Thu - February 2, 2006

Oh, you are good Smallville, you are good.


12 minutes in and I love this episode

So I have enjoyed a renewed apprciation for Smallville in the last few weeks. They didn't kill Chloe, They had stuff actually happen. Lex is actually being evil. (I thought the "growing towards evil" they promised would grow quicker not just come on ala Anakin Skywalker, "What have I done?, oh now i am going to kill babies" And now I turn on the episode following the sudden but then necessarily predictable death of Jonathan Kent. (You have to have him die so Clark can learn that he can't save everybody. It's a staple of pre-1985 Superman -oh I have entered into SUPERGEEK territory Haven't I- Oh who am I kidding I was already there.
Here's why I love it:
1. They acknowledge a character's death (Alicia anyone?!).
2. When the Vigilante shows up, they play the Danny Elfman music from the original Batman movie.
3. Clark is angry.
4. The vigilante has dark hair and glasses and disguises herself as an employee at the Daily Plaent where she is bumbling and running into people ala Clark Kent later in life, maybe he is inspired, stay tuned. They could have given her blue eyes to top it off, but then Lois doesn't have purple eyes so whatever.

"Do you think that you could do what she did? play the mild mannered reporter by day, crime fighter by night?"

I like this show again.

Posted at 09:40 PM     Read More  


Sun - September 11, 2005

JLA up in arms over Flash outburst


Members of the Justice League respond to Barry Allen's criticism of President Bush and the administration.

"As a nation, we are pretty well stretched," said Barry Allen, a political independent from Reed City, Mich. "I approve of some of the things the president has done, and disapprove of others. Overall, I disapprove."

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/09/10/bush.poll.ap/index.html

This quote posted on CNN.com has caused a rift in the famed Justice League of America as members break their usual silence on political issues and began to speak out for Political causes.
Many remember the Justice Society had teamed up to fight Nazi Germany during the 1940s but openly criticizing a current administration is a new arena for the members that are usually united in their Pro-American stance.
Aquaman quickly defended Mr. Allen, "I am glad that that Barry said something. President Bush has been pissing on the environment for years and my water bound friends have felt the impact. He has put his war mongering ahead of real issues like the freedom to marry. Not that I'm gay, I just think that they have the right."
"Of course Aquaman would say that," Hal Jordan, Leader of the Green Lantern Corps and test pilot said, "He's been wanting to take the League political for years. He wanted us to take action during the Gore / Bush thing in Florida. I am really surprised Barry would criticize the President though. We have been staunch Republicans since Nixon. We rocked up Miami at the '68 convention. Barry must have nailed 400 interns, you know they don't call him the Flash for nothing, it doesn't take him long."
It's not only super-heroes taking a stand. Known member of the Legion of Doom and certified crazy person The Joker sent a press release, written mostly in crayon and smelling of urine, to comment on the situation, "Have you ever danced with devil in the pale moon light?" Though it didn't have really anything to do with President Bush or anything else, It was quite interesting.
Though the Joker is the arch-villian of Batman, the dark knight could not be reached for comment. It wasn't all silence out of Gotham City though, Multi-National Corporation, and major donor to the Republican Party, Wayne Enterprises released a statement in support of President Bush and expressing it's support for the victims of Hurricane Katrina and the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. It should be noted that Wayne Enterprises posted record profits last quarter based on their massive weapons division increased sales. They are also the leading contractor for rebuilding devastated parts of Louisiana and Mississippi. They have succeeded lately after LuthorCorp has fallen on hard times due to CEO Lex Luther bankrupting the company in an attempt break off half of California into the Ocean. Luckily Superman was able to spin the earth backwards which against all scientific knowledge, turned back time not cause catastrophic disaster.
Superman, the head of the Justice League and known the world over as the greatest super-hero, released a comment to Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane, "I believe in Truth, Justice and the American Way. Free Speech is part of that so I support Barry's right to his opinion"
The future of the Justice League seems be secure as the members will the weather political storm.

Posted at 03:33 PM     Read More  


Mon - August 29, 2005

The Staff Favorites


Why Oliver and I should have our own shelf at Blockbuster.

