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kawaii manifesto | |
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"Kawaii!" (Kah-wah-ee) is the Japanese term for cute. And I was just about to write an entire page about the idiosyncratic "kawaii-do" or way of cuteness that the Japanese love so much.... [meaningful pause] But then I came across a great book of marketing and pop philosophy that forced me to rethink my entire site philosophy. I know what you're thinking.... Yes, my site already has a philosophy. Well, maybe not so much a philosophy as a certain quirky internal consistency that parallels my own quirky internal consistancy. Since this is the case, it seems obvious that I should have a manifesto to go with my manifestation. So here's the philosophy to my site. First, let me say that it is wrapped in the concept of kawaii. This is a concept I learned to love and simultaneously hate while in Japan. Sure, it's nice, at first, but when you're forced to live with it everyday, it becomes a little sicko. Yes, sicko. But it's still milkshake. And my milkshake is better than yours (I can teach you, but I'd have to charge.) I digress... The ubiquitous Hello Kitty is the very embodiment of the concept of kawaii. To be kawaii, there are a few requirements: > Child-like features, > A sense of helplessness and > Nothing at all intelligent to say. The polar opposite of kawaii is the predominant design philosophy of most websites. To quote marketing genius Christopher Locke, that would be the design scheme made up of "mega-dollar-java-animated-web-banner" style sites. This would be the opposite of mine. Mine is decidedly not mega-dollar nor java-animated. Instead, my style is mostly, well... um ... kawaii. So, after having explained the concept of kawaii, I should now explain my site manifesto. Here are some of the editorial mandates that Locke has suggested. I hereby promise to... Kawaii Blender Manifesto > Assume that anyone who disagrees with my quirky internal consistancy is a patent imbecile. > Publish lurid personal confessions, along with photos and videos if available. > Drop gratuitous equal-opportunity racial, religious and gender slurs. > Brutally mock people I care about and/or keep in my life. > Publish yet more lurid personal confessions, often entailing wanton sex, in the hopes of continued readership, because readership=attention=lower/milder occurance of self-loathing. So, there you have it: my kawaii blender manifesto. I hope that you'll now be able to sleep at night. I hope that you can avoid the dreams of blood and sorrow that haunt you until the wee hours. I hope life treats you kind And I hope you have all you've dreamed of And I wish you joy and happiness But above all this, I wish you kawaii milkshake. |
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