My Tropical Island

An
American in Asia:

His Quest for Cosmic Truth

(or at least a Decent Espresso)

My life has become a cliche. It's a very nice cliche however. It's the one where the guy gets to live on a tropical island and eat lots of coconuts. Not only that, but I get to eat all kinds of other fruits that don't even have names in English. While occasionally I must do battle with giant insects and jellyfish, one could say that the year 2005 marked a giant step for me towards living in paradise without the inconvenience of actually having to die.

I used to think paradise was New York, actually. After playing a few gigs there with Swoon 23, I really fell in love with that place. When I returned to the States from Japan nearly three years ago, I made a fair attempt at making a home for myself there. Perhaps it was the wrong time of year - winter - or perhaps it was because I was not touring with a band, but New York seemed colder than it had been before, both physically and emotionally. The inspiration I was expecting did not materialise until I made the decision to move to Thailand.

Two years later, I had extricated all the fun I could find from the city of Bangkok - eight or ten times over - and it was time to move on again. Acting on a theory that perhaps cities don't hold my interest anymore, I shot for the tropical island of Phuket. A palm-waving, sandy-beached paradise to be sure, but not lacking in the perks civilisation either.

There's a few giant shopping centres where I can buy things like bicycles and guitars, and loads of five-star hotels for my fine dining needs.

This, of course, means there are also loads of tourists, especially in the high season from December to March. Significantly this is also when the number of road accidents skyrockets and every month the usual 1,000+ road injuries are supplemented by the efforts of an army of tourists riding rental motorbikes for the first time in their lives.

Perhaps I've lived here too long and lost my innocence, but I really don't understand what is in the minds of these people who come to a third-world country and assume that everything is just as safe as home. In the States and in Europe, we can usually assume that, when an authority figure tells us it is OK to do something, then no one's going to get an eye poked out. If we then go on to lose an eye, or even burn our tongue on a hot coffee, we could sue for millions.

However in Thailand if someone, even a policeman, tells you it's OK to do something, it's because he's going to get money for it, either directly from you or as commission from whomever ends up providing the means to pursue your folly. And if you get hurt, you'll be lucky if you can find a court that will even try a lawsuit.

The average tourist is totally unequipped with the levels of suspicion that are required to live safely here. At every turn I have to ask myself, where is the money flowing and what is this guy getting from the deal? Even then I expect to get only half the satisfaction I am paying for at best.

Yet it's hard to be cynical for long in a place where the land works overtime to make sure you have everything you might possibly need for total physical comfort.

I've managed to place myself in an area of the island that is a bit out of the way, and I can enjoy nearby beaches, snorkeling and playing in the surf, with a minimum of sharing. I've found a couple of secret beaches that are relatively free of annoying vendors, shirtless European women and men with a swimsuit the size of a bandaid. Stuff like that really curdles my coconut milk. Luckily I've got a small army of trees dropping coconuts around my home every day.

In the Thai News

This item in from the Thai Day section of the International Herald Tribune:

Kenyan authorities have withdrawn from a deal to supply the new Chiang Mai Night Safari with African animals following the announcement of a plan to serve exotic meats of zebra and other endangered animals at the zoo's restaurant.

The author of the plan, the questionably titled Assistant Environment Minister, Mr Plodprasop Suraswadi, reassured a hungry public saying, "Even if the 175 animals are not sent to Thailand it won’t affect the zoo as we have enough animals already and the animals from Kenya are species that we already have.”

I haven't seen any Thai zebras around Phuket lately, but perhaps they've all been eaten.

Jeffrey Studebaker has been (in no particular order) a SE Asian correspondent for a Singaporean travel magazine, a teacher, consultant and translator in Japan, a guitarist with the band, Swoon 23 in every city of the US of A, a coffee roaster in Seattle, a bike messenger in Portland, a marine fire system repairman in Seattle, an osteoporosis clinic researcher in Providence, a mental ward counsellor on the night shift in Portland, a brief success in New York, and he has now returned to the US after nearly a decade in Asia to pursue a publishing career.