Remember when you were a kid and you'd decide to do something on the spur of the moment because it seemed like a good idea until you actually get right into the middle of it and realize that you're up shit's creek without a paddle? That was sort of like me day today... the difference being I have a paddle with me on shit's creek, and there's probably an extra one buried under a pile of stuff at the bottom of the canoe. I am in for one steep learning curve on this new job, and we are definitely not in Kansas anymore, Toto. Still though, I know that it was the right decision to make. The staff at the new school are going to be a great help to me, and there is so much support for me right now that I'm really feeling like I can handle whatever will come my way in September.
It's been an emotional roller coaster over at St. Mary today, though, and it's not over yet--I have to go and move out of my classroom tomorrow. I think that's going to be hardest of all, because then it's final, I won't be going back there. But at the same time, I am kind of excited about getting into my new office (that's office, not classroom!) and getting it all set up and organized (I ♥ organizing), so there's really is a dichotomy of emotions I'm experiencing here over this new job. On the one hand I'm sad about leaving the old, on the other I'm excited about the new; I'll miss my old staff-mates; I'm looking forward to new ones... I've almost 90% convinced myself that I need a new MacBook laptop... you can see that I'm really torn here, can't you?

Uh, that kind of pretty much says everything, doesn't it? Kinda late right now to say more, but it's been a pretty emotional day for me. I'll write more about it later, but in a nutshell: happy for the possibilities and the future; sad for the friends and family I'm leaving behind. I've been an emotional wreck so I really have to deal with this later.

Matt Kappenman writes about why he blogs and invited comments from others about why they do or do not blog. I just couldn't help but add my two cents:
Why blog? Why not blog? Is the earth not capable of containing an infinite number of opinions? Does there have to be a limit to critique, criticism, praise and postulation? Why should we not allow our voices to be heard and read in the medium of the masses? Let's not fool ourselves into thinking that a blog will exist far beyond the reaches of our mortal flesh, for they may suffer a death via Error 404. Yet if an idea exists, and is released via blog, does that idea not live on in the hearts and minds of those who read it? We know not how far reaching our influences will extend, but if we don't give them legs, if we fail to allow them an outlet, then they will extend no farther than our own frontal lobes. So, then, the question, "Why blog?" must bear the answer, "Blog to be infinite."

Tomorrow is the last day of school! It's the end of another year, and as it turns out, it may well be the end of my time at St. Mary School. This morning I got a call to go for an interview for the resource teacher position at St. Alexander School in Fonthill. St. Alex is closer to home, so there will be less of a commute, and it's a much bigger school with a higher profile than little Ol' St. Mary, but I'm excited about the possibilities. I'm one of three being interviewed and am waiting to hear (soon I hope) what is happening with the position. It puts me in an awkward position right now because I may end the day tomorrow at St. Mary not knowing whether or not I'm coming back in September, so I won't have a chance to say good-bye to the students, and their families. It's my first school and very much home to me, and it blows my mind to think that I may not be going back there again, even though I've been working on a change in work all year. It's just that I wanted the change to happen at St. Mary, and not somewhere else. Anyway, it's out of my hands now, and in the hands of the board administration, which means that it's going to be much more than one sleep before I know what's happening to me next year.

Some may call it bedwetter's music (a la Coldplay), but I've really been enjoying the new Keane album, Under The Iron Sea, specifically the lead track, "Atlantic". Irvine Welsh (the writer of Trainspotting) directed a web-only video of the song, below.

Even though the official end to the school year is a few days away yet, my year is already wrapped up. It's gone by in the blink of an eye, really. It's been a good year by all accounts; lots of changes at work with staff, lots of new and challenging initiatives, and a lot to try and cram into nine months, but I am ending this year with a smile on my face--I said last September that I would take things easy, not stress too much over the little stuff, and just take things one day at a time. I think I've managed to do that nicely. My course should be done by midsummer, at which point it will be time to start getting ready for September all over again (at which point I will be lamenting about where the summer has gone, I'm sure).

