A tale told by two idiots and signifying very little, other than a cute cat.
Midas, understanding mufflers and such the way he does, views with incredulity
the toilet repair kit his masters propose to install.(See picture below).
However, having way too much time on their hands, Jim and Stephen, after only
a week of continual effort and frustration, manage to break the tank of the
old toilet (vitiating the need for the toilet repair kit—now a new tank is
required):
Click on image for larger photo.
Two more pictures at the bottom of this page document our success!!
Day 1
- The toilet breaks, just while Stephen and Jim are entertaining Stephen's
daughter and her spouse, Dawn.
- Stephen buys several different repair kits, just in case.
Day 4
- Jim, laying hand to the tank to loosen a bolt, immediately breaks it.
- Jim says things like "Shit, fuck, etc."
- Steve fans Jim to bring down his blood pressure.
Day 6
- They consult with the Central Harware guy, the self-proclaimed "Only Guy
Here" who has any ideas about toilets. (I kid you not.) He advises that we
not break the tank, lest we damage the bowl. (No doubt visually assessing
the ability of Jim, who stands before him.)
- A young lady, however, takes us right to a screw removal kit, because the
bolts are stuck.
- Stephen buys the largest possible screw removal kit, and wants to also
buy a nut-splitter.
- Jim and Stephen argue about the need for the nut-splitter.
- Jim and Stephen are unable to get the screw removal kit to work.
- Jim hacksaws his way through one of the bolts on the toilet.
Day 7
- Jim consults with the good looking hispanic person next door who just removed
and replaced a toilet.
- Gerardo tells Jim to break out the tank, "What the heck, if you ruin the
bowl, you can take out the toilet."
- Jim proceeds, hammer in hand, to smash the tank. Very satisfying.
- Jim only nicks the bowl in one little place, not enough to escalate the
drama further.
- Jim realizes that this is not really going to help, and the other bolt
will have to be hacksawed off.
- Jim hacksaws the bolt off.
- Jim's pulmonary hypertension spirals out of control
- Stephen fans Jim to bring down his blood pressure.
- Jim scrubs up the toilet (not recommended as a general procedure).
Day 8
- One day late, Jim rests, having created everything he needs to fix the toilet.
It is Sunday, and they both go to church and pray.
- They go to Central Hardware (where they are on a first name basis with
the security guard) and buy a tank kit.
Day 9
- Jim arises to find that Stephen has seated the tank, and is expecting him
to insert the bolts and tighten the screws.
- After breakfast and coffee, Jim begins to insert the bolts and tighten
the screws.
- Stephen monitors Jim's progress extremely closely, saying things like,
"Don't strip the head, now," "Don't tighten them too tight," and "The tank
has to be leveled both ways."
- Jim tells Stephen to fuck off, but he politely does it in German and Spanish.
- Stephen doesn't understand either German or Spanish.
- The toilet tank becomes level and works.
