From the news

Fri - March 25, 2005

Understatement of the day

We're treated on this Good Friday to a wonderfully obvious lead from a DMN front-page story:

The Easter Passion story is always the same.

Yup. Not a lot of surprise there... Jesus dies every time.

Posted at 08:50 AM

Fri - January 28, 2005

Singin' the jailbird blues?

I've often thought that SOME people should be arrested for singing bad karaoke... apparently I'm not alone .

OK, so it's still not the singing itself that would be illegal. But darn it, it should be!

Posted at 12:48 PM

Tue - November 23, 2004

New job opportunities?

From this week's calendar:

IMA, "The FBI Today and White Collar Crime," 5:30 p.m., Crowne Plaza Hotel, 14315 Midway Road, Addison. E-mail xxxx or call xxxx.

Press release says: "If you are looking for a new career, this may be an opportunity for you to explore."

Would that be the FBI, or white-collar crime?

Then there's this item from the executive changes:

TXU has named... Michael Blevins, senior vice president and chief nuclear officer for TXU Power.

I want a title like that-- chief nuclear officer!

Posted at 11:26 AM

Tue - November 16, 2004

Collegiate Cow

From a wire story on Tyson Foods...

Beef sales were hurt by the export environment following the discovery of bovine spongiform encephalopathy in a Washington state cow.

...not to be confused with a Washington State cow, which lacks just six credit hours toward its degree in animal husbandry.

And then, just a few sentences later:
The company said its chicken segment growth was slowed by a drop in international sales that came after avian influenza was found in the United States, though not at any Tyson farms.

"Chicken segment growth?" Insert punchline here.

Posted at 12:09 PM

Mon - November 1, 2004

A dream job?

From a story in Saturday's Business section:

"Until recently, the technology has not been available to produce a product that would have broad consumer appeal," said Teresa Tarantino, editor in chief of Professional Candy Buyer.

How does one get THAT gig?

Posted at 11:45 AM

Thu - October 28, 2004

...So to speak

From the wire yesterday:

Michael Ovitz, Walt Disney Co.'s former president, said Wednesday that the company's chief of operations, Sanford M. Litvack, took every chance to make him look "stupid" at the company and walked behind him with a "knife."

Can't you just imagine him with those annoying air quotes on the stand?

Posted at 05:02 PM

Tue - October 26, 2004

Nominee for Worst Photoshop Job Ever

We got this submission for our Executive Changes page. Take a close look at the mugshot. It's probably easier to tell when larger on the screen or printed out, but note the crude cut-out job:

Someone actually cut his head out of one photo and pasted it on top of a suit! And they didn't do a very good job. Note especially the difference in shadows on the suit vs. on his face. And, of course, the crude cut-out lines around his head. And note the sharp cut along his neck line. At first, I thought they had just taken a picture of the guy in the suit and cut the whole thing out to paste on a different background, but it's obviously much worse than that!

Posted at 01:17 PM

Thu - October 14, 2004

Ironic catch

This in a column lauding an analyst for his succinct reports:

An added bonus: He limits his reports to single pages — verbosity is not in his vernacular.

Posted at 11:42 AM

Fri - September 24, 2004

Disturbing news items

This is just what we need... from a brief in the paper:

Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Inc. said Wednesday that it has signed a consulting agreement with reality show producer Mark Burnett to refashion the founder's lifestyle television show and collaborate on other television projects.

Survivor--Connecticut? Today's immunity challenge-- doilies!

And then there's this, from Sunday's "Follow-Up File" in the Business Section:

When we last left chef Patrick Obinabo, he had just nabbed his first contract to sell African gourmet items in a handful of Minyard Food Stores. Three years later, his sauces from Kalahari Foods are in nearly two dozen Minyards. Mamba, Wahala and Sahara-Q sauces are also stocked at restaurants, zoos and gift shops.

Wait a sec... his gourmet sauces are available at zoos?

Posted at 09:25 AM

Fri - September 17, 2004

Move over, Hummer

There's no other way to describe this other than: This is a big-ass truck:

That's an International CXT-- 14,000 pounds of pickup. That's twice the size of a Ford Super-Duty. Think it looks like a dump truck? There's good reason-- it's built on a dump-truck platform. And we'll be seeing these on the streets! Agh! Read more about it here. And weep.

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Sometimes, the AP accidentally leaves out a word or two. When it's in a headline, it can make the story much more interesting! In this case, the word left out was "released:"

Man accused of driving home with his friend's decapitated body from jail

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And, finally, a talented linguist:

Ask Bob Richardson how his salary as owner of RWR Marketing & Graphic Design in Huntington Beach, Calif., compares to his wages as an employee, and he verbally scratches his head.

Posted at 10:44 AM

Thu - September 2, 2004

Worst lede of the week

From Sunday's Employment section, courtesy of the San Antonio Express-News :

Urine spins in a centrifuge as Isabel Martinez stands by to check for high sugars and proteins. She takes other vital signs of the patient and talks to him about the results of his last visit to the Urology San Antonio clinic.