So we were getting some new movies at Blockbuster, we have the freedom pass so we always have 2 movies with us, and we noticed the "Staff Favorites" section where each member of the staff gets their own shelf to display movies they like and think you should rent. We are checking them out, mainly because Serena has Bubba-Ho Tep on her shelf. We thought two things, 1. Wes, the guy currently behind the counter now creeps us out with his selection. 2. Oliver and I should have our own shelf. I think that people would appreciate our selections We have seen many bad comedies, unwatchable action films (The Heist -with Luke Perry and Ice-T not Heist with Gene Hackman and Danny DeVito), and a plethora of Teen Comedies (we rented DEBS last night and had to turn it off despite lots of hot lesbian action). I think this makes us very qualified to make a shelf of six movies. So without further ado, here is our list with a brief explanation:
Tombstone [1993]:
This selection was chosen by Oliver as his favorite movie of all time. In fact, he felt that we should just have six copies of it on our shelf. Also it's the original DVD that is on our shelf not the 2 Disc special edition. Oliver doesn't want to admit that version exists.
Superman: The Movie [1978]:
Though growing up Superman II was my favorite movie, the extra features on this DVD explaining how the movie was made, demonstrate it's superiority. Though because they were supposed to be two parts of one film we can count them both under this selection.
The Tao of Steve [2000]:
Be Steve, not Stu. Also, I am a fat fatist.
Next Friday [2000]:
It's not the best movie that's for sure but it's the most quotable. "Them ain't twenties"

Posted at 05:16 PM     Read More  


Sat - May 28, 2005

The stache comes and go


Episode III: Revenge of the clippers

Alright it was very brief but for almost 10 minutes I had a mustache. it was glorious, it was beautiful, it was reminiscent of CHiPs. Oh it almost made it out into the public but it didn't. The Mustache has failed. There is no more hope for the future of facial hair. but here is the picture to tie you over.

Posted at 02:02 AM     Read More  


Thu - May 19, 2005

I want my $580.83


Why I am going to Sue the WB.

I have decided that I am going to sue the WB television network for $580.83 that is my hourly wage, less taxes, multiplied by the amount of hours that i have spent watching the last 2 years of Smallville. There has not been a single event that has happened of any significance in the past two years. To be fair, I did like the episodes with Alicia, so I didn't charge them for those. Actually, they killed her. I need pain and suffering. It's now $1,000,580.83. I will be looking for legal council so If anyone knows someone, let me know. Also this might be grounds for a class action suit, we could work together, though not hard.

also: this is a joke.

Posted at 10:50 PM     Read More  


Mon - May 16, 2005

The Lord vs. The King



Have you seen that Burger King commercial where the King and Darth Vader are staring each other down just breathing heavy? Imagine if you woke up and had one of them staring at you? which one would be scarier? mmmm meatnormous.

Posted at 11:23 PM     Read More  


Wed - April 20, 2005

Smallville: My love, hate relationship.


I speak out on the ups and downs of my relationship with the television show Smallville

First things first, I am watching this show as I am writing this. I was planning to write a very angry editorial but Chloe just used the Term "PROMaganda". See, I can be filled with hate and then all of a sudden switch 180 degrees and love it again.
First last season was a waste of the 22 hours I spent watching it. It started and ended with the mystery of Lex being alive or dead. Clark had left town to be a Bad Ass instead of being who he was and the Clark, Lana relationship had been as lame as it had been since season one. But.....
Then they started this season with cool stories and most of all, Lois Lane. yes i know that the true Superman mythos doesn't have Lois and Clark meeting until Metropolis, years later. but i don't care. So with the exception of the stupid storyline with Lana and Jason, and Lex's lack of character development I was loving this season.
Then came February. I rejoiced when I saw the preview for the return of Alicia, my favorite character from Season 3. I was rejoiced when she arrived and Clark seemed to have a girlfriend and in-turn seemed happy. This was complete shattered, as was my liking for the show, when they decided to kill Alicia. Yep. dead. I was PISSED! but it got worse. So my favorite character died and no one seemed to care. Now I don't mean none of my friends cared, the didn't, but I didn't think that they would. No one on the show cared. mostly the Writers I suppose. They didn't even give her a funeral. Whitney's dad, who was never actually on screen, got a funeral. Oh and did I mention that she was Clark's wife? So the episode ended, no funeral, no details about how clark was going to take care of his dead bride. but maybe in the next episode....
nope. Clark went to college to get recruited for football with the Harbor High Water Polo Team. no mention. I hate you Smallville.
But then tonight's show had all the greatness of a weird high school show about prom with a body switching Prom Queen and teenage dialogue that only people in their 30s can write. Oh I was rejoiced. but then Clark started to pawn over Lana. I was upset. "Hello Clark!" Chloe and Lois would be better for you.