In all the commotion of the past week, I failed to mention that I finished reading JPod, the latest novel from Douglas Coupland (faithful [taojbh] followers will be aware of the high esteem I hold Coupland in). JPod has been variously described as Microserfs 2.0 for those in the Coupland-know, but as I was reading it, there was something more to it than just a return to writing about techno-geeks making their way through this world. As a matter of fact, I would like to postulate here and now that it is my firm belief that Douglas Coupland is the greatest Canadian writer of his generation. Why? He encapsulates all that is means to be Canadian in his writing style: observational, frank, non-judgemental; cynical and self-mocking with a certain amount of reverence for his own genius; celebratory in the diversity of the country and not afraid to skewer minority cultures, middle-class criminals, and people smugglers; he's got more one-liners and wit in his little finger than the majority of U.S. stand-up comedians, and he's one hell of a conceptual artist. Having said all that, he's not a cold or calculated writer; he gets to the deep emotional core of his characters and their situations and exposes the pain, the bruises and all the beauty of the human condition, all the while setting it in a video game development office.
He makes me proud to be Canadian, and he inspires me as a writer. I also hear he's a blindingly brilliant Tetris player.

The aforementioned work-related "incident" has reached a mutually-agreed-upon conclusion, and I'm glad to say that I feel much better. I have to give props to the great people I work with for all their support and help over the last week; I don't think I could have made it through without them. The turn-over rate of employees this year has been absolutely crazy, so there's fewer people there that I am close to and have worked with for a while--most people are new as of this past year. The crew I do have around me though, the close ones, are truly magnificent. It makes work such a joy when you like what you do and you love who you do it with (that sounds a little kinky, doesn't it?). Now if I can just get them to clean up the staff room, I'd be all set.

♬ Embrace ~ All You Good Good People

I started on the fourth season of Six Feet Under tonight, and I'm feeling a little verbose, so forgive me if I ramble on here. Part of me wishes that when I started out to watch the entire series from start to finish that I made a point of recording my thoughts and feelings; I've never been so moved and so stirred by anything like it before. Critics have said that seasons three and four were the weakest of all five, but I'm realizing that what they saw as the show's weakness is actually what makes it so relevant. Yeah things got a little crazy and "unbelievable" for the characters, but isn't life unbelievable and crazy for all of us? Can anyone say that looking back on their lives, things happened to them in accordance with some pre-determined rule or order? My life hasn't been like that. I've done things that are reprehensible, embarrassing and outright stupid; things that you might never imagine by looking at me. That doesn't mean I'm a bad person, or a stupid person. It means I'm human. And by the same token, things have been done to me that seem outrageous and unbelievable by others... but they did happen. Just this week I came dangerously close to having my entire professional career as a teacher come crashing down around me because of someone else's selfishness and stupidity. DO I deserve that? Is that supposed to be pay back for things I've done in my past? Fuck no. It happened to me because I'm here, because I'm alive and I don't live in a bubble or in the confines of an hour-long TV drama. You just can't make shit like this up. It's not my place to get into details about it here, but I've been walking around since Monday with the weight of it on my shoulders, and it feels like the burden is too much to carry right now. I wish it was make-believe. I wish it would have a happy ending when all is said and done but the truth of the matter is that there's a mark on me now . There's a mark on my soul, and there's a mark in my mind and memory that won't go away. It may fade over time, but, what are we if not the collection of memories and experiences we carry with us? I already know that by the end of season five everyone of the Six Feet Under cast dies, and what a fitting way to end the series. They die along with the mark of their lives and experiences, just like anyone else. There's no rhyme or reason to it; it happens. But it happens to us and it means something to us individually, and somewhere it will mean something to this world. I think it's beautiful that we never truly know what we will mean to the continuum of time once we're gone, because then that sort of ruins the journey for us. The ride's not always smooth, but it's our ride. As pissed as I am about the ride I'm on right now, I wouldn't have it any other way, which is ironic because, I couldn't have it any other way. Everything, for better or for worse is in the pace it needs to be. But wouldn't it be great to know why it's so?

♬ Radiohead ~ Everything In Its Right Place

There are some days when the course of time and space seems pre-determined by a force greater and more complicated than anything humans could create whilst deliberating in a network television think tank dedicated to designing another star vehicle for Raven "That's So Raven!" Simone.

Then there are days like today, when the air is filled with expectation and anticipation; each event a precursor to something grander, more important, earth-shattering, fate-altering... that just doesn't seem to ever happen. That's when you find yourself sitting at a computer at 11:42 PM trying to recall something meaningful from the days events, and all you can come up with is that you actually did watch an episode of "That's So Raven!" for the very first time today. Earth-shattering, I know. I was supposed to get a new kitten today, but I got a call from the woman selling them on my way to her place telling me that someone else had just showed up and wanted to buy the last two kittens she had. The rest of the day seemed filled with the same kind of stop-start events: I watched Fantastic Four and it sucked; I did some work in the garden and there's still a lot more to do; I forgot to call someone back (sorry, Burgie!) so i don't have news from friends to report; I went shopping but didn't buy anything... so there really isn't much to post about. Of course, that's never stopped me from posting before, I know, so I'll try and make reading this worth your while. I searched my iTunes Library for songs with "waiting" "to" "happen" in the title, this little gem from the Flashing Lights popped up:

♬ The Flashing Lights ~ Been Waiting

Interesting, as I was just reading a review of the Canadian movie The Life And Hard Times Of Guy Terrifico, starring head Flashing Light Matt Murphy. It's on my ZipList, so I'll let you know what I think of it when I see it.