Posted at 10:20 AM

Thu - August 26, 2004

Homes for the avid gardener

Jenny & I do intend to get a house in another year or so. Maybe this is our chance! (see first item)

Kidding, really. I'm not sure a former drug house is really our speed.

Posted at 12:00 PM

Wed - August 18, 2004

Bank Robbing Seminars and Embarassing Corrections

This is my nominee for Calendar Item of the Week:

Dallas Chapter of Credit Unions, "Robbery: What to Do Before, During and After," speaker Joe Schapiro, 5:30 p.m., Parklane Ranch, 8787 Park Lane.

An important topic, if there ever was one... Thank goodness there's a three-hour seminar for it!

Two observations:
1) it's held at the Park Lane Ranch, which has a wonderful miniature golf course.
2) The speaker is Joe Schapiro... the press release reads as follows:

You've probably already had training from law enfourcement experts, but how about from the other side, the robber himself? This special program will give you first-hand insight into handling robberies and how to insure that your security program is set up to help reduce loss of life and property. ...

Mr. Schapiro was arrested by the FBI on February 4, 1969, and charged with 18 counts of armed robbery. Pleading guilty, he was convicted and spent nearly a decade in the federal prison system. Since that time, Mr. Schapiro has dedicated himself to helping financial institutions prevent the types of crimes he once committed. ...

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And here's my nominee for Correction of the Year, from the Wall Street Journal:

Corrections & Amplifications
August 16, 2004; Page A2
SOME JESTERS in a British competition described in a page-one article last Monday ride on unicycles. The article incorrectly said they ride on unicorns.

Posted at 11:03 AM

Thu - August 5, 2004

Tax-free weekend

It's almost tax-free weekend in Texas-- where there's no sales tax on clothes and a few other items. It's timed to coincide with the beginning of the school year. We ran a story on this annual event this morning, along with a chart that lists what is tax-free and what isn't. There's additional info on the state comptroller's Web site. So if it's designed to correspond with back-to-school shopping, why are some of these items on the list? (my favorites are in red)

TAX-FREE
Baby clothes
Belts with buckles attached
Boots - cowboy and hiking
Clerical vestments
Diapers - adult and baby
Coats
Dresses
Gloves - but not golf or garden
Hosiery
Jogging apparel
Ties and scarves
Pajamas and robes
Shoes
Pants - all lengths
Sweaters and shirts
Swimsuits
Underclothes
Work clothes and uniforms, including Scout

TAXED
Accessories - hair, jewelry, watches
Backpacks
Baseball and football pants
Belt buckles without the belt
Boots - fishing, ski
Buttons, zippers, fabric, yarns, lace, ribbons
Handkerchiefs
Hard hats and helmets
Ice skates
Pads - football, hockey, soccer, elbow, knee and shoulder
Personal flotation devices
Rented clothing
Shoes with cleats - football, baseball, golf, bowling
Shoelaces and inserts
Vests - bulletproof
Wallets

Looking over the comptroller's list, I see that household aprons are tax-exempt, but welders' aprons aren't. Baseball caps and jerseys: Exempt. Baseball pants: Not so much. Chef uniforms are tax-free, as are hunting vests. (It's back-to-school time, indeed!) But not bulletproof vests. Nightgowns are exempt... why on earth you need these for school, I'll never know. And veils are exempt, so stock up!

Also, we have a story on our front page about kids buying fewer jeans for school. Inside the A section on pages 10 and 11? Big Foley's ads for jeans.

Posted at 05:23 PM

Tue - August 3, 2004

Calendar item of the week, etc.

This week's calendar item is for up-and-coming executives, I'm sure:

Mid-Cities Technical Club, "Golf Club Physics for Dummies," presenter Tom Stites, Nike, 7 a.m., University of Texas at Arlington, Nedderman Hall, sixth floor.

Here's an item from the U.S. & World Briefs:

Fifth Third Bancorp is buying First National Bankshares of Florida Inc. for almost $1.6 billion in stock, enabling it to expand its presence in Florida.

So what should they call the combined company? First Fifth Third? Fifth Third First? We wanted to write a headline for this: Fifth Third to buy First. But wait! It happened Aug. 2, so we could say: Fifth Third buys First on the Second!

Also, this observation: Is anyone else disturbed by the Charmin bears? I don't get this ad campaign. Every time I see a commercial for Charmin, or even the product in the store, there are those bears. Are bears supposed to use toilet paper? What is Procter & Gamble trying to convey? Some of us talked about this at work last night-- it makes us think of the old question, "Does a bear s#!t in the woods?" Why would you want that image for your product?

Posted at 01:43 PM

Somewhat fitting...

Required reading

Weird photos on the wire

Job titles of the week

East Texas wisdom

Save our Socks!

A tasty catch

Is this in the employee ethics manual?

This is news! No, really!

Telephone company irony

Infographic of the Year