The A.P.H.&G.S.L.
The American Professional Hide and Go Seek League was the brainchild of that great inspirational visionary Wilbur P Bronchitis. As Bronchitis explains it, in his no holds barred autobiography Come and Get Me!, "I wasn't very good at organized sports in school, the only game I excelled at was 'Hide and Go Seek' and there was no effort in place to promote that pastime. I recognized early on that if I wanted to get the girls I'd have to be a star at something athletic. I was just filling the void, so to speak."
Bronchitis was not only the first great player in the sport with a lifetime average of .737 and an ERA of 2.1, it was his vision and organizational skills that pulled Hide and Go Seek out of the schoolyard and into the sporting arena. He codified the complex rules and initiated the methodical system of officiating the game that is in use today. He was the first in the sport to run intricate counteroffensive plays, "Duck, Duck, Goose" scrimmages and defensive huddles. Also, people forget what a scrapper Wilbur was! It is his influence that made popular the now common dugout clearing brawls and the use of the game's "designated combatant" rule. Without Bronchitis "Hide and Go Seek" would have certainly stayed a kids game, not the brilliant athletic spectacle it is today.
Bronchitis is also responsible for many of the crowd pleasing premiums that people have come to expect of the APH&GSL: Bat Day, Jersey Day, Free Beer Fridays, Double Headers, Old Timers Day, and the All Star Game. He initiated the 6th inning stretch & sing along and a regular half-time show with local marching bands, acrobatic displays and fireworks.
League News-Bites
On Monday, last season's "Rookie of the Year" and Oswego's own Bob "Flyer" Nagurski was awarded the Sporting News's "Greatest Guy in Sports" trophy.
The Duluth Divers star Rear Seek, Tony "Boom, Boom" Nitrito was found last Tuesday in a Duluth strip bar, having shot himself in the thigh with his own gun.
The APH&GSL Board of Governors, last Wednesday, voted down a proposal on the inclusion of Video Replay Officiating into the game. The mater will be brought up again at next year's annual league owners meeting in Las Vegas, NV.
Last Friday the Peoria Potato Bugs Right Squatter Knute Rockme was arrested for allegedly exposing himself to a pre-schooler outside of a Flint, Michigan sports bar.
The Carson City Capons all-star, Lance Lighterfluid was named chairman of this year's Carson City "Toys for Tots" Christmas drive.
Last week the much feared Boca Raton Rabbits' Designated Combatant Albert Spear was convicted on domestic violence charges stemming from an incident at last year's big Super Seeker blowout party. Spear now awaits sentencing in Miami. The APH&GSL wishes the former Mrs. Spear a speedy recovery and has donated $3,000 to the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence in her name. Fans may remember Spear's legal troubles back in ‘02 when he was brought up on animal cruelty and federal racketeering charges stemming from his alleged involvement with a notorious dog fighting/gambling ring.
Star Left Squatter Bobby Bazooka of the Portland Pythons is to be featured on the cover of next months Sport’s Illustrated as "Athlete of the Year".
On Wednesday the Helena, Montana police reported that they have called off the search for the Montana Mudslingers Right Squatter Biff Houdini who was never found during or after an APH&GSL championship game last September. Houdini was officailly listed as a missing person and foul play was at first suspected but later all suspects were cleared when Helena police became aware of Biff's great talents in concealing himself.
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