OK that enough, have to get some sleep. Canada's Wonderland awaits tomorrow (I ♥ field trips).

I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing at this moment five years ago today. It has nothing to do with a tragedy in my life, or a global catastrophe. As a matter of fact, it was anything but tragic, and when I think back on it, it still feels like it all happened yesterday. What actually happened to me is of very little consequence; what's important is that every once in a while, each one of us needs to have experiences like mine that stay with you forever.

♬ David Bowie ~ Five Years

I had another serendipitous Waterloo-theatre-releated encounter last night, but in order to fully understand it I have to give you some background info. At Waterloo, the chair of the Drama department was/is Joel Greenberg, a Toronto-based actor and director. Joel directed me in Chicago in my final year and was one of the best teachers I had there. In the early 1970s, Joel was involved with the production of Godspell at the Royal Alexandria Theatre that featured a number of performers who would go onto fame and fortune on SCTV; that production of Godspell was also the debut of a young Hamiltonian named Martin Short. Joel and "Marty" have remained in contact over the years, and every once in a while, Martin Short would come up in conversations we had with Joel.
Okay, flash forward to yesterday: I was on my way into Toronto to see Martin Short's new one-man show, Fame Becomes Me, and I wondered aloud to my companion, "Maybe I'll run into Joel Greenberg at the theatre," sort of like how I ended up talking to Dylan Roberts at Lord Of The Rings. At intermission, I was standing in the lobby looking around, when I caught sight of something familiar--not something, but someone--not really someone, but--have you ever seen someone from their backside yet you instinctively know who they are? There is the lobby with his back to me, I recognized Joel Greenberg. He was just as surprised to see me as as I was to see him, and we spoke for a bit and got caught up. It turns out his daughter is now engaged to one of the guys that was in Drama at the same time I was. Both Joel and his future son-in-law have been busy working on Studio 180 with some other Waterloo grads.
So that's two Waterloo-based encounters in the last two months or so. These things usually happen in threes, right? I wonder who will be next? More importantly, though, I wonder what this means? What cosmic-karmic message is being sent to me by all this wonderful circumstance and coincidence? Seeing Dylan made me want to kick-start some of the things I have been putting off doing or too afraid of pursuing. Seeing Joel has done the same thing, as if it affirms to me that it's the right thing for me to be doing. What will the third encounter (if there is one) bring me?

A few years back, total geek that I am, I decided to keep track of every record and of piece of music I listened to for an entire year. I wrote it down in a journal every night before I went to bed, from 1 January to 31 December. That was back in the dark ages before iTunes can log every aspect of your listening pleasures. So today, on 1 June, almost half way through this year, I thought I'd keep the tradition alive and tell you what iTunes tells me I've been listening to the most this year so far:

2006.5: the year so far (the blue ones are links!)

01 Another Sunny Day, Belle & Sebastian I wouldn't have guessed how much I'd love the new B&S album when it came out. These songs are some of the best work they've ever done.
02 Skinny Boy, Amy Millan What a lovely Star she is. The album came out Tuesday, and it's fantastic!
03 When You Wasn't Famous, The Streets
04 The Monitor, Bishop Allen Heartbreaking, but I don't know why. My favourite internet find this year.
05 Quiet Town, Josh Rouse
06 Bullets, Editors
07 Not Going Home, The Elected It's still good even though I've been listening to it since January.
08 Your Kisses Are Wasted On Me, The Pipettes
09 The Blues Are Still Blue, Belle & Sebastian See No. 01.
10 Song Song Song, Final Fantasy
11 Remember, The Boyfriends
12 Munich, Editors
13 Gold Lion, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
14 Yeah Yeah Yeah Song, The Flaming Lips
15 The Eraser, Thom Yorke See yesterday's post.

Sorry I couldn't be bothered to post all the track myself tonight; I've used my new best friend Hype Machine to find me links to the songs for now. Sample them, enjoy them, and purchase them if you can by clicking here.