The House that Jeff Built

An
American in Asia:

His Quest for Cosmic Truth

(or at least a Decent Espresso)

I don't know if I've made much mention of this, but I'm building a house in Phuket. As with most such projects, it is behind schedule. In fact I ought to have moved in this month, but it looks as though it will be another two or three months before I can make the transition from my current rental place.

The good news is my contract with the developer states that if the house is not complete 60 days from now, I get ten per cent off the price, a pretty significant amount. It would certainly cover the rent I am currently paying. However, the sooner I can move in the better.

The view

The new place is on top of a hill in Kathu, a central district of Phuket Island. Beachfront land here is priced beyond my means and who knows when the next tsunami is due to arrive so, in lieu of an ocean view, I've moved closer to the sky. From my hilltop I've got a view overlooking a protected forest and the island's main reservoir. Patong beach is a short drive over the hill, and civilization is nearby in the form of a giant shopping mall. I can even see a small patch of ocean in the distance and I'll get to enjoy a front row seat as the monsoons sweep over the hills.

"Little Boxes on the Hillside..."

Now, I'd never buy into a tract housing development in the States but here the embarrassment of owning a house that looks exactly the same as the neighbour's is slightly overshadowed by the nice location. "Go ahead, make fun of my rubber-stamp house. Where is your house? Is it on a tropical island? Noooo? I didn't think so!"

A long walk up from the carport. I'm going to have the legs of a speedskater.

There are also additional considerations that come into play in what is still a third-world country that make buying into an established development advantageous. Building quality is an issue. Many home builders in Thailand are surprised when the final product turns out to be "made of ticky-tacky" as Pete Seeger once put it, instead of the high-quality materials they originally ordered. Corruption is a way of life here and the locals learn it young, when they see all the "A" grades mysteriously going to the richest kids in school. Cheaters always win and contractors think nothing of buying inferior materials and pocketing the difference. So a home builder has to be there on a daily basis to insure they get what they paid for.

Buying into a development has an advantage in this respect. A single engineer is answerable for all projects and, since all the houses are built on similar plans with the same materials, one can safely assume that the house you are getting will be of the same quality as the finished houses around you.

The neighbours - someday my house will look like that. Except my hillside landscape will be a terraced garden. Really - who's going to mow that lawn?

Another third-world consideration is security. To reach my little hilltop eyrie I drive through a valley that sports neither a beach nor a view of any sort. As such it is one of the cheapest places to live and is therefore populated by the island residents who have the least amount to spend. Many of the families who work in the tourist industry, driving tuk-tuks, cleaning rooms and building new hotels, come home to a corrugated tin shack there to enjoy dinner with a view of a hillside full of big new houses.

While most Thais are wonderful people and such classist segregation is anathema to us P. C. Americans, it's probably wise that my little community is surrounded by a wall with a gate and a guard. The fact that foreign residents tend to have a bit more pocket change than your average Thai is not lost on the more nefarious locals, and there has been a string of robberies specifically targeting homes with foreigners inside and no security outside.

Eye Heart Concrete

My comfy concrete livingroom

One of the odd things for many foreigners building in Thailand is the local love of concrete. I wouldn't use concrete unless I was building a place for slavery and torture like an office or a highschool gym. Yet I would receive some funny looks in Thailand if I requested wooden walls and supports. "Why do you want to use such cheap materials? Concrete is strong!"

Eventually I came to understand the real concern. While a wooden house might be nice in the temperate zone, tropical countries are infested with giant bugs that eat wooden houses on a plate with a glass of milk. Also, concrete and stone feel cooler on a hot day, which is the only kind of day we have here.

So concrete it is. At least it's covered in tiles and of those there is quite a range to choose from. The majority of the main floor will be creamy white tiles while, in the bathrooms, I've played around with themes a bit. Downstairs is the cartoon bathroom, with bright green ceramic tile walls and a cheerful blue for the floor.

Upstairs the master bathroom will be "five-star tropical hotel", with charcoal slate on the floor and coffee-coloured marble on the walls. On the sink will perch a basin of hammered stainless steel.

Other upstairs rooms include three bedrooms and an alcove, and these will all be floored with mahogany. I'll be using one extra bedroom for guests and another for my office, while the alcove will be a meditation room, where Buddha sleeps.

How much is this all costing me? Not tellin'. But I will say that I'd be paying at least three times as much for a house of this size in most places in the States, and for a house on a US island - say, Hawaii? I have no idea. Interestingly, were I to build this place in upcountry Thailand, in a rural farming area, I wouldn't pay more than US$20,000.

Happy Easter or Sawasdee Songkhran

We have just finished celebrating the Songkhran festival, which is the Thai version of New Years. The original tradition was to sprinkle a little water on elders as a sign of blessing for the new year. This has unsurprisingly evolved into a full-on waterfight. For the past couple days the streets have been lined with people throwing buckets of water at other people, who were standing in the back of passing pickup trucks, also throwing buckets of water. Between the two, lines of motorcyclists did their best not to wipe out.

This is a nationwide event and, just like at New Year's in the US, the newspapers drool over the death toll. On my little island of perhaps 300,000 people, the government has set a holiday death goal of "only" three dead and 43 injured. I am fairly certain we passed that mark sometime in the middle of last week. We're sure to get an extra surge tonight as people head back to work from the long break.

The Thais have a very laissez-faire attitude about road carnage though. Unlike Jesus, who has to go on being his boring old self after resurrection, the Buddhists get to come back as someone completely new and hopefully richer, with a nicer car.

Jeffrey Studebaker has been (in no particular order) a SE Asian correspondent for a Singaporean travel magazine, a teacher, consultant and translator in Japan, a guitarist with the band, Swoon 23 in every city of the US of A, a coffee roaster in Seattle, a bike messenger in Portland, a marine fire system repairman in Seattle, an osteoporosis clinic researcher in Providence, a mental ward counsellor on the night shift in Portland, a brief success in New York, and he has now returned to the US after nearly a decade in Asia to pursue a publishing career.