 different species of sharks, most are not normally aggressive toward humans. According to discovery.com there were "only 62 confirmed unprovoked shark attacks on humans, 4 that were fatal" in 2006 in the entire world.  In fact, since 1926 there have been only 269 attacks, 7 of which were fatal, in the continental U.S.. Now I don't know about you people, but stats like that are not that comforting to me. The way I see it, all 269 of those attacks were on people who never expected to be part of that statistic, and I see no reason that would keep me from being a part of the same statistic. Oh and I feel the same way about theme park rides by the way (except for Disneyland rides because for some reason they feel safer than others...maybe it's the characters). I know that the chances of being involved in a horrible accident like this one in Kentucky are so slim that I actually have a better chance of swallowing a spider in my sleep this year. But that 1 in a million statistic exists because it does happen to ONE, and why not me? The way I see it, the only way to avoid being that statistic is to avoid that type of activity all together... but I digress. 




I always learn something new about sharks during this great Discovery channel 'Shark Week' and end up with a bunch of trivia that I get teased in merciless fashion for sharing. I'm convinced that sharks are not as freaky as Spielberg would have me believe, but I think I'll still stay out of the water just the same. Well, maybe not completely out of the water, just shallow enough to minimize my chances of an attack down to, say, 1 in a billion.  I like those odds better. Okay, I've gotta go. I need to catch up on this book I'm reading about the sovereignty of God.