Oh and shut up. I am supernerd. I know.

Posted at 08:53 PM     Read More  


Fri - February 11, 2005

You aren't cool.


When you try it only makes it worse.

So i was watching television (big shocker!) and there was an add were an adult was trying to act cool. (I think she said , foshizzile) This isn't a big surprise in television today, we are supposed to find it amusing when the old and uncool try to be cool. Think Dan Tanner on Full House trying to act like Uncle Jesse. What is really annoying about these ads is that the "cool kid" in these ads really isn't cool and probably isn't a kid. He, hell sometimes a she, is pretending to be cool as much as the "Momish" woman that is trying to get him to buy a Ford Focus. Just a thought.

Posted at 08:10 PM     Read More  


Thu - January 27, 2005

The Ultimate Sellout


When we can't rely on television for integrity, who do we have left?

So I was watching the OC (shuddup!) and they were talking about a researching one of the other characters online. (if you saw it then you knew what I am talking about, if you didn’t then you are probably out of High School) Now in my conversations and the conversations of many that I know the term used would be “Googled” as in “I Googled my date from last night” This has become a starndard phrase in today’s language. Take a moment now and if you have no idea what Google is, then you should just skip to the next entry.
Well when the OC (I said shuddup!) got to the point where you would say “googled” they didn’t, the said the oddly sounding, “A9.com-ed” the person. This is ridiculous. Who says this? A9.com isn’t even a popular site. But even if it were, no one would say that because it sounds so unnatural. Either these are the worse writers in the world, a definite possibility, or Amazon.com (the owner of A9.com) paid to get it in the program. Now I have heard of product placement in Television. It is such a part of today’s media that we hardly know that there is something wrong. A lot of the time it also allows the shows not to make up fake brand names for products and it can get that much needed cash for low budget films. But this, this is going too far. There is Selling out, but this makes MC Hammer look like he’s keeping it real.
If I was a writer on this show, I would not stand for this, well actually I would run around screaming, “I am a writer and I’m rich, bitch!” but then I would get to the not standing for it.
Oh and endnote, I Googled, sorry, A9.com-ed myself and I didn’t even get on the first page. I hate you A9.com you ruined my television.

Posted at 12:04 AM     Read More  


Sun - September 5, 2004

Guilty Feet Have Got No Rythm.



I was coming to work on Saturday and like all days I needed to get a cup of coffee. Also like most days, I went to Seattle's Best Coffee (It's Seattle's best! it's in the name). So i go and order my Large Coffee with lots of room. (Oh regular coffee has lots more caffeine and is a lot cheaper then a latte). I take off my iPod to order the coffee because it's rude to to talk to people with headphones in. The person serving me is new and there for she doesn't know me. I say hello and let her know where i work (I get a discount). After a couple minutes of unimportant chatter, she asks what i have in my hand. I tell her it's an iPod, amazed at her lack of knowledge of the super popular digital music player. She asks to see it and immediately I oblige her to spread the greatness that is the Apple iPod. After giving it the once over the young lady notices the screen on the "Now Playing" screen. A quick glance back it followed by, "George Michael, huh?" while handing the iPod back. I do indeed notice that Careless Whispers by Wham is playing (I have it labeled as by George Michael).
I first try to play dumb, "oh that is what's playing?" Then i try to play it off. " oh it's on shuffle." Then i just start to mumble, "uhh, yeah hmm" After that there is nothing else to do. I say, "I listen to lame music," drop my head in shame and leave the coffee shop. I grabbed my coffee but i left my pride. Be careful, when you hand your iPod to strangers. I have worse then that on there.

Posted at 07:18 PM     Read More  


Tue - February 17, 2004

I WANT TO BE A PREPPIE WHEN I GROW UP.


How Saved By The Bell changed my life.

