On Facing Adversity - Part 2


Back in February I discovered I was being faced by a new 'challenge'. Now I can tell you about it.

I'm a Grandfather.

That in and of itself doesn't seem terribly challenging. I don't feel older but the thought itself is overwhelming -- another generation is here.

My son and the mother of my grandson aren't married. That's where the challenge part comes in.

At first this was a big shock; do the math: I found out in late February, and my grandson was born May 6. My son was seemingly so afraid of what I might think or do that he kept it from us for months.

I thought I was a better parent than that, and I thought he was a better son than that.

The parents were together at one time, and saw each other for several months. How exactly their relationship came to an end and why is still something of a mystery. The mother is a personable, intelligent and attractive young lady. Ultimately, the 'why' and 'how' aren't important now. Afterall, there is a new person in the equation: their son.

Everyone dreams and even expects their children will be above average, good looking, well mannered and generally do well in life. Children, by their nature, tend to hit a few bumps on the road to adulthood. As parents, it is our job to teach them how to recover from their missteps. Some missteps are bigger than others, and the parents' responsibility grows accordingly.

Luckily, my son and the mother seem to be on good terms. Clearly, they both love their son. If they keep his best interests in mind, their journey as parents will be as smooth as can be hoped. They must remember that they share a common goal: raising their son as best they can to be the best he can be. It's not just about them anymore... it's about him now.

One of the obstacles they face is the judgement of others. As I made the rounds telling my friends, acquaintances and co-workers about my new status as 'Grandpa', I experienced different reactions; some positive, some less so (it was interesting to note who reacted how). Less than positive responses didn't bother me as much as I had expected. I chalk this up to my own feelings about the new family: I'm endlessly proud of them all. They've chosen perhaps the most difficult path, but the one that seems the most right. Marriage without love, adoption or even abortion were alternative choices with increasing levels of tragedy associated with them. I couldn't be more grateful for their choice.

What others think and say is unimportant. Only you can know the circumstances which played into your decision making process. Only you have to live with the consequences of the decision you made.

I hope that the new family will know I will provide any and all help to them that I can, consider my advice valuable enough to seek it out, and that we will all continue to share in the love of their son.

I love my grandson!

Posted: Tue - May 11, 2004 at 07:03 PM          

©