Many times growing up people ask you, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” For the most part they assume you are going to answer, fireman, astronaut, president, greedy CEO that stills all the employees retirement funds. I am sure that I answered one of these answers when I was younger but I think that I was really lying because for a large part of my childhood I wanted to be only one thing. Zack Morris.
Growing up I used to watch Saved By the Bell multiple times a day I would watch two episodes on TBS and then another two on WGN this was topped off with another episode on a local station. I learned to hate the Atlanta Braves because they would sometimes interrupt Saved By the Bell to show those stupid games. The show was a staple of my growing up and I think that it had a definite impact on the man that I became. Now beyond the daily lessons that friends are important, drugs will ruin your life, and Valley sucks. I learned that being a scamming, bleached blonde preppie would get you chicks.
Now when I mean chicks I am not just referring to the spandex and keds wearing Kelly Kapowski. There was more then that. Zack made out with EVERYONE. He got on every main character and pretty much any girl that guest starred. No one else got nearly as much tail as this guy. Slater got some ass but it was limited to Jesse (which Zach also scored with while she was with Slater). And a few others but nowhere near the amount that Zack got. And the only ass Screech got was a pre-boob job Tori Spelling. Zach would hit it all. Bayside was like a magnet school for hot chicks and if they showed up Zack would introduce himself and they would be going out that night. There was lots of girls like this. Slater’s girlfriend? Yep. Screech’s Cousin? Yep. The super famous singer who was really a normal girl named Colleen? Yep. The girl in the wheelchair that could play basketball that he picked up from the Teen Helpline? Yep. Slater’s Girlfriend from Germany? Yep. That biker chick that showed up when Kelly and Jesse disappeared for half a season? Yep. Pete Sampras’ wife? Zack hit that.
But it was just his enormous harem. Zack could manipulate everyone. This is the guy had like three nerds doing his homework in each class and they were happy to do it. He was the only one that had their own parking space. I know this wasn’t official but apparently he was cool enough that the rest of the kids at Bayside wouldn’t take it. Hey got all the girls to get videotaped and then sold them to other school to make money. And he did it with the schools money. Did he get kicked out of school? No. Did he lose his friends or girlfriends that he put on the tapes? No. He made John Gotti seem like a chump.
After all of this I was determined that being Zack Morris would be the best way to get through High School. No trying and then at the end of it I could cheat off a smart chick and get into Yale. He had it made and I wanted it. But now that I have gone through High School and College I still wish that could have been Zack through it all. I would have definitely have gotten more ass. But I wasn’t and I didn’t get to nail Kelly Kapowski, Jesse Spano or any of them. Too Bad.

Posted at 04:54 PM     Read More  


Thu - February 12, 2004

The Allure of Bad Television



When the Neilson Television ratings switched from a diary format to the cable box monitoring system that they use today, an astonishing thing happened, the amount of people that were watching PBS drop dramatically. Why the sudden change? Did the content of PBS change? No. Did the shows on they other networks get better? No. Then what caused this major change? People were lying.
Yes, it’s true people they were lying about what they were watching. People want other people to think that they are sophisticated, that they like the high brow Masterpiece theatre and all the other critically acclaimed British cinema. The truth is that the only thing that most people like on TV from Britain is Benny Hill. Now if you are sitting there shaking your head at what I have just said then you are either still lying to yourself, or you really do watch PBS but if you are the latter then you probably aren’t reading the Blog on jasonwakefield.com.
For the others that think I don’t speak that truth I want you think about what you watched this week. Think about who you are routing for on American Idol, how many times that you mentioned that girls are whoring themselves out on The Apprentice or whether they are really going to kill Lucas on One Tree Hill. These are the important issues that you face this week. Not whether the President lied, or who is going to be running against him in November.
Don’t feel bad we are all there for you. We all try to pretend that we appreciate the quality programming that sometimes makes it on the air but if we really watched it then Boomtown wouldn't have been canceled. Alright maybe you watch the quality stuff. You might watch a couple of shows that get nominated for Emmys but they aren’t your favorite and usually you record them and watch something else or vise versa but think about it if push came to shove and you only had one VCR and you had to work, you wouldn’t record the West Wing but you would make damn sure that you found out what happened with Marissa, Ryan and Oliver on The OC.
If you don’t think that I know, that am not one of you? Lets just say that it’s 3 in the morning and I just finished watching tapes that recorded. I have two VCRs and I still don’t know what happened on The West Wing. But do you think that Luke is really going to hook up with Marissa’s mom?

Posted at 03:20 AM     Read More  

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